Red Skelton: Marriage Mensa

[BigRed66]

Just got this one in an email...I'm particularly fond of #8... Enjoy...

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE


1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go
for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and
electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many
gadgets and no place to sit down!' ...
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling
'Am I too late for the garbage?'
The driver said 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11 . I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked 'What's on the TV?
I said 'Dust!'

[mikepmcs]

I'm fond of number 10 myself...and i've never been married.

[69_500]

Man some of those are a bit harsh, but pretty darn funny.

Just hope my wife doesn't see the list.

[PocketThunder]

My spouse asked me if i knew where the broom was, and i said, "why?  do you want to ride it?"              Now, remember i was not within arms length when i said that..  Dont try this at home i am a trained professional.   

[Bob]

#6