DEPRESSION,BLUES,DARK IDEAS,,,,PLEASE ASK AND GET HELP,SOON,PLEASE

[djcarguy]

   I  just wanted to say very sorry ,no way you should of seen or had to go thru that at young or any age . a girl friend of mine yrs ago got home talked to her dad and he walked into bedroom and shot himself. messed with her mind and would come back fresh as the day it happened. she got some help and is married with kids now.

  i had the manic ,multi personality abusive mom and that was without  drugs or drinking,and the dad who just stayed busy and gone ,as much as possible. leaving me 3 older brothers an little sis to fend and feed ourselves. me an oldest bro worked for anyone to get away an have money for bikes and  later cars.

 again sorry Cooter,the stuff people put kids thru is mind blowing sometimes. read lots of your post in 2 yrs ive been here. most of my cars are low dollar starters and built with what i can afford or trade for.take care,dj    p.s. my youngest will be 21 in january a son,son 23. my girl 31 with new granbaby are not biologicol ,but dad sence she was 2 yrs old,she treats me better than my bio sons. sons were 8 an 10 when wife devorced me an moved them out of my house.  well life can get messy .  my dad an oldest bro had lots of 56 ta 59 plys and a hemi desoto.

[djcarguy]

        NEWS FLASH;;;;;  GOVERNMENT STUDY ::::: WARNS ABOUT POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS WITH THE MIXING OF TURKEY,,,MEDICATION AND FOOTBALL AND DRINKING::::   THAT COMBINED WITH OVER EATING ,FAMILY AND STRESS MAY CAUSE LOSS OF SELF CONTROL,LONG PERIODS OF BLACK OUTS AND DROOLING:::

    EXTREME CAUTIONS IS ADVISED ,,,HAHAHAHA  KIDDING HAVE A GOOD TURKEY DAY..........ALSO PLEASE KEEP IN MIND  MEDS AND DRINKING CAN BE A VERY BAD COMBO,WITH FAMILY AND STRESSES......... EVEN WITH OUT MEDS,,,
          IF FEELING DEPRESSED OR DOWM IN DUMPS-BLUES,,DRINKING CAN TAKE YOU OVER THE EDGE... BEEE CAREFUL AND SAFE,OUT THERE.  HAPPY BIRD DAY,WELL NOT FOR THE BIRDS,HAHA.. WHO LIKES DUCKS I HAVE 4 HANGING OUT IN BACK YARD,HAVE BEEN FATTENING THEM UP .FEED THEM LOTS OF OLD APPLES TOO ,FUN TO WATCH DRUCK DUCK,,WADDLE.HAHAHA
                             HAVE A SAFE DAY, I BEEEEE STAYING HOME WITH HEAD COLD AN CHICKEN DINNER,,NO ENERGY TA CATCH AN FIX A DUCK RIGHT NOW.                        SEE YA ON THE OTHER SIDE IF YA BELLE ANT IN THE WAY.   3 AM ON COLD MEDS AND LACK OF SLEEP..LATTTERR  DJ  

[BrianShaughnessy]

I go thru this crap every year.   It's sorta job related because of the cyclical nature of the way HAL does business and the end of quarter and end of year crunches.    After 30 years it's old.

I can't enjoy any holidays until after new years and by then it's cold and I basically hate January anyway.   I hate July just as much cause it's too hot but whatever.

I just end up going to bed early.   My life would be easier if I was a bear and slept all winter.   

[mauve66]

I go thru this crap every year.   It's sorta job related because of the cyclical nature of the way HAL does business and the end of quarter and end of year crunches.    After 30 years it's old.

I can't enjoy any holidays until after new years and by then it's cold and I basically hate January anyway.   I hate July just as much cause it's too hot but whatever.

I just end up going to bed early.   My life would be easier if I was a bear and slept all winter.   

perfect idea

[JB400]

I think some of us become a bear in winter that doesn't get to hibernate

[resq302]

I gotta say that this is a great thread.  Im my profession, I have had to take a bunch of suicidal 911 calls and try to help people through it by suicide prevention.  As odd as it sounds, I have had to use some of these techniques for my own life.  Granted, I have have a couple rough patches in life where the idea has crossed my mind more than once however, there was one time that I did start to act on it and it still haunts me to this very day due to a scar that it left.

