New Red Neck Jokes are out

[mikepmcs]

Yes, the new one is out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're a redneck when......
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.


I fit about 10 or so of these.  Definitely number 9.


             

[SeattleCharger]

Funny sh$#@.                 I once mowed my lawn with my van. 

[8WHEELER]

Number 14 for me   

Dan

[MOPARHOUND!]

Grew up in rural area of Kansas.  Have observed the following in my younger days growing up.  Remember fact is stranger than fiction........ 

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

Yes.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Make that several Mopar projects, and 25 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

We called it pasture, and the father-in-law from back east still can't believe it.  Keeps the brush at bay.  Grass comes back quick, and greener than before.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

No Salvation Army within a hundred miles, gets left on the front lawn as ornaments with the appliances.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

Actually it's a post-it note on the refrigerator.  What's speed dial??

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

Most would consider the backyard the dump, unless they had a burn "barrel", or "pile".  Always worried about the guy who kept his burn barrel 15 feet from his 1000 gallon propane tank.  Yikes!!   

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Actually it's "Hot Shot" spider killer, and on top of the fridge.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

Can't blame her, muskrats were ruining the pond dam.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

No, but the last home owner did.  Darn dog hair clogged up the shower drain.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

Actually it's sticks of fire wood in a 67 Coronet with the trunk lid, sail panel, and rear glass removed, roof beat down to just behind the front seat.  Also, number of sheep a 63 4-door Impala will hold with rear seat removed.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

....on more than one vehicle.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

.....and the Tupperware was treated as fine China.  Any empty glass jar, be it Mayo, pickle, or otherwise was stored with the dishs and not thrown out.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

Yes......and?  Saved carrying it out to the front lawn.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

...and a work bench.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

Been through that.  Took out some of the "eyesore" buildings.  Too bad that one guy took the two remaining halves of a couple of trailer houses and spliced them together. 

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

Actually a possum, raccoon, or pond turtle crossing the road.  The town drunk loved them, good eatin'??  



             

[rt green]

i like number 18