I don't know what to do, say, or think

[Drache]

I posted awhile back that my girlfriend was pregnant with someone elses child and that I was going to try and be a father for that child. I received allot of flak for it from a few members for my decision. In fact I had the thread deleted for that fact so it wouldn't stir up shit.

She was supposed to have gone to the hospital this morning to have the baby. Last I heard from her was noon yesterday, she said she was going to call me later last night and never did.

I just found out an hour ago she was taken to the hospital at about 3pm yesterday. I am sorry to report to the few of those that were happy for my decision that the baby didn't make it through child birth.

I feel guilty for not being there when she needed me the most. I did what I should have done originally, I quit my job and I'll be back home in a matter of days.

[mikepmcs]

Kyle
really sorry to hear that, my heart sank because I know she must be devastated.  On another note, and don't take this wrong, this will really show colors as far as you 2 working things out.  She needs a ton of support and I'm sure you will give it to her as it seems you are really in love with this woman.  Don't be surprised at her temperament and be patient because this is a difficult time for any woman, to go through such a tragedy.  I guess what i'm saying is be there for her and do the best you can to ease the pain, but don't expect any miracles and try to do more listening than offering advice.

What ever happened to the military gig, did that fall through??



Good luck.

v/r
Mike

[Drache]

Kyle
really sorry to hear that, my heart sank because I know she must be devastated.  On another note, and don't take this wrong, this will really show colors as far as you 2 working things out.  She needs a ton of support and I'm sure you will give it to her as it seems you are really in love with this woman.  Don't be surprised at her temperament and be patient because this is a difficult time for any woman, to go through such a tragedy.  I guess what i'm saying is be there for her and do the best you can to ease the pain, but don't expect any miracles and try to do more listening than offering advice.

What ever happened to the military gig, did that fall through??



Good luck.

v/r
Mike

Mike,

Thank you for the kind words. I plan on being there for her no matter what, thus why I quit my out of town job so I could be closer to her. There is no advice that I could give and she told me that just being there for her is more than anyone else has ever done. All I want to do right now is just hold her. I know there will be really rough times ahead and in the back of my mind I knew that if this had happened, our relationship would be thrown for a loop, but I would do anything for her.

As for the military gig, I have my first evaluation in September, so coming up really soon.

[pettyfan43]

Drache, I have been there TWICE, It is a little different than you because the children were mine with my (NOW Ex) wife. 

It is DEVASTATING, the fact is that going to your own Child's funeral is unnatural. SHe may very well need some professional help and carry a LOT of guilt simply because
of her mother's instinct. In her mind she is supposed to protect the child, and as much as this is most likely NOT her fault, she will NOT see it that way.

My Ex went through excruciating pain over this and I did all I could.

We lost a boy (stillborn) at 16.5 weeks and then in 03 we had a little girl at about 23-24 weeks that lived 12 days.

That was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life, second was my divorce, I still have rough days over this stuff.

I go about once a week to the cemetery to make sure my little girl's grave site is in good shape and it still hurts every time I see her name on that headstone.

If you need to talk or if I can help you deal in some way, my email is in my profile and you can PM me.  Take care of yourself and do all you are able to for her.


Chris

[Drache]

Chris,

Even though it wasn't my child I still got to start loving it and looking forward to it. I went out buying baby things like cribs and stuffed animals with my cousin who has two children of her own. I already had blueprints I drew up of what I want the baby room to be like.

I am devestated about this and I can only imagine how she is feeling. Luckily she has her mom, an aunt, and a grandmother there right now. If this somehow costs us our relationship I will still be there for her no matter what and my feelings will never change.

What I didn't tell people was that she had been pregnant with my child back when we originally were going out and that it didn't live past 2 months. We had planned to have one and it seemed like a miracle. I didn't mention this in my other post because I knew people would delve too deeply into it. She carries allot of guilt for this and to compound it again with this....

I really don't know what to do but be there, hold her, and listen.


This was the first picture taken of us when she first came back.


This was taken a few months ago at 10 Mile Lake in Quesnel


The very last picture I took of her before I left on work. This was during the Billy Barker Days Parade.

[mikepmcs]

You have a good heart brother...that is obvious. Just be there and the rest will come hopefully.  I really dig you guys that get into relationships, i'm numb to it all.

I wish the best for you both!!


