I need supporting personal advice from you guys. might have to sell my Charger

[Supercharged Riot]

I need advice from you guys.  I was thinking about selling my Charger.
I know right?  After all these years I've been saving up my hard earned money and all the personal, financial and social sacrifices
I've decided to start over in my life and move away from my immediate family.

Personally, I have been the most financially supportive member to my parents
But this morning, my father made the most insulting remark about my life that it offended me very deeply (to a point that would make me want to end my life).

I haven't really told anyone else about this and the person I normally talk to about my personal issues just passed away last week.  I will attend her funeral next week actually

I'm not gunna get into specifics about what he said, but I can say that it definitely made me want to pack my bags and leave
I haven't told him why I was so angry (yes he cant figure out why I've been pissed all day), and if I said anything on impulse, i would have definitely said something that would destroy my relationship with my father.


I'm not in a stable position to buy a house so that I can safely store my Charger.  If I move out, I will likely be in an apartment or renting out a room and have no garage space. 

In other words, if I chose to move away, I cannot reasonably find a way to keep my Charger.  And I know it will be a long time before I can find another Charger again since they are so rare to come by.

I just need your guys input on my situation here.  You all have been through many family challenges and conflicts.  I just need a lil advice from the car guys.  Should i just let things settle and forgive my father for making an insulting statement about my life? Or should I just start a new life somewhere else? I have no one else to seek advice and thanks in advance for your advice.

[dads_69]

Wow, I don't know you personally, but ending your life over what your dad said to you is not an option. Not to get all religious on you on the charger board here, but the big man upstairs does not forgive people for something like that, that's evil work IMO.
That being said, I hope you can talk with somebody soon vs. a family member or?
I myself am in a craptacular situation, divorce, and having kids involved just plain sucks, makes life even harder for everyone around/involved.
Take this to heart, I just bought back a 68' charger I owned 25 years ago. I haven't owned a charger in almost 5 years maybe now, past 18 years has been very up and down for me, I'm 43 now and starting over again it feels like at times with many things in life. If you sell your charger now due to your situation, it my take you another 25 to get back what you really want or had at this time, so stop and thing hard before doing such a thing. Maybe find somebody to roomate with.
Goodluck to you.......... I'm sure many other members will chime in with advice as well soon.

Mark

[skip68]

       
Never make any decision while you're
mad.   Wait until you're calm.   Find an ugly girl that has a garage....   just kidding.   Without knowing what was said it's hard to help.   Sometimes in a fight boths sides are at fault and you might not see it.    I don't know how old you are but you may consider looking for a place anyway.   Whatever you do don't burn any bridges with your dad.  You may need him more than your car.  But then again like I said, we don't know what was said or you or your dad to really give any advice other than wait until you're calm and cool.   Good luck.   

[chargermike]

never sell that charger. just move out and find someplace to store it. and NEVER take your life. lost two friends this year who did that. i sold my first charger and it took 20 years to get another one. life goes onand if your depressed then fire up that big block and drive until your not depressed. driving my car and thinking makes my life better. and belive me i get depressed.  but i go look or drive my charger or i sit and bang on my drums or play guitar. find something to get your mind off your problem. LIFE WILL GET BETTER.  I HAVE LOST 5 FRIENDS PLUS MY GRAND FATHER TO TAKING THERE OWN LIFE.  talk to some one NOW.

[elacruze]

Words have only the weight you give them. I remember clearly having the epiphany that my parents were only regular people, with the same faults, frailties and wishes that everyone else had. That allowed me to forgive them a lot of trespasses, and begin to work on the relationship we should have had all along. Try to gain some perspective. If your Dad has enough weight with you to upset you so, his message may bear examination. Perhaps some inward reflection is warranted.

Bottom line is always, the Charger is just a Car. There can always be another.

[b5blue]

  Running from problems deprives you of learning how to handle them. As a father I can only tell you we make mistakes, lots of them, most from love. I am sorry for your loss of a great and dear friend. They do live on in your mind and heart and if you ask yourself what would they recommend you do, you will find you can figure it out. It may well be time to move, even sell your car. But I think mostly your hurting and reacting to this pain. You will only see limited life options right now as your mind and heart dwell on the loss you suffered. We are all much stronger then we know, give that strength time to grow. I believe God sends us who we need so stay open and positive! We enjoy and value you here as a member!  b5   

[NHCharger]

It's hard to give you advice since no one here knows the true relationship you have with your Dad.
As mentioned above. Take some time to cool off. The holidays are the more stressful time of the year.
You should try to find someone to talk to that knows both you and your Dad.

