Advice from parents please...."Bullying"

[skip68]

I know this has nothing to do with chargers, that's why i'm posting in off topic. I really would like words of advice from other parents whom have had their kids bullied. Our son, (10 yrs. old) just started his new school a couple of months ago. All the kids seem kind, and genuinly nice children to him, EXCEPT this one in his class. Starting about the third of fourth day this child started knocking books and papers off my son's desk, bumping him on purpose, name calling, and today (This is why I'm pissed! ) sucker punched my kid in the gym when the P.E. teacher left the room for a minute. Mind you, my kid is not small, and could defend himself if needed,  but I am trying to instill in him other ways to work out problems as opposed to fighting. The bully seems to do things when teachers are not looking, and today, also threated my kid to watch his back when he's in the bathroom. I have tried to call the school as soon as my son got home but no one answered. I will be placing a call first thing in the morning to the principal, but i feel so helpless! Personally I want to squash the little f&*ker, but obviously I can't! Has anyone had similar things happen to their children, and how did you handle it??? Thanks in advance.

Mrs.Skip68

[Blown70]

Well, sorry..... I still believe having your kid knock the other one on his butt will be the best answer....... Heck I just about decked at guy at the gym on Sat (mind you I did not start it, I am pretty calm by nature)...... I would not be the one to ask here I guess

[Ponch ®]

Well, sorry..... I still believe having your kid knock the other one on his butt will be the best answer...

[mikepmcs]

How about similar things that happened to someone in person?  Would you settle for that?

I was also taught to never fight and talking/walking is always best.  However, I have since learned that at some point you have to stand up for yourself.

I remember when I was in high school I had the same issue with one kid in particular, his name was Kevin Haddox, a real scumbag, druggie/thief.  He had been kicked out of school more than once but ended up in my school for some reason.  He immediately started in on me because I was heavy, quiet(loner) and appeared to be an easy target.  That to me is the definition of a bully(weak a#@ punk who really has no self esteem or real strength to face the challenge of really standing up to someone his own accord, so he picks on someone he thinks is weaker)
That in itself is the problem with them and they feel the need to pick on someone that might appear inferior.  Remember, I said appear.
Anyway, my guess is this kid doesn't have a very stable home life.  He is probably been brutalized, from his older siblings or other kids or worse yet his parents.  He is merely using your son to let his anger out on someone. 

Here is my answer, your son has to stand up to him and just not let him intimidate him what-so-ever.  If your son is not the fighting type then enroll him in a martial arts class to learn inner strength and of course to be able to defend himself in the future.  It is no fun being bullied by anyone, trust me I know.  I've never been bullied since and never will.  Fighting is never the answer but might be the necessity to get your point across to some knucklehead.

I've never had a problem with anyone since high school, merely because I am not willing to stand down at all.  By the way I've never been in a fight since and that was almost 25 years ago.  I've been close many times being in the Navy but never had too. 
Stand up to him, it works.  Pain only lasts a second. Pride and the fact that you can handle any situation lasts forever.

v/r
Mike

[Ponch ®]

Pedro offers you his protection

[skip68]

Thanks Mike! You do make some valid points! I was bullied all the time in school, because I was small and I guess an easy target. I do believe he and anyone has a right to defend himself/herself, but i am concerned that he might get busted for it. I know all parents brag about their kids, but i can definatly say that my son is a sweet, kind, funny, and a genuinly cool kid and i personally don't see how anyone would want to pick on him!  anyway's thanks for your input.
Mrs. Skip68

[skip68]

Pedro offers you his protection

Mrs.Skip68

[bull]

I'd say he needs to deal with it himself. IMO, things typically smooth out once the bully's bluff is called but sometimes calling the school and making a big deal out of it can make things worse.

[71ChallengeHer]

I know this has nothing to do with chargers, that's why i'm posting in off topic. I really would like words of advice from other parents whom have had their kids bullied. Our son, (10 yrs. old) just started his new school a couple of months ago. All the kids seem kind, and genuinly nice children to him, EXCEPT this one in his class. Starting about the third of fourth day this child started knocking books and papers off my son's desk, bumping him on purpose, name calling, and today (This is why I'm pissed! ) sucker punched my kid in the gym when the P.E. teacher left the room for a minute. Mind you, my kid is not small, and could defend himself if needed,  but I am trying to instill in him other ways to work out problems as opposed to fighting. The bully seems to do things when teachers are not looking, and today, also threated my kid to watch his back when he's in the bathroom. I have tried to call the school as soon as my son got home but no one answered. I will be placing a call first thing in the morning to the principal, but i feel so helpless! Personally I want to squash the little f&*ker, but obviously I can't! Has anyone had similar things happen to their children, and how did you handle it??? Thanks in advance.

