Things you don't often hear at a speed shop counter...

[LeadfootBob]

...But I did! The local "speed shop" hires some interesting characters from time to time, I just remembered a few gems from this past summer. If you have any of your own, please give 'em up.
1:
*quizzical stare* "Rod bearings? What's that?" He had to get the manager to understand what I was talking about... And apparently it would take them six months to order. Summit it is!
2:
"I'm pretty sure 440 six packs had roller cams in 'em from the factory!" All I wanted was a standard "HP" cam from a 1970, which apparently did not exist in his opinion... Yes, he DID find one ten minutes later... Sigh.
Chebby people, right? 

[elacruze]

K-Mart automotive department, circa 2000;

"...high beam lamp for 1982 Chevy pickup..."
"...they're all the same..."
"...you know, the one with two terminals not three..."
"...they all have three..."
"...they have only two..."
"...you know, for a 4-headlight system..."
"...no such thing..."

<cut to punch line>

"...yes sir, but we have to pick them from the applicants we get..."

[68X426]

Sorry for wasting your time, sir. 

[elacruze]

Sorry for wasting your time, sir. 

^ _never_ heard at a speed shop counter...or many other places for that matter.   

[Khyron]

me: I would like a trannie bushing for a 69 dodge Charger 440

Counter help: is that 2 wheel or 4 wheel drive?

me: get the hell away from the computer!

[bigred68]

 "I need an upper radiator hose for a... oh hell, gimmie a lower radiator hose also for a 1968 Dodge Charger'
" What engines it got in it?"
"440"
"Air conditioning?"
"No"
"Wow man, cool. What color is it?"
"Red with a black soft top"
"Sounds cool man,can ya bring it by sometime!"
"Thanks, yeah, I can do that"
"Yup, okay right here, (whilst typing on key board) I got BOTH IN STOCK it'll be...." whatever the total cost was.
THIS IS SOMETHING I NEVER OFTEN HEAR AT THE SPEED SHOP!!!

[Old Moparz]

Not too long ago I stopped in one of the local chain parts stores (I forget which name it was) & the kid at the counter looked to be about 17 years old. I only wanted a tailpipe for my Satellite so I can pass inspection & drive the car for the summer. Now you have to remember that this was actually when the Plymouth division still existed. 

Kid:  "Hi, can I help you?"

Me:  "Yeah, I need a tail pipe for a 1969 Plymouth Satellite."

Kid:  "Plymouth Satellite?"

Me:  "Yes, a 1969, with a 318 if that helps."

Kid:  "Buick makes that, right?"

Me:  "No, Plymouth makes it."

Kid:  "Didn't Buick used to make it?"

Me: "Maybe you're thinking of the Skylark."

Kid:  "Uhm......no, I just thought Buick made the Plymouth Satellite?"

Me:  "Satellite is the model, Plymouth is the company that made the Satellite."

Kid:  "Okay, that's just like the 'Hemi Cuda, right?"

Me:  "Yeah, you can't tell them apart unless you read the name plate on the side."  

[DavidSL]

I now know, after 3 weeks of learning, that I am qualified to work in a repair shop. 

[TylerCharger69]

Here's one.....From our pimple-faced newbies at Autozone:

Kid: Can I help ya?
Me: Yes.  1969 Dodge Charger, I need a set of  wiper blades
Kid: what engine is that?
Me: Huh?....Are you serious?.....383.
Kid: I only show 5.2 or 5.8
Me: No...that's either 318 or 360....360 wasn't an option for that year.
Kid: Okay...so ya mean 318.
Me: No!!! 383....It doesn't matter what engine it has anyway!!!!
Kid: Standard or Automatic?
Me: F**king pick one!!
Kid: I don't show the Ramcharger with that option.
Me: NO!!!!  1969 Dodge Charger!!!
Kid: All I show is the Ramcharger
Me: All I want is wiper blades.....get me the f**king manager you half-witted assclown!!  I couldn't care less what the computer there says!!!
Manager: What's the problem here sir?
Me: I want to buy a set of wiper blades for a '69 Charger!!!  15 inch if this helps!!
Manager: type...type....click....type....click  click....5.2 or 5.8?
Me: Forget it.....I just remembered why I never shop here anymore.........and no I don't want your ass-licking discount card either.......


Some people's children!!!!

[mauve66]

if you already know the size of the wipers you wanted........................ why go to the counter???

