your time is coming

[charger490]

> >> Subject: FW: If you aren't there yet, time is coming
> >>
> >>
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> >> >
> >> >
> >> > While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside
> >> > restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left
> >> > the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When
> >> > leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on
> >> > the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about
> >> > forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel
> >> > quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in
> >> > order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All
> >> > the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man.
> >> > He
> >> > fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the
> >> > entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more
> >> > agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief,
> >> > they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the
> >> > car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled
> >> > to her, 'While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the
> >> > credit card.'
> >> > ________________________________
> >> > An elderly gentleman...
> >> > Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went
> >> > to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for
> >> > a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
> >> > The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
> >> > the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must
> >> > be really pleased that you can
> >> > hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I
> >> > haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the
> >> > conversations. I've changed my will three times'
> >> > ________________________________
> >> > Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting
> >> > on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim,
> >> > I'm
> >> > 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
> >> > about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like
> >> > a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
> >> > 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants...
> >> > __________________________________
> >> > An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
> >> > eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
> >> > The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we
> >> > went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I
> >> > would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name
> >> > of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally
> >> > said,
> >> > 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
> >> > know.. The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes,
> >> > that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the
> >> > kitchen and yelled, 'Rose,
> >> > what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
> >> > ________________________________
> >> > Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
> >> > being discharged. However,while working as a student nurse, I found
> >> > one
> >> > elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
> >> > suitcase
> >> > at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave
> >> > the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he
> >> > reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked
> >> > him if his wife was meeting
> >> > him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's
> >> > still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown ."
> >> > _________________________________
> >> > Couple in their nineties is both having problems remembering things.
> >> > During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
> >> > physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to
> >> > help them remember .Later that night, while watching TV, the old man
> >> > gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he
> >> > asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?''Sure.' 'Don't you think
> >> > you should write it down so you can remember it ?' she asks.'No, I can
> >> > remember it.'
> >> > 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write
> >> > it
> >> > down, so's not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want
> >> > a
> >> > bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped
> >> > cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
> >> > Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
> >> > Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness
> >> > sake!' Then he toddles in to the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the
> >> > old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon
> >> > and
> >> > eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
> >> > 'Where's my toast?'
> >> > _________________________________
> >> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I
> >> > hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?''Nope!'
> >> > 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good
> >> > cook?''Naw, she can't cook too well.''Does she have lots of
> >> > money?''Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
> >> > 'Well, then, is she good in bed?''I don't know.' 'Why in the world do
> >> > you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!'
> >> > _________________________________
> >> > Three old guys are out walking.First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
> >> > Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's
> >> > go
> >> > get a beer.'
> >> > ________________________________
> >> > A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing
> >> > aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's
> >> > perfect.' 'Really, answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
> >> > ' Twelve thirty.'
> >> > ________________________________
> >> > Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A
> >> > few
> >> > days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
> >> > with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days
> >> > later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing
> >> > great,
> >> > aren't you?'
> >> > Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot
> >> > mamma and be cheerful.''
> >> > The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
> >> > murmur;
> >> > be careful.'
> >> > __________________________________
> >> > One more. ! A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor
> >> > and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After
> >> > catching
> >> > his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly,
> >> > 'Crushed nuts?''No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
> >> > Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know
> >> > who
> >> > could use a good laugh.
> >> > ______________________________________________

[Brock Samson]

those are wonderful..  thanks,..

[C_stripes]

lmao.  that was great

[jackel440]

 
those are awesome!

[craigandlynda]

funny stuff!   i can appreciate them, because my birthday is coming up, and i'll be...ummm...ummmm...

[squeakfinder]

 

Thanks for posting that! Great suff!

[WingCharger]