The best Dr. in the world.

[teamroth]

Got this from a friend.

Q: Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your  heart is only good for so many  beats, and that's it...  don't waste them on exercise.
     Everything wears out  eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;  that's like saying you can extend  the life of your car by driving it faster. 
     Want to live longer?  Take a  nap. 

Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and  eat more fruits and  vegetables?
A: You  must grasp  logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?   Hay and corn.
     And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak  is nothing more  than an efficient
     mechanism of  delivering vegetables to your  system.   Need grain?   Eat  chicken.   
     Beef is also a good source  of field grass  (green leafy vegetable).   
     And a pork chop can  give you  100% of your recommended daily allowance of  vegetable  products.

Q: Should  I reduce my  alcohol intake? 
A:  No,  not at all.  Wine is made from  fruit.  Brandy is  distilled wine,  that means they take the water out of  the fruity bit so you  get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out  of grain.  Bottoms up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat  ratio?
A: Well,  if you have a body and you have  fat, your ratio is one  to one. 
     If you have two bodies, your  ratio is two to  one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular  exercise  program?
A: Can't  think of a single one, sorry.  My  philosophy is: No  Pain...Good!
         Q:  Aren't  fried  foods bad for you? 
         A:  YOU'RE  NOT  LISTENING!!! .....  Foods are fried these days in  vegetable oil. 
              In fact,  they're permeated in it.  How could  getting more  vegetables be bad for  you? 

         Q:  Will  sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little soft  around  the middle?
         A: Definitely  not! When  you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
              You  should only be  doing sit-ups if you want a bigger   stomach. 

         Q:  Is   chocolate bad for me? 
         A:  Are you crazy? HELLO   Cocoa  beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

       Q:  Is   swimming good for your figure? 
         A:  If swimming is good for your figure,  explain whales to me.

         Q:  Is getting   in-shape important for my   lifestyle? 
         A:  Hey!  'Round' is  a shape!