Teenagers....

[nh_mopar_fan]

So my son is 14. I am on his laptop reading my email after he's gone to bed and he apparently left his AIM IM up.

Up pops this message from a 14 yr old girl who is a friend of his (not girlfriend):

"Yay, I'm not pregnant!"

WTF!

Today, I am picking up this:

http://www.netbus.org/surveillance-software.html

Loading it on his laptop without him knowing about it and against his mother's wishes. She thinks that he needs his privacy!

What would you do?

[Old Moparz]

I'd do exactly what you're doing. Privacy or not, he's a minor & your responsibility. Wouldn't it be nice to have a baby shower & a prom at the same time? That would save a lot of reservation hassles.

[4402tuff4u]

I would probably speak to him one on one. You dont have to reveal to him how you found out what's going on but tell him that you know. I would just tell him that he has to be responsible for his actions and that you have always been open/straight with him and you would like him to be the same with you. Tell him that some of those actions and choices he makes in life can really screw up his future. Tell him that the stuff he thinks about, including girls, you have already thought about when you were his age and that you use to discuss it with your father. Maybe that will open him up a bit for the discussion. The spy thing I think it's a bit to drastic at this point in time, unless other stuff has been going on that can harm him or others.

I'm amazed of what kids (11 yrs and up) are doing nowadays. I thought I was having fun in my teen years. Nowadays is way out line of stuff you hear. I have two daughters, one is 11 and the other is 10. That is going to be my hell when the boys start coming around - already started! Time to bring out the deer mounts in the living room and point at the deer heads when the boys are around and say "I was not pissed at them!!!!"   

[nh_mopar_fan]

I don't envy the parents of girls.

I just have to worry about 1 dick. You have to worry about all of them.

I plan on speaking with him. I already had the talk and bought him a book a couple years ago that he was supposed to read as well in case he felt uncomfortable asking certain questions.

[Orange_Crush]

I don't envy the parents of girls.

I just have to worry about 1 dick. You have to worry about all of them.

I plan on speaking with him. I already had the talk and bought him a book a couple years ago that he was supposed to read as well in case he felt uncomfortable asking certain questions.

Look NH, you've always seemed like a pretty smart guy to me so I'm sure you're doing a decent job of raising your own kids, but I think you're making a mistake.

Has your son ever given you a reason not to trust him?

Teenagers talk a lot of shit my friend.  You know...you were one once and I'm sure you remember what it was like.  Ha'f the stuff that comes out of a teenage girl's mouth is usually BS. 

Its a tough time for him and if he finds out you're spying on him (and I'm sure his computer knowledge is light years ahead of yours) he will NEVER forgive you.  No matter what your intentions were or whether or no you had his best interest at heart.  Are you willing to take that risk?

Its different if you know your kid is up to no good, but if you have a generally good kid there, there is no reason for you to go invading his privacy and potentially hurt your relationship in the process.

[RD]

Look NH, you've always seemed like a pretty smart guy to me so I'm sure you're doing a decent job of raising your own kids, but I think you're making a mistake.

Has your son ever given you a reason not to trust him?

Teenagers talk a lot of shit my friend.   You know...you were one once and I'm sure you remember what it was like.   Ha'f the stuff that comes out of a teenage girl's mouth is usually BS.  

Its a tough time for him and if he finds out you're spying on him (and I'm sure his computer knowledge is light years ahead of yours) he will NEVER forgive you.   No matter what your intentions were or whether or no you had his best interest at heart.   Are you willing to take that risk?

Its different if you know your kid is up to no good, but if you have a generally good kid there, there is no reason for you to go invading his privacy and potentially hurt your relationship in the process.

I agree with OC on this, unless your child has been habitual with deviant behavior, I would not jump the gun on this one.  I would explain to him exactly what happened and that it did worry you some and then put the ball in his court.  State that you are only telling him this because you feel he is growing up and is able to maturely handle this type of conversation.  Ask him how he feels and give him an ample opportunity to reply.

