RESOLVED It's like a bad soap opera but I don't know where else to go with this.

[Grim Jhaixus]

For starters, I'm 24, make 30K a year at a dead-end job I hate and I have no family except a younger brother and a dad that lives 1100 miles away. I get along with him well but he's not helpful with this stuff. I'm very stable, same job for 2 years and same house for 4 years. I'm an upright white guy who is still trying to recover from paying in on my taxes this year. I don't drink, smoke or toke and I have never missed a day of work, even when my Charger was too sick I'd find a way. I'm a boring, predictable guy who doesn't like drama or bull$#!t. I'm really... confused? I don't know. I don't know how I am and I don't know what that means. It's not easy to think right now, and I'm not even sure what I expect to hear from a car forum but I can't stand Facebook and this is the only site I visit with people on it. Maybe one of you had this happen, or at least know of something similar and I guess I'm hoping it all turned out right.

December 07 I had this really obnoxious girlfriend. She was hot, C-cups, 26" waist and 36" hips, dirty blonde and she was a lot of fun to play with but I hated her. Chewed with her mouth open, never shut up, always telling me to buy her things, really bad taste in really gaudy clothing. Attracted to shiny objects. After just 10 days I tell her to get lost. Whole thing flared up and fizzled out with 2 weeks to go for Christmas. Still haven't seen her again. Superbowl Sunday 2011 just after the VW Beetle commercial she calls me out of the blue and says she is going to Maine forever and that I HAVE A DAUGHTER.

WTF#1: What do you mean? I wear a raincoat EVERY time. STDs scare the hell out of me. I never risked it.
WTF#2: Why did you wait until now to tell me? We could have had this sorted out. We could've done a test. Positive- I would be ecstatic to have a daughter. Negative- Your @$$ can keep walking.
WTF#3: Where is she now? Let's do a test. What do you mean the state has her? No, I find it very easy to believe you were an unfit parent.
WTF#4: Why are you doing this to me?

I'm on WTF#5 right now. I don't trust any of it, but I want it to be real. I'm not even sure if there is a kid to begin with. I've been racking my brain and I don't see how it's possible. I don't even know how to find out. Hospitals have confidentiality rules that keep even her parents from seeing any paperwork at all. I think I'm going to call the department of Children and Families next, but what do I say? "Excuse me, but I'm here to collect my illegitimate daughter."? Does the receptionist keep a box of cotton swabs in a drawer of her desk for such occasions? What if it's true? Can you even get a kid back from the state? What if she isn't in foster care, but was adopted, gone forever and then I'll never know?

It's actively getting worse! I'm now wondering if I do have a daughter and I can retrieve her what have I missed out on? Noises, words, favorite toys? She would be two-and-a-half.

Dear god help me get my mind off of this!

[HANDM]

First, Take a deep breath and try to calm down. Second, find the "mother" and get a blood test to verify the kid is yours. Third get a laywer and get a parenting plan or custody papers or whatever you may need to gaurantee you have visitation or custody. Lastly, go look at your car and know that everything else is just small stuff.

[mikesbbody]

Good advice above  maybe she's down on her luck and needs you (and your $) I personally wouldn't believe her until I saw The results of a paternity test good luck whatever happens, DONT SELL YOUR CHARGER

[greenpigs]

First, Take a deep breath and try to calm down. Second, find the "mother" and get a blood test to verify the kid is yours. Third get a laywer and get a parenting plan or custody papers or whatever you may need to gaurantee you have visitation or custody. Lastly, go look at your car and know that everything else is just small stuff.

   If she wants you to have the girl getting the blood work from her will not be a problem. It cost me about $500 but the results made my test the BEST 500 I ever spent. I got results saying it was a 99.9997% chance I was the father, so we got remarried & had another a few years later. My daughter was 3 weeks old when I got the test, nothing you can do about the time potentially lost. If you think there is even a slight chance the girl could be yours......GET THE TEST.

[Old Moparz]

Bummer to hear this kind of stuff, but stay level headed. By doing that, you'll always be one or two steps ahead of your ex who sounds like a character from the Jerry Springer show. First thing I would do is contact a lawyer for at least a consultation, & only because your ex may have already done so.

Good luck, & don't let yourself get caught up in her BS.

[64dartgt]

Hate to say it dude...but if there is a kid she probably isn't yours.  Either lawyer up or try talking to the state yourself, but you may have a tough time at first.  If the state has her they are probably trying to find her a good home, but you may need a lawyer to get the DNA test done.

Long story short, our friends Mother was a wacko and a ho.  Her Mom told her that her Dad was some rich guy.  She confronted the rich guy and they had a luke warm Christmas card kind of relationship.  He passed.  She wanted DNA testing to prove whether or not she was his Daughter.  Fearing another hand in the till the family balked and she had to get a court order.  Turns out she wasn't his after all.  She confronted her Mom again.  Turns out she was tagging the neighbor too.  A DNA test later confirmed in fact that her neighbor, whom she knew her whole life, is her Dad.  The frightening thing is that she had a crush on his son growing up! 

