some jokes

[charger490]

CATHOLIC DOG
> > >
> > >Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only apet dog for
> > >company.
> > >
> > >One day the dog died and Muldoon went to the parish priestand
asked,
> > >"Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a massfor the poor
>creature?"
> > >
> > >Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannothave services for
an
> > >animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down thelane and
> > >there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll dosomething for
the
> > >creature."
> > >
> > >Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think$5,000 is
enough to
> > >donate to them for the service?"
> > >
> > >Fathe r Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother ofJesus! Why didn't
ya
tell
> > >me the dog was Catholic?
> > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >DONATION
> > >
> > >Father O'Malley answers the phone.
> > >
> > >"Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"
> > >
> > >"It is"
> > >
> > >"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
> > >
> > >"I can"
> > >
> > >"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"
> > >
> > >"I do"
> > >
> > >"Is he a member of your congregation?"
> > >
> > >"He is"
> > >
> > >"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
> > >
> > >"He will".
> > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >CONFESSION
> > >
> & gt; >An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following
conversation
> > >ensues:
> > >
> > >Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70years, many
children,
> > >grandchildren and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I pickedup two
college
> > >girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each
of
them
> > >three times."
> > >
> > >Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
> > >
> > >Man: "What sins?"
> > >
> > >Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
> > >
> > >Man: "I'm Jewish."
> > >
> > >Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
> > >
> > >Man: "I'm 92 years old . I'm telling everybody."
> > >
> > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >
> > >BROTHEL TRIP
> > >
> > >An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would
like a
> > >young girl for the night.
> > >
> > >Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
> > >
> > >"I'm 90 years old," he says.
> > >
> > >"90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"
> > >
> > >"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"
> > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >
> > >PEST CONTROL
> > >
> > >A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspectorfrom a
> > >pest-control company.
> > >
> > >One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when
her
> > >husband arrived home unexpectedly.
> > >
> &g t; >"Quick," said the woman to the lover,"into the closet!" and she
pushed
him
> > >in the closet, stark naked.
> > >
> > >The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the
bedroom
> > >discovered the man in the closet.
> > >
> > >"Who are you?" he asked him.
> > >
> > >"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
> > >
> > >"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
> > >
> > >"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the
man
> > >replied.
> > >
> > >"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
> > >
> > >The man looked down at himself and said "Those little bastards
> >