Mrs.Skip68

Dear Mrs.Skip68,
this is jackie's daughter. im a 16 yr old in 11th grade. and as a girl i cant say ive been punched or anything, but girls are catty little buggers. so i understand what it is like to be treated poorly by fellow classmates. violence on ur sons part would not b good way to go. in my school the policy is no matter who hits first, if u hit ur suspended, even if the other person started it. id try going to the guidence counselor at the school. have him/her call both of the kids down and try to have them talk things out and have some kind of agreement. this may not work because the bully seems sneaky therefore he may lie to the counselor. if thats the case, tell ur son to maybe confront him (with the conselor present). have him ask the kid, politely, what his problem is. kids have alot of problems with people that are "new" or "different" im in high school and i still deal with that. so thats most likely why hes attacking ur son, as sucky as that is. if ur son doesnt react he will most likely move on to someone who he can see in agony when he tortures them. again its sucks. kids are cruel. thats y im graduating early. but when u call the school to have this taken care of ask about their bullying policy. most schools have a very strict one now-a-days. at my school when i was in 4th or 5th grade there were these things called "bully cards" we could fill out to get help. so def ask the school all about it. im sry ur son is going thru this. if u need anymore advice/info pm my mom. thx. take care

[Arthu®]

I know all parents brag about their kids, but i can definatly say that my son is a sweet, kind, funny, and a genuinly cool kid and i personally don't see how anyone would want to pick on him!  anyway's thanks for your input.

I hardly qualify as a parent (at least not that I know off ) but that is the problem right there, he is probably too sweet and kind. I was the same when I was younger especially the first years in high school. I ain't much of a fighter, I never really fought except for a couple of stupid bar fights. But never really one on one. I always just let them, I sort of had the luck that there was a kid that besides being sweet and kind was also quiet. They mostly took it out on him, I couldn't stand that so I jumped in for him a couple of times but just had them turn on me. We did transfer classes eventually. I know weak but at the time to me the best solution.

I say the best thing for him would be to stand up for himself, not the easiest one but the best in the end. It will go over after high school as in college/work you will be appreciated for what you do and the punks/bullies are most likely at the end of the footchain by then working at McD's flipping burgers.

I never changed, but I did eventually learn how to stand up for myself. Have a good talk with your son, btw punching the bully and having to do some cleaning in the school will make him a hero in class! Most likely most kids hate the bully anyways

Arthur

[tan top]

sorry to hear  your son getting bullied ,  it goes on all of the time  . i can  still remember some of the stuff that went on when i was at school .  true these bully's are cleaver  , they wont do it in plain view  of teaching staff  , and more than likely do his stuff when his Buddy's are hanging around ,  and showing them I'm the man stuff .  like you say phone the principle , or even go to the school in person , may be with out your son & his friends seeing you because it might embarrass him . true what you say fighting is not the answer to this problem ,  as my Mom & Dad taught me always try to solve problems with talking & not to solve problems like this with your fists . but don't take crap  from nobody .  do you know the bully's background & parents . my be if your son talks to this bully on his own &  see  what is eating him . 
  when i was 13  there was some guy at my school  who tried  bullying me , when all his creeps were around him .. my mom & dad told me a bout fighting  .  but  the next day after school ...  when he was on his own  , i tried talking to him a bout what was his problem was ,  it was just me & him  ... i ended up beating him up pretty good  .  next day at school   i never said a word what had happend  neither did he . no more problems after that .  not that i am old .. but that was  in a very different time  when i was at school . times change ..
   not trying to make you worry , but if your son does end up having to punch him  , because  some times thats all these bully's under stand , you don't know  he might carry a knife  who  knows .  like i say not trying to scare you but all i know is, it is not like when i was that age.

[skip68]

I'd say he needs to deal with it himself. IMO, things typically smooth out once the bully's bluff is called but sometimes calling the school and making a big deal out of it can make things worse.

