Cancerous Cancer

Old Moparz · January 13, 2011, 08:02:28 PM

The timing was "perfect" as far as when to get bad news, like a couple of days before Christmas. I had been after my Mom to find out what was wrong with her voice, but you can't convince some people that they should go to the doctor. For over a year she's had a bad cough that she ignored, shortness of breath she attributed to just being out of shape & not young anymore. (BTW, she'll be 70 in May.)

It took not being able to speak for several weeks, & then the loss of her telephone dispatching job to finally go see the doctor. It wasn't laryngitis like she thought, it was lung cancer that moved into the esophagus, & did some damage to the vocal chords. (Or at least the surrounding area.) The doctor has been treating her with chemo & radiation & she's been staying with me since Christmas.

Today she had an MRI & the doctor said she has cancer in the brain as well as both lungs. So, the doc decided to skip the next chemo treatment for the lungs & start treatment for the brain. She smoked cigarettes, & several packs a day, for most of her life which would likely be the cause. If there is anything positive that comes out of this, which seems minimal, it would be a deterrent to my 11 year old daughter to not smoke cigarettes like her Grandma did for 50+ years.

It would be cool to know that anyone with half a brain on this forum would realize that even if their Uncle Joe who smoked 4 packs of filterless Camels a day & who lived to be 110, that your chances of matching his age & living with a decent quality of life is pretty fucking slim. I never smoked, but I will admit that I tried a cigarette out of curiosity & thought eating dog shit would be an improvement.

So go ahead & enjoy your cigarettes while you can still breathe.

By the way, is there anyone on the forum who wants to buy my Mom's leftover cigarettes while I clean up her hair on my sofa that fell out from the chemo? I'll take paypal & discount them to only $12 per pack. Order before midnight & I'll even include coupons for a free refill on your damn oxygen tank.

DC_1 · January 13, 2011, 08:13:25 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that. My best friends mom smoked 2 packs a day for as long as I can remember. She died at age 49 of lung cancer a month before his son ( her only grandchild) was born. I'm glad I never took up the habit......I wish her all the best and hope she keeps it at bay as long as possible.

Btw, that gif in your signature really freaks me out. Very disturbing!

Dans 68 · January 13, 2011, 08:35:22 PM

My thoughts and prayers are with your Mom and you.

Dan

Silver R/T · January 13, 2011, 08:47:03 PM

Sorry for your mother. I know my grandma wasn't a smoker and had breast cancer which spread into lungs, she passed away later on.

Just 6T9 CHGR · January 13, 2011, 09:06:13 PM

Bob really sorry to hear this. I hope all goes well with your Mom.

skip68 · January 13, 2011, 09:51:32 PM

Sorry for the bad news.

vancamp · January 13, 2011, 10:21:42 PM

sorry to hear the bad news, cancer is a terrible disease that they really need to do more research work with

The70RT · January 13, 2011, 10:31:08 PM

Sorry to hear that

That's what killed both my parents. My mom at 70 and my dad made it to 87.

General_01 · January 13, 2011, 10:33:37 PM

I am sorry to hear this. I too went through the same thing with my mom back in '03. She did not feel "100%" for a full year before she decided to go see the doctor. By then it was too late for her. She died in October of that year at age 62. Smoked since she was a teenager. I hope the chemo helps your mother beat this.

nvrbdn · January 13, 2011, 10:45:08 PM

thoughts and prayers are with you

472 R/T SE · January 13, 2011, 11:05:13 PM

Well that sucks Bob. Sorry to hear that. Kudos for taking her in.

My Father seems to think the people who quit smoking do more harm to themselves than the ones who never quit. At least that's his philosophy for not quitting.

I can remember being young & my aunt, uncle would come over to play cards. Between the 3 of them the house was practically uninhabitable. My poor Mom sat there inhaling the whole time.

When I first broke into crane rental my operator would have a mouthful of Copenhagen & sucked on Marlboro Reds all day.

resq302 · January 13, 2011, 11:58:14 PM

wow Bob, thats really sad to hear. If you need anything, either give me a call or send me a PM and we will be glad to do whatever we can.

