Anger Management

[Old Moparz]

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don't know, but who you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the wrong number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word "asshole" next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic asshole calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is."

I then asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen."

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea....

I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello?"

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah!"

He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me."

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don, and you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole."

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better, anger management really does work.

[Tilar]

  

[rt green]

i love it.

[NorwayCharger]

 

[tan top]

  thats some funny stuff 

[67440chrg]

That was great I know a couple of a holes I would like to do that too. Thanks for posting it.

[4cruzin]

I love it when a plan comes together!   

[bobs66440]

So, that was YOU calling me!!??    I'll be right over!!

[tan top]

    just read this again !! & its had me in tears of laughter  
that was Brilliant  

can imagine it happening  

[Chryco Psycho]

one of the best ever !!
i need to do this more often

[leeandgrant]

AWESOME

[xpbprox]

That's so awesome!

[Orange Bird]

A friend of mine does this (speed dialing one of these guys). Now hooking up 2 holes with a plot takes it to a whole new level and demonstrates IQ you dont want to get sideways with.

[69rtse4spd]

You my friend should run for office, you have whit & charm & really know how to get people together.  .

[Kern Dog]

Did this really happen?

[Kern Dog]

The last post was also a joke.
Yours was better though.

[Orange Bird]

My friends "associate" was once his manager. My friend had an unregistered work phone and would ramdomly call and the conversation would go something like this :

Friend :"Yeah, what did you need?"

Associate:"What, excuse me, I'm not waiting for a call back.

Friend: Sure you are AH, why else would I call you back.

Associate: @#*^&%^%$

Friend: He then simply hangs up the phone.

He even gets the nads to go to a different phone sometime later (anywhere from a day to several months) in his associates own office (vacant with no registered user) when people are at lunch and do the same thing. He liked to listen to the associate launch into the ceiling from afar.

He would also wait for him to go to lunch (he parked next to an almost always vacant hadicapped parking spot) and when the spot next to his also vacated he would go get a company vehicle and park right on the line in the space next to him. When the associate came back from lunch (it was an assigned spot) his car would strattle into the handicapped spot. When the associate walked into the office my friend would call the campus police on him.

Friend would hang around just to hear the associate go through the ceiling after talking with the police.

Friend is very entertaining.