[Brads70]

I lost my brother to suiside, then the day of the funeral , my Mom .  Not a high point in my life to say the least.

[Fred]

I lost my Uncle to suicide. I was only 14 or so and I found him slumped on his bed, rifle beside him and cigarettes scattered all over the floor. He was only 24.
Mrs. Fred

[JB400]

Sad to hear ma'am.  I had 2 uncles do the same thing.  In addition, I watched someone else try to overdose as well.  I didn't know till the next morning of thier intent.

[Fred]

Sad to hear ma'am.  I had 2 uncles do the same thing.  In addition, I watched someone else try to overdose as well.  I didn't know till the next morning of thier intent.

You may call me Erika JB.
The sad thing is, absolutely no one in the family saw it coming. He showed no signs of depression or gave any hint that anything was amiss.

[JB400]

Sad to hear ma'am.  I had 2 uncles do the same thing.  In addition, I watched someone else try to overdose as well.  I didn't know till the next morning of thier intent.

You may call me Erika JB.
The sad thing is, absolutely no one in the family saw it coming. He showed no signs of depression or gave any hint that anything was amiss.

I don't know any details on the first one, but the 2nd uncle was in an argument with his wife.  From what I hear, it happened quite a bit.  One time, they were arguing, he said he'd fix it.  He went to the fireplace, pulled off a rifle and blew himself away right in front of her.  My opinion, cowards way out.

[Fred]

Sad to hear ma'am.  I had 2 uncles do the same thing.  In addition, I watched someone else try to overdose as well.  I didn't know till the next morning of thier intent.

You may call me Erika JB.
The sad thing is, absolutely no one in the family saw it coming. He showed no signs of depression or gave any hint that anything was amiss.

I don't know any details on the first one, but the 2nd uncle was in an argument with his wife.  From what I hear, it happened quite a bit.  One time, they were arguing, he said he'd fix it.  He went to the fireplace, pulled off a rifle and blew himself away right in front of her.  My opinion, cowards way out.

How terrible for his wife. It's bad enough finding the body after the deed but to witness it happening must be devastating.
The problem is, they are gone but we're left dealing with the aftermath.

[JB400]

Sad to hear ma'am.  I had 2 uncles do the same thing.  In addition, I watched someone else try to overdose as well.  I didn't know till the next morning of thier intent.

You may call me Erika JB.
The sad thing is, absolutely no one in the family saw it coming. He showed no signs of depression or gave any hint that anything was amiss.

I don't know any details on the first one, but the 2nd uncle was in an argument with his wife.  From what I hear, it happened quite a bit.  One time, they were arguing, he said he'd fix it.  He went to the fireplace, pulled off a rifle and blew himself away right in front of her.  My opinion, cowards way out.

How terrible for his wife. It's bad enough finding the body after the deed but to witness it happening must be devastating.
The problem is, they are gone but we're left dealing with the aftermath.

True, but we also get the benefit of learning from thier mistakes.  I don't know what become of her, but it wouldn't surprise me if it haunts her.  But, that's the price she pays for not finding a better solution.  Yelling at each other accomplishes nothing.  It's best to know when to walk away.

[Fred]

Sad to hear ma'am.  I had 2 uncles do the same thing.  In addition, I watched someone else try to overdose as well.  I didn't know till the next morning of thier intent.

You may call me Erika JB.
The sad thing is, absolutely no one in the family saw it coming. He showed no signs of depression or gave any hint that anything was amiss.

I don't know any details on the first one, but the 2nd uncle was in an argument with his wife.  From what I hear, it happened quite a bit.  One time, they were arguing, he said he'd fix it.  He went to the fireplace, pulled off a rifle and blew himself away right in front of her.  My opinion, cowards way out.

How terrible for his wife. It's bad enough finding the body after the deed but to witness it happening must be devastating.
The problem is, they are gone but we're left dealing with the aftermath.

I don't know what become of her, but it wouldn't surprise me if it haunts her.

My thoughts exactly.

[JB400]

Sad to hear ma'am.  I had 2 uncles do the same thing.  In addition, I watched someone else try to overdose as well.  I didn't know till the next morning of thier intent.