Brian and family

TruckDriver · January 14, 2011, 03:24:28 AM

Sorry to hear that Bob. I dont usually pray, but I consider you a friend as long as I've known you on here, and I'll pray for her and the rest of your family

My Best wishes!

I used to smoke, but havent touched anything that way for about 10/11 years now. And even then, I never was a heavy smoker, more socially. And usually cigars.

Marck · January 14, 2011, 03:47:20 AM

Sorry to hear that...

I know how you feel, I lost my mother to lungcancer 10 years ago... She smoked heavily as long as i can remember.. I was 22 when it happened.. She was hospitalised with, what they thought was, severe pneumonia, but turned put to be lungcancer.. She only lived for three months, and was put in coma for the first month or so.. When she came around she was heavily medicated, and couldn't even recognize me or my brother.. She never made it out of the hospital..

My advice to you is this:

If you have any bitterness or anything along those lines, put it away and deal with it later.. You don't know how long you have left with her, so make sure to make the most of it..

Best wishes..

Marck

tan top · January 14, 2011, 04:04:18 AM

oh no , really sorry to hear this !! hope everything goes ok !!

1969chargerrtse · January 14, 2011, 06:56:15 AM

Very sorry to hear that. I lost my Dad to lung cancer at 66 and he never smoked.

RECHRGD · January 14, 2011, 09:03:20 AM

Sorry Bob....I lost my Mom under the exact same circumstances several years ago. She made it to 79, but her older sisters that never smoked are still around and well into their 90's.

Charger_Fan · January 14, 2011, 09:35:36 AM

Damn, I'm sorry to hear this, Bob. As Mike said, kudos for taking her in. Many people aren't as lucky to have children who care enough for them, to watch what's happening & deal with what you're going through. You & your wife are good & decent people.
I truly wish the best for you & your Mom, hang in there brother.

Todd Wilson · January 14, 2011, 10:50:47 AM

Went through this with my aunt back in the 90's. She smoked like an old Chevy 6.2 diesel. Had dizzy spells..........went to the Dr in october and was stone cold dead in March. Brain cancer and cancer everywhere else. Went thru chemo and radiation. Sicker then a dog the whole time. Horrible last few months. Still smoked the whole time.......... She got really sick and my dad got her in the car to go to the hospital. Asked her if she wanted a smoke as it may be a while before she could have one being in the hospital. Fired up the smoke and gave it to her. She took a few puffs and put it out in the ash tray. Said that they just didnt taste very good anymore. Later that day we all stood around her bed in the hospital and watched her die. I left work and rushed out to the hospital. Got there and she was not awake. My step mom talked to her and said I was there and she opened her eyes for a second and a few minutes later she was gone. You an'nt seen nothing til you watch someone take their last breath and die.

Todd

twodko · January 14, 2011, 03:00:01 PM

Bob please accept our thoughts, prayers and good wishes for you and your Mom. Many of us have had the same awful experience including my own Mom. She didn't see 66. Understandably there is a lot of pain, anger and helplessness in your post. Marck offers some sage advice......love her while you can my friend. Celebrate all that she is because she's a special, loving and magical gift to you and all who know her. Its not everyone who gets to be born and raised by an angel. Be strong Bro.

Tom & Diane Owens

orange383 · January 14, 2011, 04:16:26 PM

It seems that you are upset and angry in your post which I can understand. I lost my Dad to cancer last year aged 59.
I think you have done a very good job of getting an important message out to all smokers that it just isn't worth smoking. Good on you for that.

I have a friend that I desperately want to give up smoking and she promised me she would by august 2009. She's still smoking!!! I don't think she'll ever give up. It pains me to see her smoke knowing what may happen one day. Maybe my wish may come true one day.

Real sorry that this has happened to your mum!

mikepmcs · January 14, 2011, 05:34:00 PM

I'm sorry, Bob.

Old Moparz · January 14, 2011, 05:45:00 PM

I Didn't envision myself ever posting a thread like this, but I just felt like doing it after my Mother fell asleep last night. I appreciate all the comments & support, so thanks.

charge69 · January 14, 2011, 07:47:07 PM

So sorry to hear about your Mother and the big "C" now. My wife's mother dies of lung cancer and the ravages of that terrible disease a few years ago at 73. It had spread to many other parts of her body also before it was properly diagnosed but she died in the hospital relatively comfortable within a few months of the discovery of her cancer.