Now is the time for open conversations and the progress to such conversations.  If he finds out that you are spying on him, you will break his trust of you.  You know you want him to trust and respect you, well those are two-way streets.

I hope you decide on what is best for your situation.  No matter what, just stay consistent.

[Dale The Bold]

The girl just said she wasn't pregnant, she said nothing of who the potential father was.  All this shows is that he talks with at least one girl who is "easy."

[Shakey]

There is some very intelligent information in this thread.  And I am not being sarcastic.  I am a relatively new Father, my only Child so far, a Daughter, will be 2 at the end of February and I am already thinking on how to be a good parent and friend as we grow as a family, with a stress on being a parent first!

I don't know if I can really add anything here but I would figure trust is the most important part of the relationship.  Let me try - As I type this, I would think talking with your Son first would be the right move.  Hint that you know about what is "going down" these days (most likely the broad that sent him the e-mail  ) and that you and him need to talk on a regular basis as you can help him get through these tricky times, the teen years.  Remember, you have done this already!  If he starts to ask about how you know about this girl and the pregnancy scare, never let on - you are a Father and just elude to the fact that you have your sources.  He will forever wonder about how you know things.

Good luck - make it work!

[nh_mopar_fan]

Thanks for the feedback guys.

This is a tough one for me.

[bluesfool]

Since we are responsible for the actions of our underage kids, I agree it is necessary for each of us to stay aware of what our kids are doing. However, spying on them and violating each other's trust is a serious issue, one which in my opinion should only be taken as a last resort. Definitely, have a talk with him and let him know the responsibilities (and possible repercussions) of having sex at such an early age. This is not a time to lose your temper (not always the easiest thing to do, I KNOW), but stay calm and educate him on what can happen. I'm in the same position you are; except my teen is 16.

[Brock Samson]

 I agree,..  talk to him for sure, but spyware is not called for in this instance.. goodluck with all that!

[The Mad Scientist]

He will forever wonder about how you know things.

Up untill the girl in question lets him know she's already told him...   Or something like that.  

I agree with those that say just because he talks to her doesn't mean he was going to be the babydaddy.   If he's known her long enough and they're just open with eachother I'm sure that an event like not being pregnant at 14 would make a girl want to scream it at the top of her lungs to any friend she could find.   for a 14 year old girl...   Talk about a "WHEW!!!" moment

Also maybe she's never had sex in her life before and she just has a wierd sense of humor.  I dunno. 

Honesty is the best policy.  my $.02 is that if you can elude to your son you have any kind of "been there done that" that might be even close to applicable then he'd be more willing to spill his guts.  Speaking as a former teenager.  Unless my old man told me something interesting I wouldn't say anything interesting...  But every father/son is different and maybe the spyware is warranted.  I dunno.  I'm just giving food for thought.

[nh_mopar_fan]

I know for a fact that it's not him that's been boinking with her. That wasn't my concern.

I was more concerned that we're dealing with this at this age and what else do I not know about.

[Old Moparz]

I should add that talking is part of staying on top of what you have to do as a parent. If it looks as though I'm jumping on the bandwagon, then so be it. I know I never had any trouble talking to my own parents & they didn't make me feel uncomfortable when I did. As far as the privacy issue goes, at 14 years old he'll get over it. I had some "smoking paraphernalia" when I was 15 or 16 that my father discovered. I know for a fact he was snooping when he found it because it was inside an old radio that was hollowed out. It never bothered me that I knew he was looking, hunting, spying, or whatever you want to call it, & I didn't lose any respect for him.

I would think there will be a lot of issues that won't be discussed for various reasons during the time you live with, & raise your kids. I know there were things I never brought up & things I was never asked about. Unfortunately there are a lot of important issues that won't be brought up at all. If they are, it might be after the fact & too late by then. We have all done some stupid things, & if you're typing & reading on here, you managed to survive them by being lucky or learning from it. Maybe if parents "spied" more often, a lot of kids in trouble, in jail, or becoming parents would be better off.

