The Dillards shopping trip

[Chris]

 
(This is just too funny! This could only be true; you simply can't
make this stuff up! Oh, and for those who don't know, Dillard's is
a nice department store.)

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully
Gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a
Recent hit...no flies, no smell. What business could that poor kitty
Have had here?' murmured Ellen.

'Come on, Ellen, let's just go...'

But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining,
'I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll use this tissue.'
She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue
Paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's
Bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their
Goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left
Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the TEXAS sunshine while
They ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.

They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed
Over to Luby's Cafeteria. After they went through the serving line
And they sat down at a window table. They had a view of Kay's Chevy
With the Dillard's bag still on the trunk.

BUT not for long! As they ate, they noticed a woman in a red gingham
Shirt stroll by their car. She looked quickly this way and that, and then
Took the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out
Of their line of vision.

Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all
Happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond.
'Can you imagine?' finally sputtered Ellen. 'The nerve of that woman!'

Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she
Thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief. Just when
She thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's
Eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line.

Following her gaze, Kay recognized the woman in the red gingham shirt
With THE Dillard's bag hanging from her arm. She was brazenly pushing
Her tray toward the cashier. Helplessly they watched the scene unfold:

After leaving the register, the woman settled at a table across from
Theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.

After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually
Lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.. Looking from side
To side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables
Over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.
Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise.
The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor,
Wheezing and clutching her upper chest.

The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in
Trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered
The Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that did not
Include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for
Seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.

In a matter of minutes, the woman with the red gingham shirt
Emerged from the crowd, still gasping, and securely strapped
On a gurney.. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to
The waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings.

The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar was as she
Disappeared behind the ambulance doors,............... The Dillard's
Bag perched on her stomach!!

Sometimes, God does take care of those who do bad things!
(AND once in awhile...He allows us to witness it!)