Funny Italian English

[Charger_Croatia]

One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning I go down to eat a breakfast.
I tell the waitress that I want two piece of toast. She brings me only one piece.
I tell her "I wanna two piece". She say "Go to the toilet".
I say "You don't understand, I wana two piece on my plate"
She say to me: "You better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch".
I do not even know this lady and she call me "sonnawabitch".

Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but not a fork.
I tell her "I wanna fock" and she tell me "Everyone wanna fu*k"
I tell her "You don't understand me..I wanna fork on a table"
She say "you better not fu*k on the table you sonnawabitch"

So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed.
I call manager and tell him "I wanna sheet". He tell me "Go to the toilet"
I say "You don't understand I wanna sheet on my bed"
He say "You better not sh*t on the bed you sonnawabitch"

I go to check out and the man at teh desk said "Peace on you"
And I say "Piss on you to you sonnawabitch!" I gonna back to Italy!