Let this be a warning (RANT)....

[Cooter]

Just a few words on a snapshot of the last week in my life. So I'm sitting in front of the computer typing away last Friday night, and I get a call from my kid who's almost 19 Y/O....
"You need to come and get me. We just totalled Nick's car"(His best friend)..
I get to the scene and the car is sitting on what we call "Rip Wrap" here (Large rocks they line ditches with), and the right side wheels look like something off the TV show cops that have been driven on the rims for about 50 miles. All four tires flat, someone's head imprint in the windshield, both air bags deployed, and the 5-speed trans has a hole in it.

Now, The FIRST thing I hear from the "kid" is "We gotta get this thing outta here before the cops find out, or I'm screwed with the Military"..I stall for time and finally the State police show up. Trooper asks "Ok, who was driving?" MY Boy answers "Me sir", and I bout flipped my wig. I couldn't believe this. When I was running round, we had a rule. You DID NOT DRIVE SOMEONE ELSE'S RIDE IF YOU COULDN:T PAY FOR IT OUT OF YOUR POCKET!
Onviously, one of the teenage girls he has in the car is the one who left the impression in the windshield. I ask if everyone's alright and they reply "yes". I ask again, "Are you sure?" They reply again, "yes".
Ok, By this time I'm pretty pissed at my boy.
He seems more concerned with saving his own ass than how lucky he really was, but it's what i found out after everything that really made me loose any and all respect for him.
I find out that not only was my kid driving the car, NONE of the 4 occupants had on a seat belt, The trooper est. the speed into the curve BEFORE he left the ground, airborn, to be between 75-90 MPH, It was dark, the road was wet from drizzle, and him being almost 19, there were TWO 16 Y/O girls in the car.

This sent me into orbit. I'm just straight up pissed at this point. I begin the ration of sh*t flying his way and he spits out something that caused me to lose it all together. "I can't hear this right now".....
WHAT? You can't hear this? YOu gotta be kidding me right? I couldn't believe he was pulling a "Facebook" comment on me at a time like this. I have had the talk with him and the underage girls. He did it anyway.
Not only that, but almost had me thinking bout putting the 'ol '66 I built for him on the road as he had been doing well and cruise season was coming up. At this point, he decided that his balls were bigger than mine and I decided different. So, one voice lost later, I tell him as he retreats to his car and says something totally ignorant like "I'm leaving", Not to return. I've had it. I've watched his Mother cry herself to sleep almost every night for over 12 years trying to keep ends meeting when his POS father wouldn't help with money, and this is her thanks.
So, he begins to play his mother against me because he knows "Mamma" wants her son to come home before he has to ship out. This isn't the kid I raised. I don't know WTF happened. It's like someone flipped a switch.

Anyway, Thanks for listening to me bitch. Hope it helps someone else to know.

[myk]

To begin with, I'm glad that your son was able to walk away from that ordeal.  

Now that that's out of the way, I completely understand your anger with this situation.  People, especially kids, seem to be incapable of understanding that their actions and decisions can have serious/deadly consequences in the future.  What makes this worse is that you have spent the last 19 years trying to raise and educate your child the right way and to do the right thing ALWAYS, only for him to do something like THIS, and then act as if the entire episode and your berating him is just some incredible inconvenience and an annoyance.  

Sadly, I would say that raising a child to your liking is made to be almost impossible these days because of the constant barrage of influences outside of your control; media, peer pressure and just about everything else imaginable is readily accessible to anyone and at the same time you can't walk down the street without the aforementioned things vying to get the attention of people and our impressionable youth.  To make matters worse, kids these days are taught to question everything and everyone, which unfortunately leads to a seemingly automatic dismissal of traditional morals, ethics and standards that have allowed people to maintain some sort of civility over the years.  

We could go on about this all year long.  I'm not one to lecture people on how to manage their lives, but I certainly hope that the cruise with the '66 or any other upcoming perks are delayed for a while.  The important thing is, again, that your son was able to walk away from this; let's just hope he learns his lesson and that his brush with mortality will eventually help him learn the value of choices, decisions and life in general.  God bless you and your family...

[PocketThunder]

This kid is your step-son?

[skip68]

Man cooter, I feel for you.   He's about 19 and that's a bad age for most teens (know-it-all's)    
Try hard to keep your cool as I'm sure part of you wants to just ring his neck.    Don't blame yourself.       keep us updated on the outcome.  
Chuck ...........

[400/6/PAC]

Sorry that happend to You Cooter.

[4cruzin]

   Kids are always smarter than the parents!  Didn't you know that??   

[Cooter]

This kid is your step-son?

