Let this be a warning (RANT)....

[Chargen69]

It's one thing to screw up, it's another to mouth off about it, you probably could have decked him in front of the law with no problem 

[nh_mopar_fan]

I don't think you overreacted at all. Good lord, it could've turned out MUCH worse and the fact that it didn't is no reason to not let him have it.

Mine is 21. Good kid for the most part but this attitude that when he screws up, he shouldn't have to hear about it is pretty common in that age group these days.

I feel for ya.

[b5blue]

Cooter,
  Now that you have blown off some steam you must take the high ground and hold it. You have done as much as you can for the young man and now it's mandatory he learn the consequences of his decisions. HE is responsible for HIS actions in every way......from the day he turned 18. Not you or anyone else, he must make restitution properly to any effected persons in every manor he can. I suggest you advise him to (On his own.) man up with all involved. Anything not covered by insurance is on his dime and he can work something out. (It's not the end of the world for him, just a huge hassle that he will LEARN FROM!)
  One of my best friends was killed in a head on collision 2 years ago, the car she was in was hit head on at 50mph by a guy who for unknown reasons crossed the center-line, combined impact force of over 90mph. Her husband, my buddy for 15 years, spent 2 weeks in a coma and 5 months blind, hooked to a colostomy bag for 7 months and for over 18 months could not think clearly. The 19 year old driving their car has had over 200,000 in reconstructive surgery and therapy's. 3 Generations of extended family have been gravely effected and nothing will ever bring Karen back to us. The pain and suffering Bob has endured, the fact that Wendy will never see her mom again can not be made right. The driver of the other car was killed on impact, his wealthy estate has procrastinated and insulted any attempted mediation for years now compounding stresses on all survivors.
  My point is all should thank GOD it appears this is "just" an issue of bent steel and the money needed to replace it. He made a mistake and will learn (As all in the car will.) from dealing with any consequences from his actions.
  I've raised 3 teens mostly on my own (While my ex sat on her self indulgent butt.) trying my best to teach them they are masters of their own life but slaves to their own mistakes. I'm sure you and his mom have done a great job and he will/has realized he now has a debit to pay and a lesson in life learned.       

[skip68]

    Well said b5.     

[RallyeMike]

Ya, I agree with nearly everything B5 said. He's an adult, he is responsible for his actions, and dealing with the full consequences on his own will be one of the best learning experiences of his life. Continue to give him support him and let him learn. Tell the lady who cash from you that your son is his own man.

[bill440rt]

Well said, Neal. 
I cannot extend any advice Cooter, but I will offer condolences. Very sorry to see this tragic event, but grateful that no one was seriously hurt or killed. Glad to see your boy is OK. Hope everything works out in the end.
Godspeed.

[Brock Lee]

As far as being sued..they could have tried, but would have failed. I got into a wreck at 19, totally my fault. I was over 18, my parents were not held accountable for any of it.

[Cooter]

My thing is with the legal system being so screwed up, all someone has to do is Pay out around $150.00 and FILE a law suit....It will cost me Around $10K to DEFEND myself, even though I'm innocent of everything...THIS is why it pissed me off...The kid has NO CLUE, even after I tried to tell his hard headed ass that all someone has to do is FILE on your ass, and it'll cost you. Whether you give it to the b*tch, or pay out the a$$ to defend yourself, either way you STILL PAY...


I guess you guys are right, I should "Be there" for him, but i just have a real big problem with someone "Dismissing" my b*tchin' because he "Can't deal" with it right now. I mean, What woulda happened if his mother hadda said the same thing when he was WAY too much to handle when he was little? "I can't deal with him right now, and I need a break"? BS on that.. She had nowhere to run and neither did I...I think it was a cop out, but I guess I need to look at that side...No, we had no excuses, we had to deal with life's problems. I don't know what the hell made him think he was "Exempt" from dealing with his head on...

[bull]

I agree with B5 other than to say there's a difference between mistakes and poor choices. This crash was the result of a poor choice and now this kid has to suffer the consequences of that poor choice. It sounds as if you did your best to instruct him to make better choices but he went his own way. That, then, has to run its course and since he's an adult he has to face up to it. You yelling at him might not teach him much but 10 years from now, when he's still paying for this, he'll be learning a lot.