They are making progress everyday on this and I really hope and pray your loved one will beat this terrible thing that has invaded her life.

I and many others know how hard it is once you start smoking (I quit again as it is just too expensive, not for the right reasons) and I hope beating that disease is given the proper priority in all our lives. Sad to say most will not quit even if you take them to the cancer ward of the hospital every day! It is sad but, they just cannot believe it will be them!

resq302 · January 14, 2011, 07:49:49 PM

Bob, its best to let your feelings out through posting it here vs. keeping it all bottled up as it will eat you away from the inside out. Consider us like an extended family. If you need to vent, feel free to do so on here brother!

Chad L. Magee · January 14, 2011, 09:58:22 PM

I am very saddened to hear about your mother's cancer, Bob. Both of you will be in my prayers. One thing to think about is that you are not alone in this situation. There are support groups out there for people who have family members suffering the same disease (and cause), I just can't remember their name right now. My father was a heavy smoker for almost 50 years before he got very sick one day (he thought it was a bad cold) and was diagnosed with COPD (had 1/3 lung capacity). The doctors did not expect him to live very long (a year at best), but he lasted 7 1/2 years with it before his body just gave out (his kidneys was the first to go). During the COPD years, he literally died (heart stopped for more than 30 seconds) four different times, but was revived by the doctors treating him. I tried my best over the years to get him to stop smoking, but nothing I could say or do could stop it from happening, he just had to have that last smoke. Treasure the moments that you still have with her as they are priceless.....

derailed · January 15, 2011, 12:32:55 PM

Very sorry to hear this Bob. We went through the same thing with my wife's father a few years back.

my73charger · January 15, 2011, 09:24:28 PM

Hi Bob,

Very sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I lost my mom to lung cancer at the age of 73 in 2005 under the exact same scenario. My wife lost her dad 2 years ago at the age of 58 to lung cancer as well. It sucks, I hate cigarettes.

elacruze · January 15, 2011, 11:12:29 PM

I shared death watch with my uncle for my cousin with lung cancer in 2004. It's tough for sure. Stay strong.

Bob T · January 16, 2011, 03:36:26 AM

Bob, although I'm a relative newcomer here, I do have concern and empathy for the situation that your Mother and your Family now find themselves in, Good on you for taking her in and making things as comfortable as you can, it would mean a great deal to her at this distressing time, and Family stuff puts all the other things into perspective as well.
My Father only made it to 63 after smoking for most of his life and then giving up in the last 3years but it was actually a combination of skin cancer and other stuff that got him. Very tough seeing a strong person in a hospice on a morphine pump reliving their life's high points and other happenings as terrible disease takes it toll.
I've been off the smokes for 19 years now but still have an occasional cigar and should really knock that off too, they are just as bad.

Also take time to remember the good times that your Mother did and saw, she would have been proud of you and your life and Family of your own. ( And your sense of humour most likely too

)

Strength to you in the days ahead.
Have a cold beer on me.

Regards Kelvin

71ChallengeHer · January 16, 2011, 12:22:29 PM

Bob, I really sorry to hear about your Mom. My prayers are with you and your family.

TeeWJay426 · January 16, 2011, 08:53:31 PM

Sorry to hear this, Bob. I lost both my Dad and Mother-in-law to complications from smoking, so I have some idea what you're going through. You have to realize it's an addiction, like any other, and they either can't or don't want to fight it. Feel free to PM me if you need to vent further- hang in there, be strong for her, and do what you can to make whatever time she has left as good as possible.

Old Moparz · January 17, 2011, 10:41:23 AM

Thanks again for all the thoughts, it's appreciated.

Later today, I plan to start transferring some old family video tapes to DVD's. One in particular, is a tape my uncle sent me a long time ago of old home movies put on tape. They were transferred to VHS in the late 80's or early 90's from what was probably 8mm film that my Grandfather recorded in the 1950's. I'm not sure if my Mom ever watched the tape before, so maybe she'll enjoy seeing it now.

