Headlines in the year 2029

[MichaelRW]

The future headlines...

1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .

2. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

3. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

4. Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

5. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

6. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ).

7. Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

8. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica .

9. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

10. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

11. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

12. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

13. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

14. Water now a rare commodity, traded heavily on the World Exchange.

15. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

16. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

17. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

18. Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

19. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

20. Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

21. Since the demise of the "National Highway Trust Fund" (a direct result of more fuel-efficient vehicles), six more states have declared the "pot hole" as their state symbol. Pennsylvania is offended, because they had the idea first.

22. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

[73dodge]

The future headlines...

8. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica .

19. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Democrats protest lower of tax rate claim they are tax breaks for the rich...............

23. Pope Al Gore IV issues official first set of official papal indulgences to atone for the sin of excessive carbon emissions, all citizens of the globe must now be required to purchase carbon credits from the First Church of Environmental awareness to atone for sins of excessive carbon footprints. MasterCard and Visa now accepted.


24. Bill Clinton acquitted of all 117 counts of rape stemming from an incident at the Happy Democrat retirement home in Florida.

25. OJ sentenced to death for the 2010 murder of his fourth ex-wife.

26. Micheal Jackson found beaten to death in the parking lot of Disney World Florida a crowd of 12,000 people stated they did not see what happened and who did it.   

[MichaelRW]

Those were pretty good!

[dkn1997]

27.  Mod Top Daytona located
28.  Money machines phased out in favor of internet currency, and I can finally stop chuckling secretly whenever someone at work says
      "ATM"