Yes.. I tried my damdest, but My own father checked out on me at the age of 13 Y/O (Suicide).
I am NOT the most agreeable bastid to try and live with, but I'm doing the best I can here as this sh*t didn't come with no rule/instruction book. What really pissed me off is the fact that he couldn't see that all those (About 8 total) choices was bound to lead up to something bad happening. Now, I have to decide if I want to let this little sh*t cause me problems with the wifey. If I haden't met her, I'd be dead right now I feel confident in that fact. Before her, I was shot at a party, street racing almost every night to make ends meet (Rent was due you know), And basically trying hard to be "The man", when in reallity, I went from all this to instant family man.

I like to think i done pretty good with it for over 17 years (The boy was 2 when I got there). His real Pop is a POS. In the worst sense. He is literally a waste of good skin. However, i NEVER once let the kids when they were young know how i felt about him. That would be wrong to do to a little kid. He kept saying little snide remarks about the '66 whenever he would be out of money and need to pay fines and such. The worst thing is, Not two weeks prior to all this happening, he got a speeding ticket. I told him "Son, you are gonna have to try and watch out for these cops, the quotas are down and they are looking at you because unfortunately, you fit the profile to a "T" driving that Mustang LX, even though it's a 4Cyl. Thought he'd wake up, but I guess no matter how many times you tell someone to get off the train tracks, they have to get hit before they reallize the train is coming.

Just sucks, because he "Was" a good kid. I was so proud to have the only kid that I THOUGHT could have a 500 HP antique car and be responsible enough to own it...I was wrong. To make matters worse, of course, I'm not worried bout the underage kids as MY BOY was SUPPOSED to be the oldest, most responsible one in the car. I hear from one of the girls parents that she needs "Plastic Surgery" on her face and she has medical bills piling up. Then, the mother of "Nick" (Owner of car), says this to me the other night at about 9:30 PM....
"Well, Being that it was Nick's car and on my insurance, I'm gonna have to ask for some help with this. We need to work something out here"...I reply: "'m sorry Ma'am, but you son being 17 Y/O, allowed my boy (19 Y/O) to operate his car and because I'm kin to him, You think I need to pay for this?"

2 days AFTER the Crash, she pulls the insurance thinking she'll get away from having to pay higher rates. Too late lady. Sorry. I just can't believe my boy after hearing me bitch about how people are sue happy these days, didn't think that something like this is like dropping a rock into a lake. There's ripples that go on and on. I'm sure I haven;t heard the last of the law suits, as Nick's mother has decided to come after my boy and in her words "Try to ruin his life" over this...I just can't feel sorry for him though and it makes me feel like the "A$$hole" in this. But, I've been that before and I will again so....

[Troy]

So would Nick's mom pay for your step son's car if Nick had totalled it? Unlikely. He should counter sue for being put behind the wheel of an obviously unsafe car. I'm kidding! I hate this sue-happy world we live in.

Which leads me to personal responsibility - which I believe is your issue in all this. Kids will make mistakes, I know I did! My step dad was by my side to help guide me and I think it made me a better person. I didn't always appreciate it at the time but I can see how it was the right thing to do. If he has any respect for you at all he will lose it in a heartbeat if you bail on him now. On the other hand, don't do like most parents and "fix it" for him as that just reinforces the behavior and is why our society is where it is (see the first part above). Kids need to make their own mistakes - it's the lesson they learn that makes or breaks them. You have the ability to influence which lesson that is.

Troy

[TruckDriver]

Sorry about your son, and I'm glad he is okay. We have ALL done stupid things in our lives that we regret. But you can't blame him for being with 16yo girls as they are only 3 years younger then him (his age group). Just because someone turns 18, doesn't mean that they HAVE to stop being friends with anyone of their friends still under 18. I know I never did, nor any of my friends. And actually, there is no age restrictions on age when it comes to being JUST friends. That's like saying I cant talk to my oldest sons friends, including girls, when they come here to hang out when he still isn't home, and they wanna wait for him. A lot of teens dont care how old someone is for being just friends. At least thats what I learned from them. Most of my son's friends think I'm pretty cool, so they don't mind wating here.

[Mike DC]

                           
At times like this is pays to remember that teenagers' brains are not fully developed.  They won't be fully grown in the head until their mid-20s.  They have adult bodies, adult intelligence, and we even give them adult responsibilities.  But the cold hard science says they do not have adult decision-making abilities at 19.   

Their brains are being more affected by dopamine than ours are.  They actually do understand the negative consequences more than we think, it's the positive consequences that they don't perceive correctly.  Their minds chemically over-reward them when these sorts of risks don't blow up in their faces and they get away with it.

[TheGhost]

Wow.  I did some dumb shit when I was that age, but nothing like that.

[adauto]

  I hope you get it all "worked out" . This reminds me aof a nephew/godson that I have.... 