I've been wanting to transfer these tapes for the last 3 years when I bought a DVD recorder & always figured that I'd have the time to do it later. Well, I can't keep putting it off since there may not be a lot of "later" left. I need to get it done now, & my advice to anyone else that has been putting things off, you may want to consider that you could be going through the same thing I am, meaning you could be running out of later.

472 R/T SE · January 25, 2011, 12:27:30 AM

So true Bob.

It's depressing for me that my family is so far away. My fault since I put roots down up here. $:-\$

Old Moparz · February 11, 2011, 08:11:48 PM

A couple of weeks ago my Mom went into the hospital to get her blood sugar levels under control. It was as side effect of the medication she was taking to prevent swelling of the brain from radiation treatments, where the cancer had spread from her lungs. Apparently, the cancer stage she was in was a lot further along than she would tell anyone. That's how she is, she doesn't want to "bother" anyone with worry.

I was just there to see her a few days ago & she was in good spirits considering the circumstances. I had plans to go back tomorrow to visit & bring her a magnifying glass so she can read & send text messages since she lost her voice. Today I got the call from her doctor today that she passed away. The good thing is that she was very content with her doctor, trusted him, & not in a lot of pain when she died.

She also got to see her 2 sisters & 2 brothers over the last several weeks that she hasn't seen in years while she was staying at my house. I was glad for that because I know that even though they had some riffs in the past, they were all still close. I'm also glad that she stayed at my house since Christmas, I enjoyed the time we had while she was still able to enjoy it herself. Most of all, I was glad I was able to tell her I loved her.

Make sure you tell people you love them before you can't.

To all my friends here on DC.com, thanks for being online & babbling with me.

Brock Samson · February 11, 2011, 08:17:08 PM

What can one say but I'm sorry for your loss,.. At least she had a great Son who loved her...

charge69 · February 11, 2011, 08:32:09 PM

Well , I am really sorry to hear she passed away so fast but I am happy to see the way you took it ! I will probably go that way too (I am 64 and a stroke survivor) and hope you understand the " not a bother to anyone" thing. You and your loved ones will be in my prayers tonight. God Bless all of you and I am relieved to hear she went that way and you are a marvelous son.

TruckDriver · February 11, 2011, 08:52:51 PM

Sorry about you mom Bob. She has a awsome son. At least she was happy when she left this place. May she rest in peace.

General_01 · February 11, 2011, 09:01:02 PM

Very sorry to hear that Bob. You are right about not putting things off. I am glad you got to spend some quality time with her the last few months. Take care.

firefighter3931 · February 11, 2011, 09:01:23 PM

My sincerest condolences Bob. She is in a better place now

Ron

nvrbdn · February 11, 2011, 09:43:03 PM

you are in my thoughts. glad you got to have some memories through these last days and her time was comfortable.

71ChallengeHer · February 11, 2011, 09:46:57 PM

Bob, I'm sorry for your loss.

skip68 · February 11, 2011, 10:20:43 PM

So sorry Bob. Take care of yourself and talk to us all you want. Chuck & Lisa

resq302 · February 11, 2011, 11:06:53 PM

Deepest condolences Bob. If you need anything, Im not that far away!

oldgold69 · February 11, 2011, 11:26:49 PM

you have my sympathy for your loss. you can find comfort in knowing you were there for her in the end

Bob T · February 12, 2011, 03:49:27 AM

With respect, my condolences for yourself and your Family at this sad time . RIP.

BrianShaughnessy · February 12, 2011, 05:35:30 AM

Deepest sympathies Bob.... it's a part of life most of us have to deal with sooner or later. At least you got to spend some good quality time with your mother before she passed.

moparstuart · February 12, 2011, 07:32:09 AM

very sorry for your loss we will keep you and your family in our prayers

TUFCAT · February 12, 2011, 10:25:17 AM

Very sorry Bob. Take things easy for a while. Enjoy your memories, as I'm sure you'll be thinking about her every moment.

twodko · February 12, 2011, 11:54:14 AM

Bob, please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of your Mom. Your Mom must certainly have lived rich and happy.........her vast wealth and greatest joy must surely have been you and the rest of her family.

