Adult Truths

[bakerhillpins]

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure
I know how to get out of my neighborhood..

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I
did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!

20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away,
in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and
the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men
to realize that their brain is also important.

[bobs66440]

 

[polywideblock]

 

[Cooter]

  Damn, that sh*t is funny because it's mostly true.

[jar1292]

OMG you just summed up my life...

[Bob T]

Ok, I'll add to it.

  The Man Rules





We always hear "the rules" From the female side..



Now here are the rules from the male side.





These are our rules!  Please note.. These are all numbered "1 " ON

PURPOSE!



1.Men are NOT mind readers.





1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it

down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.





1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.





1. Crying is blackmail.





1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:



Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!





1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.





1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what

we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.





1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.





1.. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.





1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one





1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.





1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during

commercials. ...





1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.





1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We

have no idea what mauve is.





1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.





1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like

nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.





1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you

don't want to hear.





1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is

fine...Really





1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to

discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or motor sports





1. You have enough clothes.





1. You have too many shoes.





1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!





1. Thank you for reading this.





Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;



But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[polywideblock]

Ok, I'll add to it.

  The Man Rules





We always hear "the rules" From the female side..



Now here are the rules from the male side.





These are our rules!  Please note.. These are all numbered "1 " ON

PURPOSE!



1.Men are NOT mind readers.





1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it

down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.





1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.





1. Crying is blackmail.





1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:



Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!





1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.





1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what

we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.





1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.





1.. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.





1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one





1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.





1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during

commercials. ...





1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.





1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We

have no idea what mauve is.





1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.





1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like

nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.





1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you

don't want to hear.





1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is

fine...Really





1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to

discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or motor sports





1. You have enough clothes.





1. You have too many shoes.





1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!





1. Thank you for reading this.





Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;



But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[mauve66]

We have no idea what mauve is.

yes we do

[A383Wing]

one more

[Bob T]

We have no idea what mauve is.

yes we do

Mate, that's one cool exception to the rule  .

[69rtse4spd]

one more

I need this hanging on the wall at home. .

[Musicman]

We have no idea what mauve is.

yes we do

Robert
I believe he was referring to you, not the color 

[A6USMC]

Good, its not just my life, it seems as I get older, more and more of this shit starts taking over my life. Yeah and one of her things she likes to say is I false advertised myself,,,,,,Hmmmm,,that's a funny statement you just made, I say,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[tan top]

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure
I know how to get out of my neighborhood..

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I
did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!

20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away,
in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and
the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men
to realize that their brain is also important.

# 14

Ok, I'll add to it.

 The Man Rules





We always hear "the rules" From the female side..



Now here are the rules from the male side.





These are our rules!  Please note.. These are all numbered "1 " ON

PURPOSE!



1.Men are NOT mind readers.





1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it

down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.





1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.





1. Crying is blackmail.





1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:



Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!





1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.





1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what

we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.





1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.





1.. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.





1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one





1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.





1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during

commercials. ...





1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.





1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We

have no idea what mauve is.





1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.





1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like

nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.





1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you

don't want to hear.





1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is

fine...Really





1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to

discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or motor sports





1. You have enough clothes.





1. You have too many shoes.





1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!





1. Thank you for reading this.





Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;



But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

  some true stuff in there BT