[RD]

i am crying laughing at this stuff... why?  I am a installer sales specialist at a O'Reilly Autoparts in Topeka, Ks.  I provide parts to the mechanics who work on everyone's cars... from dealers to the local yokel non-ASE trained feller (who usually knows more than the dealership tech's).

And boy... you should hear some of the crap i hear from customers, but... I know what you are saying.  I have had to "educate" my fellow workers on:

1. Carburetors (since mostly everthing is fuel injected now, these young guys dont know shit about them)
2. Transmissions (kind of a no brainer there)
3. Rear axle's and components

etc. etc...

the problem is that the people that get hired dont use common sense with some of the search criteria when looking up parts.  Plus, a huge amount of the population believe that whatever the computer says, must be true.  They "HAVE" to do what the computer tells them or they feel like they are missing something.  Autozone employees are really bad in this since they have no official employee automotive training program in place.  hence, you will get many who dont know jack about what you are wanting and why you see them confused if you are not providing what the computer is asking them to ask you.

I am not saying O'Reilly's is the best, you get assclowns wherever you go, but my store is pretty damned good and efficient.

How about this from my viewpoint:

Customer:  I need a oil pan set for my small block

Me:  Okay, what make?

Customer:  Chevy

Me:  Okay, what year?

Customer:  It doesnt matter, just get me a oil pan set.

Me:  Yes it does, what year.. one or two piece rear main seal?

Customer: I said it doesnt matter, just get it for me!!

Me: Okay, be right back... handed him the part and told him to have a good day.

(I sold him a oil pan set for a 1957 283ci engine.. he had a 98 chevy truck).

[PA Dodger]

I already quit beating my head against the wall. If I need a part for my '04 Ram I go to Advance Auto Parts or Auto Supermarket. If I need a part for my '70 Challenger or '69 Charger I go to the "old guys" auto parts store where they have the old books with yellowed pages that can cross-reference anything. Those guys like to talk cars too which makes it that much more enjoyable.
When I did the Mopar Action 11 3/4" disc brake swap on my Challenger I went to Advance Auto Parts with the part numbers I needed. They still couldn't get it right! I went something like..."I need Timken wheel bearings #1323321....Don't worry what it's for......Yes I know thats not the correct ones for a '70 Dodge.... Yes I know they are mid '80s Fury application....Trust me they'll fit my application.....No, the '70 ones aren't what I need...I don't care what the computer says...OK, lets pretend I have a '78 Fury...You don't carry them?...Can you cross-reference them?" His head almost exploded.

[mauve66]

i am crying laughing at this stuff... why?  I am a installer sales specialist at a O'Reilly Autoparts in Topeka, Ks.  I provide parts to the mechanics who work on everyone's cars... from dealers to the local yokel non-ASE trained feller (who usually knows more than the dealership tech's).

And boy... you should hear some of the crap i hear from customers, but... I know what you are saying.  I have had to "educate" my fellow workers on:

1. Carburetors (since mostly everthing is fuel injected now, these young guys dont know shit about them)
2. Transmissions (kind of a no brainer there)
3. Rear axle's and components

etc. etc...

the problem is that the people that get hired dont use common sense with some of the search criteria when looking up parts.  Plus, a huge amount of the population believe that whatever the computer says, must be true.  They "HAVE" to do what the computer tells them or they feel like they are missing something.  Autozone employees are really bad in this since they have no official employee automotive training program in place.  hence, you will get many who dont know jack about what you are wanting and why you see them confused if you are not providing what the computer is asking them to ask you.

I am not saying O'Reilly's is the best, you get assclowns wherever you go, but my store is pretty damned good and efficient.

How about this from my viewpoint:

Customer:  I need a oil pan set for my small block

Me:  Okay, what make?

Customer:  Chevy

Me:  Okay, what year?

Customer:  It doesnt matter, just get me a oil pan set.

Me:  Yes it does, what year.. one or two piece rear main seal?

Customer: I said it doesnt matter, just get it for me!!

Me: Okay, be right back... handed him the part and told him to have a good day.

(I sold him a oil pan set for a 1957 283ci engine.. he had a 98 chevy truck).

now thats funny to hear the other side of it

[ODZKing]

I called one of those places one day because I needed a tach meter that went above 1000 rpm.  The one I have is a low end one and obviously is for idle.
Anyway, I called and asked if they had a tach dwell meter that went up to about 4000 rpm.
They had NO idea what I was talking about.  Mind you, they're on the shelf.  Idiots.
But I do know what you mean too RD.  I worked in an electronics store for about a year ... retail.
People can be a**holes sometimes.

[RD]

oo ooo  i got another one!!!  sorry.. this will go on forever.. but here ya go.

