How about this guy for Drunk of the Year?

[Ponch ®]

This Man Rear-Ended Another Car With A Sex Toy In His Ass

A 41-year-old man was arrested last Friday in Florida for rear-ending another vehicle. He had a blood-alcohol content over five times the legal limit. While a shame, both are exceedingly normal occurrences. What is not exceedingly normal was that, according to police, he also had a "sexual anus plug in his rectum."

We don't know when or how exactly the police determined the man had a butt plug inserted at the time of the crash, but we can tell you that he had urinated on himself by the time the police arrived and "soiled himself" on the way to jail. He was also wearing flip flops at the time. There were no injuries in the crash.

http://jalopnik.com/5889727/this-man-rear+ended-another-car-with-a-sex-toy-in-his-ass

[Vainglory, Esq.]

I love that criminal records are public.  You can't make this stuff up.

[Old Moparz]

He's going to be a big hit in the cell block when the other inmates hear about that plug detail.   

[Fred]

It's a scary world we live in! Keep the gates locked.

[Mike DC]

                 
He's only 41yo in that pic? 

[skip68]

That's what I said...   that dude looks like 51 or older...   I'm almost 43 but I look 31ish.   

[Old Moparz]

That's what I said...   that dude looks like 51 or older...   I'm almost 43 but I look 31ish.   

But how old do you act?   

[skip68]

I act 15-17 depending on the company I'm around.      

[bull]

So both of them got rear-ended I guess.

[41husk]

No! he rearended himself and others

[Fred]

No! he rearended himself and others

Many times over, I think!