[Tilar]

You know what, the boy screwed up... It happens when they are young and think they know it all, but if an accident is all it takes for you to turn your back on him, then apparently he didn't lose much. 

[NHCharger]

Sorry to hear about all this Cooter. At least no one was killed. I have two boys 22 and 26. Somewhere between 16 and 20 a switch flips in their brain and all of a sudden they know more than their Dad and are also indestructible. I still remember when I went through that faze and that's going back over 30 years.

Every kid reacts differently so it's hard to give advice without knowing both you and your boy personally. I feel I've been extremely lucky with both of mine. No drugs, no tickets, no pregnant girl friends, both work full time jobs, youngest still lives at home. I work with guys who have completely giving up on their sons due to drug use and other issues. My friend Terry has probably spent over $200,000. trying to keep his daughter off drugs and out of jail, yet nothing works.

You need to ride this out if you can. Don't shut him totally out. Just try to keep your son pointed in the right direction, deep down he needs to know you still care for him, even if he's acting like a complete ass. Hopefully he will smarten up and see the light.  

[Bobs69]

He's not a boy, or a man yet either.  Even tho the girls are under age, you basically took him by the knob and smacked it down.  In front of the girls he was with.  He was trying to save face.  He knows he was lucky.  It hasn't sunk in yet.  It feals like a dream to him.  You are basically his father, since you raised him from the age of 2.  Does he look at you that way?  If you had talked to him as a man would the lesson be learned more easily? 

You have an opportunity to show him how you would handle this.  Keep him involved and knowing everything that is going on, and let him see how you (a man) plays the game.


I would be freaking out.  If you've been thru this before then you know how to play the game.


P.S. were the f**K you guys get the bright ideas or the money to build 500hp cars for your kids?  You Americans.  Everything is cheaper in the south.

[greenpigs]

I would re think him getting that 440 powered ride like you are. He isn't ready yet & he has shown it.

[xpbprox]

I'm 19, be 20 tomorrow. If my dad went off on me for doing something like that and I was in front my friends, I would let him do what ever the F he wanted, I messed up. He could talk to me as if I was 16 years old, how ever the hell he wanted to. At that point in time I would be at his mercy. I didn't get a chance to read everything but was he drinking? Hope he wasn't. Don't let this event scar your view on him forever, I know that's nothing coming from a 19yo but the only thing that gets me with my dad is he never forgets, even if i did something once. To him its as if I do it all the time, gets under my skin.
Also my dad was in the marines for 20 years and he was a Drill Instructor..... I know what yelling is.

Matter of fact something like this did happen to me when I was in High school,, everyone was ok eventually got my tuck back

[Cooter]

P.S. were the f**K you guys get the bright ideas or the money to build 500hp cars for your kids?  You Americans.  Everything is cheaper in the south.

Actually, building a '66 plymouth 440 with 500 HP is easier and cheaper than buying a 300 HP new car. Ithink I've got like $3k into the car at this point with all the work that has been done.

[Cooter]

You know what, the boy screwed up... It happens when they are young and think they know it all, but if an accident is all it takes for you to turn your back on him, then apparently he didn't lose much. 

I guess your right Tilar. Maybe I'm over reacting after being possibly sued for everything I've worked for for over 25 years because my Step Son's head is like a  rock. Maybe I should just pay the b*tch and tell my boy he's right by driving without a seatbelt, speeding down a road he knew was dangerous, and basically being an a$$hole when confronted about it. Yep, I see it now. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

[Cooter]

Sorry to hear about all this Cooter. At least no one was killed. I have two boys 22 and 26. Somewhere between 16 and 20 a switch flips in their brain and all of a sudden they know more than their Dad and are also indestructible. I still remember when I went through that faze and that's going back over 30 years.

Every kid reacts differently so it's hard to give advice without knowing both you and your boy personally. I feel I've been extremely lucky with both of mine. No drugs, no tickets, no pregnant girl friends, both work full time jobs, youngest still lives at home. I work with guys who have completely giving up on their sons due to drug use and other issues. My friend Terry has probably spent over $200,000. trying to keep his daughter off drugs and out of jail, yet nothing works.

You need to ride this out if you can. Don't shut him totally out. Just try to keep your son pointed in the right direction, deep down he needs to know you still care for him, even if he's acting like a complete ass. Hopefully he will smarten up and see the light.  

Thanks for the kind words. I haven't given up totally, but he needs to reallize I'm not f*cking round on this one. I know what he's doing. He 's trying to cram in as much partying as he can before he leaves. That's fine as long as you don't screw up your life, MY life, or anyone else's. Party all you want kid, but when you are costing me everything I own because you wanted to "Be the man", now we gonna have a problem.

