woman advice:Ever split with your girl because of that whole commitment thing?

[JR]

Well things have a way of working out funny.

If anyone wants to know what happened.....


I'll spare the update on my ex since it makes me sick to my stomach,(kinda involves her talking to one of my high school friends I've known since 5 yrs old since we split) but the good news is Last week I was on lunchbreak for an hour driving my Charger to take my mind off things. Still kinda sick over things. This was my first serious girl and the split sucks. Anyway, I'm pull into the gas station and start pumping when I see a guy I know pull in a minuite after me. It's noisy and he starts yelling hey and I can't even understand him. I just wave and try to smile since I'm still hurting.

Anyway he gets out, walks up to me and tells me he's got a single girl in the car who saw me pumping gas and was checking me out. I still can't get over the ex at this point so I don't really care. But what the hell, I pull around when Im done pumping gas and small talk with them and meet her. I'm not into anyone elese at this point, but It got my mind off the ex.

That friday, I call her for the hell of it, we go out, and I actually enjoyed myself. This girl is 28 years old. The difference is night and day between a 20 and a 28 yr old. I'm amazed. I actually had fun. And am enjoying things again.


I still feel sick to my stomach sometimes thinking of how things went wrong with my ex and I still care for the girl, but I know we wouldn't work out. She wants to live in the middle of nowhere(country) and I moved to a big town to try and get away from the country. She wants kids, I can't stand them.(for now). I like scary movies and acting like a big kid, she likes being "grown up" and having a house full of 5 dogs.
I still hate things turned out this way, but they are working out. It feels wrong being totally free with no one to miss me or check on me. But then again I can do whatever I want now. And things look good with the new girl.


So I guess I'd say for anyone elese in the situation, is to just relax. Life sucks, but you learn from it and it makes you a smarter, better, more mature person.  I learned so much from that girl. Let me state the facts.


1. Living with an insecure girlfriend is like living in a minefield. You're either on your toes trying not to set them off or your relieved, but your never happy.

2. When it comes to impressing any woman, all you have to do is be yourself, make them laugh, and feel good about themselves. Makes me wonder why I use to make it so hard. There's nothing to it.

3. Confidence sells. Anything.

4. Bright colored Chargers don't hurt your odds of getting chicks, but they won't help you keep one.("You spend too much time working on it".....)

5. Lifes too short. Don't stress. This new girl refuses to stress. Which is awesome. I hate stress. The ex made every day stressfull by stressing over something new. Why worry? What's gonna happen is gonna happen. To hell with it.



I'm just rambling and not sure if anyone cares. But I appreciate all your words here guys. Thanks again.

[dodgecharger-fan]

Good deal!

I'll add that a good way to get over the ex is to focus on the positive things - specifically, you learned early on that it wasn't going to work out.
That might seem like it should hurt at first, but really, it's better - for both of you - that you got out now.
Rather than hurt, it should be a huge weight off of your shoulders.

Take the same approach with all of your other incompatabilities, and promise yourself that once you process each one, you'll "scratch it off your list" (forget about it).
Once every item on the the list is scratched off, you're free and clear - emotionally speaking.

[The70RT]

Well things have a way of working out funny.

If anyone wants to know what happened.....


I'll spare the update on my ex since it makes me sick to my stomach,(kinda involves her talking to one of my high school friends I've known since 5 yrs old since we split) but the good news is Last week I was on lunchbreak for an hour driving my Charger to take my mind off things. Still kinda sick over things. This was my first serious girl and the split sucks. Anyway, I'm pull into the gas station and start pumping when I see a guy I know pull in a minuite after me. It's noisy and he starts yelling hey and I can't even understand him. I just wave and try to smile since I'm still hurting.

Anyway he gets out, walks up to me and tells me he's got a single girl in the car who saw me pumping gas and was checking me out. I still can't get over the ex at this point so I don't really care. But what the hell, I pull around when Im done pumping gas and small talk with them and meet her. I'm not into anyone elese at this point, but It got my mind off the ex.

That friday, I call her for the hell of it, we go out, and I actually enjoyed myself. This girl is 28 years old. The difference is night and day between a 20 and a 28 yr old. I'm amazed. I actually had fun. And am enjoying things again.