Hey, maybe someday you can have one of your own.   Thing that worries me is she has now lost 2.  Maybe some docs could shed some light on this.

v/r
Mike

[Drache]

Hey, maybe someday you can have one of your own.   Thing that worries me is she has now lost 2.  Maybe some docs could shed some light on this.

She was originally told that she couldn't have children due to problems with her ovaries (which used to cause her LOTS of pain). That problem started clearing up and her and I had started talking about having a child. Couple months later out of the blue she tells me she is pregnant and we were so happy. Couple months later she looses it.

With this one though I havent heard directly from the doctor yet but she had a condition that when she got pregnant, it made her sort of diabetic where she had to take three insulin shots a day near the end.

At the same time I myself have been told that it is very unlikely for me to have children do to a.... "wound" I sustained shortly after going into highschool. Yet it seems that it can happen....

I have to be very careful around her as just the slightest wrong thing could result in bad things. It will take her a long time and I have my work cut out for me. When she had lost our child she buried it deep and it wasn't until only three months ago that she finally broke down in my arms about it.

[Neal_J]

Prayers are with you, bro.

Best, Neal

[Drache]

Well seems things aren't going to go well between us....

She called the guy she dated before me and instead cried telling him what happened. As of yet she has refused to call me since I first got word. It's making me feel as though I did something wrong. Seems anytime we had the slightest of spats she would tell her ex and even forward him emails I wrote to her. I guess I should have listened to those here that said it was a bad idea. Im torn up inside over this loss and things like her ex contacting me telling me that he blames me for her losing the child thats not even his just makes things even worse.

[Chris G.]

If you want real advice and opinions, I will help give it to you. The advice and words of encouragement you have gotten so far are not helping your situation. They are nice to hear, but not helping.

1. There's more to this mess than any of us will ever know.

2. Stop revolving your life around this broad. It sounds like you feel she is the beginning and end to your love life. That's not true. She is just another chapter in your life that clearly needs to end. There's a better life out there, the hard part is believing it, but it is true.

3. Quitting your job??? WTF!!! That's some serious BS right there. Are you telling me you just walked out of your job because you "assumed" this girl needed you by her side? I guess we now know she really only wanted to use you when it benefits her.

4. Forwarding your emails to another guy (who also had sex with her)?? Again, more to this story than we will ever know.

5. From what little I have heard about this girl, she sounds like a flat out bitch and knows she had a gravy train (You) just waiting for her every time she needs a boost.

Stop with the Bitch-Ass-Ness and MOVE ON! You are one step away from being a Maury Povich or Jerry Springer guest. It's embarrassing to see you get played the way you are. Reality is, this chick will never change her ways. If you somehow stay with her (or if she even wants you), sooner or later she will leave you, or let another dude in your bed.

Oh... 

[skip68]

Drache,       WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HER ? ? ?    If you think this is the only girl for you that's crazy.     This is NOT love you are feeling it's infactuation.  She has no respect for you or your feelings and that my friend is not love.  I think the feelings you have for her are blinding you and you are afraid to push things because you know she will leave you and the truth is she was never really there.    Don't be a door mat.    I'm sorry if this is hard to take but I think most of us have been in a one sided relationship and had our harts broke before so I feel your pain.  Don't be an enabler... The best thing you could do is RUN FOREST RUN while you still have a chance at a life with someone that will give all their hart to you like my wife does to me.       Because if my wife gets out of line she knows what's coming.    JUST KIDDING     I know it's hard, but, you have to walk and don't look back.      She's made her choice very clear to me and I'm sure everyone here as well can agree that you deserve better than her and it will come.     I still remember the first time I forced myself on my wife..... .....That's another story for some other time.     Good luck,    Chuck...............

[68rt]

If you want real advice and opinions, I will help give it to you. The advice and words of encouragement you have gotten so far are not helping your situation. They are nice to hear, but not helping.

1. There's more to this mess than any of us will ever know.

2. Stop revolving your life around this broad. It sounds like you feel she is the beginning and end to your love life. That's not true. She is just another chapter in your life that clearly needs to end. There's a better life out there, the hard part is believing it, but it is true.

3. Quitting your job??? WTF!!! That's some serious BS right there. Are you telling me you just walked out of your job because you "assumed" this girl needed you by her side? I guess we now know she really only wanted to use you when it benefits her.

4. Forwarding your emails to another guy (who also had sex with her)?? Again, more to this story than we will ever know.

5. From what little I have heard about this girl, she sounds like a flat out bitch and knows she had a gravy train (You) just waiting for her every time she needs a boost.

