help with depression ( my wife).... long story

[nvrbdn]

the reason i am agreeing with the church angle is because she has been refusing to go. she has an appointment, but will it be made,and he isnt invited. if the problem is with talking to strangers and she attends a church it would be having a discussion with someone she trusts that can guide her in the direction she needs to go. that could be the shove she needs to get help before it gets worse. im not looking at the church as a healer.

[jar1292]

Hi every body you all have great things to say and i am very open minded. she did go to therapy today and she even made an appointment for me ask i asked her to. it is on the 7th! we went to town today and spent about three hours shopping for Thanksgiving as we are having it it at our house with here dysfunctional family! it ought to keep us entertained as we both like to joke about them. after we got home tonight where we could talk we had a really good talk on things and how the session went. we both want the best to come out of this and we both know it will take time. we talked about her meds and she cant remember when she quit taking them. i asked if she would start and she humed and hawed. she has been on many different types and they all turn her into a zombie and she hates that feeling almost as how much as she hates feeling like this. she has no motivation to do any thing or intrest in anything right now and i see it. we know that the proper meds will help her over come this but she has no will power to even take them. i cant force feed her that would be wrong. I want a second opinion from another doctor, as i see it her normal doc is giving her meds that work for most of his clients and may not be as open minded to subscribe some thing that may work in her situation. a second opinion may really open the door to some thing new. thats just my two cents. and she said she will think about it. the med that she is prescribed right now is Zoloft and she quit taking them before she she really could see any change. i know that is not good but again i cant force her and would like a second opinion on the matter. I know that meds cant fix her all the way but it can get us on a start to recovery. we are going day by day and as of right now its not going down hill so its good. time will tell. she wrote ten things thats positive about staying married and ten things positive about being single. she suggested that i can read it if i would like to. I really want to and i told her so but i refused as to the fact that i dont wanna know the positive things to being single. I know that i will have to make the same list and i may not really want her to read it so i didnt read hers! its scary to know that she thinks there are positive thing about being single. yet we all know that there are. in a guys world and a girls world. but we made vows to each other and as we all may think of other things from time to time there just thoughts not actions. im feeling good tonight as there were some positives and negatives that came from her first session, as there will be positives and negatives to my session. but in over all it was a good thing that we started this today.

[skip68]

Very happy to hear she went to the appt, and you both "talked" afterword. Sometimes couples just get caught up in the day to day rituals, like kids, work, friends/& family members problems, etc, that we forget to TALK!!!!    Im always in agreement in second opions if you have ANY doubt in the doctor! Keep being strong, and again take care of yourself! Oh, and take vitamins, when your body gets stressed you can get pretty sick. Wishing the best for all three of you!

Mrs.skip68

[jar1292]

ha yea Mrs.skip a second opinion is what a want we live in a very tight community being utah and all, and we all know that the "local" doctors have there way of doing things. much to the point that I dont see a Local. Yet i am partial to my family doctor as he is very good he saved my dads life 3 times in his life with heart attacks and a stroke. yet that just may be me! but Tracy really likes him too. compared to her doctor as he know more about her. (six years for her doc to my doc knowing her 1 year) so we will see. dont get me wrong her doc is good but I know that he gets in his way or now way from past community chit chat. Talking right now is good and it can only get better as i can meet with the therapist and we both read on the same page of the book so to say. I have high expectations and want to see results right away (i have no patience in any thing around me) but i know that it will take time and this may be the hardest thing i will have to do is keep my loud mouth shut and let time take its course and not try to fix things my self! thats why my car is taking so long im at a dead end with time and yet will not let anybody else touch it.... patience is a virtue!!! if any body has any extra patience hanging around let me know i could use some... oh by the way Mrs. skip do you pull the duct tape off fast like a band-aid or do you have to do it slow? the pain must make you think about minding your self!!! all jokes aside a really appreciate a womans opinion in this matter. thank you thank you it really means some thing to me. when i logged about today i was hoping you were gunna read it and to comfort you as I know that you care in that knowing today went as good as i needed it to. your thoughts are warming.

[Darkman]

It is good to read that things are on track.

Don't worry too much on the list thing. It is good that you both make the list and discuss those items as a couple. Remember one thing, these lists can change just as quickly as they are written.

The key point here is there is a child involved, so that has a massive impact on her "single" list as she would have include the child. That is not easy when there is noone to help. Write out the lists, who knows you may not even have 10 good things about being single (just make sure they are realistic and sensible).

You still can have your own "single" time whilst being married (ie let your wife have regular girls nights out). My wife and I do it, she has a minimum of 1 night a month where she goes out with her girlfriends and I look after the kids. After 11 years of marriage it works (believe me, when she comes home from her night out, it is almost like we are newly weds again!), and I get my "Charger" time. It is all about trust, faith and communication

[skip68]

Jar1292, nope no duct tape on me! I'm the one packing heat!!!!!   

Mrs.skip68

[Tilar]

Wow, Mike DC brought up a side of this that I would have never imagined. 

