Electric fence/Briggs & Stratton

[Bobs69]

A friend emailed me this.  Trust me on this and just read it.

_______________________________________________________________________


If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has 

one you should read this.



The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is'  without cursing.



If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is

funny.... and true. This was sent by a retired dentist:



We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months 

ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. 

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a 

single wire along the top of the fence.



Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, 

made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove

it 

7.5 ft.into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have 



One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big 

wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew



for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the 

wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

\

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right 

hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the 

charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside



down cow on fire on the cover.



Time stood still.



The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front 

side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower 

ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & 

Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at



one with the engine.



It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit 

lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.



Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I 

beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3

different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix 

kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned 

back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there



were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together. It was 

like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.



At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding 

onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I 

can't let go.  I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences. But

Dad 

always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever

that 

were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.



This one I could not let go of. The 8 ft. long ground rod is now 

accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom 

soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take

it, 

until the lawnmower runs out of gas.



'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!



Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a 

loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in 

it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest, I think 'Oh God 

please die...Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam



idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting



for the go command from its owner's right foot.



So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, 

standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me

that 

day.. He left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my 

own stupidity had created.



I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire.



I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was 

beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.



There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, 

and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was 

on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure 

and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.



Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few 

things:



1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.



2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt 

cheek (not the left, just the right).



3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as 

bad as you might think.



4 - My left eye will not open.



5 - My right eye will not close.



6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our 

little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it 

was better than new after that.



7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a 

foot long.



8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while 

thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).



That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for 

things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check 

to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.



The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the 

fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and

THAT 

gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple



check before I mow.

[69rtse4spd]

True or not, brought tears to my eyes, lmao. 

[1969chargerrtse]

That was one heck of a story.   

[squeakfinder]

    We have an electric fence for are goats. Feels like getting zapped with 120 when you accidentally touch it.

    Funny story though.

    Not as funny as when the nephew touched the fence with his nipple wring..

    But still funny..

[Bobs69]

    We have an electric fence for are goats. Feels like getting zapped with 120 when you accidentally touch it.

    Funny story though.

    Not as funny as when the nephew touched the fence with his nipple wring..

    But still funny..

He did what?  Was it accidental or was it a "jack-ass" sort of thing?

[squeakfinder]

 
    It was accidental. He was handing me a garden hose across the fence so I could fill a water dish and
he was thinking the fence was unplugged for some reason. His thin t shirt offered little insulation when he
got to close.

    I do think about the jackass movies when he does something like this. I mean, clutching his chess, bent over and
about to fall on his butt and laughing. Yep, I think he'd make a good candidate for one of those movies.