I don't think it's disrespectful to want to know what they are doing, & if spyware programs can help deter something that may alter their life for years, then that's good. This has nothing to do with big brother, losing rights, or anything close to that. This is about a parent who is legally & morally responsible to take care of someone who isn't old enough, or wise enough, to take care of themselves. Teens may think they know it all, (I felt that way many times) but they're naive & ignorant in most cases. My daughter is only 6 & smarter than I realize at times, so when she's a teen I'll have my hands full. I know I will do whatever I have to to make sure she will know how to take care of herself when she's on her own. I don't plan on being a tyrant or the strictest parent because mine weren't & I feel they did okay

I hope.

[Charger_Fan]

I agree with these guys, I'd definitely have a talk with him & hopefully he'll confide in you honestly. Your relationship will grow a little stronger as a result.

However, I'd still put the parental program on there...but tell him you're putting it on there. The internet is too big of a toy to let go unsupervised. That's the equivalent of storing porn videos one shelf higher than the Disney videos & telling them to stay out, those are for grown-ups.
It really depends on the kid though, some are honest & respectful of parent's wishes & some aren't (I have one of each). A tool like this will only help him to choose wisely while he surfs the internet, because the little voice telling him to stay away from the bad stuff will be a little louder.

When my oldest boy (a defiant little putz to this day) started internet surfing, we didn't have a parental program installed. With the help of a couple of his school buddies, he ended up downloading some massive virus & smoked our computer...and then, the horse was outta the barn.

[RD]

I agree with these guys, I'd definitely have a talk with him & hopefully he'll confide in you honestly. Your relationship will grow a little stronger as a result.

However, I'd still put the parental program on there...but tell him you're putting it on there. The internet is too big of a toy to let go unsupervised. That's the equivalent of storing porn videos one shelf higher than the Disney videos & telling them to stay out, those are for grown-ups.
It really depends on the kid though, some are honest & respectful of parent's wishes & some aren't (I have one of each). A tool like this will only help him to choose wisely while he surfs the internet, because the little voice telling him to stay away from the bad stuff will be a little louder.

When my oldest boy (a defiant little putz to this day) started internet surfing, we didn't have a parental program installed. With the help of a couple of his school buddies, he ended up downloading some massive virus & smoked our computer...and then, the horse was outta the barn.

good points on installing the program anyway as a preventive device

[Ponch ®]

I'm no parent (to the best of my knowledge  ), but here are my 2 ¢:

You can load up all the spyware you want, but if you're not going to talk to him about it, whatever information you gather won't be good for shit. You're better off talking to him one on one..man to man (not man to child) and telling him exactly what happened ("I wasn't trying to spy on you, but the IM popped up and I saw it"), then ask him what's going on, etc. Like someone else already said - let him know that you trust him to know how to be responsible. If you don't talk to him in a "do as I say" condescending manner, in the future he might feel more comfortable approaching you to talk.

[THE CHARGER PUNK]

me being 16 so relatively the same age i can say this chick was probably being just humourous i have aim and msn and have had many weird responses if u want to to have a chat with him i could do it and get the low-down on wtfs goin on-MATT

[TruckDriver]

I'd do exactly what you're doing. Privacy or not, he's a minor & your responsibility. Wouldn't it be nice to have a baby shower & a prom at the same time? That would save a lot of reservation hassles.

That's the problem with a lot of todays youth and their parents. Parents are to easy going and don't get involved with there kids enough or punish them when needed. Hence teen violence, drug use, sex, date rape, etc.

[mustanghater]

  I'm in the young parent generation.

[Charger_Fan]

I'm in the young parent generation.

Will you still be there when you get older?

[dkn1997]

Rubbers......enough said.

[71Charger500]

As I am close to that age, I would say im 90% sure it was a joke.  A lot of dumb conversation like that goes on, I don't really know why...And even if it wasn't, theres still the chance that she was not indicating him as the potential father.

