Ever Attacked By A Bat While At The Computer?

[Old Moparz]

I'm sitting at the computer a few nights ago, which is in the bedroom on a desk that's not far from the bed. On the bed is one of the cats doing what she does best, which is nothing at all except breathe & take up space. It was quiet, I had just put my daughter to bed about an hour earlier & my wife was out playing music with her bluegrass band. I'm reading something on the monitor when this shadow catches my attention from the corner of my eye.

I didn't pay too much attention, since a few insects that make their way into the house don't bother me too much unless they buzz near my face. I kept reading until the comatose cat started jumping on the bed swatting & waving it's paws in the air. Cat toys are a complete waste of money when string, bread ties & insects are free. As I looked over to where the cat was, I saw what looked like a large moth. Then after a few seconds, since I didn't have my glasses on, I decided it was a butterfly because it was too big for a moth.

Now the damn cat is going ballistic, & almost doing back flips as it jumps up from the bed & lands. It's always funny to see a cat jump, they kind of defy gravity quite well. By now I determined that this butterfly isn't a butterfly, but maybe a bird since it's really big. I'm no longer paying attention to the computer & now trying to figure out how a damn bird got in since all the windows are either closed, or blocked with screens. This is precisely when I figured out that it wasn't a bird, but instead, a bat.

Wow I thought, I never had a bat in my house, this is really cool! So while the cat was busy, I was trying to figure out how the hell I was going to get this thing out of the house. As I sat there & watched the cat & the bat, it decided to swoop silently past me. I heard no noise from the wings flapping like I had expected. I went over to the window to remove the screen, but then the bat swooped down past my head again. It didn't scare me, but I didn't need bat shit on me or all over the house. I didn't know if bats crap on you like birds, & I already have to clean up cat puke & toys, so I don't need more things to worry about.

I just removed the screen, but then realized I had better close the doors so the bat stays in the room & I can get it out the window. Now the stupid cat was ready to jump up on the window sill of a second floor window since she was bored with bat chasing. I slammed the doors shut, ran over to stop the cat from suicide by grabbing it. I then tossed the cat in the hall & saved myself from having to go look for it in the dark outside while the bat flew around crapping on everything in my house.

Now the bat was missing, & I didn't know if it landed somewhere, or flew up to the loft above the bedroom. I walked around looking & then it flew past me coming from the inside of my wife's closet. I had the screen in my hand & tried to block the direction it was going & guide it to the open window. After a few tries & having it crash into the screen, it landed on the screen. I got a close look at it as I walked to the open window.

It didn't wait for me to get to the window & took off flying again. This time it fluttered around & did go up to the loft above. Great, now I have to go up there & persuade it to go down to where the window was on the floor below. I looked up, & just like in an old vampire movie, I saw it hanging upside down from the ceiling. It looked right back at me & then took off into the air again. I'm sure if my daughter was there to see this she'd want to keep it as a pet like the mice we catch in the basement.

It flew around some more & didn't crap on me or the bed which was cool. It landed again on the screen as I directed it to the window, so I went over & I got it to the window & held the screen up. It didn't leave right away, but as I waited, it finally flew off the screen & outside through the open window. If I didn't have the damn cat in the room, I may have thought more about grabbing the camera & snapping a pic.

I wished my daughter was up late that night so she could have seen it. She liked hearing about it the next day & immediately went looking for her toy rubber bat. It probably got in through a loose ridge vent on the roof which I managed to get to over the weekend to fix. It was pretty cool to see it up close & not like on TV or a photo. Definitely not a vampire bat since it wasn't that ugly, but I have no idea what kind since I'm not batman. Haven't seen it since, so hopefully it's not coming back in. If it does, maybe the useless cat can get some more exercise.

[4402tuff4u]

If you have gable vents, that's probably where it got in or the soffit vents. Those vents come with very flimsy screens and throughout the years of heat and cold, they disintegrate to the touch. Good thing it didn't go for your neck Bob! We would have to drive a stake through your heart!

[472 R/T SE]

[Old Moparz]

[cool440]

I thought your girlfriend might have been holding it!

[Chargen69]

Sounds like you need to move...  FAST

[Drache]

I thought your girlfriend might have been holding it!

When I read the topic title I was thinking the same thing lol! 

[Charger_Fan]

Well, at least you didn't get bitten & by the end of the story, you didn't turn into a vampire.

It sounds like the two I've seen...sorta like a mouse with wings?
Bats are cool.

[BigBlockSam]

Well, at least you didn't get bitten & by the end of the story, you didn't turn into a vampire. 

or did he 

[Charger_Fan]

Well, at least you didn't get bitten & by the end of the story, you didn't turn into a vampire. 

or did he 

Hmmm...

[Old Moparz]

No, between all the garlic my wife cooks with & the Wild Turkey shots, the bat couldn't handle it.   

[Wakko]

You fought back with a screen? Bah, 12 gauge!!!

[Drache]

You fought back with a screen? Bah, 12 gauge!!!

The next article in Maxim & Playboy...

"How to explain the buckshot holes in your house to your girlfriend or wife using the 'It was a bat' story and make her believe it"

[Todd Wilson]

Holy batshit Robin!


Todd

[Lightning]

Sounds like you had bats in the belfry.....

[BigBlockSam]

You fought back with a screen? Bah, 12 gauge!!! 

that sounds like a three stooges episode, were they destroy the house with the shotgun.

[Silver R/T]

sounds like good story, batman