ALL NEW Chuck Norris facts for 2006, no repeats of old ones

[SeattleCharger]

Chuck Norris invented death just so he could kill people.

Death invented Chuck Norris just so he could witness more kills.

Many times has Chuck Norris stared death in the face. Every time death has been spared.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

When Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel come within 400 feet of each other, an atomic blast occurs. This is why they can never take a trip to Japan ever again.

Roughly a quarter of all these Chuck Norris facts were submitted by Vin Diesel, who is unaware that the Vin Diesel fact generator even exists.

Chuck Norris diabolically invented Vin Diesel in an effort to help win WWII.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

The Vietnam war ended over 30 years ago, nobody told Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to use email or a cell phone. He only communicates through pain.

Chuck Norris was not born, he was forged.

Chuck Norris believes what goes around comes a roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris is like a Tsunami, if you can see him coming it's already too late.

When the transformed Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.

Nintendo wanted to make a video game staring Chuck Norris. The only problem is that Chuck Norris can not die and therefore the game can not possibly pose any challenge to anyone.

Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

Bulletproof vests are completely filled with fibers of Chuck Norris' beard.

David Blaine's last magic trick was attempting to survive a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. He has not been seen since.

Chuck Norris found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq by looking in a mirror.

Chuck Norris cloned himself just to see if he could kick his own ass. The result was the second ice age.

Chuck Norris managed to storm the beaches of Normandy in 1944, armed with only a potato peeler, and single handedly disemboweled over 5,000 German Nazi Soldiers.

The government called upon Chuck Norris to destroy an asteroid the size of Texas. Chuck Norris rode on top of rocket with nothing but a fork and a cherry bomb. Needless to say the asteroid lost.

One time a group of evil ninja's hired by Vin Diesel cut off Chuck Norris' beard in his sleep because they heard it was the source of his ultimate power. Norris hunted them down and killed them all with a single roundhouse kick. He then used their blood to feed his genetically enhanced killer bees, which he wore as a replacement beard.

Mr. T once tried to pity Chuck Norris. He was instantly roundhouse kicked in the face.

Mr. T may pity the fool, but Chuck Norris pities Mr. T.

The dinosaurs were not killed by a comet. Chuck Norris destroyed it before impact. He then yelled "sike!" and proceeded to kill every dinosaur his bare hands.

Deeming him too awesome for the world of mortal men or heaven, God attempted to destroy Chuck Norris by swallowing him. However Chuck Norris beat the **** out of God's insides, causing God to vomit him out. This led to the popular euphamism for vomiting, "Up-Chuck">

Chuck Norris actually died in 1986, but Heaven didn't want him since he was known to rip the wings of angels.

The hit Fox show "Man vs. Beast" was abruptly canceled after Chuck Norris beat a giraffe in a race, wrestled a bear to death, out-swam a dolphin, and roundhouse kicked the entire film crew in the face for the pitiful challenges they presented to him.

Chuck Norris once killed a 10,000 pound bear, tore it into 10,000 pieces, and then fed it to a school of salmon just because he enjoyed the irony.

One day Chuck Norris went shopping and he had grabbed the last can of pea soup off the counter. Just then Steven Segal and Jean-Claude Van Damme  walked in and turned to Chuck Norris and said, "Give us the pea soup Buck Morris!" right then Chuck Norris turned around and went, "The name is Chuck Norris!" and he brutally anniliated both of them. The pea soup tasted especially good that night.

Chuck Norris once beat the dictionary in a spelling bee. He then killed the judges merely by flexing his penis.

When Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris all get together in the same room, the number of daily global deaths decreases by 99.3%

Someone once asked who is stronger: Mr T. or Chuck Norris. That person was then given too many roundhouses to the head by Chuck to count; luckily for him, the pity by Mr. T had already killed him

Mr. T's mohawk pittied Chuck Norris' Beard, which is why Chuck Norris developed the round house kick, and Mr. T now has chains for protection. The battle continues.

In a German street fight, Mr. T's punch missed Chuck Norris's head. Hence, the Berlin Wall was destroyed.

Upon Realizing how many lives it would take to defeat the Japanese in WWII, Gerneral McArthur sent Mr.T and Chuck Noris plane tickets to a Anime convention in Hiroshima. I think we all know what happened next.

Mr. T , Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris once did a movie together, however the movie was so violent and bloody, the people who rate movies were unable to give it an R or PG rating as their heads exploded during the opening credits.

In the future, Vin Diesel will try to take Mr. T's gold. The result will be World War III. Chuck Norris will try to stop them, but that will only lead to the Apocalypse.

Chuck Norris is immune to death. When the Grim Reaper came to get him Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face and defeated death.

Neo from The Matrix can stop bullets with his hands, but he didnt stop Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick

Chuck Norris was the first human being to walk upon the moon. He carved his body in a combat stance on the dark side of the moon as a warning to aliens.

Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you have seen in your entire life.

Chuck Norris sharpens his chainsaw with his beard.

Osama Bin Laden is not hiding in the mountains of Tora Bora from the United States. But instead, he is hiding from Chuck Norris because Bin Laden claims his beard possesses more power and strength than Chuck Norris'. Needless to say, Chuck Norris is ****ing pissed off.

Each individual hair in Chuck Norrises beard spends 2 hours a week using a Bowflex.

Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after an argument over who had a better beard, Jesus or Norris.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man.

Don't say anything bad about Chuck Norris if you're near a lake, river, pond or marsh; otherwise he will come up out of the water with his AK-47 already firing.

When Neil Armstrong uttered "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." on the moon in 1969, he failed to notice Chuck Norris sitting behind him in a lawnchair, a beer in hand, until Chuck Norris gave Armstrong a swift roundhouse kick to the face. Armstrong never returned.

There is a secret plot to clone the greatest Hollywood action movie stars in order to create an unbeatable army. The people behind this plot only need very small samples of DNA to work with. This is why so many action stars have very short haircuts, and some even go to the extent of shaving their heads to prevent the evil fiends from getting such a sample. Chuck Norris is the only one with the balls not only to grow his hair long, but also to cultivate facial hair. When he's feeling particularly cocky, he sends his toenail clippings to the evil syndicate's headquarters with a note: "Just try it, *****es, and I'll kick your asses into next Thursday."

When chuck norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet, the pool gets chucked.

Superman is faster than a speeding bullet and is more powerful than 100 men. Chuck Norris is faster than sound and is more powerful than 100 tanks.

One time a bee tried to sting Chuck Norris. He just laughed at it.

Around the year 1956 in Texas, Chuck Norris ate so much steak that it immediately caused world hunger. He then staged a great cattle drive across the nation in order to supply the Texas steakhouse with enough beef for his next meal.

Phobias are afraid of Chuck Norris.

Nobody worships the ancient greek gods anymore because chuck norris killed them.

Someone once tried to assassinate Chuck Norris's beard but missed hitting Chuck in the face, Chuck proceeded to beat the holy hell out of the guy using nothing but his penis and elbow, Chuck has since installed security on his beard, with a deflector diverting bullets to his face, since he values his beard more than even his rugged good looks.

Hitler committed suicide after hearing that Chuck Norris was swimming across the Atlantic to personally roundhouse kick him in the face.

[ChargerRob]