Truths I have found in my journey through life.

[Orange_Crush]

I was drinking with some buddies, and we were trying to figure out some facts of life that we have uncovered which were never told to us by our parents so I thought I'd post some of the list and see what you all think...

1.  If you are drinking, you should hold your pee as long as possible because once you break the seal the first time, you'll pee every five minutes.

2.  You really WON'T use algebra ever again.

3.  90% of women are three drinks away from girl-on-girl action.

4.  There is a big BIG difference  between "fun" crazy and just plain crazy (as applied to women).

5.  Two story beer funnels are only good in theory.

6.  The same is true of foot-long joints.

7.  The only time you'll drive away from a "dukes" jump is if you're on TV.

[tan top]

  # 3

[Hemidog]

#1 so true!

[Ponch ®]

1.  If you are drinking, you should hold your pee as long as possible because once you break the seal the first time, you'll pee every five minutes.

that's why you keep the empty bottles handy!

2.  You really WON'T use algebra ever again.

Yes you will. Example: Bud Select is $5, and Bud Light is $4. If your tab was $100 - How may of each did you and your buddies drink? Let x= Bud Select and y=Bud Light. And show your work!

[BrianShaughnessy]

Yes you will. Example: Bud Select is $5, and Bud Light is $4. If your tab was $100 - How may of each did you and your buddies drink? Let x= Bud Select and y=Bud Light. And show your work!

x=0 cause Bud sucks and gives me a headache.
y=0 cause Bud light is dog pee. 

S=$18 3 Sam Adams @ $6.
T=$80 to hot stripper for tips and lapdance.
U=$2 to get the ugly stripper to leave.

S+T+U = $100.   

[Old Moparz]

Yes you will. Example: Bud Select is $5, and Bud Light is $4. If your tab was $100 - How may of each did you and your buddies drink? Let x= Bud Select and y=Bud Light. And show your work!

x=0 cause Bud sucks and gives me a headache.
y=0 cause Bud light is dog pee. 

S=$18 3 Sam Adams @ $6.
T=$80 to hot stripper for tips and lapdance.
U=$2 to get the ugly stripper to leave.

S+T+U = $100.   

He's right, there's 2 licensed engineers in my office that ran the math to verify it.   

[squeakfinder]

Good one. That first post belongs in the lighter side....

[J-440]

  #8  Bottled water and any Lite beer taste the same (Sam Adams, Newcastle, Heiniken, and Shiner Dark are what beer is supposed to taste like.)

  #9  Real men do not drive ANY small convertibles...especially while a buddy rides shotgun.

#10  Chicks dig men who are assholes.

#11  You do not call the cops when someone breaks into your home.  You kill them first then call the mortuary to pick up the body.

#12  Big business runs the world.  All presidents are puppets.

#13  Any brand new car (except for a small few exotics) will be worthless in 6 years time.  Classic Dodge Chargers will increase in value.


Man this thread will be endless...

[Mike DC]

               

#14   "Dating" is something that shiny happy people do on TV.  A "relationship" is when you're throwing stuff at each other in a gas station at 3 a.m.

[Tilar]

               

#14   "Dating" is something that shiny happy people do on TV.  A "relationship" is when you're throwing stuff at each other in a gas station at 3 a.m.

Well, Dating is fine and so are the meaningful one night relationships. Marriage on the other hand just doesn't seem to work for me. I think it would be cheaper to just randomly buy some hot chick a house and go on about my business.

[Old Moparz]

I think #15 could be....

Women will pay waaaay more attention to you when they know you're married.   

[PocketThunder]

I think #15 could be....

Women will pay waaaay more attention to you when they know you're married.   

well then...

#16.  It takes a very strong married man to resist the urge of the forbidden fruit.          

[Ponch ®]

#17. Blow Jobs are like snow flakes. No two are ever exactly the same.

[Orange_Crush]

#17. Blow Jobs are like snow flakes. No two are ever exactly the same.

At least that's what Silver's friends at the bus station tell him...

[moparstuart]

#17. Blow Jobs are like snow flakes. No two are ever exactly the same.

At least that's what Silver's friends at the bus station tell him...

[Chargen69]

a very funny comedian did a song with things like this...

Tim Wilson (BTW if you ever need to laugh your guts out, see him live)


a virgin don't never drive a z-28
never bet the ranch on your prostate
if it's got an adams apple its probley a man
never trust a gay gypsy with the palm of your hand

she didn't accidently get good in bed
you can't join a church if your already dead
a work uniform ain't totally nude
brim and bass ain't seafood

when theres guns in the house one better be yours
don't be naked next to any fishin' lures
if theres girl scout cookies she's a little too young
if you say I do... be the ugly one

don't ever let a bald man borry your comb
never play strip poker in a nursin' home
don't blame your pall bearers cuz they don't show
if your buried in the middle of the super bowl

let people borry money they'll leave you alone
never fry bacon without a shirt on
never spray water on a hornets nest
a woman rarely aces the drivers test

the sign probly don't really mean massage
never threaten anybody in camoflauge
say you love her til she lays down the butcher knife
never put the move on the bosses wife

she's messin' round on ya if yer briefs don't fit
never trust a hitch-hiker to babysit
Cosmo's never in a happy home
you can't cut a deal with a kidney stone

a politician ain't got an HMO
washin' her hair means she don't wanna go
don't ridicule a biker bout' his tatoo
you been married nine times... hell maybe its you

Doom ain't the same as donkey kong
if he's wearing high heels you mighta raised him wrong
the clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates
don't rent a room from a man named Bates

a tank tops never on a billionaire
Stevie Ray Vaughn missed a note here and there
how many get to heaven noone knows
but hell will be asses and elbows

[BigBlockSam]

At least that's what Silver's friends at the bus station tell him...

[Manfred318]

#17. Blow Jobs are like snow flakes. No two are ever exactly the same.

At least that's what Silver's friends at the bus station tell him...

HAHAHAH

[Brock Samson]

 We never get more then what we put in...