I know it would be very offending to me if I found something like that on our computer, knowing that my parents didn't trust me.

[cudaken]

 nh_mopar_fan , tuff call on this one being a teenage boy onces.

First, we lie if we think we are going to get yelled at and that is a given. I know I did,"honst Dad I did not do a burn out in the Runner".

Then we lie to are friends. Yea I did some drilling last night and laid some pipe". Most E-mails could read like your son was getting more than you.

Being honest only go so far these day I hate to say. Well it was the same when I was young as well. Mon took my winter coat for cleaning when I was 17 with out me knowing it. Found a pair of girls underware in them at the cleaners. Like she belivied "Mon I have no idea where they came from".

I hate to say it, but at this time I would do the spyware if it can not be found in the resister or if he is smart about computers. At this point 14 years old make me seem like a idot when it comes to computers. If he runs a program like Go Back you are busted.

Heck my daughter lied to me when she was 14. Came home boombed out of her mind. Could not walk and just slur a little. Blew chunks in her purse (cool the next day when she told me she was not drinking). After she was done worshiping the porcelain god looked at me and said "I was not drinking last night Dad". Showed her the purse and she blew more chunks in the living room.

Thank God she is 32 now and no grand kids.

                             Just happy I am not in your shoes any longer.

                                                                 Ken

[NHCharger]

I feel your pain on this one. I have two sons, 16 & 19. I know I would definitely sit him down and tell him what you read. Not sure about the spyware. I know last year when I checked my youngest sons computer I found he had several softporn sites bookmarked. I figured it was no worse than stealing my friend's Dad's Hustler mags when we were young. Plus I was relieved to know that he liked girls.  Maybe a good heart to heart talk about not only the responsibility of raise kids these days but show him the costs associated with raising a child from birth to 18 years.
It's a tough call. No one knows your son better than you do, so hopefully you know what buttons to push to get his attention.
If you need to show him an example I'll introduce him to my bro-in-law. He was a father at 17 and never got to finish his education. Now at 52 he's a drug addict who's life revolves around his Harley, sleazy bars, and a string of white trash girlfriends. He doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to through it out of. A perfect example of how to ruin your life.

[Old Moparz]

As I am close to that age, I would say im 90% sure it was a joke.   A lot of dumb conversation like that goes on, I don't really know why...And even if it wasn't, theres still the chance that she was not indicating him as the potential father.

I know it would be very offending to me if I found something like that on our computer, knowing that my parents didn't trust me.

I have to disagree & say I don't think it was a joke, teens have been known to have sex & get pregnant. I also think most people who have commented on this, understood that the boy who had the message pop up from the girl is not the potential father. With that in mind, & knowing it wasn't him, the problem is that it's someone else he knows, hangs out with, or is friends with. This makes it nh_mopar_fan's problem since his 14 year old son is at risk. Yeah, I know that not every kid is going to do the same thing as someone else, but the potential is there.

Anyone who's a father, or even just older than 14, were all that age at one time & have been in identical situations. Years go by, times change somewhat, but people don't, & guys still have the same basic feelings towards girls. They want to jump their bones the first chance they get. Advice will vary from one person to the next, & the type needed should be based on an individual & how they react to a situation. (Including the parent & son or daughter.)

Some will be offended by having a spy program in the computer, & some won't. Already several people stated they don't want it & would be upset if it was put there. I still feel that I was honest when I posted earlier that I didn't feel violated when I had my things sifted through by my father. Sure it sucked that he found what I had tried to hide, but I dealt with it. There are much worse scenarios that can happen & they do. Life is full of shit sandwiches, you just have to get really good bread to make taste a little better.

I knew a guy in high school that partied with his father, & I mean they smoked pot, drank, & shared what they had. Back then, this kid was 16 & was someone who a few others thought was "cool" because of this. I wasn't sure I believed this except I happened to be at their house for a party once when his old man walked in with a bottle of Jägermeister & poured some shots.      He also smoked pot that someone passed around & acted like a moron. I felt awkward & had absolutely no respect for this jackass or his son.