You may call me Erika JB.
The sad thing is, absolutely no one in the family saw it coming. He showed no signs of depression or gave any hint that anything was amiss.

I don't know any details on the first one, but the 2nd uncle was in an argument with his wife.  From what I hear, it happened quite a bit.  One time, they were arguing, he said he'd fix it.  He went to the fireplace, pulled off a rifle and blew himself away right in front of her.  My opinion, cowards way out.

How terrible for his wife. It's bad enough finding the body after the deed but to witness it happening must be devastating.
The problem is, they are gone but we're left dealing with the aftermath.

I don't know what become of her, but it wouldn't surprise me if it haunts her.

My thoughts exactly.

I think we all live with our ghosts.  I know I do.  I just don't let it bother me.  I now know the warning signs, so I can do something about it.

[Fred]

Sad to hear ma'am.  I had 2 uncles do the same thing.  In addition, I watched someone else try to overdose as well.  I didn't know till the next morning of thier intent.

You may call me Erika JB.
The sad thing is, absolutely no one in the family saw it coming. He showed no signs of depression or gave any hint that anything was amiss.

I don't know any details on the first one, but the 2nd uncle was in an argument with his wife.  From what I hear, it happened quite a bit.  One time, they were arguing, he said he'd fix it.  He went to the fireplace, pulled off a rifle and blew himself away right in front of her.  My opinion, cowards way out.

How terrible for his wife. It's bad enough finding the body after the deed but to witness it happening must be devastating.
The problem is, they are gone but we're left dealing with the aftermath.

I don't know what become of her, but it wouldn't surprise me if it haunts her.

My thoughts exactly.

I think we all live with our ghosts.  I know I do.  I just don't let it bother me.  I now know the warning signs, so I can do something about it.

[djcarguy]

.
[/quote]I don't know any details on the first one, but the 2nd uncle was in an argument with his wife.  From what I hear, it happened quite a bit.  One time, they were arguing, he said he'd fix it.  He went to the fireplace, pulled off a rifle and blew himself away right in front of her.  My opinion, cowards way out.
[/quotE]


         POSTER SAYS ,,,,[COWARDS WAY OUT]   =====   BUT WE DONOT  KNOW WHAT ELSE AND STRESSES WERE ON HIS UNCLES MIND???

           PLEASE BE AWARE AND OPEN MINDED,, IF SOMEONE IS ALLREADY DOWN OR DEPRESSED,THE STRAIN OF A FIGHT WITH WIFE OR LOVED ONE CAN BEE THE GRAIN OF SAND THAT PUSHES THEM TO SNAP AND DO SOMETHING DRASTIC AS IN TAKE THEIR OWN LIFE OR FAMILY ,WIFE,OTHERS AROUND THEM.

        DEPRESSION CAN SEEM LIKE NEVER ENDING BODY PAIN OR LIKE YOUR LOSING YOUR MIND,AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. THE HIGHS THEN THE LOWS OR CRASHES CAN EVEN BEE LONGER AND DEEPER. STRESS AND EMOTIONAL BATTLE WITH LOVED ONES  CAN BE VERY HASARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH AND STABLITY OF YOUR MENTAL STATE. LETS ALL TAKE CARE AND BEE AWARE.HAPPY HOLIDAYS

[djcarguy]

  hope all are doing ok an bracing an prepping for the ,,,,,,,,,HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND GREAT NEW YEAR TA COME??

   SAW MY 6 MONTH OLD GRANBABY AND HER FOLKS last nite. she just cryied when i held her so back ta maw.had a good car b.s with son in law.bad news they may move for 5 yr Job few 3 hours away.



  WELL MERRY X MAS AND JOLLY NEW YEAR TA YA'' ALS..     HANG IN IT WILL ALL BE BETTTER NEXT,,DECADE  

[Bobs69]

I have a SAD light.  Unfortunately I'm not up early enough to get to use it, Guess I should try again.   I think I'd be better off getting my shop cleaned up and get back out there a weld.  That's ultraviolet light right?  And I do like to weld!  It always put me in a good mood.

This looks like the light I have. 
http://www.amazon.ca/Complete-Medical-19079-Day-Light-Classic/dp/B007W85G0W/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1355275602&sr=8-8

I bought it at a medical place that sells wheel chairs and such.  It was years and years ago, and the price I paid may have been at least $30 more then this one.