[Cooter]

I'm 19, be 20 tomorrow. If my dad went off on me for doing something like that and I was in front my friends, I would let him do what ever the F he wanted, I messed up. He could talk to me as if I was 16 years old, how ever the hell he wanted to. At that point in time I would be at his mercy. I didn't get a chance to read everything but was he drinking? Hope he wasn't. Don't let this event scar your view on him forever, I know that's nothing coming from a 19yo but the only thing that gets me with my dad is he never forgets, even if i did something once. To him its as if I do it all the time, gets under my skin.
Also my dad was in the marines for 20 years and he was a Drill Instructor..... I know what yelling is.

Thanks for a 19 Y/O's point of view. Means alot to me.
If this was an ACCIDENT, I wouldn't have been so aggrevated....This was a CRASH like the Tropper said. Plain and simple. He made a choice to try and be the "Cool" kid that was "Too cool" for seat belts, Too cool to ask anyone else in that car to wear  their seat belt, Too cool to do the speed limit, too cool to NOT put three other people's lives in danger.  I just can't understand how he didn't think that he had to follow the rules when we weren't around. THAT is why I tried like hell to give him something NO OTHER FATHER would even THINK about giving their son at that age. In hopes that this would kinda help him to get aorund that having to "Be the man" thing. I guess It backfired.

[Cooter]

Sorry about your son, and I'm glad he is okay. We have ALL done stupid things in our lives that we regret. But you can't blame him for being with 16yo girls as they are only 3 years younger then him (his age group). Just because someone turns 18, doesn't mean that they HAVE to stop being friends with anyone of their friends still under 18. I know I never did, nor any of my friends. And actually, there is no age restrictions on age when it comes to being JUST friends. That's like saying I cant talk to my oldest sons friends, including girls, when they come here to hang out when he still isn't home, and they wanna wait for him. A lot of teens dont care how old someone is for being just friends. At least thats what I learned from them. Most of my son's friends think I'm pretty cool, so they don't mind wating here.

I know all about "Hot in the pants" 16 Y/O girls and the need to be with "Older" guys. This is how you end up on the national sex offender list. I REALLY don't want the kid on that and by hanging out with under age girls, IMO, he's just asking for it. All they have to do at that age is simply SAY that he "Touched" them inappropriately, and he's done. Back in school, we hadda rule....If your not legal, we didn't hang around you PERIOD. Sure, we can be friends, but we ain't gonna be hangin out after school at my buddy's house where there are NO WITNESSES. You stick your hand in the fire, your gonna get burnt....

[Cooter]

I would re think him getting that 440 powered ride like you are. He isn't ready yet & he has shown it.

Oh trust me, I WAS thinking bout selling it right in front of him as I told him I would do if he didn't keep his nose clean, but I can't be THAT big of an a$$hole to him I guess. No, he will NOT drive that car for a while. I think I'll install the interior I have for it and finish it enough to show it, but I'LL DO THE DRIVING to the cruise nights here. He can say it's his, but won't be driving home in it.

[Cooter]

So would Nick's mom pay for your step son's car if Nick had totalled it? Unlikely. He should counter sue for being put behind the wheel of an obviously unsafe car. I'm kidding! I hate this sue-happy world we live in.

Which leads me to personal responsibility - which I believe is your issue in all this. Kids will make mistakes, I know I did! My step dad was by my side to help guide me and I think it made me a better person. I didn't always appreciate it at the time but I can see how it was the right thing to do. If he has any respect for you at all he will lose it in a heartbeat if you bail on him now. On the other hand, don't do like most parents and "fix it" for him as that just reinforces the behavior and is why our society is where it is (see the first part above). Kids need to make their own mistakes - it's the lesson they learn that makes or breaks them. You have the ability to influence which lesson that is.

Troy

Thanks Troy. I guess sometimes talking here kinda does help. I really feel better for having some fresh ideas on how younger people deal these days.
I guess the good Lord above is putting me through yet another test. Damn, I hate having to feel like I'm letting him "Win" somehow by going back on what I said, but I guess if you can't bend a little, your sure to break. I just know if I talked to the old man the way he talked to me, I'd still be having surgery to remove his boot from my a$$.

[Tilar]

You know what, the boy screwed up... It happens when they are young and think they know it all, but if an accident is all it takes for you to turn your back on him, then apparently he didn't lose much.  

I guess your right Tilar. Maybe I'm over reacting after being possibly sued for everything I've worked for for over 25 years because my Step Son's head is like a  rock. Maybe I should just pay the b*tch and tell my boy he's right by driving without a seatbelt, speeding down a road he knew was dangerous, and basically being an a$$hole when confronted about it. Yep, I see it now. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

I'm not saying to pay the bitch, Her insurance should pay for that under uninsured/under-insured motorist that she SHOULD have on her policy. And anything over and above that he should pay, not you... All I'm saying is take a step back and have a little empathy. If I sounded a little harsh I apologize.