ODZKing · February 12, 2011, 02:12:37 PM

I am very sorry to hear as this is the first I'm reading this. My deepest condolences as well.
Passing of someone close is never easy and they'll always be memories.
We'll keep you in our prayers.

The70RT · February 12, 2011, 04:19:24 PM

Sorry Bob...god bless.

bobs66440 · February 12, 2011, 04:33:41 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences go out to you and yours.

Old Moparz · February 17, 2011, 08:05:42 AM

Thanks for all the support, it's really appreciated. Holding things together & being there for the rest of my family, including my Mom's two brothers & two sisters, is a lot easier than going to my Mom's apartment to collect everything. I've been cleaning it out all week & sorting things to donate, save or toss. One more trip & one more day should finish it, but I need a break & will do it tomorrow. I think drilling my own teeth with my cordless drill would have been easier.

TeeWJay426 · February 17, 2011, 10:59:05 AM

Just saw the latest Bob- sorry to hear of your Mom's passing. Sounds like her last few weeks went as well as they good have with the family getting to spend time with her. You and your family are in my thoughts & prayers.

hemi68charger · February 17, 2011, 02:07:52 PM

Dang Bob..
Sorry to hear about your Mom... Yeap, sometimes parents just won't listen to us kids.. Maybe she knew in her soul that it was really worse than she would have admitted and wanted to live a carefree life and not worry her family.. My father too took a walk on the denial side when I mentioned he should see a dermotolgist about that black spot on his back. 10 years later, he's diagnosed and passes away from Malignant Melanoma which spread to his brain like your Mom...

Keep the faith and you taking care of her was a noble thing. I'm doing that now with my dementia-ridden Mom....

God bless your Mom and you....

Old Moparz · March 20, 2011, 11:39:35 AM

After sorting through a lot more things that were in my Mom's apartment, I enjoyed going through the small collection of photos that survived. Years ago in a move, she lost a suitcase with hundreds, maybe even a thousand, of family photos. One of my aunts sent me copies of a few old pics, but most are gone. I never saw some of these pics that survived, but I do remember a lot of them, so it's cool.

The first one is me with my Mom at my sister's wedding in the mid 80's.
(Yes, I'm an awful brother, I don't know the date.)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/13950753@N07/5542906499/

In the second one, the guy on the left is the artist Christo, my Mom on the right. She started working for a company that stored, packed, & shipped art & antiques in 1969. This one was dated 06-14-77. She became good friends with Christo & his wife Jeanne Claude & worked with them for many years, even when she opened her own business doing the same type of work in the early 80's. I have some signed Christo prints & a book he gave to my Mom with a note inside to her.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/13950753@N07/5543485416/

Tilar · March 20, 2011, 11:47:47 AM

Bob, Sorry to hear about your Mom. I cant imagine. You and your family are in our prayers.

Brock Samson · March 20, 2011, 12:21:11 PM

those are cool Bob! my mom's pics were burned when our house burned,.. so I know that feeling of loss.. $:-\$

Old Moparz · March 20, 2011, 03:40:57 PM

Quote from: Brock Samson on March 20, 2011, 12:21:11 PM
those are cool Bob! my mom's pics were burned when our house burned,.. so I know that feeling of loss.. $:-\$

It would probably bother me a lot less that the photos are gone if I didn't want to show them to my daughter. Like the one of me when I was about 5 wearing a plaid suit & tie with a cigar in my mouth & some kind of 1940's hat.

That Christo print of the curtain across the landscape was done in CA back in the 70's. It seemed strange at the time, but it grew on me over the years. I have about 20 of them in total, here's a couple more.

jb666 · March 20, 2011, 05:11:47 PM

Bob, I'm sorry to learn of your loss. It strikes me hard as I've lost many family members to this horrible disease, and I'm reminded of it 20X/day as my wife lights up... Her Dad passed away 5 years ago , and her Mom is dying now.. But the smokes haven't stopped.

I feel for you. Be strong.

69rtse4spd · March 20, 2011, 10:26:58 PM

Sorry to hear of your loss, mom passed away in 88 from lung cancer, & my oldest sister learned two weeks ago she has breast cancer. Hopefully they caught in time, was not there at last mamagram. CANCER SUCKS.

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