[Fred]

I have a SAD light.  Unfortunately I'm not up early enough to get to use it, Guess I should try again.   I think I'd be better off getting my shop cleaned up and get back out there a weld.  That's ultraviolet light right?  And I do like to weld!  It always put me in a good mood.

This looks like the light I have.  
http://www.amazon.ca/Complete-Medical-19079-Day-Light-Classic/dp/B007W85G0W/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1355275602&sr=8-8

I bought it at a medical place that sells wheel chairs and such.  It was years and years ago, and the price I paid may have been at least $30 more then this one.

If welding makes you happy, that's what you should do for sure. I'm always turning out something on my lathe.  Aside from driving my charger, I'm at my happiest when I'm mucking around on something.

Can't you use your light at night or don't you need to?

[C_stripes]

I have been a member here for a while, but haven't posted much for a while.

First of, thanks for this post. I am someone that has been struggling pretty badly with depression for the past few years for many reasons. I did very well for a while, but recently I have been having some major issues and started acting on my death wish a few weeks ago.

To give a little past, I used to be a pill addict and have been clean for several years. I used to do drugs to mask childhood and adolescent issues and started chasing that high. I quit cold turkey after almost dying of an overdose in 2008 and can honestly say I have not abused pills since. I have however suffered from severe depression and have wanted to die a lot of times since.

To you guys saying that suicide is a cowards way out, I doubt that you have ever felt the amount of guilt, sorrow, self loathing, and hatred that a lot of deeply depressed people do. There are times that for whatever reason, I know that the way I die is at my own hand. As much as I despise this thought, I feel that eventually it will probably be true. I don't want to act upon it and don't plan to, but when you are in as deep as some people get, you don't have a lot of control. I still have every suicide note I have ever written and I will read them from time to time to reflect on how bad things have been for me. One night in 2009 really stands out. I remember basically that my emotions or demons inside me took over. I wrote three letters and I made a basic noose out of my leather belt and but it around my neck and shut it in the door. was going to use my weight to hold the door shut wedging the belt. I stood there for an hour crying and pleading. at the last moment, it felt like my agency came back and I remember it being a strict question and answer. The time to choose is here, do you want to live or die. It scared the hell out of me because I wasn't in the rite mind. I chose life at that time.

Depression is a dirty devil, and when you succumb to it, you are totally lost. No one truly knows what is going threw someones head or what life events have effected them and how. Don't judge people that have suicidal thoughts. Empathize with them and extend your hand to help. I realize that some peoples choices for how they do it effect far more people than it should and I feel for all involved, but don't write people off just because they took their own life. 

I have often thought about calling the suicide hotline while going threw my bad days, but am to embarrassed to make the call for help. This message is a big step towards me overcoming the embarrassment and actually getting help that doesn't cost $150 per hour and then throw you in 72 hour lock down for observation where they treat you like shit.

***EMPATHY***

[JB400]

I'm glad you stepped forward Realizing you have a problem is the first step to any recovery.  I'm glad that you find that you can trust us with your thoughts and emotions.  It's a comforting feeling to know your not alone.   Feel free to post here anytime or find a friend on here to talk to.

As the origininator of the coward comment,  I can clearly say that I've asked myself the meaning of life, and my life in general.  But, I've personally watched others around me throw their lives away just because they gave up.  I thought about giving up myself, but come to realize there is more to life than what I originally thought.  To sit back and enjoy the pleasures of life and all that it has to offer is something that way too many take for granted.  I for one, clearly enjoy living every day.

[Big Sugar]

Hey C Stripes


   Good on you for talking about it ! and sharing your life with us.
I may not have gone down as far as yourself but I do know what Utter Dispair feels like, and  how progressivly worse it becomes each time it starts.
   When My friend Steve Shirly passed it brought up a lot of confusing emotions and for the first time I opened up with a member of this forum and we discussed our depressions, I cant tell you how much better I feel about it now, and for the first time in as long as I can remember I'm kind of excited about Christmas.   
   It really seems like a weight has been lifted off my soul ....it's actually somthing I can feel and it feels good. Feels like Im ten years back ,Happier and more positive.
I've discussed my depression with a neighbour recently who's young son is suffering with life a bit, and again it helps to talk about it. As for my wife and kids I'm not sure if I can discuss it with them as of yet but maybe the time will come when I can pour out a little more of that Bleakness that overcomes me.