That's one of my concerns as well! God it's hard to be a parent these days! You never know if some stupid kid is gonna bring his daddy's "45" to school to prove a point or get revenge, because you "turned him in"...... [/b] That's a trend that's becoming more prevelent in schools these days.... It sickens me!
Mrs.Skip68

[NHCharger]

I have two boys, 17 & 21. I've had to deal with this with both kids. My wife and I raised our sons to be respectful of everyone else, however with both boys I've had to tell them that there comes a time to stand up for yourself. As mentioned above this bully is picking on your son because he offers no resistance, once your son starts to defend himself the bully will look for another easy mark to prey on.

I had a particular problem with my younger son whom is small for his age. In 7th grade he had three bullies all picking on him at once. And this school had a zero tolerance bullying policy (what a crock of shit). I ended up telling the principle that I had instructed by son to defend himself and my son would not be held accountable for their injuries. When the principle told me that my son could be suspended for this I told him the alternative would be for me to sue the school for gross incompetence and failure to protect the welfare of my child. THAT got his attention. Two of the kids stopped immediately, the third finally learned his lesson when my sons new friend, a 6' kid named Leon tossed the bully half way across the school yard one day. 

Sometimes that old saying  "You got to fight fire with fire" holds true.
Also, any liberal weenie with no kids is going to tell you to turn the other cheek. that does not work in the real world.

[Judhudson]

I was often bullied alot, and I don't fight hand-to-hand (I can't, I am a nerd).  I just do a few "dirty tricks" that in my case, will hopefully humilate the heck out of the bully.

I know it is wrong, but you need to teach the kid tricks of the trade.  If somebody messes with him and doesn't stop, it's time to turn the tables.  A good little product is something called "Liquid Ass".  http://www.liquidass.com/ you can get a small bottle here.  What you do is when the kid is away and nobody is looking, take a few drops and put it on his clothes (say in gym class), bookbag, anything your kid can get a hold of.

Let me tell you, it stinks....and it's funny!  Everybody laughed at the bully in my case thats for sure

There are tons of small tricks your kid can do for paybacks, and most are harmless yet humilating pranks.  Just google them and you can come up with ideas.  It's better to plan with your brains then your fists.

[Harlow]

I'm 17 and I have to say, if you son steps up to him (not necessarily physically fight him) it will most likely stop. The bully and other kids will see that your son can hold his own and the bully will most likely move on. You said your son is pretty big for his age that should help too (again he doesn't actually need to fight the kid, but at least show him hes not afraid to). I think if he shows that hes not going to let it happen anymore it will stop. Thats just my two cents.

[Mean 318]

IMO, talk to the school, but also let your son know that is this little ass hits him again to plant one to the nose. Good luck!

[pettyfan43]

There comes a time to put a stop to a bully. If he doesn't do it pretty fast, it will only get worse. The Bully will do worse and worse things in trying to punch your kids buttons.

He's gonna have to stand his ground.  He most likely will not have to even throw a punch or get hit.

I went though this a few years ago with a guy I worked with. (some bullys never grow up or learn how idiotic they are)
this guy was always working out and acting like a bad@$$ and giving me greif.  I did the whole "make him look stupid thing" but that didn't help. I finally had enough and just told him in front of everybody " I don't know what your problem with me is and I DON'T CARE. You and I are gonna settle it right here and right now" You have the problem with me so go ahead and take your best shot. EITHER WAY this ends right here and now."   He never budged, within a month he quit and went to work someplace else.

If you or someone fights his battles FOR HIM, he will just rely on you whenever he has a problem.

[dkn1997]

Your son may have to fight this kid.   I would tell him to get in this punks' wheelhouse, nose to nose and tell him to knock it off.  If the bully does not back down, in the words of the thing: "it's clobberin' time"  He may lose, but the kid won't bother him again.  There is this notion that losing a fight and getting a black eye or bloddy nose is the worst thing in the world.  it isn't.  I've been in a few, won some, lost some.  it happens.

Going to the fists first is not good, but there comes a time when you have to be open for business and not allow the rif raff in your store. 

a popular opinion?  no.  but I am not here to make friends and in this case, neither is your son.  If you call the school, you will only make it worse.  the reason that kids bring guns to school and this shit gets out of hand is that we adults don't let them work out there own problems at a young age.  they never learn how to handle tough situations because mommy and daddy always step in before the shit hits the fan.  too much supervision.  then they get older and we let them out in the world so to speak and they have no idea how to handle any kind of confilct, so they resort to what they see on tv and movies. 