I still feel sick to my stomach sometimes thinking of how things went wrong with my ex and I still care for the girl, but I know we wouldn't work out. She wants to live in the middle of nowhere(country) and I moved to a big town to try and get away from the country. She wants kids, I can't stand them.(for now). I like scary movies and acting like a big kid, she likes being "grown up" and having a house full of 5 dogs.
I still hate things turned out this way, but they are working out. It feels wrong being totally free with no one to miss me or check on me. But then again I can do whatever I want now. And things look good with the new girl.


So I guess I'd say for anyone elese in the situation, is to just relax. Life sucks, but you learn from it and it makes you a smarter, better, more mature person.  I learned so much from that girl. Let me state the facts.


1. Living with an insecure girlfriend is like living in a minefield. You're either on your toes trying not to set them off or your relieved, but your never happy.

2. When it comes to impressing any woman, all you have to do is be yourself, make them laugh, and feel good about themselves. Makes me wonder why I use to make it so hard. There's nothing to it.

3. Confidence sells. Anything.

4. Bright colored Chargers don't hurt your odds of getting chicks, but they won't help you keep one.("You spend too much time working on it".....)

5. Lifes too short. Don't stress. This new girl refuses to stress. Which is awesome. I hate stress. The ex made every day stressfull by stressing over something new. Why worry? What's gonna happen is gonna happen. To hell with it.



I'm just rambling and not sure if anyone cares. But I appreciate all your words here guys. Thanks again.

Good deal. Sounds like your getting back on track. 

[PocketThunder]

JR      See, when you are not looking for a girl, they come to you!  Now be careful when the old girlfriend see's you with the new date, she might go nuts on you. 

[68chrgrwife]

Ok I just want to say that even young people can get married and be happy together forever.  Hubby and I met and started dating in high school we married two years later I was 20 and he was 19.  10 years later we are happily married with three beautiful girls.  Yes we have our issues and fights and what not...everyone does.  But, we love each other and we understand each other's passions take up a lot of time and money.  I love going to car shows with him, I love working on the car with him, and I love to yell at him.  He loves to be with me no matter what I want to do and He loves to yell back at me.  It is a love/love relationship.  We know how to have fun with each other and at each other's expense. But at the end of the day we know that we love each other and that we are here for one another.

oh and btw...I have been a stay at home mom for the last 9 years....hubby is military so we are by no means rich...but we still have fun and have our cars.

[Tilar]

Don't let "On the Rebound" confuse you with "Getting over" an ex.

[PocketThunder]

JR, whats the status on this one?   



For the record, i was looking for Shelly's "pictures of us thread" and this one popped up in the search list so i thought, what the heck..

PT

[Brock Samson]

Well things have a way of working out funny.
If anyone wants to know what happened.....
I'll spare the update on my ex since it makes me sick to my stomach,(kinda involves her talking to one of my high school friends I've known since 5 yrs old since we split) but the good news is Last week I was on lunchbreak for an hour driving my Charger to take my mind off things. Still kinda sick over things. This was my first serious girl and the split sucks. Anyway, I'm pull into the gas station and start pumping when I see a guy I know pull in a minuite after me. It's noisy and he starts yelling hey and I can't even understand him. I just wave and try to smile since I'm still hurting.
Anyway he gets out, walks up to me and tells me he's got a single girl in the car who saw me pumping gas and was checking me out. I still can't get over the ex at this point so I don't really care. But what the hell, I pull around when Im done pumping gas and small talk with them and meet her. I'm not into anyone elese at this point, but It got my mind off the ex.
That friday, I call her for the hell of it, we go out, and I actually enjoyed myself. This girl is 28 years old. The difference is night and day between a 20 and a 28 yr old. I'm amazed. I actually had fun. And am enjoying things again.
I still feel sick to my stomach sometimes thinking of how things went wrong with my ex and I still care for the girl, but I know we wouldn't work out. She wants to live in the middle of nowhere(country) and I moved to a big town to try and get away from the country. She wants kids, I can't stand them.(for now). I like scary movies and acting like a big kid, she likes being "grown up" and having a house full of 5 dogs.
I still hate things turned out this way, but they are working out. It feels wrong being totally free with no one to miss me or check on me. But then again I can do whatever I want now. And things look good with the new girl.
So I guess I'd say for anyone elese in the situation, is to just relax. Life sucks, but you learn from it and it makes you a smarter, better, more mature person.  I learned so much from that girl. Let me state the facts.1. Living with an insecure girlfriend is like living in a minefield. You're either on your toes trying not to set them off or your relieved, but your never happy.