1) had a guy come in about his alternator, said he needed a new one.

i asked him if he had a core.. he said yes, that it was in front of me on the counter.  i asked him if this was his core?  he said yes it was looking at me like i was a dipshit.  i then asked him about when he disconnected his core, you know.. if it made a huge "hiss".  He said yeah, how did you know that?  

i told him that he should go find his alternator as his "core" (that he brought me) was his A/C compressor.


2) i had a guy come in asking for a cadillac converter... i found it, told him the price and brought it out.  he said this aint no cadillac.  i told him no, its a catalytic converter.  he said he never heard of that company (there was silence).

3) a lady came in asking for a map, i told her we didnt sell them.  she said her husband told her to come get her bearings.

4) had a guy come in asking for a battery as his was bad.  he asked if i could test it on the car.. i said sure, went out, tested it.. bingo.. its bad.  he said he tried to start it, but it wouldnt turn over.. had to jump it and it started.  well the test confirmed it was bad.  he then asked if we could bench test it.. i said sure, went out (nothing was holding it in its tray) pulled it out and tested it.. it was bad.  he asked for a new battery.  found one, told him the price and he said it was too much.  said sorry, dont make the prices, but you do need a battery and here they are (he obviously came to us because he knew we had them... duh).

he then proceeded to ask if he could get a discount.  i told him no.  he asked if we could put the battery under a friends COD account, i told him no.  he was like why not.  i told him he wasnt the account holder.  he commenced to say, i know i am not him, why dont i get his discount. (silence). yes, this argument ensued for 30 minutes, he could not get the fact that since he wasnt the account holder, he was not allowed the discount.

5) had a lady come in saying that her car was overheating and asked if i could check it out (98 pontiac grandam 3.1L v6).  Went out, checked the reservoir, it was low.  added some fluid for her and she just looked at me with this profound look of OMG!  I asked her if there was any questions.  She then proceeded to state, "um... that is where that goes huh?"  I asked where "HAS" she been putting the coolant.  She pointed to the oil cap.  I checked the dipstick and 7/8 of the way up was nothing but a milky substance of coolant and oil.

I made her call her boyfriend and change the oil in the parking lot.

6) had a guy come in asking for torsion bars for his 97 ford ranger 4x4.  i asked him if he was sure about that due to the ranger being a twin I beam suspension.  he got pissed because i questioned him and told me to find him some.  i told him that i was unable to do so as the ranger did not come with torsion bars.  he was irked! i asked him if he drove the truck, he said yes, i went out and told him to point out to me where is torsion bars were.  he did, i then asked him if he would like to have a new sway bar, sway bar links, or a new mechanic in place of the one who told him that he had a torsion bar set up on his ranger.

there are more.. but i dont want to type forever.  and no.. i did not make any of these up.

[PA Dodger]

RD
  I loved #5) had a lady come in saying that her car was overheating and asked if i could check it out (98 pontiac grandam 3.1L v6).  Went out, checked the reservoir, it was low.  added some fluid for her and she just looked at me with this profound look of OMG!  I asked her if there was any questions.  She then proceeded to state, "um... that is where that goes huh?"  I asked where "HAS" she been putting the coolant.  She pointed to the oil cap.  I checked the dipstick and 7/8 of the way up was nothing but a milky substance of coolant and oil.

I was at the parts store recently when a I heard a guy ask for radiator flush that would remove oil because his wife "helped" him by topping off her oil. A quart worth into the radiator expansion tank!!!
Dan 

[TylerCharger69]

if you already know the size of the wipers you wanted........................ why go to the counter???

Because.....they keep them behind the counter in this particular store........................If that WERE the case....I would've grabbed them myself!!!

[PA Dodger]

SO, THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! Did you go for the base engine wiper blades or did you get the Magnum R/T high performance wiper blades? You do know you can get them wipers with led lights if you go to the "aftermarket aisle"? Skippy can find those with no problem.