Stop with the Bitch-Ass-Ness and MOVE ON! You are one step away from being a Maury Povich or Jerry Springer guest. It's embarrassing to see you get played the way you are. Reality is, this chick will never change her ways. If you somehow stay with her (or if she even wants you), sooner or later she will leave you, or let another dude in your bed.

Oh... 

tell her to hit the road and let take her  home

[68rt]

Drache,       WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HER ? ? ?    If you think this is the only girl for you that's crazy.     This is NOT love you are feeling it's infactuation.  She has no respect for you or your feelings and that my friend is not love.  I think the feelings you have for her are blinding you and you are afraid to push things because you know she will leave you and the truth is she was never really there.    Don't be a door mat.    I'm sorry if this is hard to take but I think most of us have been in a one sided relationship and had our harts broke before so I feel your pain.  Don't be an enabler... The best thing you could do is RUN FOREST RUN while you still have a chance at a life with someone that will give all their hart to you like my wife does to me.       Because if my wife gets out of line she knows what's coming.    JUST KIDDING     I know it's hard, but, you have to walk and don't look back.      She's made her choice very clear to me and I'm sure everyone here as well can agree that you deserve better than her and it will come.     I still remember the first time I forced myself on my wife..... .....That's another story for some other time.     Good luck,    Chuck...............

[Daytona R/T SE]

Drache, After 45 years of living and countless relationships with women, including my marriage that so far has lasted almost 20 years, ( Amazing, since I can be a real DICK ) I give to you sir, the advise that only experience and age can teach you:

She's gone.

All of her problems are gone with her.

Never contact her again.

Never allow her to contact you again.

Change the locks.

Block her e-mail.

Get a new phone number.

Burn all bridges between the two of you.

If she has belongings at your place UPS them to her or take them to goodwill.

If she has some of your belongings write them off as a cheap lesson.

She's poison and she will kill you.

Good riddance.

[Blown70]

Drache, After 45 years of living and countless relationships with women, including my marriage that so far has lasted almost 20 years, ( Amazing, since I can be a real DICK ) I give to you sir, the advise that only experience and age can teach you:

She's gone.

All of her problems are gone with her.

Never contact her again.

Never allow her to contact you again.

Change the locks.

Block her e-mail.

Get a new phone number.

Burn all bridges between the two of you.

If she has belongings at your place UPS them to her or take them to goodwill.

If she has some of your belongings write them off as a cheap lesson.

She's poison and she will kill you.

Good riddance.

I agree, with this and the and the Skips.     

[68rt]

Drache, After 45 years of living and countless relationships with women, including my marriage that so far has lasted almost 20 years, ( Amazing, since I can be a real DICK ) I give to you sir, the advise that only experience and age can teach you:

She's gone.

All of her problems are gone with her.

Never contact her again.

Never allow her to contact you again.

Change the locks.

Block her e-mail.

Get a new phone number.

Burn all bridges between the two of you.

If she has belongings at your place UPS them to her or take them to goodwill.

If she has some of your belongings write them off as a cheap lesson.

She's poison and she will kill you.

Good riddance.

:iagree:better listen its good advice

[NHCharger]

Drache, I never saw your other thread. When I read your first post I felt very sorry for you and your girlfriend. However, the more you post the more convoluted this whole story becomes. Her ex blaming you for the baby's death and it's not his either, WTF. As Chris G. said, we'll never know the entire story, and I'm not sure I want to.
I hate to say this but it sounds like she's using you for a crutch. I just watched my youngest son (18) go through this with his GF of two years. He finally cut the cord and yeah right now he's miserable and lonely but he knows in the long run he did the right thing. I really think you should step back and try to take a fresh look at the ENTIRE picture. It looks to me like your entire life revolves around her and hers revolves around whoever will give her the biggest pity party.
Don't get me wrong, the loss of a child is huge, but she and/or her ex is already using this situation to make you feel guilty or bad.
The more I type the more I'm inclined to say, run far, run fast.

[BrianShaughnessy]

I'm fairly sure I posted the first "Run Forrest Run" in the original post.


If you'd have listened to some of us old dudes at least you'd still have a job.   

[skip68]

I never saw the first post.     Or at least I don't remember it.   

[pettyfan43]

Man I sympathize with how you feel. But if she won't even give you the time of day, let it go, she obviously doesn't care what she does to you.