I hope your days get Brighter my friend, .....There is certainly more to live for than there is to die for. We need you to stick around .


Ron

[Dino]

I have been a member here for a while, but haven't posted much for a while.

First of, thanks for this post. I am someone that has been struggling pretty badly with depression for the past few years for many reasons. I did very well for a while, but recently I have been having some major issues and started acting on my death wish a few weeks ago.

To give a little past, I used to be a pill addict and have been clean for several years. I used to do drugs to mask childhood and adolescent issues and started chasing that high. I quit cold turkey after almost dying of an overdose in 2008 and can honestly say I have not abused pills since. I have however suffered from severe depression and have wanted to die a lot of times since.

To you guys saying that suicide is a cowards way out, I doubt that you have ever felt the amount of guilt, sorrow, self loathing, and hatred that a lot of deeply depressed people do. There are times that for whatever reason, I know that the way I die is at my own hand. As much as I despise this thought, I feel that eventually it will probably be true. I don't want to act upon it and don't plan to, but when you are in as deep as some people get, you don't have a lot of control. I still have every suicide note I have ever written and I will read them from time to time to reflect on how bad things have been for me. One night in 2009 really stands out. I remember basically that my emotions or demons inside me took over. I wrote three letters and I made a basic noose out of my leather belt and but it around my neck and shut it in the door. was going to use my weight to hold the door shut wedging the belt. I stood there for an hour crying and pleading. at the last moment, it felt like my agency came back and I remember it being a strict question and answer. The time to choose is here, do you want to live or die. It scared the hell out of me because I wasn't in the rite mind. I chose life at that time.

Depression is a dirty devil, and when you succumb to it, you are totally lost. No one truly knows what is going threw someones head or what life events have effected them and how. Don't judge people that have suicidal thoughts. Empathize with them and extend your hand to help. I realize that some peoples choices for how they do it effect far more people than it should and I feel for all involved, but don't write people off just because they took their own life. 

I have often thought about calling the suicide hotline while going threw my bad days, but am to embarrassed to make the call for help. This message is a big step towards me overcoming the embarrassment and actually getting help that doesn't cost $150 per hour and then throw you in 72 hour lock down for observation where they treat you like shit.

***EMPATHY***

Thank you for sharing.  Looks to me that you are quite the opposite of a coward.  I say use the lamp, anywhere.  Even if you can't do it first thing in the morning, try it at night, during your lunch break, whatever.  If it doesn't help then so be it, but at least you've tried.

I've been looking at that same model, I may get it.

[C_stripes]

Thank you all for your responses here and via PM.

For the most part, I am doing pretty decent rite now. One of the major reasons that my life has declined emotionally recently is that I moved over 700 miles away from everything and everyone I know. I just moved to Portland, OR from Utah and really don't know anyone here. So it gets pretty depressing a lot of times. I sure do love this area though. I am flying home for Christmas and this is the first Christmas in a LOOONG time that I am very excited about. It will also be the first time I get to see any of my family or friends since mid August. I am trying to put together some money to buy a nice bicycle so that I can ride to clear my mind and to get into shape, both things will be great for my depression. I, for the most part, have gotten completely out of cars and don't have any cars or parts at all. This is also somewhat depressing as I have been playing with them nonstop for over half my life. But I am excited (or trying to be) about trying new things. I know once I get a bike, things will look up for me.

I empathize with those of you who are having a hard time, please feel free to message me and we can talk. I know that opening up about it is about the best thing you can do. I have an aunt who I am very close to that has been my saving grace more than once, and a young cousin that very much looks up to me and the thought of exiting this way and him knowing that really disturbs me. I urge you to find someone to talk to and to find things that urge you to live. Some nights, those might be the only things that pull you threw. I have wanted to get help, I have tried to get help, but our minds and egos make it very difficult.

And again, to those people that look at (all) suicidal people as weak, don't! A lot of us don't even understand what the problem is or why we are depressed.

And everyone remember, there is always hope. Even for a lost soul like me. Keep a good attitude and live life for today. Be happy and think of those sunny days doing what you enjoy.