An oldie but still damned funny

[Orange_Crush]

I modified it to make it MY perfect day.


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER:
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants open
presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds
1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle
hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full
length mirror
7:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/dancers
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
---------------------------------------------------------------------- -
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM:
6:00 Alarm
6:15 BJ
6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading Mopar Muscle
7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, hashbrowns, coffee and bisquits with gravy, all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Carlisle, PA
9:45 Buy 4-door Hemi Coronet, '62 Max wedge car, and an original S/S Barracuda
11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 BJ
12:30 Nail "miss Carlisle" and win Chicken wing eating contest
2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all redhead female crew, all nude who
also bend over a lot displaying growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234 lbs) - on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
6:45 Take a dump, Shower and Shave
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated,
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet
steak
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you
watch Mad Max
9:30 Sex with three women...all trashy redheads with tattoos
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 A night cap BJ
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

[Old Moparz]

I could deal with a day like that, but I see a lock coming. 

[andy74]

how come your perfect day and mine have so many of the same things?maybe we are long lost brothers? id skip breakfast though

[Old Moparz]

That's so stupid! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

[Charger_Fan]

That's friggin' hilarious!


Oh & I always keep well practiced on that 22 second fart.

[6pkrunner]

Wow! Now that is the ideal day. Gotta win the lottery.

[Johnny SixPack]

That's so stupid! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Do three Guinness and a Slim Jim count?

[Old Moparz]

That's so stupid! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Do three Guinness and a Slim Jim count?

Why not? But I think that would help with that long fart a lot better than provide the right nutrients you'll need for a long day.

[Orange_Crush]

I think the only thing that could make that day any better is to give those girls a "dutch oven" after the 22 second fart.

[Tom_440]

Thanks for the laugh!!!
I was confused a bit - where I come from, a "growler" is the same as a "dump." I think I understand how you are using it, though.

[69_500]

pretty good reading,

[ramit]

I can't believe you like playing Black Jack (BJ) that early in the morning.

[PocketThunder]

I think the only thing that could make that day any better is to give those girls a "dutch oven" after the 22 second fart.

I did that to my spouse once!  God i laughed myself right outta the bed onto the floor.     Then she continued to keep kicking me... She was pissed but it was worth it

[Ponch ®]

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM:
6:00 Alarm
6:15 BJ
6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading Mopar Muscle

well, I made it to "6:30 am" yesterday...

[Orange_Crush]

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM:
6:00 Alarm
6:15 BJ
6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading Mopar Muscle

well, I made it to "6:30 am" yesterday...

Yeah...I hear Mustanghater's jaw still hurts.

Seriously though...any day that starts like that is bound to be a good one.

[mustanghater]

.

[Ponch ®]

way to force a lock, asshat.

[mustanghater]

he shouldn't of said anything

[Johnny SixPack]

.

[Charger4404spd]

Haha, thats funny!

[Ponch ®]

he shouldn't of said anything

stop acting like a little bitch and lighten up. No one actually believes that you gave me a BJ. I'm way out of your league.

[adauto]

AMEN BROTHER!!!!

[derailed]

I couldnt ask for a better day except for maybe Jennifer Anniston instead of elle macphearson but im not picky like that.
22 second fart

[andy74]

mustang boy is an ass hat? i thought the term was ass bandit,isnt that what he uses the duct tape for?

[cudaken]

he shouldn't of said anything

stop acting like a little bitch and lighten up. No one actually believes that you gave me a BJ. I'm way out of your league.

Hum, sounds like your are speaking from experience

                               Cuda Ken