If she has called somebody she dated before you, and it still isn't HIS child either, WHO IS the child's father? Does he know this stuff and where is he?


Like these other guys have said, you are being (have been) PLAYED, Be done with the whole deal.  How many "boyfriends" DOES she have??

Put it behind you and consider yourself LUCKY you didn't marry her, to be honest she is trouble.


My divorce taught me several valuable lessons, not the least of which is who I can and can't trust and who my TRUE friends are.

[RD]

wow.... Ya think God is trying to tell you something?  How many signs do you need?

Not to sound mean, but if you want, I can fly up to Canada and hit you in the head with a brick personally if the figurative ones arent doing it for you?

Good luck, God speed, and make this a learning experience, not a MISTAKE (mistakes you do over and over).

[dkn1997]

Don't con yourself into thinking that she is the only game in town and that you cannot do better.  That thought is what keeps many people in unhappy relationships.  predators like this one over here rely on that false notion to keep nice guys like you on the payroll. 

what's that saying?  fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.  she has run you through the ringer once....don't be a fool and let it happen again.  tell her to take her email and shove it up her ass and cram the ex boyfriend in there while she's at it.  If you treat her half as good as you talk about her on here, then she's the fool for not realizing that has a guy who worships the ground she walks on.

cut her off totally.  say your peace if you must, then be done with it.   

[BB1]

Life is to short for this bro; time will heal all.

Listen to the post on here.

No woman is worth destroying yourself for.

You are a worth while person to know.

We will all come over to your house and kick your ass if keep this up. 

Lessoned learned,... now "I" know better,... happiness starts with you.

Why are you not thinking about Dodge Chargers?

[Back N Black]

I think i would be looking for the Ex-boyfriend to have a little chat. That would be a great way to relieve a little stress. 

[Brock Samson]

  Ii agree with the above posts, she's kryptonite... move on and avoid her. 

[Old Moparz]

[terrible one]

LMFAO 

[Mike DC]

Sorry the whole thing happened. 

Losing a child hurts like hell.  It just feels like such a violation of everything, like sometimes it feels worse than if the person had lived longer first (whether there's any logic in that emotion or not). 


-------------------------------------------------------------------


I don't even remember what all was said on the other thread, but I agree that this situation sounds bad.


It's easy for uninvolved guys like us to hear one side of it, and then proclaim judgment on her & all her actions (towards our buddy).  I'm sure we don't even know 10% of what there is to know here.

We may be all wrong in criticizing her for wanting to "use you" and "ride the gravy train."  She may never have wanted things to work out that way and she may have had the best intentions for being with you.  Or she may just not have ever sorted out her own feelings herself. 



But IMHO the end results look almost exactly the same as if she DID just intend to callously try to use you for a free ride.  And to me, that is all that really matters. 



Sometimes I think people are born with good intentions just so we'll forgive them when they do the bad things.  It's messed up, but I think you can sometimes get burned a lot worse by a toxic person that MEANS WELL than by a flat-out worthless bitch.  You can certainly get burned more times in a row with the one that means well. 

Well-meaning toxic people are easier to forgive than people with bad intentions, but the final result isn't always different enough.  A life with the former type just isn't different ENOUGH  from a life with the latter. 

[TK73]

If you want real advice and opinions, I will help give it to you. The advice and words of encouragement you have gotten so far are not helping your situation. They are nice to hear, but not helping.

1. There's more to this mess than any of us will ever know.

2. Stop revolving your life around this broad. It sounds like you feel she is the beginning and end to your love life. That's not true. She is just another chapter in your life that clearly needs to end. There's a better life out there, the hard part is believing it, but it is true.

3. Quitting your job??? WTF!!! That's some serious BS right there. Are you telling me you just walked out of your job because you "assumed" this girl needed you by her side? I guess we now know she really only wanted to use you when it benefits her.

4. Forwarding your emails to another guy (who also had sex with her)?? Again, more to this story than we will ever know.

5. From what little I have heard about this girl, she sounds like a flat out bitch and knows she had a gravy train (You) just waiting for her every time she needs a boost.

Stop with the Bitch-Ass-Ness and MOVE ON! You are one step away from being a Maury Povich or Jerry Springer guest. It's embarrassing to see you get played the way you are. Reality is, this chick will never change her ways. If you somehow stay with her (or if she even wants you), sooner or later she will leave you, or let another dude in your bed.

Oh... 

YEP!!

