2008 darwin awards

[moparstuart]

  these are always great

  You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado here are the latest
2008 Darwin awards.


Eighth Place

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.


Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran', accidentally, jogged off a
100-foot high cliff on his daily run.


Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.  People
on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out, but could not reach him.  It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him.  Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.


Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.


Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.


Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into
H&J Leather and Firearms intent on robbing the store.

The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.  Upon seeing
the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target
pistol.  The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns
and fired.

The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics.  Crime scene investigators
located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.  The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds.  Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons.  No one else was hurt.


Honorable Mention

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 AM.  So, they lit a quarter
stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen.  Apparently they failed to
notice the window was closed.


Runner Up

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person
who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic.  The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable
lay near by.  They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge.

His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.  He miraculously
survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.  Bingham's foot was
never located.


And, the winner is...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt of Paderborn, Germany fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal
laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
got relief.  Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.  The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant
continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.

It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...'Shit happens'!!!


IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL!

[Brock Samson]

the winner is remakably like a joke i heard in grammer school...
that number three about the gun shop is the best in my estimation...