[PocketThunder]

December 07 I had this really obnoxious girlfriend. She was hot, C-cups, 26" waist and 36" hips, dirty blonde and she was a lot of fun to play with but I hated her. Chewed with her mouth open, never shut up, always telling me to buy her things, really bad taste in really gaudy clothing. Attracted to shiny objects. After just 10 days I tell her to get lost. Whole thing flared up and fizzled out with 2 weeks to go for Christmas. Still haven't seen her again. Superbowl Sunday 2011 just after the VW Beetle commercial she calls me out of the blue and says she is going to Maine forever and that I HAVE A DAUGHTER.

You were making sweet love down by the fire within dating for only 10 days?  Geez what happened to establishing a relationship first....  I know thats what Khyron does...

[djcarguy]

talk ta her,doya know her family or friends?   first find where kid is,and if safe? you have rights to get dna test. you can ask child services or department of human service,for help to locate if ya think she is unfit or has handed off her baby,that she claims is yours.. then it is time to decide if you can step up and want to step up??? then get alawyer and family and friends suport net work to help you and possible ?? your kid..        demand a test and find the turth.
          your young and this crap happens all the time.take a walk and clear your head and find if kid is safe and where she is??  dont panic too much yet,girls love to screw with our minds put usually dont wait this long.i always got the iam preggers as soon as i talk of breakup.one was and just wanted money for medical to end it,she was hot and all messed up from divorce and 2 kids she allready had..  good luck and if your like most of us you need to find out or it will eat at ya.       i have 3 kids and have heard lots of bull from xxxxxxx,.2 are mine and the other 1 is one of the best things that has ever happen in my life,she is in her 20es now and great kid.

[1BAD68]

You were making sweet love down by the fire within dating for only 10 days?  

Is it supposed to take that long?

[Old Moparz]

Something very important is to find out if she actually had a kid at all. If she is the dirtbag that she appears to be, what's stopping her from playing head games with you just to get under your skin & piss you off? Finding this out could save you 99% of all the headaches to begin with. 

[PocketThunder]

You were making sweet love down by the fire within dating for only 10 days?  

Is it supposed to take that long?

Remember the movie Booty Call....  gotta wait 7 weeks!   

[bull]

If she's good-looking and was willing to jump in the sack with someone that quick, you obviously were not her only roll in the hay during the time-frame you're talking about. Chances are she was rolling with 2-3 other guys at the same time so she's probably just throwing paternity blame up in the air to see where it will stick. You have to get a DNA test or a blood test at minimum.

Moral of the story: keep it in your pants until you're willing to go the distance with a woman.

[Dans 68]

...Moral of the story: keep it in your pants until you're willing to go the distance with a woman.

Get a paternity test. If she is your daughter go get her.

Dan

[68X426]

...Moral of the story: keep it in your pants until you're willing to go the distance with a woman.

Get a paternity test. If she is your daughter go get her.

Dan

Lots of sound advice. Test up and lawyer up.

[Ponch ®]

Get tested bro. With some luck youll be getting down like these fellas:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtube_gdata_player&v=R0joEIFJNEc

[Grim Jhaixus]

After a couple hours of surfing the forums here I finally got calmed enough to sleep.

You guys are the best, and I swear I will not be selling my Charger. A heavy, full-bodied steel car is exactly where I would put my kid.

I am currently attempting to obtain a copy of her birth certificate. Gotta prove there is a kid to begin with.

I can't thank you guys enough for your support and advice, but I think I'll keep this thread up until it gets sorted out.

Even if this all turns out as some sick prank it's made me realize how much I want there to be a kid.

bull: Your signature is a line from a song called "Love Shack", and that song is not about keeping it anywhere.

Ponch ®: Those are the moves I'll be using after I gain full custody.

[Dave Kanofsky]

The last line of your first post, "Dear God help me"
is the best place to start!

Good luck with however this turns out.

[nvrbdn]

the same thing happened to my son except the courts contacted him and not the mother. she had said someone else is the father. well they finally tracked down to my son and the little girl was three already and he didnt even know she existed. well they first do a blood test. he had to drive to them for it. after it was confirmed they had him come in and visit with her for several visits to get used to her. then after a couple months of visits they brought her up to us to have a visit. after the courts checked us all out they gave my son his daughter. the courts were tickled pink to find a real father for her. she is 11 now and is awesome. he was upset saying he missed so much. i told him to tell me everything that he could remember up to the age of three. then tell me everything he remembers after. those are the years that shape you. good luck with your adventures

[bull]

bull: Your signature is a line from a song called "Love Shack", and that song is not about keeping it anywhere.