The kid never amounted to much the last time I saw him about 10 years after we graduated. He was still hanging out in front of a convenience store bumming cigarettes form anyone he knew. I'd also be willing to bet his dad didn't give him any kind of good advice about what to do, or not do, as far as preventing a girl from getting pregnant. He's probably the guy who'd hit on his son's girlfriend when his son ain't around & say she was fair game because he wasn't there.

Back to the problem posted, it ain't lack of trust as much as looking out for someone. A 14 year old went out & bought the computer to make it his? I would think it was bought for him. If I am giving something to my own kid (Like a computer tied to the internet) I'm making sure it has rules, spy program or whatever else to go with it.

[69_500]

I say that your right on track with wanting to know what else is going on in your son's life.

I don't think its wrong to use spyware to see either. Your responsible for your sons actions until he is no longer a minor and is an adult. Up to that point I say use whatever it takes to keep an eye on  them. I would have no problem snooping on my children when they grow up. I know my parents looked in all my "private" stuff when I was growing up. Sometimes it made me mad, but in the long run it made me respect them more. I respect them for wanting to know what I was up to, and for keeping an eye on me and keeping me in line.

[Charger_Fan]

Plus I was relieved to know that he liked girls. 

That's exactly what a guy at work said after I told him my kid melted down our first computer surfing porn! I guess that was the silver lining to my problem.

[Ponch ®]

  Now at 52 he's a drug addict who's life revolves around his Harley, sleazy bars, and a string of white trash girlfriends.

with the exception of the drug thing, sounds like he's got it going on.

[nh_mopar_fan]

Well, after thinking it over, I think that in addition to the heart to heart that I am going to have with him about the message that popped up on the screen, I am going to tell him that I am loading this software on the laptop (which I did buy for him). I am going to tell him that it's not that we don't trust him but we want to be aware of what else may be happening especially with the pervs and scumbags that are out there looking for unsuspecting kids.

[cudaken]

we want to be aware of what else may be happening especially with the pervs and scumbags that are out there looking for unsuspecting kids.

More than likely the best way to go.


                                   Ken

[psykicpup]

 Maybe its just that he is the sort of person this girl could talk to - not having seen the whole conversation you might be taking it out of context-ie her parents might have had an over the top go at her for something and she was saying 'well its not like i've done something stupid & got pregnant' or maybe she was taken advantage of or raped or was just silly & has now learned her mistake - I'm sure if your son was at all worried he might be a daddy he would have stuck around for an answer!
Having said that I would mention what happened - if you want them to be honest....etc- and use that to start talking about what you saw & how worried you are - as I said it may be that he is a good Agony Aunt/Uncle
The amount of times I could have over reacted to overheard comments with my son & daughter!!! theyre 20 & 18 by the way - I've learnt best to find out the whole story before even thinking  lol

[2Gunz]

A few points here....

Most 14 year old kids know a hell of alot about computers. So installing it and hoping he doesnt find it isnt very realistic.
Reguardless if it claims to be undetectable or whatever.

Telling him you are installing it is just going to make him "break" it so he can turn it on and off when he wants and let you think you have the inside scoop. Or its just going to drive the conversations to a different medium.

And lets face it do you REALLY want to know EXACTLY what hes up to?   You really wanna know that little Suzie around the corner is giving him head? I doubt it.

Some things you NEED to know about. Drugs is a big thing, but just knowing your son and his friends will give you all the clues you need for that one. Sex is the other, but lets face it..... hes not going to stop just because you said so.

Anyway...................

My father dealt with me in an interesting way, and it worked.

He told me than ANYTHING I came to him about I would be fine and he would help me with.

But if I lied to him, or he found out anything from anybody but me, there would be hell to pay.

When I would get in a jam I would go to him, and he keep his word, he never got mad and aways helped me.

I have a huge amount of respect for him because of that.

And if you have respect and TRUST, what else ya need?

