Child custody/visitation question

[RECHRGD]

My daughter and her ex have been divorced for several years and have shared custody of their son.  Her ex is a major pain in the ass (sociopath) and has done his best to ruin her life since the divorce.  I could write a book about how this guy has lied to and manipulated the legal system to achieve his goals.  Anyway, his latest power play has to do with the Christmas break.  They are supposed to split the time 50/50.  The break is eleven days long, including New Year's Day.  He has decided that New Year's Day is not to be included as part of the Christmas break, thus bringing the break time down to ten days.  He is responsible to get the boy to her for her visitation time.  He has conveniently booked flights that get him to her at 11:00PM on her first day with him and at 6:50AM on her last day.  This basically just gives her only three days of an eleven day break with him.  I have searched and searched for any legal definition of what constitutes a day in this situation and have found nothing.  My daughter has asked her lawyer about it with no reply.  I know custody disputes are always messy things and can't imagine that this issue has not been legally addressed before.  Does anyone here have an idea where I can find this information without donating thousands more into the legal system?

[Ponch ®]

My daughter and her ex have been divorced for several years and have shared custody of their son.  Her ex is a major pain in the ass (sociopath) and has done his best to ruin her life since the divorce.  I could write a book about how this guy has lied to and manipulated the legal system to achieve his goals.  Anyway, his latest power play has to do with the Christmas break.  They are supposed to split the time 50/50.  The break is eleven days long, including New Year's Day.  He has decided that New Year's Day is not to be included as part of the Christmas break, thus bringing the break time down to ten days.  He is responsible to get the boy to her for her visitation time.  He has conveniently booked flights that get him to her at 11:00PM on her first day with him and at 6:50AM on her last day.  This basically just gives her only three days of an eleven day break with him.  I have searched and searched for any legal definition of what constitutes a day in this situation and have found nothing.  My daughter has asked her lawyer about it with no reply.  I know custody disputes are always messy things and can't imagine that this issue has not been legally addressed before.  Does anyone here have an idea where I can find this information without donating thousands more into the legal system?

what state are you in? I'd look up the state's Family Code; the statutes usually have definitions. Or it will be in case law - at that point, you're doing some extensive research that will cost you $. As much as it sucks to hear this, you're better off consulting w a lawyer, maybe a different one than the one she has now.

As far as the flights, it may not necessarily be a "power play".  It may be a matter of cost, and flying at different(but more convenient) times is substantially more expensive - especially around the holidays. I know nothing about family law in your state (or in mine, for that matter ), but maybe its something that a court would take into consideration. Cost vs. Benefit, that type of thing.

[RECHRGD]

Thanks Ponch! I've visited the State's website and others trying to find something.  It seems to come down to whatever was put in the "parenting plan" that was drawn up early in the process.  So if something isn't exactly spelled out, he uses that to his advantage.  That's why I was looking for something that was legally definitive.  It probably doesn't exist.  We've already gone through four lawyers and two judges.  This is in a State that has no "family court".  I've spent over 100K on this dealing with incompetent lawyers and disconnected judges.  Yes, it is definitely a power play.  That's what he does.  He doesn't give a damn about the kids.  His world revolves around hurting my daughter and anyone that tries to help her, as in witness tampering.  Only a little more than a year left and then the boy will be eighteen and free to leave.  The older boy is already out and in the Navy.  They both hate their fathers guts.....

[Mopar Nut]

Sounds like your ex son in-law is not only a sociopath but a horrible father. How old is your grandson?

[RECHRGD]

Sounds like your ex son in-law is not only a sociopath but a horrible father. How old is your grandson?

He's sixteen now.  Since this all started, over ten years ago, I've done a lot of research on sociopaths.  They're not really capable of being good parents or spouses.  The world revolves around them and other people are only engaged when they are of some use to them.  If you dare to challenge them over anything, then you become the enemy.

[Laowho]

If yer squabbling over one time of the year and b/t states it's no wonder nobody wants to re-litigate it. BTW, how much do you know about sociopathy/personality disorders? That'd probly be of more use to you right now.