2. When it comes to impressing any woman, all you have to do is be yourself, make them laugh, and feel good about themselves. Makes me wonder why I use to make it so hard. There's nothing to it.

3. Confidence sells. Anything.

4. Bright colored Chargers don't hurt your odds of getting chicks, but they won't help you keep one.("You spend too much time working on it".....)

5. Lifes too short. Don't stress. This new girl refuses to stress. Which is awesome. I hate stress. The ex made every day stressfull by stressing over something new. Why worry? What's gonna happen is gonna happen. To hell with it.
I'm just rambling and not sure if anyone cares. But I appreciate all your words here guys. Thanks again.

  Hey JR:
   I had lost track of this one,..
your kinda young yet, I'm twice your age, so i want to tell you that, just because your last "love" was neurotic doesn't mean you or you're next romantic intrest, friend or what have you - has to be neurotic too,..
Now if this gets to be a problem in future relationships friend, family or otherwise - look into "co-dependency", that could be the root of the problem and requires serious investigation and fixing.
  But it's normal to bummed for some time after a break-up and the best cure is hair of the dog that bit ya... 
(more wimmin).

[JimShine]

Glad to hear things are looking up!

Here are some of my thoughts:

Getting out of that situation was best. Chances are she was looking to start her stay at home mom lifestyle ASAP, and it no doubt would not have lasted long. Especially when the word "sacrifice" is thrown around and you start losing the things you cherish to provide for the family. In no time after the Chargers are gone, you would have started resenting her staying home and things would have become less than pleasent.

I was in the very same situation back when I was 21. I was dating a 18 year old girl that wanted to skip work and start the family and stay at home. When I expressed not only was I too young, but that I required her to have indepenance, it ended and she hooked up with someone and had her family within 2 years time.

It is funny how the dynamics of life change as you get older. In my late teens and 20's the women either wanted to have or not have children. Now in the 30's women are looking for guys willing to help them raise children the they already have.

[The70RT]

author=JimShine link=topic




It is funny how the dynamics of life change as you get older. In my late teens and 20's the women either wanted to have or not have children. Now in the 30's women are looking for guys willing to help them raise children the they already have.

I hear ya. I have a good friend and nephew that has done that. They meet a woman with children & raise them them then leave for a younger woman...raise some more. A viscious cycle over and over to get a younger woman. Now close to 50 I bet they raised 3-4 familys so far

[JR]

hey guys, I'm doing good. She is long gone now. Whats' really messed up, is that when I started not caring while we were together, she started talking to a friend of mine for 20 years I'd known since kendergarden. She went after him.  All the while he hid it behind my back. Once even looking me in the eye and saying nothing was happening. Oh well, I'm much better off, she was batshit crazy, insecure, controlling, etc... and he had no spine and always lets women run him over. He's damn sure got one now. She said flat out she wants atleast one kid and marriage by 24, and she wants to move in and start settling NOW.(At 19!)

I really lost the passion for her and ran her off, but it was still hard to deal with when it happened.


here are some red flags I should have walked from when she did.

1. Early on, that Dirk Bentley song "What was I Thinkin" came on the radio, and I made a random comment that it reminded me of highschool. Her comment, "Who was your Becky?!"

2. The first time she ever got in my car, she picked up my cell phone and started going thru my texts to see if I was talking to a girl.

3. She accused me of screwing her roomate once when she left me at her new house for a half hour alone hanging curtians. For no reason, she started thinking about it, texted the roomate( her best friend of 10 years) and took her reply the wrong way. She came home PISSED and asked me "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" when she caught me on the way out to get a hammer.


There were HUNDREADS of other times. She mellowed out some eventually, but her jealousy and insecurity drove all the passion out of the relationship. I stopped thinking about how to suprise her and make her happy, to thinking about just not pissing her off.

The more I think about it, the more I know I was stupid for putting up with that shit. The really ironic thing is, she would constantly do all that shit, and still hound me to get married. How crazy can she be for doing that and beggin for a ring nonstop? I honestly feel sorry for the new guy, to hell with them.

And it bothers me more that a "Friend" would do that, but I'm glad they did. Now I know to weed them from my life.