See a theme here  . 

Let your kind be a kid. They make mistakes they need to. It part of growing up.

Just keep him away from the big ones.

[Stormhammer]

my two cents on this - dont exactly sit him down - just be like " yea last night when I was on your laptop you accidentally left your AIM up, one of your buddies IM'd saying she wasn't pregnant" just be VERY casual about it. Just be like " yea its a little weird that people your age are doing that stuff " dont be so dead on serious about it with him because he isnt the one boning the chick - plus its AIM - for all you know it could very literally be just an online buddy - the one where you've met online and only chat online - so it could all be farse ( trust me, when I was that age alot of girls would pull that sort of stupid crap just to get attention - and I'm 18 so it wasnt that long ago )

oh and yea - you put spyware program on there - he'll find it within hours and crack it open and erase and prolly uninstall it within the end of the day without so much a thought


so just take into account it IS the internet - ask him if the person is someone just over the internet or if he really knows - if he really knows then just be like what I stated above about the weird and saying like its shame she didnt wait - if its someone he met over the internet then its about 97% bull

[2fast4u]

Funny this should come up on this board about now....we've been through this just recently ourselves...not to the tee...but!!  Wanna know how we handled it!?  Yeah I thought as you...."Spyware!!!"  "Watch what they're up to!!"    Then we took one step back and looked at our kids and asked ourselves...."Do we trust them?"   Yes!    So we informed them of what was right and wrong as to the best of our abilities.....as well as keeping a close eye on their behavior over all and simply "talked" more "with" them!   Not "to" them!   The more they feel like you are respecting their space and their ability to make better choices the more open they will be with you....granted you won't know "every" secret......everyone has secrets.   But you will feel better as time goes by...depending on the kid of course!
    Just be ready to pull on the reins when needed to keep them out of trouble thats obvious..... to let them know your "still" the parents.
conversation is the best tool you've got and getting involved in parts...not all...of their life is the second best tool if they're good kids to begin with!

  Maybe this'll help...

2fast

[Stormhammer]

^^^ you just put what I tried to say in better and more understandable "parent" like words lol

[nh_mopar_fan]

We talked yesterday. I told him that I was on his laptop the other night and the message came up and what was up with her. I know this girl, I have met her. He said that yeah, she and his friend Ryan had had sex and she was worried. We spoke about what the implications were of having sex at this point in his life and how some mistakes you pay for for a very long time.

After we had spoken about that, I told him I was loading the software. Told him that we trust him abd that he'sa godd kid it wasn't to spy on him but that there are sites that he shouldn't be on at his age and there are a lot of pervs and predators out there and we need to know what is happening. He bitched and complained. We went out to dinner (it was my b-day yesterday) and he was really quiet for a while.

We had a nice dinner and when we got back he said "Dad, I understand about the software. It's ok with me."

Now, here's a question, would you tell the parents of the girl what is going on? I don't want to get into the middle of this but I feel like I should tell them with the understanding that they cannot say that it came from me. Is is being naive to think that I could remain anonymous?

[Old Moparz]

That's a tougher question than the first one since it isn't your kid. It could go over as no big deal, or the parents would be thankful, or they already knew, or it can blow up in your face. Not knowing them, I'd have to say it's a judgement call for you based on how they might react to it. I kind of doubt you'll be anonymous since your son knows that you know, your son knows that the girl knows, & when she brings up that her parents said something, they'll both figure out that you said something. Ask yourself if that would bother you.

Might as well ask which baseball team is better, the Red Sox or the Yankees. 

[triple_green]

Make sure he understands your "values". Make sure you talk to him, and make it wasy for him to talk to you. We do our best to try and discourage "unwise" friends.

It is hard because there is so many people on AIM. You can't really control it other than to shut it down.


Food for thought: Values are caught not taught.

3X

[Stormhammer]

We had a nice dinner and when we got back he said "Dad, I understand about the software. It's ok with me."