[303 Mopar]

Unfortunately I have dealt with my fair share of custody issues.  Usually it comes down to the definition of an "overnight".  So you can have the child all day, but if you have them overnight that counts as her day.  Unless there was something specifically defined in the parent plan such as "child arrive by 7:00 pm" there is nothing you can really do.  Honestly, since he is 16 the best thing she has going for her is that she only has 2 more years of dealing with this BS.

[RECHRGD]

If yer squabbling over one time of the year and b/t states it's no wonder nobody wants to re-litigate it. BTW, how much do you know about sociopathy/personality disorders? That'd probly be of more use to you right now.

The "squabbling" has been over everything for the last ten years!  I know enough about his personality to refrain from bringing up an issue that is not 1,000% defendable.  Even then he will fight it.  Thrives on it.  Anyway, as previously stated, in less than two years this will be over...

[RECHRGD]

Unfortunately I have dealt with my fair share of custody issues.  Usually it comes down to the definition of an "overnight".  So you can have the child all day, but if you have them overnight that counts as her day.  Unless there was something specifically defined in the parent plan such as "child arrive by 7:00 pm" there is nothing you can really do.  Honestly, since he is 16 the best thing she has going for her is that she only has 2 more years of dealing with this BS.

Yes, thankfully he's planning to be gone after turning 18.  The crazy thing is, the State will make my daughter pay him child support (he makes four times what she does) until he is 19.  He will just pocket the money as he's done in the past.....

[Laowho]

I went from law to psych as a voir dire consultant, so I wasn't bein dismissive. And I wasn't necessarily thinkin of you. Even our own son has his difficulties and we've had to apprise his sister that she'll probly be appointed guardian. Point being, the more you know about him, the better equipped the kids will be.

[RECHRGD]

I went from law to psych as a voir dire consultant, so I wasn't bein dismissive. And I wasn't necessarily thinkin of you. Even our own son has his difficulties and we've had to apprise his sister that she'll probly be appointed guardian. Point being, the more you know about him, the better equipped the kids will be.

Understood.  Actually the boys are amazing and well balanced considering what they've been put through.  He had control of their minds from the ages of six and nine.  By adolescence they had witnessed it all and were able to see right through him.  They've been subjected to another divorce from him, countless live in women, money taken from their bank accounts and on and on and on.  The younger one, still living with him, simply knows to do what he says without comment to stay on his good side.  Otherwise he becomes abusive, but not to the point of leaving bruises, YET.......

[will]

if he make 4 times what she does, why hasn't she taken him to court to get that child support lowered? 

[RECHRGD]

if he make 4 times what she does, why hasn't she taken him to court to get that child support lowered?  

It's calculated per the State guidelines.  The sad part is that it should have been him paying support to her.  The first judge was about to rule in her favor after catching him in a big lie.  His agggressive lawyer saw that coming and asked the judge to recuse himself, which he did.  Starting the whole case over with a different judge that didn't hear much of the previously submitted evidence.  The oldest boy was willing to testify against his father until he was threatened by him.  I had to pay the last lawyer 15K for what he figured to be a three day trial.  It was over in three hours and of course the lawyer kept all the trial money.  The last judge was a total jerk.  I lost all faith in our legal system after going through this....

[will]

That's a shame, sometimes I wish that old west justice was the rule of law.

[RECHRGD]

That's a shame, sometimes I wish that old west justice was the rule of law.

X2!!!!!!

[Laowho]

Completely get the "faith in the system" bit, specially as it's predicated chiefly on property interests. And psych was sumthin I used to deride as pseudo-science back in the day when I was fiercely conservative. According to Freud, our modern city-dwelling creates all manner of disordered people, and also gives em a place to hide. May be that the new tech will displace the old colonial justice and even revert far enuf to become the wild west again. Homes and cars will be wired and patched into the web for a more social justice that we commoners expect. That's what I'd be developing if I were so inclined.

[Ponch ®]

That's a shame, sometimes I wish that old west justice was the rule of law.

Little or no due process, summary executions, feudalistic ranchers, no respect for property rights, whorehouses everywhere....?


ok, maybe they got the last part right.