Southernisms

[modmidget]

SOUTHERNISMS:

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

She's so stuck up she'd drown in a rainstorm.

It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.

My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull.

He's as country as cornflakes.

This is gooder'n grits.

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

I'm 'bout as........ Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Busy as a moth in a mitten. Happy as a clam at high tide.

Advice for Northerners moving to the South: Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.

Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you DO run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

The first Southern _expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol' ," as in "big ol' truck," or "big ol' boy." "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store") is 2nd, and "Y'all" is 3rd.

As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" get out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.

Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased.

If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do.

Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.

One last warning but probably the most important one to remember: Be advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.

[Silver R/T]

lol

[Chargen69]

"He's got more luck than Van Camps got pork and beans"


or "He's got more [insert any subject] than Van Camps got pork and beans"

[Chargen69]

"I'm so hungry my stomach thinks my throats been cut"

[my73charger]

 

[RD]

that boy is quicker than a rabbit shittin' tobasco sauce

your about as bright as a 1/2 watt light bulb arent'cha

your thoughts flows like a stagnant pond

[Charger4404spd]

Yep born anad raised here. Wanna go campin? "Delieverance" come to mind?

That shit about going to the store pending snow, that's true. You can't find a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk anywhere when the weatherman says 'Snow'

[beedees]

   "Wuz you born that stoopid, or didja haf to go to school and study up on it?"

[deputycrawford]

You know you're in the south when cleaning the bathroom is moving the outhouse.

[69_Hemi_Charger]

Some linemen were busy putting up telephone poles through a farmer's fields. The farmer ordered them off his land, whereupon they showed him a paper giving them the right to plant poles wherever they pleased. Not long afterward a big and vicious bull charged the linemen. The old farmer sat on a nearby fence and yelled, "Show him yer papers, darn ye, show him yer papers!"