Sayings that stick with you

[dkn1997]

As i get older and more set in my ways at the ripe old age of 38, I really laugh at myself because I am beginning to use sayings that my parents did when I was young. I didn't use them in my 20's or early 30's, but it's strange how they are coming back to me. here are some of my old man's classics:

"he sees an indian behind every tree"   speaking about my brother being paranoid
"He's not a bad kid, he's just an asshole"  speaking about my cousin steven
"I feel like 2 pounds of shit in a 1 pound bag"  after a family 4th of july party and the ensuing hangover.
"you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear"  about only being able to go so far when polishing a turd
"A little powder & a little paint makes her look like what she aint"  ..on his days prepping used cars at a lot in the 40's
"He jobbed him"  after seeing some dude get his ass kicked on tv
"you could talk the balls off a brass monkey" referring to my mom's gift of gab.
"that's about as attractive as a hat full of assholes"  don't know what provoked this one, too busy laughing when he first said it.

From my friends old man:

'" if she had as many pricks coming out as going in, she'd be a porcupine"  comment about his other son's new girlfriend
"there's an ass for every seat'  when all of us said my friend was asking way too much for his 76 toyota celica

anyone else have any beaut's from the old man? 

I heard a really good one from a movie the other day.  It was a commentary on gun control. "better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6" 

[WingCharger]

Well, being at the ripe old age of 14, I already know and use:
"Gettin Down Around Bantam Tonight"-Its going to be really cold. Named for a town with the lowest elevation in the county.

[Just 6T9 CHGR]

One comes to mind instantly.....

"shit and 2 is 8"

I have no idea as to  why either

[WingCharger]

Isnt funny, but true:
"Failing To Prepare Is Preparing To Fail"-Immortal Words of my Dad

[dkn1997]

when hearing a boring or dumb story, take a quarter out and hand it to the narrator and tell him:  "here's a quarter, go call someone who gives a F..."

[Shakey]

Busier than a one armed wallpaper hanger with a dose of crabs!

[Brock Samson]

 Here's some:

In this current campaign season they're all trying to "Blow Smoke Up Your Ass".

[Musicman]

That boy was "busier than a Jackrabbit on a date"

[PocketThunder]

"This is working about as well as a monkey humpin a football"

[Mopar440+6]

Most of mine came from my granddad. These are the only ones I can think of right now.

"He's as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."

Talking about a girl riding her bike down the street: "She should know its illegal to peddle her ass in the state of Pennsylvania!"

And one of my favorites. Talking about an extremely attractive girl out for a jog: "Gorgeous legs. Too bad they go all the way up and make an @$$ of themselves..."

[nh_mopar_fan]

"We can put a man on the moon but we can't put a man on Martina Navratilova"

[RD]

"that is as wrong as two boys f***ing in church on sunday"

"he's fine... his brain is stuck in f***ing stupid"

"you are about as bright as a 1/2 watt lightbulb"

"light travels faster than sound and she looked bright until she spoke"

"PRIVATE PYLE, DO YOU EXPECT GOD TO MIRACLE YOUR ASS UP THERE?"  (gotta love that one)

"its colder than a well digger's ass in the klondike"

"your thoughts flow as fast as a stagnant pond"

"you are about as quick as poured frozen molasses"

"you are one brick short of a load"

"you are like a grey hair, you pop up when i dont want you to and you never go away"

oh there are more and i used them when i yelled at privates for screwing up when i was in the army... just out of practice i guess.

[BMOTOXSTAR]

One of my uncles says when you ask him how he is doing..."Fair to Middlin"
My other uncle always says "Reeved Up Like a Virgin On Prom Night"      & when someone is new at  something he calls them a "Green Horn".

[mikesbbody]

I heard this one from a native american indian id never heard it before I heard it from him. "if you aint been to the ghetto, dont go to the ghetto" 

[Lowprofile]

Yea, my old man had a few winners........

"Your Mothers Chilli is hotter than two rats F@#$&n' in a wool sock"

"Your grandma's face would make a freight train take a dirt road"

"Your grandma fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down"

He and his mother-in-law provided years of great entertainment at family get togethers.......

[472 R/T SE]

My uncle used to say, "Don't let your alligator mouth over run your canary ass."

Busier than a one legged man in a an ass kicking contest.

Elevator goes to the top but someone forgot to pay the electricity.

[Dans 68]

My Godfather (ex-journeyman plumber in San Francisco) told us young-uns, years ago, after we had just gotten off a party boat deliriously seasick (we actually kissed the dock as we were so happy to be off that damn boat), "If you taste hair, swallow...it's your asshole". We laughed hysterically until we hurt.  That was the greatest thing we had ever heard!

Another one comes to mind (same trip!). Not so much a stand-alone saying, but close and oh so true. My younger brother, early 20's, was placing an order for a sundae at the local ice cream shop with a young and very cute soda jerk (look it up  ). She asked him very sweetly "would you like a cherry with that?" Before he could reply to her flirtation, my Godfather chimes in with "ya better grab it, kid. It's the only one you're ever gonna get!" Younger brother turned 6 shades of red, and the girl giggled. Devastating. We laughed until we had tears in our eyes and we were holding our sides. We still talk about it. Good times....

Dan

[Mike DC]

 

"You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus." 

[Ponch ®]

"Blow jobs are like snowflakes. No two are exactly alike"

[mikepmcs]

Looks like she's been bobbing for french fries

that kids's bouncing around like a fart in a mitten

Looks like she been hit in the face with a fistful of hot bb's

you can't get there from here

it's colder than zip's a$$

SNAFU
BOHICA
FUBIJAR

there's a couple acro's for ya'll.

go here if you want some more

http://www.fas.org/news/reference/lexicon/acronym.htm

[BB1]

Don't let the door hit you on your way out. If I had a dime everytime I heard that. 

[Ghoste]

Where to begin with a topic like this?   There are just too many but I guess a couple that stay with me would be my father's , "Time to go shake the s**t from the straw".
The other comes from my grandmother and a habit she passed on to me.  I almost always leave one last sip at the bottom of my beer or glass of whiskey, when people ask why I don't drink it all I'm reminded of Granny who always told me, "God will take you when he chooses but the devil will always wait for an Irishman to finish his drink."

[superblu72]

If you can't dazzle em' with brilliance, baffle em' with bullsit!

few fries short of a happy meal!

he/she's not playing with a full deck

shit on a shingle

[The70RT]

Happier than a queer in a peter tree

[Ponch ®]

"Even a broken clock is right twice a day"