Limericks

[Fred]

Does anyone know any good limericks?
Here's one to start you off..............

There once was a harlet named Sue
who stuck up her fanny with glue
she said with a grin "they pay to get in-
they can pay to get out again too"

[John_Kunkel]

The limerick is furtive and mean

You must keep her in close quarantine

Or she sneaks to the slums

And promptly becomes

Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

[Ponch ®]

There was young lass named Voghill
Sat down to rest on a molehill
The resident mole
Stuck his nose in her hole
Miss Voghill's fine, but the moles's ill.

[Fred]

There was a young man from Lenore,
Whose mouth was as wide as a door.
While attempting to grin,
He slipped and fell in,
And laid inside out on the floor.

[Fred]

There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead wh*re in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a sh*t
But think of the money I save"

[Ponch ®]

There once was a man from Nantucket
whose d--k was so big he could suck it
as he wiped off his chin
he said with a grin
"if my ear was a c--t I would f--k it"

[Fred]

There once was a man from Nantucket
whose d--k was so big he could suck it
as he wiped off his chin
he said with a grin
"if my ear was a c--t I would f--k it"

very funny  

[Fred]

There once was a woman from Latch
Who got herself off with a match
She got so excited
The damn thing ignited
And burnt all the hair off her thatch

[doctor4766]

There once was a man from Calista
who wanted to bonk his sister
She said "Incest is awful, besides it unlawful"
So she threw him off while he kissed her 

[learical1]

There once was a woman from Ises
Who had breasts of two different sizes.
One was so small
It was hardly there at all,
But the other was large and won prizes.

(no relation to Edward Lear)

[Fred]

There was a young lass from Australia
Who painted her ass like a Dahlia
The shape it was fine
And the color devine
But the aroma--well, that was a faihlia

[Fred]

There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl "that's a tight one"
She said pardon my soul
But you've got the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one!

[Ponch ®]

There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl "that's a tight one"
She said pardon my soul
But you've got the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one!

[dodgeboy67]

there once was a guy named sweeny

he spilled some gin on his weenie

being uncouth, he added vermouth

and slipped his gal a martini