The unknown factor in all of this is what his mother does. In that sense, as the stepfather, you're pretty much on the outside looking in. She could really screw things up for the kid if she coddles him. If you have to pay anything out of your own pocket it needs to come out of this kid's hide.

[Offspring]

Sounds a little ungrateful, He does realize that he could have easily killed everybody in that car ?

Personally if I were you I'd him to get his shit together and "Man the f*ck up". He's now considerd an adult and his actions will have consequences. He should start by writing a apologetic letter to the parents of the minors in the car. And for Nicks mother coming directly after you. Tell her that you are fiancially unable to pay her for the damages to her sons car and you were not the one driving it. But you would give her your son's mustang that she could use or sell to help recoup the funds....This isn't your fault, you shouldnt have to feel any burden of this. This will be a life lesson for your son, lets just hope he doesnt have to repeat the test.

BTW the military will make him into a man. Made my brother from being irresponsible,inconsiderate,lazy juvenile into a better person. Holds doors open for people, answers with "yes sir or no mam". The army has made him into an overall better person and has helped build his character. 

[elacruze]

My Stepdad (and a lot of other dads I knew) had a saying that seemed almost universal;

"You're of age, I'm not covering your ass anymore."

It was always said once the MAN had crossed the line. I don't recall anybody saying it before any of us was 18, either, nor did it come before the same warnings and council you gave your son.

Oh, and I'm in the same boat with the stepson (stepdaughter). When the shit hits the fan, Mom will ALWAYS land on the side of the child. Don't even bother trying to talk about that. 

[The70RT]

Your right anyone can "TRY" and sue anybody, but you can go in there without an attorney and win with no cost except all the bullshit you gotta go through. There is no legal system that is gonna blame you for anything.....on what grounds could they??? Your boy's insurance should pay for everything anyway. If he is on your policy that still doesn't matter. You could counter sue with a legit law suit if she files against you.....but there's no way she can win. The only way she can have a legit lawsuit is with the insurance company. The girl that got hurt is more likely to pursue a lawsuit with either insurance company or the 17 year olds parents not you. If you give money now your just giving in 

[General_01]

Your right anyone can "TRY" and sue anybody, but you can go in there without an attorney and win with no cost except all the bullshit you gotta go through. There is no legal system that is gonna blame you for anything.....on what grounds could they??? Your boy's insurance should pay for everything anyway. If he is on your policy that still doesn't matter. You could counter sue with a legit law suit if she files against you.....but there's no way she can win. The only way she can have a legit lawsuit is with the insurance company. The girl that got hurt is more likely to pursue a lawsuit with either insurance company or the 17 year olds parents not you. If you give money now your just giving in 

Just as a little lesson, the law does not always fall on the side of reason. Here is a story for you:

My parents owned some land on a lake when I was young. We used to cut trees there to heat our house in town. My parents decided to sell the property so they could get a house built in town and then rent or sell our old house. The land went in about 80-100 feet from the road and then went downhill to some more flat land closer to the lake. The water table was very high in the low land near the lake. The guy asked my dad about building his house down there when he bought the land. My Dad told him the water table was to high down there to build anything. The guy bought the land, ROTOR TILLED BAGS OF CEMENT into the ground and tried to build down there. When it didn't work, he sued my parents. This actually made it to court and went to trial. My parents ended up winning, but spent a lot of the money made off the sale of the land defending this frivilous<sp> lawsuit. My parents had also countersued for their lawyer fees, but lost on that point. We never were able to build the house my mom wanted.

I understand where Cooter is coming from on this point. You may think you are safe from paying out of your own pocket because you are in the right, but the law doesn't always work that way. 

[Paul G]

I really feel for you Cooter. It is hard to watch your kids screw up in a bad way. I know first hand, but that's another story I am not getting in to.

