And then the fight started.....

[TeeWJay426]

My wife sat down next to me on the settee as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and asked, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then asked, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the van, then proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible.."

My loving wife of one year replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And then the fight started...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we were alongside the road, and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well, I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car and looked at me, then shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So I looked down at him and said, "Well, then, which one are you?"

And then the fight started...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

When I got home last evening, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...so I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

After retiring, I went to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt, revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." Then she processed the Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about the experience at the Social Security office.

She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

And then the fight started...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion. I kept staring at a drunken woman swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed. "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

My wife said, "My God! Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I took my wife to a restaurant. For some reason, the waiter took my order first.

"I'll have the steak medium-rare, please."

He asked, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah. She can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees. She says to her husband, "I feel horrible. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started...

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  some funny stuff

[FLG GF]

Very fuinny.