So are you trying to say that since I quoted a couple of lines from an 80s song referencing a car my statement is invalid and I'm a hypocrite? If so you'll have to do better than that.

[Silver R/T]

Sorry to hear about this man. Beauty and brains hardly ever mix together.

[mikesbbody]

"Even if this all turns out as some sick prank it's made me realize how much I want there to be a kid."

your only 24, you have plenty of time left! I'm sure members here will tell you it's no Bed of Rose's being a Parent
Everyone goes through the hard times there were 2 things I always told myself I never wanted 1. to get Married (happened in 2009)
And 2. Be a Father. That "Surprise" came along on the 14th September last year one day before my Wife's Birthday.
I didn't want to be a "Older parent" but that's exactly what i am now! if it turns out this is not your Child, (or there is no Child)
Think of it as a second chance all the best whatever happens   

[Ponch ®]

"Even if this all turns out as some sick prank it's made me realize how much I want there to be a kid."

your only 24, you have plenty of time left! I'm sure members here will tell you it's no Bed of Rose's being a Parent
Everyone goes through the hard times there were 2 things I always told myself I never wanted 1. to get Married (happened in 2009)
And 2. Be a Father. That "Surprise" came along on the 14th September last year one day before my Wife's Birthday.
I didn't want to be a "Older parent" but that's exactly what i am now! if it turns out this is not your Child, (or there is no Child)
Think of it as a second chance all the best whatever happens   

Co-sign.

I think it's very commendable that you are being a man about this and willing/wanting to take on your responsibility if the kid is indeed yours. Your heart is in the right place, but youre a young fella with a lot of life to live, places to go, sluts to bang (using protection, of course), so really the best possible outcome for you is that there is no kid or it isn't yours. Youll have plenty of time to have em later on in life.

[mikesbbody]

 :agree: especially about the 'Sluts to bang" part 

[Grim Jhaixus]

Turns out there was no daughter, at least not for me. She is already living with her legally acknowledged paternal father (who just left my ex and has full custody) as confirmed by a DNA test run shortly after she was born, which was about 2 months after it could have been possible for me (despite always wrapping it). Turns out this whole thing was some kind of revenge scheme against him and I only got dragged into it because she happened to run into someone who gave her my number. I'm a little bummed out, but I've decided to redouble my efforts on trying to locate a chick I can get along with.

I'd like to thank you guys for helping me keep my head on straight.

[Dans 68]

Glad to hear it. Just keep on keeping the raincoat on....    

Dan

[TK73]

Fun... about 12 years ago some chick I "met" dragged me into a State initiated paternity suit 'cuz she did not want to name the real dad on the welfare paperwork.  That was a F-in adventure.

During that fine bureaucratic mess I hook up with this hot redhead, turns out she was cousin to "lying chick"...

"Life's been good to me so far..."

[resq302]

Glad to hear it all worked out for you!

[stripedelete]

bull: Your signature is a line from a song called "Love Shack", and that song is not about keeping it anywhere.

So are you trying to say that since I quoted a couple of lines from an 80s song referencing a car my statement is invalid and I'm a hypocrite? If so you'll have to do better than that.

Great! Glad to hear it! Now reconsider Bull's advice, and remember, a child out of wedlock is one of the "top ten" ways to make sure you never get ahead in life.

 

[bobs66440]

Glad it turned out well. She sounds like a real nut case. Maybe consider changing your phone number...Happy hunting!

[Cooter]

WooWee, just when you think YOUR life is fu**ed up, you here about this type of Jerry Springer episode happening...Glad it worked out, but a little advice.......



Leave the chicks alone in the 19-30 Y/O range...19 through 27 is too young, and oncew they hit 30, they tend to try and revamp the "Life they never had" due to kids....Get you an older chick that doesn't give you no sh*t, just good lovin'....

[greenpigs]

At 24 YO I would take your time as for having a kid. Have fun & come around 30 if you have not found someone you cant live without start looking for a future wife\mother.

[jb666]

If she's good-looking and was willing to jump in the sack with someone that quick, you obviously were not her only roll in the hay during the time-frame you're talking about. Chances are she was rolling with 2-3 other guys at the same time so she's probably just throwing paternity blame up in the air to see where it will stick. You have to get a DNA test or a blood test at minimum.

Moral of the story: keep it in your pants until you're willing to go the distance with a woman.

Damn.. Someone should have taught me this valuable lesson too... I met a chick when I was 19. 5 days later we tried to get married, but had to go through the legal red tape... It took a total of 7 days from the day we met to get married... We celebrate 20 years in under 8 weeks...  What a slut! 

As for this roller coaster, glad it worked out.. What a psycho bitch.  Time to meet someone crazier than her and introduce her to your EX. 