Now, here's a question, would you tell the parents of the girl what is going on? I don't want to get into the middle of this but I feel like I should tell them with the understanding that they cannot say that it came from me. Is is being naive to think that I could remain anonymous?

yea but he's still gonna try to find a way around it 

about the girl... thats really a tough decision - straight up - you couldn't remain anonymous. I want to say that you should tell them, but yet - the girl is their responsibility etc - but as an idea... if you ever run into them ( maybe somehow "accidentally" run into them ) just bring up how " yea, I was on my sons laptop the other night and some random person his age IMd saying she wasn't pregnant - man it makes me worry about our kids these days and what they do or see" then just go on nonchalantly on how you had a talk with him and installed the program with his okay just to keep tabs and protect him. But dont hint that the girl is theres. High chance that the next time they see her they might also sit her down and have a sex talk with her... which will more than likely scare her enough that she wont do anything ( as in continue? ) as least for awhile. I mean - telling the parents, all its going to do is create problems, severe mistrust, and drama - and it wont change a thing

[2Gunz]

Maybe they already know.  And maybe they are fine with it.  Then what? Just something to think about.

[2fast4u]

  ....my advice about the girl!   an adult female should be the one to befriend her and talk to her about what's going on........it would have to be a girl that this girl could get to know and trust......"if" the girls parents don't know....then maybe she would want to keep it that way!

   it's a very touchy subject for this girl and she doen't want just anybody to know whats going on in her private life.....for that matter.....the adult in that paticular conversation wouldn't have to disclose what she knows....just being a caring close friend would be a plus!

   and don't forget....the generation gap "does" make a difference....the closer to her kind of world the better and more of a chance that maybe she'll talk about "yay, I'm not pregnant!" to who is talking to her!  Who knows...if her parents don't allready know....she just might tell them herself if she's a smart enough kid!

    Let's be realistic.......even you thought about sex when you were that age.....times change and we have to evolve with the times and deal with it!

   By the way.....good job with your son!

2fast

[NHCharger]

Bob's right.Your second question is tougher than the first. Don't know if there is a right answer to that one. I'm going to ask my 16 y.o. son when he gets home tonight.

On a related subject. My wife was getting her hair cut the other day and overheard the lady next to her complaining about her 17y.o. daughter. "Well, my daughter is pregnant again, this time she's keeping the baby, my husband is so stupid he thought she was getting fat from all the Big Mac's she was eating and told her to lay off the junk food".

[NHCharger]

Well I asked my son about this, he wasn't sure either. He asked a couple of his on line female friends and they both said it's none of your business, of course I already knew that was going to be their answer.
Back in the 70's when I was a teenager most of us lost our virginity during high school or shortly thereafter. It's just the way things are these days, you just have to hope that your kid's are smart enough to make the right decision. I have pounded it into my sons heads that women are the root of all evil,so far it has worked.

[AKcharger]

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were trusted by their parents who didn't monitor their internet use and heed their warnings..."Trust but verify"

[Arthu®]

Ok I am still kinda an teenager at 19 but here's my view on if you should tell the girl's parents or not. I would say don't, because first of all you don't know how much is true. At that age sex is a thing to brag about (for some persons that remains the rest of their lives) but anyways it could easily be that it never happend. And you probably know the 14 year old girls, most of them will do anything for attention.

Arthur

[nh_mopar_fan]

Maybe they already know.  And maybe they are fine with it.  Then what? Just something to think about.

Then they're morons and I will think long and hard before I let my kid go over to their house.

[The Mad Scientist]

As for your son.  Excellent bit of parenting!!!

