True History of the World (Unbiased, fair and impartial)

[PocketThunder]

History of Civilization 101
>
> Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
> They lived on deer in the mountains during the winter & would go to the
> coast and live on fish and lobster in the summer.
>
> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
> beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
> the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together
> were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
> subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of
> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
> so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
> to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
> villages were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
> "the Conservative movement."
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
> the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
> sewing fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
> movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
> rest became Known as 'girliemen.'
>
> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
> the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
> Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
> conservatives provided.
>
> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
>
> Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
>
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
>
> Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
> higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
> injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists
> are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
> wasn't fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
> for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
> lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
> officers, corporate executives, Military personnel, athletes and
> generally anyone who works productively.
>
> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work
> for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
> and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
> more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
> remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept
> in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get
> MORE for nothing.
>
> Here ends today's lesson in world history:
>
> It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to
> the above before simply laughing and deleting it.
>
> A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history
> That it will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers"

[Charger_Fan]

I'm glad this isn't an e-mail...

...

...

...so I'm not pressured by forwarding or deleting...but can simply post a --> <-- and move on.

[SeattleCharger]

Ok, this started out funny.   But then you really were  , hehe.   

  I like this one:
> Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of
> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
> so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
> to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
> villages were formed.

  On all the liberal bashing,  won't bite, nope, won't do it.   

[Rolling_Thunder]

damn...    makes me proud to be a conservative   

[alenglish]

     

[HAZZARDJOHN]

 

That is so funny! I glad you posted that.

[69_500]

Missing a few ingredients, but still a funny read.