She was without a doubt codependant. I was worn to a nub maintaining her happiness, at the expense of mine. She was a black hole of emotional need, and literally sucked the life out of me. After the tow month mark, it got much easier to deal with. The last few weeks now, my real friends and I have had a blast living the single life. I forgot how much fun things are when you aren't sitting at home every night because your girlfriend is a stage 4 cling on.

My best friend is actually going thru a divorce now, as of this month. Its bad to say, but I've learned alot from watchin him. In his case he's better off. He can get any girl he wants, and got married way to young at 21 two years ago. They grew apart, and now he's divorcing, and he said something that helped alot.  I asked, "Doesn't it bother you to never see her again, or think about her with a new man?" His awnser: "Nope. There's always another girl. Someone hotter and better right around the corner. You can't let women get to you".

Very true.


Thanks again for the help here guys, I appreciate you help. I left this site for a while, because doing my old routine reminded me of her, but its good to be back.

[Mike DC]

 
Sounds like you're better off without her AND your male friend. 

It usually hurts a lot even when you've got 100% justification for the split-up, but it's probably for the best.

[Vainglory, Esq.]

Been there, done that.  But you already know you're better off.

[Mike DC]

People who go really ape-sh*t with accusations of cheating for minor things usually fit into two categories:  People who have been cheated on a lot in the past, and people who are liable to cheat whenever they get the chance themselves.  (Often, it's both.)

[70charginglizard]

hey guys, I'm doing good. She is long gone now. Whats' really messed up, is that when I started not caring while we were together, she started talking to a friend of mine for 20 years I'd known since kendergarden. She went after him.  All the while he hid it behind my back. Once even looking me in the eye and saying nothing was happening. Oh well, I'm much better off, she was batshit crazy, insecure, controlling, etc... and he had no spine and always lets women run him over. He's damn sure got one now. She said flat out she wants atleast one kid and marriage by 24, and she wants to move in and start settling NOW.(At 19!)

I really lost the passion for her and ran her off, but it was still hard to deal with when it happened.


here are some red flags I should have walked from when she did.

1. Early on, that Dirk Bentley song "What was I Thinkin" came on the radio, and I made a random comment that it reminded me of highschool. Her comment, "Who was your Becky?!"

2. The first time she ever got in my car, she picked up my cell phone and started going thru my texts to see if I was talking to a girl.

3. She accused me of screwing her roomate once when she left me at her new house for a half hour alone hanging curtians. For no reason, she started thinking about it, texted the roomate( her best friend of 10 years) and took her reply the wrong way. She came home PISSED and asked me "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" when she caught me on the way out to get a hammer.


There were HUNDREADS of other times. She mellowed out some eventually, but her jealousy and insecurity drove all the passion out of the relationship. I stopped thinking about how to suprise her and make her happy, to thinking about just not pissing her off.

The more I think about it, the more I know I was stupid for putting up with that shit. The really ironic thing is, she would constantly do all that shit, and still hound me to get married. How crazy can she be for doing that and beggin for a ring nonstop? I honestly feel sorry for the new guy, to hell with them.

And it bothers me more that a "Friend" would do that, but I'm glad they did. Now I know to weed them from my life.


She was without a doubt codependant. I was worn to a nub maintaining her happiness, at the expense of mine. She was a black hole of emotional need, and literally sucked the life out of me. After the tow month mark, it got much easier to deal with. The last few weeks now, my real friends and I have had a blast living the single life. I forgot how much fun things are when you aren't sitting at home every night because your girlfriend is a stage 4 cling on.

My best friend is actually going thru a divorce now, as of this month. Its bad to say, but I've learned alot from watchin him. In his case he's better off. He can get any girl he wants, and got married way to young at 21 two years ago. They grew apart, and now he's divorcing, and he said something that helped alot.  I asked, "Doesn't it bother you to never see her again, or think about her with a new man?" His awnser: "Nope. There's always another girl. Someone hotter and better right around the corner. You can't let women get to you".

Very true.


Thanks again for the help here guys, I appreciate you help. I left this site for a while, because doing my old routine reminded me of her, but its good to be back.

Good for you. Looks like you chose the right path to follow.



"I forgot how much fun things are when you aren't sitting at home every night because your girlfriend is a stage 4 cling on."

Aint that the truth. Now get out there and enjoy yourself.

[JR]

Thanks again for the help guys, you've all been dead on accurate in calling her.  I'll never make that mistake again.