To My Dearest Wife

[Charger_Croatia]

    To My Dearest Wife,

    During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

    We will wake the kids - 54 times

    It's too late - 15 times

    I'm too tired - 42 times

    It's too early - 12 times

    It's too hot - 18 times

    Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

    The neighbors will hear - 9 times

    Headache or backache - 26 times

    Sunburn - 10 times

    Your mother will hear us - 9 times

    Not in the mood - 21 times

    Watching the late show - 17 times

    Too sore - 26 times

    New hairdo - 6 times

    Wrong time of the month - 14 times

    You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

    Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

    Love, Your Hubby

    -------------------------

    To My Dearest Husband,

    I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

    Came home drunk and tried to sc**w the cat - 23 times

    Did not come home at all - 36 times

    Did not come - 21 times

    Came too soon - 38 times

    Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

    Cramps in your leg - 16 times

    Working too late - 33 times

    You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

    Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

    You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

    You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

    You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

    You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

    Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

    The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were sc***ing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

    Love, Your Wife

[SeattleCharger]

  "I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air."    haha   

[Charger_Fan]

That's a friggin' classic!

[ChargerRob]

That's funny