[Tilar]

As a father I can only tell you we make mistakes, lots of them, most from love. I am sorry for your loss of a great and dear friend. They do live on in your mind and heart and if you ask yourself what would they recommend you do, you will find you can figure it out. It may well be time to move, even sell your car. But I think mostly your hurting and reacting to this pain. You will only see limited life options right now as your mind and heart dwell on the loss you suffered. We are all much stronger then we know, give that strength time to grow. I believe God sends us who we need so stay open and positive! We enjoy and value you here as a member!  b5   

     Don't do anything while you are mad. If you don't have a friend to go spend a couple days with, Go to a motel for a few days to cool off. And if you do believe in God, Remember that he will NOT put you through more than you are capable of handling.

[1969chargerrtse]

I'm sure you have friends to talk to but if not I'll PM my phone number.  People can say very hurtful things.  We all lose our cool and do that.  Calm down, don't let his comments ruin your life.  Calm down, forgive him for now and one day when your getting along well with him bring the comment back up.  Since you seem to take care of them in some ways it could of been out of jealousy.  Keep the Charger, you deserve it.  You can store it for free at my moms if ever need be ( Ct ).  Stay in touch with us or friends and Pm or call me anytime to talk.  We love you man!!!!

[Troy]

Without know you personally or any previous knowledge of your situation we can all only speak in generalities.

People often say things they regret - or don't realize that they've hurt someone. My family does it a LOT. I am one of those people who tend to let things slide or get over them quickly. Other members in my family have drug out minor tiffs for nearly 20 years. Sometimes people think I don't care but, in reality, I know that worrying/stressing out won't solve the problem - especially if I have no control over changing what was done. You only have one family and we're all here for a limited time. When you're old and gray will you look back on your life and regret whatever you decide to do right now? Will you think it's worth it then?

I know talking to your dad about it is a good idea. I have difficulties communicating myself so I also know it's hard. Pick a comfortable place/time and be direct. Explain that what he said hurt you and why. Maybe he can clarify the meaning if it's not what you understood. If he doesn't care then perhaps there are other issues to worry about. That's when I'd consider a change. Don't worry too much about selling off the Charger until you have to. The market sucks and the vultures are circling so I can guarantee you won't be happy with whatever you get out of it. That decision alone could very well make you regret every other decision that comes with it.

On the other hand, do what's best for you. The Charger is just a car, a possession, a luxury. You do not need it to survive. Living your life is more important that what you have so make sure your priorities are straight. Perhaps it is time to take a break from your family. It sounds like you're not willing to trash the relationship or you already could have. Some time away or a different arrangement may improve the situation. If that's the case then do whatever it takes to make it work (financially, emotionally, etc.). You have already shown that you can find the means to own a Charger so there's no reason you can't do it again. There are lots of Chargers but only one of you and you only have one family.

Troy

[dkn1997]

........ I remember clearly having the epiphany that my parents were only regular people, with the same faults, frailties and wishes that everyone else had. That allowed me to forgive them a lot of trespasses, and begin to work on the relationship we should have had all along......

to the OP, really think about the above quote.  It truly is a bad day when you have to take your parents down off that pedestal you held them on as a youth.  Even those that really don't get along with the parents hold them in some sort of different light than all others...

For some with really disfunctional households, this day could come at a very young age.  You realize that they are just as screwed up as everyone else...  Honestly, for me, that was a hard pill to swallow.  My parents were my whole world, my source of wisdom, security, etc.....The upside is that when you have this epiphany, it means you are ready to be a grownup yourself.   

Also remember that he's F'd up and he was probably F'd up by his old man or whoever he called parents.  Our generation has a bit of an advantage over the older generation in that this kind of thing is talked about and once it's out in the open maybe it can be fixed.   

You will get through this and it will get better.  As painful as it is, the best thing you could do right now is sit back and remember how you feel right now, how hurt and sad you are.  Always remember it.  Think of it every day if you have to.  The payoff will be that you won't do it to your own kids someday.  You can't possibly measure how valuable that payoff will be until you have kids of your own, but trust me on this. 

[68X426]

  Take care of yourself first, then figure out the Charger. You're well-being is more important than any automobile.

You reached out once by thinking and posting, so reach out a second time. Start here: 800-273-TALK (8255).

[flyinlow]

Winters and the Holidays can really build up the stress. Go for walk , see a movie, help a friend, let things calm down for a while.
Take care of yourself, get enough sleep and exercise . I find hobbies or diving into a project can help. It will get better.  