[mopar73]

I already quit beating my head against the wall. If I need a part for my '04 Ram I go to Advance Auto Parts or Auto Supermarket. If I need a part for my '70 Challenger or '69 Charger I go to the "old guys" auto parts store where they have the old books with yellowed pages that can cross-reference anything. Those guys like to talk cars too which makes it that much more enjoyable.
When I did the Mopar Action 11 3/4" disc brake swap on my Challenger I went to Advance Auto Parts with the part numbers I needed. They still couldn't get it right! I went something like..."I need Timken wheel bearings #1323321....Don't worry what it's for......Yes I know thats not the correct ones for a '70 Dodge.... Yes I know they are mid '80s Fury application....Trust me they'll fit my application.....No, the '70 ones aren't what I need...I don't care what the computer says...OK, lets pretend I have a '78 Fury...You don't carry them?...Can you cross-reference them?" His head almost exploded.

this thread is killing me   but this one just about made me spit beer out of my nose

[bull]

5) had a lady come in saying that her car was overheating and asked if i could check it out (98 pontiac grandam 3.1L v6).  Went out, checked the reservoir, it was low.  added some fluid for her and she just looked at me with this profound look of OMG!  I asked her if there was any questions.  She then proceeded to state, "um... that is where that goes huh?"  I asked where "HAS" she been putting the coolant.  She pointed to the oil cap.  I checked the dipstick and 7/8 of the way up was nothing but a milky substance of coolant and oil.

I made her call her boyfriend and change the oil in the parking lot.

Obviously she thought it was the "710" cap. There's a big difference between a 710 cap and an oil cap.

[Blown70]

Well I will throw out the time the 5'10" blonde asked what I needed the part for and I said a charger?  What year?  69.  Really?  Yes,  My dad and I are fixing up a 70 Challenger...  Thank you Advaced Auto!!!

She was VERY nice to look at.... I swear, I bought crap I did not need..... just to see her HOT.....(ok I will keep it PG) nicest parts person ever!!!

[SFRT]

;uckily we have 2 decent speed shops here in the bay area.but its 90% chevy stuff.

[69bronzeT5]

Went to Lordco Auto Parts here (biggest parts chain in B.C). A little older lady helped me.

Me: "I'd like to price out a new carb and intake for my car."
Her: "Okay, what is it?"
Me: "It's a '73 Plymouth Duster with a 318"
Her: "Really?"
Me: "Yep"
Her: "Wow, I used to have a '74 with a Slant 6"

The conversation went for about 5 minutes then we finally priced out my parts

[TylerCharger69]

SO, THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! Did you go for the base engine wiper blades or did you get the Magnum R/T high performance wiper blades? You do know you can get them wipers with led lights if you go to the "aftermarket aisle"? Skippy can find those with no problem.

LOL....I got the RAIN-X aftermarkets........from NAPA    (R/T model I think....ha ha)

[greenpigs]

We got a local Mopar shop that did some work for me. They put my cam bearings in and 1 was 3/4 lined up. The rest were not even close. I told them about it and they said all there race motors are built that way. No wonder they have a repitation for building BB chebies.

[Old Moparz]

Went to Lordco Auto Parts here (biggest parts chain in B.C). A little older lady helped me.

Me: "I'd like to price out a new carb and intake for my car."
Her: "Okay, what is it?"
Me: "It's a '73 Plymouth Duster with a 318"
Her: "Really?"
Me: "Yep"
Her: "Wow, I used to have a '74 with a Slant 6"

The conversation went for about 5 minutes then we finally priced out my parts

And you didn't take the hint she was dropping & get her phone number?

[PA Dodger]

Went to Lordco Auto Parts here (biggest parts chain in B.C). A little older lady helped me.

Me: "I'd like to price out a new carb and intake for my car."
Her: "Okay, what is it?"
Me: "It's a '73 Plymouth Duster with a 318"
Her: "Really?"
Me: "Yep"
Her: "Wow, I used to have a '74 with a Slant 6"

The conversation went for about 5 minutes then we finally priced out my parts

That's exactly what I like about the "old guys" part store I mentioned earlier. I'm 41 and these guys are 20 years my senior. They know what I'm looking for and how to find it. And they can tell car stories all day long. That's too cool. 

[rustafarian]

Customers....

I sold a friends kid a VW,  a nice clean AZ car for cheap,  all he had to do was new brake pads.  I offer the install from one of the shops I use.  No thanx.  Comes in about a week later screaming at me that the car I sold him almost got him killed, wants his $$ back blah blah blah.  He was on I-57 going down to SIU when a wheel flew off and he landed on the roof.  I drove my own kids in that car,  never had a problem,  brake pad indicator was squeaking is all.  By the way,  did you do the brakes?  "Yes I had a freind do them".  Some friend!!!

[mauve66]

if you already know the size of the wipers you wanted........................ why go to the counter???

Because.....they keep them behind the counter in this particular store........................If that WERE the case....I would've grabbed them myself!!!

i knew there must be a reason, did ya walk behind the counter, grad them and smack him with them??