[Silver R/T]

At 24 YO I would take your time as for having a kid. Have fun & come around 30 if you have not found someone you cant live without start looking for a future wife\mother.

So 30 is that "magical number" huh?
You sure got out of that one easily man, could've been much worse. Not many girls like single dads.

[greenpigs]

    30 would have been a good age for me as at 24 I wasn't making very good money, but having a kid & money don't always work together. The daughter happened when I was 34 & have a nice job, house & area but yet again all those things don't make a green light for having kids.
  Everyone is different & some will agree with me & others won't thats just how it is.

[Darkman]

I had my first at 27 and regretted not having her earlier. I love kids. Being a single dad is more of a turn on than you think. Think about it, what does it say about the guy who would raise a child on his own? Sensitive, caring, devoted, committed all that mushy stuff. The more mature women look for those qualities in men. I can't remember how many times I got a sly little smile and second look from a woman walking past me with when I took my daughter out for some bonding time!

[mikesbbody]

"I can't remember how many times I got a sly little smile and second look from a woman walking past me with when I took my daughter out for some bonding time!"

But if all you got was a second look and a  Smile... Woman smile and look at me everyday 

[Silver R/T]

"I can't remember how many times I got a sly little smile and second look from a woman walking past me with when I took my daughter out for some bonding time!"

But if all you got was a second look and a  Smile... Woman smile and look at me everyday 

x2 It's hard to find a woman who will settle with someone who already has some "baggage" Same goes for the guys, how many of us are step-dad's, just a handful. We live in society where kid's own father/mother doesn't want to take care of them, why would a random stranger accept responsibility of raising someone else's child. Not many of those people left around... Usually works out if he both guy and a woman have some "baggage", they end up "combining" it.

[Darkman]

"I can't remember how many times I got a sly little smile and second look from a woman walking past me with when I took my daughter out for some bonding time!"

But if all you got was a second look and a  Smile... Woman smile and look at me everyday 

There is a difference between a polite smile and the smile of a someone flirting.

Since I am happily married, I didn't even think twice about finding out what that smile meant 

It is not common that a man is the "single parent", it is usually the man that runs out on the woman leaving them with kids. Men see other kids of a potential partner as baggage, so this shows a different level of commitment. I don't believe that most women would see that as baggage 

[mikesbbody]

"Since I am happily married, I didn't even think twice about finding out what that smile meant"

Me too    as for baggage, i guess that depends you may have a Man who's never Married or has any Kid's so to find a Nice Woman with Kid's may not be such a bad thing Money does come into it even if it's not said out loud.
If The Kids are Young, it can be seen as baggage for sure if their Older or even moved out not so bad 
I agree with you though Sadly it's often the Man that just leaves the Woman with the Kids not good...
 

[Rolling_Thunder]

Hey man - glad everything worked out...   I'm 24 myself making about the same money working for uncle Sam...       all in all I hate my job - but it works with my college classes which I should get my two B.A. degrees in June...   then on to bigger and better things...      I had a girlfriend for approx 5 years - but even after 5 years I know i'm not ready to have children...    not enough money and still havent finished school...     now 2-3 years from now...   who knows...     but not now.   

I agree....     keep the raincoat on...      no need to rush life...   

[Khyron]

I know thats what Khyron does...

not me, im here because of a broken rubber!

[PocketThunder]

I know thats what Khyron does...

not me, im here because of a broken rubber!

Sure, its always somebody elses fault...   

[64dartgt]

24?  Give yourself some time man.  I didn't even know who I was until 25.  Couldn't afford to get married until 32 and even then she was making more than me!  And me with a BS in chemistry and a steady job for about ten years at the time!

Some are lucky to meet the right one at the right time and it lasts forever.  Sometimes you are two ships that pass in the night going in different directions.  The one I miss the most was perhaps a better friend than I appreciated at the time.  If you ask all the guys on here who are happily married after 20 plus years they'll probably tell you their best friend is their wife.

Bob

[djcarguy]

   dont hurry,take lots of time .dont for get to wrap your whopper  so the diary queen dont git nocked UP.dairy queen as in milk bags and queen as total ruler and lord over you the rest of your life,lol.   i try to help young man know the turth and not get married til 25 or so-----30ish better. enjoy some freedom and life first.   there is a proven study that shows women that wed early change mind and divorce in early 30es.and brain scans prove the whole early love vib and glaze wears off in 2 ta 3 years.    i know something,2xxxx 3 kids ,and i know we will never think the same or understand the female brain. if you do figure them out you only have few minutes to live,,,,,,they will KILL YOUR ASS SO YOU DONT TELL ANYONE ELSE,,,,,FACT,AND NOTHING BUT THE FACTS,I SWEAR

[Brock Samson]

   you can't stand the turth!!!   yeah, listen ta him...