While our Chargers are just machines, they are frequently also Dream Machines for us. Working on it , planning upgrades or restorations or just driving mine makes me feel better. I live in Oh. and have room behind the barn if it comes to that.( It would have to be next to a Buddy's camaro, sorry)

[bull]

Try to remember they are only words. If I took it to heart every time my family or in-laws said something upsetting to me I'd have had dozens of reasons to off myself. You know it's not worth it though. What would you accomplish other than making them feel guilty for the remainder of their short life? Don't fall for it. If you need to get out of your current situation do so and find a place to store the Charger while you take some time to make an educated decision absent of emotional duress.

[Cooter]

Don't know you situation, but All I can say is Nothing My folks could say would make me sell something I have saved for that long....Words are cheap....That Charger wasn't...

[skip68]

I still say find a ugly girl with a garage and tell her you love her.  That's what I did and after 17 years my car is still in the garage.  L.O.L.    If you're laughing right now that's good.  
Part of my charm is my dry sense of humor and if I made you smile then it worked.  There is nothing in this world that would make me think of taking my own life no matter how bad it was.   It does nothing and people will go on with their lives.   Only you wil loose.   I am selfish and there is just to many other things in life I enjoy and am not willing to give up.  Like an old saying goes, "this to shall pass" .........

Chuck.........

[twodko]

   Words can and do hurt especially when they come from family. Step away from it and please calm down. You've found an entire forum of folks to talk to so keeping talking to us. There is nothing in this world more valuable than your life, it is a gift beyond all things. Words and hurt will fade but family can't be replaced nor can your life.
The cliche's are endless but life is a journey filled with sun and shadow. You're in the shadows right now but the sunshine is one step away, please take that step. Do it now.
Harming yourself is NEVER an option so quit messing around with that kind of talk. Its selfish and the one(s) you hurt won't be just yourself, it will deeply hurt all who know you. Reread chargermike's post, reread all of these posts. I'm very thankful you posted and reached out to us. I fully expect many future posts from you so please don't make me come over there and chew on you in person!  
Its true what 1969chargerrtse said, you are loved. Go look in the mirror.....the person you see is worth loving.  

[twodko]

As a point of interest, Mrs. Skip68 is beating Mr. Skip68 with the ugly stick as we speak. 

[RECHRGD]

Problems and feelings are temporary and usually magnified when your young.  Don't look for a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  I came from a family that would say hurtful things....things that can still get to me today and I'm 62.  I chose to still be civil to my family, although from a distance until they passed and feel that was the right path to take.  I do have a brother that I have not spoken to for years and that's another story.  Shared DNA is not a guarantee of a blissful family life.  Do what is best for you, not something to hurt your father or others.  As others have said, let things cool off awhile before deciding.  Bob

[nvrbdn]

posessions are secondary to everything important. first and foremost is you,who can be my friend with or without a car. never let another persons anger or verbal slam belittle you to the point of no return. you are important to alot of people. tension of holidays are the most stressful on people. take some time to chill.go visit a friend or distant relative. let time heal the situation. if all else fails,you can make a decision with a cool head. or get 6 mos free storage in my garage. ill kick the wifes cougar out in the cold. its not a mopar

[BIGBLCK11]

I didn't see your post until now, I hope things are at looking better today.  I know this is another cliche but, time heals all wounds.  My dad is an arse on a regular basis.  I am pretty good at letting things go, but they do eat you up inside and it gets old.  I guess I have written it off as, he is not going to change and I am not going to get upset or waste my time on it.  I can only build from it, as others have said, and not make the same mistakes.  From the posts here, you can see there are lots of people that care and want to help.  Lots of wisdom in the posts too.  I am sorry to hear of the loss of your close friend.  Keep the car if you can, but it in the end it is only material and not what really matters.  Taking ones life if NEVER an option, life it too precious and short as it is.  You will hopefully work things out to the best extent that you and your father can come to terms with and/or possibly move forward while keeping you distance.  Thinking about or driving the Charger always cheers me up.  Life will get better, you do have lots of friends here!

[greenpigs]

I would find a place to store the car & when your parents ask why tell them how you feel about what is going on in your life. You need to talk to THEM before you do anything with the car & more importantly yourself.

[Supercharged Riot]

Hi guys.  I just want to take the time to write and update you all reading and giving me your input.

First of all, I'm doing alright.  It was sure one of those things that ate me up from the inside.