I hope everything works out for you... but I cringe everytime I hear of someone taking Zoloft. A really good friend of mine went on that stuff and he started talking suicide shortly after that. I convinced him to tell his doctor and he took him off of it.

I also have an uncle that was on it for a while. He generally has a very easy going personality, but when he started taking that he turned into a real asshole which was way out of the norm for him. He and I almost got into a fight once over something stupid while he was on it too. I'm thankful that both of them got off that stuff.

[skip68]

I hope I'm wrong but it sounds like she might be looking for a way out.  Single mom's sometimes get married for the wrong reasons.  Just tossing it out there.   

[mikepmcs]

I hope I'm wrong but it sounds like she might be looking for a way out.  Single mom's sometimes get married for the wrong reasons.  Just tossing it out there.   

+1.
No way to sugar coat it.

[Tilar]

Single mom's sometimes get married for the wrong reasons.  Just tossing it out there.   

I know that song well.

[Highbanked Hauler]

   This is over simplifying the situation but could it have been something traumatic, PTSD that happened to her when she was young  and it is working its way out now and doing so it has come out as depression.  That is happening to my wife. We have been married 37 years and I only recently got a hint that she was molested as a kid. She won't tell a doctor or me or anyone what happened and she won't let it go either. She doesn't know how to NOT carry the grief  of what happened..

[jar1292]

unfortunately yes she was when she was young. i dont ever ask things as i dont wanna bring a thing like that up but we have talked about it in the past... today has been really low for both of us. she has a really bad cold as that i can barely understand her on the phone. i called her a few times to check on her and it sounded like it was getting worse as the night went on. tomarrow is gunna be a real some thing, as her family is coming over for the festivities! we are gunna be together all day acting like nothing is happening.... im not sure how its gunna go.

[skip68]

Hope the day turns out positive and enjoyable! We always have everyone say at least on thing we are greatfull for. Im sure you can come up with something to say that makes her smile!  Keep us posted, and try to have a Happy Thanksgiving! 
Mrs.skip68

[carsnguitars]

Hope all turns out well. Seek professional help, it does make a difference.
I will say a prayer for you & your family!

[Silver R/T]

Be careful with anti-depressant drugs. If you read labels most of them list side effects, one of them is thoughts of suicide.
Everyone experiences depression one way or another, some more often that others. It's just a matter how you're dealing with it. Maybe take a break from work or whichever daily routine you're doing and take a vacation, doesn't have to be fancy. Maybe go visit relatives in other state or go camping, etc. Find some kind of hobby to keep you occupied.
Doctors don't care, they get paid to sell you drugs. They could care less if someone takes their own life or gets kidney damage or some other form of internal organ damage.

[resq302]

Be careful with anti-depressant drugs. If you read labels most of them list side effects, one of them is thoughts of suicide.
Everyone experiences depression one way or another, some more often that others. It's just a matter how you're dealing with it. Maybe take a break from work or whichever daily routine you're doing and take a vacation, doesn't have to be fancy. Maybe go visit relatives in other state or go camping, etc. Find some kind of hobby to keep you occupied.
Doctors don't care, they get paid to sell you drugs. They could care less if someone takes their own life or gets kidney damage or some other form of internal organ damage.

I kinda have to agree with that one about the doctors not caring.  My dad was to a doctor for cholesterol and was prescribed meds and was on them and didn't seem to be working so the dr. prescribed something else and never told him to stop taking the first one.  He started feeling groggy and such and had over an hour commute to work each way.  It got so bad that he was starting to doze off driving.  Turns out the second med was reacting with the first one causing a drop in heart rate which was making him feel tired.  If he didn't go back to his primary doctor he had seen before, he could have died or worse killed someone else when he was driving.

Doctors are just a "practice".  They practice on you till they get it right.  Hence.... practice makes perfect.

[Silver R/T]

[djcarguy]

Be careful with anti-depressant drugs. If you read labels most of them list side effects, one of them is thoughts of suicide.
Everyone experiences depression one way or another, some more often that others. It's just a matter how you're dealing with it. Maybe take a break from work or whichever daily routine you're doing and take a vacation, doesn't have to be fancy. Maybe go visit relatives in other state or go camping, etc. Find some kind of hobby to keep you occupied.
Doctors don't care, they get paid to sell you drugs. They could care less if someone takes their own life or gets kidney damage or some other form of internal organ damage.
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way off suiside is in the mind allready,alot of the time we know to hide it or get locked up|||||| some simple bad advice .,,,, you can not take a vacation or hobby you self out of cronic repeat depression......yes have to ask doc and stop old meds slowly and work way up on new meds.....and doctors care and want you alive,more money to make off ya,,,,silver your advice is dangers to people with bad depression and that NEED MEDS AND HELP,,,,DJ  ??
I kinda have to agree with that one about the doctors not caring.  My dad was to a doctor for cholesterol and was prescribed meds and was on them and didn't seem to be working so the dr. prescribed something else and never told him to stop taking the first one.  He started feeling groggy and such and had over an hour commute to work each way.  It got so bad that he was starting to doze off driving.  Turns out the second med was reacting with the first one causing a drop in heart rate which was making him feel tired.  If he didn't go back to his primary doctor he had seen before, he could have died or worse killed someone else when he was driving.

