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The Philosophy of Ambiguity

Started by Spike, October 29, 2009, 07:38:02 PM

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Spike



     
    FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE  IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
     
    Please enjoy and understand the following
     
1.   DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
     
2.   ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3.    ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4.   IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5.   THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6.   I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7.   WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8.   IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9.  IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10.   IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11.   WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?" 

12.   WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13.   IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14.   WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15.   WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16.   IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17.   CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18.   IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19.   WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20.   HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21.   WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22.   ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23.   DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24.   DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25.   HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26.   IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27.   IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28.   IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29.   WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30.   WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31.   WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32.   WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?   

33.   IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

34.   CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD

b5blue

I've wondered why we fix a dent with bondo and bond false teeth with fix a dent also....... :scratchchin:

skip68

 :smilielol:   Those are some good ones.   :2thumbs:
skip68, A.K.A. Chuck \ 68 Charger 440 auto\ 67 Camaro RS (no 440)       FRANKS & BEANS !!!


mopar73


Grim Jhaixus

What is the correct response to the phrase "I shit you not"?
"Scars" 1973 Base 318/904 Originally B5

Married on November 23rd, 2009
Fried all the electricals two weeks after purchase
Set on fire ~twice~
Overheated til it would diesel a full five minutes ~twice~

Never once didn't start, never stranded me, never once did not take me where I needed to go. Daily driver of 4+ years.

Currently undergoing 413/727 swap after I finally beat the 318 til it lost a headgasket. The kicker is the 318 still cranks and runs like nothing is wrong. I love my ca