I also want to thank you all as well.

dads_69 -   You sharing your personal experience has shown me that even the most bitter situations does not keep you from hitting rock bottom.  And I admire that.
skip68
chargermike
elacruze
b5blue
NHCharger
Tilar
1969chargerrtse - I will take your advice, and actually bring it up one day that I am getting along with my father.
Troy
dkn1997
68X426
flyinlow
bull
Cooter - THanks.. and yes the Charger was not cheap.
skip68
twodko
RECHRGD
BIGBLCK11
greenpigs


Every single one of you that has replied made a positive impact on me.
I took all of your advices by letting my head clear and letting things cool off sure helped.

Thanks again guys. 

[1969chargerrtse]

See, we care.  I came back to see if you were o.k.  A parent saying something hurtful is extremely painful for a child.  I know, I've been there. Sometimes Dad's are actually just as human and dumb as us. I'm a Dad now and have also said things I regret. But when I'm mad it's hard to control what I say. Happy to hear your doing better. We're always here.

[chargermike]

dude i am glad your feelin better. start this new year off with a big smile. damm man you own a charger with a blower. that alone rocks.  HAPPY NEW YEAR MY CHARGER FRIEND. 

[BIGBLCK11]

Glad to hear you are feeling better.  The new year starts Saturday, so like chargermike said, start it off with a big smile, things will surely look up for you!!   

[Tilar]

Definitley glad you're feeling better about it. Like a few others said, people tend to do or say things before we think.

My son started working for me when he was still in school at 16 years old. One day one of the older employees told me that I was pushing him too hard. I really didn't take the advice too well but then I realised that I really was pushing him harder than I did the older guys. I guess I was expecting more from him than I did anyone else even though he had only been there a short time.  So, I guess we all screw up from time to time, and sometimes we need to be reminded that we're only human.

[Bobs69]

Hmm I never considered posting here for some help but now that I know it will be received well.................

How old are you?  From looking at the pictures of your car I'd say you don't have a problem yet!

I'd like to help but I got my own problems!  SO YOU SEE YOU AREN'T ALONE!!

Is your dad a drinker?
I remember one of my uncles being ignorant (and drunk) and my dad telling me sometimes an older guy will see a young man with his life ahead of him and doing well and may be jeleous.

I'm not sure if a father would look at a son that way or not.

I remember taking a walk years ago and hearing a father & son argument and the kid was so angry he was screaming at his old man, who was very calm and egging him on.  So I thought.  I remember thinking I wasn't the only one then.  Maybe he thought the kid needed to be pushed or toughened up?? Who knows.

[68X426]

Hey Riot (can I call you Riot? ), it's good to hear you gained some clarity over the past couple days. Explore all options: as the saying goes "kick the can down the road" (you don't have to make anything a final decision yet). I hope your situation keeps improving. 

[BigBlackDodge]

The support shown to other members (car knowledge and personal life problems) is what makes this the best site on the internet!!!



BBD

[dkn1997]

glad to hear you are feeling better.  Dads and sons.  Man, that's loaded with potential for hurt feelings.  Even a "great" dad will struggle relating to a son sometimes.  Not to give your dad a pass on this, but even on the best day, it can be hard for the best of men. 

I look at my boy and a yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta be a parent and all that.  But... with boys, there's also the added "I gotta make a man out of him"  this is real because dad's should do this.  Not by hitting to toughen up, but by showing and teaching them how to "man up" in this world.  That covers everything from standing up when necessary to honoring your word, showing up for work every day etc.....

Just a little food for thought. IN the end, you would be best served to be the bigger man and just accept him for what he is even though he seems to have trouble doing that with you.  It blows that you have to be the grownup and take the higher road, that's his job.  But it is what it is and some day when he's gone and you have to tell your own kids that you didn't get along with their grampa, it will be easier if you know you did everything you could to make it work. 



 

[dads_69]

Bump: we need an update from you brother/fellow charger member. Hope the new year is better for you and family.

[twodko]

Hey Riot whasssuuuupppp?
Where have you been? What has the new year brought for you? Are you OK?
Post up dawg.

[thedodgeboys]

Looks li,e you need a sleepover buddy 

http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,78189.msg878134.html#msg878134
 

Sounds like things are better 

[clanton]

You could join the Marines....anyways here some advice for you in the future. When you look back, and if you feel any resentment, ask yourself this, could you trust the perception of things now (future) based on the perception of a kid......Anyways, when I was your age......I was 17.

[KSChrgr68]

remember this.. No matter what is said, someone out there cares about you.  Find peace with yourself and do what makes you happy.  Do not sell the charger, that will make you sad...  Jesus loves you and so does your Charger     You just have to get past the anger and hurt you feel, and find the things in life that can and will make you happy.  Someday you can look back on this and forgive and work it out.  For now sure it hurts, but later it wont be so bad.  Life is ups and downs, look forward to the UPS