Tools explained!!

[Back N Black]

Tools Explained"


 

DRILL  PRESS:
A  tall upright machine useful for  suddenly  snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands  so that it  smacks you in the chest and  flings your beer across the room, denting the  freshly-painted project which you had carefully  set in the  corner where nothing could get  to it.

WIRE  WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and  then throws them somewhere under the workbench  with the speed of light. Also removes  fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from  fingers in  about the time it takes you to  say, "Oh, shit!"

SKILL  SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to  make studs too  short.

PLIERS:
Used to  round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the  creation of blood-blisters.

BELT  SANDER:
An electric sanding tool  commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs  into  major refinishing  jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a  family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board  principle... It transforms human energy into a  crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you  attempt to influence its course, the  more  dismal your future  becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally  used after pliers to completely round off bolt  heads. If nothing else is available, they can  also be used to transfer intense welding heat to  the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE  TORCH:
Used almost entirely for  lighting various flammable objects in your shop  on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease  inside the wheel hub out of which you want to  remove a bearing race..

TABLE  SAW:
A large stationary power tool  commonly used to launch wood projectiles for  testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC  FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an  automobile to the ground after you have  installed  your new brake shoes, trapping  the jack handle firmly under the   bumper.

BAND SAW:
A  large stationary power saw primarily used by  most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into  smaller pieces that more easily  fit into  the trash can after you cut on the inside of the  line instead  of the outside  edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE  HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum  tensile strength of everything you forgot  to  disconnect.

PHILLIPS  SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab  the vacuum seals under lids or for opening  old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing  oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the  name
implies, to strip  out Phillips  screw heads.

STRAIGHT  SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint  cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted  screws into non-removable screws and butchering  your palms.

PRY BAR:
A  tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that  clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to  replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE  CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too  short.

HAMMER:
Originally  employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays  is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the  most expensive parts adjacent the object we are  trying to hit.

UTILITY  KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through  the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to  your  front door; works particularly well  on contents such as seats, vinyl records,   liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines,  refund checks, and rubber or  plastic  parts. Especially useful for slicing work  clothes, but only while in use..

Son  of a bitch TOOL:
Any handy tool that  you grab and throw across the garage while  yelling "Son of a bitch" at the top of your  lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool  that you will need.

[Ghoste]

All tools are hammers except for screwdrivers, they are chisels.

[Hemidog]

http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,53643.0.html
http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,50917.0.html
http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,38554.0.html
http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,25708.0.html
http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,40875.0.html

[Back N Black]

http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,53643.0.html
http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,50917.0.html
http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,38554.0.html
http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,25708.0.html
http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,40875.0.html

The next time someone post it again you can add my link to your list. 

[Hemidog]

Will Do! 

[tan top]

  son of a bitch tool   
pliers 

all true