Doctors are just a "practice".  They practice on you till they get it right.  Hence.... practice makes perfect.

[nvrbdn]

the problem with depression is it comes in different degrees for each person it affects. so people arent going to react to the same treatment. what works for one might not work for another. just a real touchy subject for a bunch of car lovin mopar freaks without a degree in mental health to decipher. but one thing is for sure,the ones of us that believe in god will pray for you, and the ones of us that dont believe will feel the pain with you and be by your side. we are all a family beyond our beliefs and are here to listen and aid where we can. good luck my friend. you are in my thoughts.

[Chryco Psycho]

Zoloft was horrible 

[Highbanked Hauler]

Zoloft was horrible 

  got that right

[jar1292]

hi every one! wow have I been busy with the the local drama... my tire got slashed on my 300 the other night at the bar cuz of whats going on... 240 dollar tire that i bought two weeks ago... and no warranty wont cover. 
we are working some stuff out. she is in bed right now and I'm out on the couch. I'm very glad that she has decided to sleep here. it has been an eventful weekend. her entire family came over to our house and it was a very nice thanksgiving! I loved it! I think we made progress this weekend. there has been a lot of rummer running around town and I think the shit has just started to hit the fan. this town that likes to spread rummers about her did not take into thought that my wife is the local bartender and knows EVERYTHING about almost anybody. It turned out that i received a phone call the other night that I needed to go to the bar, that my wife was there with some one else... I guess the thought of madness was that they needed her to stay there until i got there and catch her in the act. thus slashing a tire. there are allot of details in there that I left out but that's the jist of the tire story... Black friday came and went. as we were getting ready for bed after the big feast a cabala's commercial came on and she jokingly said lets go! the first 800 people get a free gift. not thinking i said hell yea lets be adventurous
we woke up our little one and took him to grandmas to stay and off we went. two hour drive and we pull in. there is a line but not big. so I grab a blanket and pillow as my plan was to sleep in the truck. WRONG she said if we come all this way she is going to get that free gift. so off we go four blankets pillows and 1 sleeping bag.
we got in line at 11:00 PM the doors don't open till 5:00 AM so we had six hours of being cold and miserable. about 4:30 they start handing out envelopes it was our free gift! wahoo OMG we stood in line for a ten dollar gift certificate. you should have heard some of the others in line my cussing was not bad at all! after we entered we poked around and found some things that we wanted. we had a budget of 800 dollars as that was how much my thanksgiving bonus was. we had our things picked we were there about an hour and a half and then realized that to get out we were going to be in the check out line for 3 hours or more. i dropped what was in my arms and said to hell with the lines lets go home. I can order the things off of the internet. she agreed although we did stop at a furnature store and ended up walking out of there about 4,500 less in my pocket. completely over shot the 800 budget as planed  o well though, we finally got OUR couch and OUR bed. and i am very happy about that. it finally settled a big argument that we had. she hated the fact that she was sleeping in a bed that i had been in with other women. and I would not let her bring her bed in for the exact same reasons... same with the couch we needed something that we could call OURS together and i am really happy to finally get that stuff behind us.she sees the opportunity right now and is asking to paint the walls as we have been planing it since the marriage so tomarrow we are going paint shopping. its 2:15 gotta get some sleep.....

[1969chargerrtse]

Wow, things seem to be a little better.  Thanks for sharing your stories and I hope things keep looking up.  Other peoples advise always helps put me in the right direction also.    Tire thing sucks though. 

[1970Moparmann]

Sounds like things are getting a little better.  

Is there more to the tire slashing?  

This next part is a "world according to Mike" thing.   It sounds like to me that she is in a crossroads situation in her life.  Maybe she isn't over her ex, or maybe there is someone else that she has a mental connection with at the bar.  Being a bartender, I don't think is helping your situation out at all.   When she feels like your marriage is going South, her thought process is different, and she may listen to one of the guys that is hitting on her at the bar.  Now, this creates confusion on what she would do with her life, and by the way, the depression aspect is just making this 10x worse.  

I don't want to add more drama theory into this, but when I read about the tire slashing, "other guy", and her being a bartender, this just got more complex.

How old is she?

[resq302]

Glad to hear that there was some progress with the exception of the new tire.  I know what you mean though as I am not going through an easy time with my family right now.  Kinda sucks when you feel so low that you have no glimmer of hope at times.  You can only hope for the best till you start wondering why you are hoping for things that seem to never come and start to lose faith in yourself.  Having kids involved makes matters that much worse. Im constantly thinking what my actions will result in with the outcome for the best for my kids.  Im sure that the mental anguish does not help the matters.

The only thing I can offer is to take one small step at a time.  That is what I have been doing but somehow there is always that two steps back that occurs that drops you right back down to where you were before.  Well... this thread isn't about me and my issues so back on topic.  Wishing ya all the best man.