As for the girl's parents...  Maybe you can drop a few hints and further hint at places they can look for more info on their daughter without you telling them.  Then when their daughter blows up and says "WHO TOLD?"  they can say, we found *insert piece of evidence here* in your room, and we talked to *insert boyfriend's name here*'s parents.  Blah Blah Blah...  Lots of people like gossiping.  Teens especially.  I'm sure there's crap her folks could dig up easily if they're concerned at all about her (and possibly their grandson/daughter)

[Andrew]

14 year old girls say a whole lot of BS just to get attention (I should know, Im a 15 year old boy) some of the more interesting greetings Iv had from girls on MSN are

Im pregnant

Im not pregnant

Im gonna tell sam Im pregnant to scare him

Iv broken up with my boyfriend

I got back together with my boyfriend

Im a nun

Im the queen

Im god

I am gene simmons

I am satan, hear me roar.

I have 7 fingers.

I woke up this morning and my head was missing, I wonder if i left on the bus.

My house burnt down last night


As you may be able to tell, Almost all of this is BS, which is why i ushually answer with "I dont care"



Also, your son will get around the spyware, even if it says it is un-breakable, he will find a way around it.

[nh_mopar_fan]

We'll see about the spyware. This claims to be totally invisible. It will not show up anywhere. The only way to access it is to click 4 keys together which you would never click together and then enter a password.

the best part, I do not need to get on his laptop to get a report. It will email me a report as often as I choose.

[Old Moparz]

We'll see about the spyware. This claims to be totally invisible. It will not show up anywhere. The only way to access it is to click 4 keys together which you would never click together and then enter a password.

the best part, I do not need to get on his laptop to get a report. It will email me a report as often as I choose.

Darryl, use "I_love_the_Yankees" as a password, he'll never expect it. 

[nh_mopar_fan]

Never in a million years would he get that one.

[Orange_Crush]

We talked yesterday. I told him that I was on his laptop the other night and the message came up and what was up with her. I know this girl, I have met her. He said that yeah, she and his friend Ryan had had sex and she was worried. We spoke about what the implications were of having sex at this point in his life and how some mistakes you pay for for a very long time.

After we had spoken about that, I told him I was loading the software. Told him that we trust him abd that he'sa godd kid it wasn't to spy on him but that there are sites that he shouldn't be on at his age and there are a lot of pervs and predators out there and we need to know what is happening. He bitched and complained. We went out to dinner (it was my b-day yesterday) and he was really quiet for a while.

We had a nice dinner and when we got back he said "Dad, I understand about the software. It's ok with me."

Now, here's a question, would you tell the parents of the girl what is going on? I don't want to get into the middle of this but I feel like I should tell them with the understanding that they cannot say that it came from me. Is is being naive to think that I could remain anonymous?

NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!

This is none of your business.  If you don't want your kid to hang out w/ her...fine.  But if you go and do that, she will figure it out (because your son will probably tell her). 

They may already know their daughter is having sex (if they're not A. In denial or B, idiots.

I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my daughter will have sex before she's married (if she's anything like me, she'll have it before she's licensed to drive).  The only thing that I can do is try to teach her right from wrong, explain the possible consequences of a bad decision, and make sure she knows what "protection" is available to her.  My kid's gonna have sex when she wants to whether I want her too or not.  Hopefully, if I do my job as a parent properly, she will carefully weigh her options and the possible consequences and make the right decision.

I DO know that if I am a raving asshole about it, she'll do it just to piss me off (because that's just the kind of kid I have).  I know my daughter, and I know the workings of her mind.  She is the type of kid who responds to a soft touch and a logical explanation.  If I get pendantic, she'll wind up cooking meth with some member of a biker gang.

In any case, my daughter'll probably be gay anyways (she hates girl stuff) and then I won't have to worry about it (I've prepared for ALL possibilities).

[nh_mopar_fan]

If not expecting your 14 yr old daughter to not be having sex at 14 is being "in denial", I fear for the future.

We're talking 14 years old for cripes sake!

By the way, I'm not going to say anything. My ex says she may talk to the girl directly.

[Ponch ®]

Dude, don't get involved. It's none of your bidness and you're just gonna be causing yourself and your son a lot of aggravation (assuming he has a social life, youre just gonna ruin it for him).

[nh_mopar_fan]

*DUDE* 

I'm not. I just said I wasn't.