[skip68]

 






I'm listening......
Mrs.Skip68

[71ChallengeHer]

Listen to my daughter, she's a very smart girl.

[RD]

This behavior pattern that the "bully" is showing is really the issue that needs to be addressed.  Your child can:

1 - turn the other cheek
2 - fight back
3 - be political
4 - be Gandhi

it does not matter.  The "bully" will continue to do what he is accustomed to, comfortable with, receives attention from, etc.. until... his behavior is dealt with in a manner that is complicit with school rules.

your son, in my opinion, should not have to alter his behavior, change his life pattern or adjust to a school environment that does not address the hostile environment that this bully is or has developed.  Your son has done nothing wrong, so why tell him he has to change his behavior because some other individual is showing ODD style behavior that violates simple moral and ethical rules?

talk to the principal, guidance counselor, teacher, what have you, have them address the "bully's" behavior by speaking with his parents.  If nothing is done through that route, then go to the school board meeting and address your grievances with the lack of competence within the school's administration to develop a sound and comparable plan at addressing bullying and demand action.

You, your son, and others like him are not the problem, so why address yourselves?  Address the problem head on and get this behavior changed through the proper channels with the identification of the bully, exploiting the acts and making them known to the proper authorities, and developing a plan to address the behavior by providing proper solutions.

It wont be easy and will actually cause you to put forth much effort, but... the end result will create a better school environment, ad educated administration, and most importantly, educated parents and children.

Bullying can be addressed through peer bullying interference problem resolution.  This is more or less a peer based resolution team where the children are developing choices on appropriate and inappropriate behavior under the guidance of sound moral and ethical adult supervision.

YOU CAN MAKE A CHANGE!  WHAT BETTER CHANCE TO BE INVOLVED IN YOUR COMMUNITY THAN THROUGH YOUR CHILDREN'S SCHOOL!

Hope this helps, good luck.

[skip68]

I truly appreciate EVERYONES opinion, and especially the younger crowd, that is, or was in the school systems recently, as I am 36 and have been out of school quite awhile! Things have changed alot,......

Thanks to all!!!!! keep the ideas coming!
Mrs.Skip68

[71ChallengeHer]

I truly appreciate EVERYONES opinion, and especially the younger crowd, that is, or was in the school systems recently, as I am 36 and have been out of school quite awhile! Things have changed alot,......

Thanks to all!!!!! keep the ideas coming!
Mrs.Skip68

Like Shelby said send me a PM if you need anymore help. She is willing and will be happy to help you and your son.

[Old Moparz]

It's tough to decide what to do for your kid sometimes, you want to protect them, but you also want them to learn & understand how to take care of themselves. I have to agree with a lot of the advice on standing up to the bully, but I also like what NHCharger said about telling the principle to shove his school policy where the sun can't shine. I have a daughter who'll be 8 soon, but there are some nasty little girls her age that would give some a few hollywood a-holes a run for their money on being sub-humans.

My wife has already been to the school twice, once to talk with the principal because of a notice that was sent to us about our child's behavior towards another student, & once about our kid being bullied. The notice we got, was that our daughter touched some boy in her class. The principal said he was "legally obligated" to notify us of the incident, but later it was made clear that she bumped into him, but had bumped his rear. I guess in the current age of political correctness, that's how the school covers their asses.

So, having seen first hand how the school operates, we notified the school in writing that they were "legally obligated" to do something about the bully bothering our daughter. It stopped right away, but these two kids are 7 years old & I think at that age parents can still get involved without making it worse. At 10 years old & your kid being a boy, it makes it a little different & also a little harder for you. I wouldn't want to be in your place, but having him stand up for himself first by calling the bully's bluff might be best.

I did it in 1st grade to this kid who badgered me everyday for weeks. It stopped when I knocked a tooth out of his head because my dad said to stand up to him if your tired of it. His bigger friend watched & never lifted a finger to help him either. In high school it happened again with another kid. We never fought & I was pretty sure I was going to get my ass whooped, but when I showed up outside his class after school & waited for him, he backed down & never bothered me again. Good luck, hope it turns out okay.

[REDNECK]

i was bullied for most of my school life up to my shophemore year i was always the small kid that got beat up, then i started to lift weights. i stood up and opened a can of whoop a$$. now if i look at that group of kids thay run and hide. if he wants them to stop he will have to stand up and