as we slide down the banister of life

[charger490]

 

As we slide down the banister of life

  1.  Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.  It's 

      called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People".
2.  Transvestite:  A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3 . The difference between the Pope and your boss...  the Pope only expects you

      to kiss his ring.
4.  My mind works like lightning.  One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5.  The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the

      bathroom.
6.  I hate sex in the movies.  Tried it once.  The seat folded up, the drink spilled

      and that ice ...  well, it really chilled the mood.
7.  It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.  Now, of course, there's

      shipping and handling, too.
8.  A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression

      that he just cleaned the whole house.
9.  My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a  large trash

      can.
10.  A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off.  I

      was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
11.  I'm so depressed.  My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra.        He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12.  My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog.  I went to see how  he was and

      found him writing frantically on a piece of paper.  I told him rabies could be

      cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will.  He said, "Will? What Will?

      I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
13.  Definition of a teenager?  God's punishment for enjoying sex.
14.  As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the

       wrong way.

[Old Moparz]

   I like this one best. it gives me an idea for remodeling:   

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.