[TK73]

She's gone.

All of her problems are gone with her.

Never contact her again.

Never allow her to contact you again.

Change the locks.

Block her e-mail.

Get a new phone number.

Burn all bridges between the two of you.

If she has belongings at your place UPS them to her or take them to goodwill.

If she has some of your belongings write them off as a cheap lesson.

She's poison and she will kill you.

Good riddance.

Done these a few times!!

[Daytona R/T SE]

She's gone.

All of her problems are gone with her.

Never contact her again.

Never allow her to contact you again.

Change the locks.

Block her e-mail.

Get a new phone number.

Burn all bridges between the two of you.

If she has belongings at your place UPS them to her or take them to goodwill.

If she has some of your belongings write them off as a cheap lesson.

She's poison and she will kill you.

Good riddance.

Done these a few times!!

Yep!

[Charger74]

Drache, Please listen to these posts.  I have been in way to many relationships that where somewhat similiar to yours.  I had to learn the hard way that I was too nice of a person and got played way to many times and got seriously screwed financially because of one of them.   I finally had to move 1500 miles away from everything I knew just to make sure it didn't happen to me again.  And believe me, I don't regret it one bit.  I finally found someone great who I married and have a beautiful little girl with that is mine and not someone elses.    Trust me, you don't want to be in a relationship like this with someone who's kid isn't yours...

[NHCharger]

[The70RT]

Yeah like everyone else is saying...let it go.  If you ever want to have a family it doesn't sound like she can give you one anyway.

[TK73]

Remember: there's 50 ways to leave this looser...

[dodgecharger-fan]

She's gone.

All of her problems are gone with her.

Never contact her again.

Never allow her to contact you again.

Change the locks.

Block her e-mail.

Get a new phone number.

Burn all bridges between the two of you.

If she has belongings at your place UPS them to her or take them to goodwill.

If she has some of your belongings write them off as a cheap lesson.

She's poison and she will kill you.

Good riddance.

Done these a few times!!

Yep!

Me too.

I think I posted about the whole kids aspect in the other thread. I know I wrote it, but I may not have clicked submit thinking it was TMI... that kid aspect can be great even in this scenario, but the relationship has to be there first.

That said, this girl is trouble.
You do not owe her anything and she's obviously not concerned about you.

Cut bait. NOW.
Now that she realizes that she doesn't need someone to take care of her and the baby, I think she's done just that, cut bait.

Don't look back and don't let it get to you. It'll only mess you up when you meet someone else.
I know it sounds cold but I hate to think what life would be like if the baby was born and the relationship didn't last.

[1969chargerrtse]

       Geez. 

[The70RT]

Your not responding......don't tell us shes back again   

[skip68]

If she is back, I say let her read this.   

[Brock Samson]

is she having puter problems?.. 

[2Gunz]

Well to me HONESTY and TRUST are the two most important things in a relationship.

Without that you have NOTHING, never will.

And I realize there are volumes we have no clue about..... but to me it looks like you
have nothing.


And Im going to give you some advice........

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST
(with women anyway) - end of story

Took me 30 years to figure that out.

Ive been used, abused, cheated on and generally treated like shit.


Ive changed, I dont put up with the crap I used to.
Its a hard habit to break but once you start it you will see what I mean.

NOTHING gets a woman like WTF ever dont let the door hit you in the ass.

Sure you lose some with that, but the ones that stay respect you.

Women in the end want a MAN, not a dog.



Lose her, shes a waste of time.

[The70RT]

Everyone needs to lay off. He PM me so I guess were done here. I just thought he needed some opinions.... Im done. Sorry Kyle.

is she having puter problems?..

Maybe so Brock  http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,48386.msg528159.html#msg528159

[Drache]

Ok for christ sakes everyone can now just lay the fuck off! Things were working fine up until this point and now that it has happened yeah she's gone and not coming back. I don't need people telling me that they told me so in the last message. I had it deleted for all the bullshit. I don't really blame her for acting like this she just went through a big loss, but that doesn't fully excuse her actions.

No she isn't the one having computer problems!

So someone delete this fucking thread!

[Chris G.]

So someone delete this fucking thread!

I'll lock it, but I'll leave it up to someone else to move.

I am getting tired of you ranting and telling us to delete threads when it doesn't go favorably for you. Take your lumps like a man. Stop being a child. You decided to bring us into your personal crap. Maybe next time you should think about what you want to publicly post.