I am no insurance expert, but shouldn't the insurance on the vehicle they were riding in pick up medical for the injured passengers? There are limits they will cover up to, then the injured persons health insurance should pick up, right or wrong? If your stepson had permission to drive the car it's vehicle insurance is in effect. You and your insurance should not be involved. The owner of the vehicle as well as the driver can be liable for damages incurred by an injured person I would think. That Mom trying to get you to ante up is just drawing at straws.

Your step son can probably be sued for damages not covered by insurance. But since he has no assets at this age, there is nothing to go after other than future earnings. That is a life long screwing if some one wants to persue it. That would be a long and expensive court case for some one to try to win. And again, it's your stepsons case to fight. 

He screwed up bad, but that doesn't mean you stop loving him, love for him has nothing to do with your anger at him. He deserves his ass chewings. Along with your love and guidance.   

Those are my thoughts. Best wishes for you and your family.

[Cooter]

Just as a little lesson, the law does not always fall on the side of reason. Here is a story for you:

My parents owned some land on a lake when I was young. We used to cut trees there to heat our house in town. My parents decided to sell the property so they could get a house built in town and then rent or sell our old house. The land went in about 80-100 feet from the road and then went downhill to some more flat land closer to the lake. The water table was very high in the low land near the lake. The guy asked my dad about building his house down there when he bought the land. My Dad told him the water table was to high down there to build anything. The guy bought the land, ROTOR TILLED BAGS OF CEMENT into the ground and tried to build down there. When it didn't work, he sued my parents. This actually made it to court and went to trial. My parents ended up winning, but spent a lot of the money made off the sale of the land defending this frivilous<sp> lawsuit. My parents had also countersued for their lawyer fees, but lost on that point. We never were able to build the house my mom wanted.

I understand where Cooter is coming from on this point. You may think you are safe from paying out of your own pocket because you are in the right, but the law doesn't always work that way. 

Well, This is what I'm talking bout. i mean since when can a woman sue Mickey D's and win for spilling HOT Coffee on her crotch? Since when is a woman's crotch worth $2 million? I've never personally ordered a cold cup of coffee....Point is, what it will take to defend yourself, usually isn't worth it and that's why Big Companies pay out "Hush money"...I know this b*tch doesn't have a leg to stand on, but it still doens't stop her from causing people heartache...

I fianlly got to talk with a REALLY good friend of mine and he echo'd everything I was saying by countering with his own two son's acting like idiots. I swear I think it's part of it, to act like an idiot once you turn 18 Y/O...

[Cooter]

Just a little update on this saga. I finally got the junkpile out of my life. I got the tow truck driver's picture loading the car, I got a copy of the invoice where the kids Mother decided to junk it, and I got numerous pics of the car loaded and being hauled away. So I'm at work the other day and the kid drives up. I'm on the phone with a friend long distance and can't get off right away.(No warning of him coming by, just shows up).. I know I should take the high road and at least talk to him, but I ain't really one to forgive so quickly. Hell, there's still people I'm pissed at 15 years ago. I feel he knows how I am once pissed off and Angles and butterflies better fly out of his mouth in order for me to let how he treated me go. Then I find out he's had one of his buddies Mom's allowing him to stay rent free intil graduation. I feel kids these days have too many options. When I was that age, and my 'ol man told me not to leave and i did, I knew full and well I most likely didn't have any other option. This isn't helping him at all IMO. All this does is allow him to live rent free. He should be paying rent if he's got the balls to run from his problems, but I guess that's another thread. So he sits there about 10 min. and gets up and leaves when he sees I'm not just gonna get right off the phone. I guess we'll wait and see. His Court date is tomorrow, and looks like he's gonna be losing that license for a while.

[TX9H6E4CUDA]

Here is a link to the same thing that happened but it didn't turn out so well.
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2012/01/13/sheriff-teens-were-hill-jumping-before-fatal-crash/

[Chryco Psycho]

I guess I missed something here , What was the warning .... don't have kids ??
I accomplished that part , raising kids is never easy & worse these days with both parents generally having to work just to pay all the bills , costs keep rising wages don't & society seems blind to the costs of having other people raise kids for us .