[BrianShaughnessy]

Went to Lordco Auto Parts here (biggest parts chain in B.C). A little older lady helped me.

Me: "I'd like to price out a new carb and intake for my car."
Her: "Okay, what is it?"
Me: "It's a '73 Plymouth Duster with a 318"
Her: "Really?"
Me: "Yep"
Her: "Wow, I used to have a '74 with a Slant 6"

The conversation went for about 5 minutes then we finally priced out my parts

And you didn't take the hint she was dropping & get her phone number?

People wondered where he was for those days he claimed he was moving...  Maybe he was tied up for a few days with the infamous Lordco Cougar   

[TylerCharger69]

if you already know the size of the wipers you wanted........................ why go to the counter???

Because.....they keep them behind the counter in this particular store........................If that WERE the case....I would've grabbed them myself!!!

i knew there must be a reason, did ya walk behind the counter, grad them and smack him with them??

lol....no....they kept them in the back on shelves somewhere....they probably didn't know where they were anyway....lmao

[Rolling_Thunder]

something i never hear at a part's counter ?    English

[Khyron]

She was VERY nice to look at.... I swear, I bought crap I did not need..... just to see her HOT.....(ok I will keep it PG) nicest person parts ever!!!

fixed it for you

[Blown70]

She was VERY nice to look at.... I swear, I bought crap I did not need..... just to see her HOT.....(ok I will keep it PG) nicest person parts ever!!!

fixed it for you

[aussiemuscle]

3) a lady came in asking for a map, i told her we didnt sell them.  she said her husband told her to come get her bearings.

there are more.. but i dont want to type forever.  and no.. i did not make any of these up.

that's one of those 'blonde' jokes, right?

[451-74Charger]

The scariest of all

Local GM Dealership

Me: I want an Optispark for a 93 Transam

Parts Person : What size engine is that

Me: All TAs were 350s

Parts Person: Can I get the Vin?

Me: For an Optispark?

Parts Person well it shows 2 depending on year

Me: I said it was a 93

Parts person: without the Vin I cant get the right one

Me: The 93 Transam has a non-vented Opti

Parts Person: I dont see this here

Me: Have a nice day

[Landonsrt]

AutoZone 1995. My father walks up to the parts counter and is behind another customer. The customer asks for a tach. The parts guy looks at him puzzled and states. "Sir, we dont sell thumbtacks. Youll have to go to walmart" My father put his stuff down and walked out in disgust.

[Mudhawg]

here's one from the other side of the counter.  I was working at No Auto Parts Available (NAPA).  Phone rings, I pick it up.  The lady says "I need a water pump for my car"  It was late 70s early 80s Granada.  I open up the book.  I say " "ok what size engine does it have?"  She says "Well, Its too big to carry."  i start to laugh and gather my composure and say " well most of them are."  Found her the right pump and she came in later and picked it up

[teddy1500]

On my last trip to NAPA
Me " I need intake gaskets for a 318"
Them "not in stock"
Me "how about a head set"
Them" whats that, oh, special order"


GASKETS are now a special order item here?
yes




go figure

[Landonsrt]

When I was a service advisor for chevrolet we had a new parts guy that had never worked with cars before. I asked him one day to call around and get me a good price on a radiator for a 70's VW Bug. He comes back ten minutes later pissed! He said he called the local autoparts store and asked the guy if he could get a price on one. He said the guy started laughing at him and said Good Luck, then hung up.

We all got a good laugh out of that. I wasnt the first to screw with him that week.

[Khyron]

On my last trip to NAPA
Me " I need intake gaskets for a 318"
Them "not in stock"
Me "how about a head set"
Them" whats that, oh, special order"


GASKETS are now a special order item here?
yes

go figure

ohh dont even get me started with Mopar gasket stock in a autoparts store!

if I had a freaken chevy I could rebuild it in one trip to Advanced Auto.... btu I can't even get a $1.60 water pump gasket without spending $5 for them to get it shipped from the other side of the freaking planet! 



wait.....  i do have a chevy now.



no... i'm still mad! 

[RD]

lol.. you can at my store.. i purposefully stocked every single mopar bb gasket i could get my grubby hands on

[mccombs1982]

Called walmart (being childish mind you) and asked for auto area and asked the individual back there if he carried a wiper blade sharpening kit, 15 min he comes back to the phone saying sorry I do not have any out on the shelves, i guess we do not carry them, maybe i should try autozone. lmao

[ITSA426]

Something you don't often hear at a speed shop counter....

With the tax that will be four dollars.