Jack Bauer 2

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 You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Jack Bauer has killed more men than he has spoken to.

If the show was called "Bauer: Texas Ranger" the show would still be in production.

Nobody speaks while Jack Bauer speaks, which is why the entire world is silent for approximately 1 hour on Mondays.

Jack Bauer kills a an average of one person an hour. Including that in any algebraic equation suddenly makes math a hell of a lot more interesting.

50 million people can't be wrong...unless Jack Bauer says so.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.

Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jack Bauer is going to find out why...