woman advice:Ever split with your girl because of that whole commitment thing?

[68isgr8]

if you're not ready, you're not ready. Times change and over time so do people. Marriage isn't all that bad, just need to find someone who you are compatible with and both need to respect each others likes and dislikes. As far as kids....there is no greater love than the love of your own child. And it's the parents who make all the difference in the world. 
But besides the point, I think you were right in breaking it off. Take your time. Go out and enjoy the things you care about.

[Chad L. Magee]

JR-  In the long run, you did the right thing.  Sure it hurts now, but nothing like divorce papers, losing half your possessions, etc. as you know it would eventually happen with her.  While I have never been married (I'm 35, single and probably the last person anyone should ask for marital advice), I have seen my sister and ex-bother-in-law marrage break up a few years ago.  He got into drugs (meth), started lying to her about things and eventually morgaged almost everything they had for his habit.  She only found out about the last part during the divorce trial, which she got stuck with most of the debt.  He stopped using any drugs when he married my sister, but after fifteen years he returned to it.  I guess he did not want what he had at the time and decided that drugs was the best way out.  My point to all of this is what I learned from her mistake: Make sure that you absolutely know who you are getting married to before you tie the knot.  My sister has been bugging me for years to get a girlfriend quickly and get hitched, but I would rather wait for the right one, not just the right now one.  Patience is the key to not making big mistakes that cost you alot more later on...... 

[JR]

Wow, I'm amazed at how spot on some of you guys have called her. I do love the girl and know I'll miss her, but something would be seriously wrong if we stayed together. She had a disfunctional childhood, parents divorced when she was 2, and says she wants marriage and kids to prove it can be a great thing. I see nothing wrong with that, but I think both people should be 100 percent sure of themselves when the time comes.

I have nothing against kids either, but i want to know I have done everything I want to do in life before they come.

We were compatible in almost every other way, but I see how it would have gone.

Her sister is 22, married, one year old and expecting another, just quit her 24 dollar/hr job so her husband can support all of them making 18 hr. I guess all she does is sit at home all day. And half the time accusing her husband of cheating.

I'm afraid that would be me in 4 years. Not for me.

Also, how do you guys get over one? There's no easy way to move on, but I know I should.  I swear I've youtubed that Montgomery Gentry video "Speed" 20 times and played it blasting up the highway in my Charger. (and I dont even listen to country) Makes alot of sense in that you try to hurry up and move on from her memory as quick as you can, but the only thing that will help get over her is time. Like the memories hit me just as soon as I have to stop the car again.



Thanks for the help guys.  It really does help. I should walk away, I should just convince my heart that now.

[Chad L. Magee]

JR-  There is another piece of advice that I learned from one of my uncles:  Look at her mother (looks, personality, etc.) before you get too serious, as your girlfriend will likely become her after twenty to thirty years (as the saying goes: fruit usually does not fall far from the tree).  If the mother has serious problems, then you will more than likely be dealing with the same problems later on.  Alot of children of divorced couples try to have kids to try to "prove" that they are better at keeping a family together than their parents.  Unfortunately, some fail.....

[68isgr8]

Also, how do you guys get over one? There's no easy way to move on, but I know I should.  I swear I've youtubed that Montgomery Gentry video "Speed" 20 times and played it blasting up the highway in my Charger. (and I dont even listen to country) Makes alot of sense in that you try to hurry up and move on from her memory as quick as you can, but the only thing that will help get over her is time. Like the memories hit me just as soon as I have to stop the car again.

Thanks for the help guys.  It really does help. I should walk away, I should just convince my heart that now.

I don't think there is an easy way of getting over a relationship. Time heals wounds, and you learn from your past experiences. The positive side of things, after a while you'll learn what you want in a relationship and what kind of person you want to marry. Just takes time....and love will find you when you're least expecting it.

[bull]

I'm just amazed you've got your house paid off already. Good job! When I was 24 I was too scared and scatter-brained to own a house let alone have the good sense to work hard and pay it off early. Without a mortgage you can live pretty good on $15/hr if you want to. Is the house half decent?

[Vainglory, Esq.]

Also, how do you guys get over one?

It just takes a lot of time.  And sitting alone in your room, sobbing, and listening to Death Cab for Cutie.  You might consider watching Arthur Hiller's "Love Story."

Or you could just go out and bang another chick.

[JR]

I'm just amazed you've got your house paid off already. Good job! When I was 24 I was too scared and scatter-brained to own a house let alone have the good sense to work hard and pay it off early. Without a mortgage you can live pretty good on $15/hr if you want to. Is the house half decent?

Thanks Bull, I got the hookup on the house. My great grandpa built it in the 40s, and its been in the family ever since. It's nothing fancy, and does need a little tlc, but I could have everything it needs done for a couple thousand. I'd rather fix up a little here and there than be in debt 20 years for a new house. Its a pretty decent 2 bedroom 1 bath house. I wish it had a garage though.

[PocketThunder]

I'm just amazed you've got your house paid off already. Good job! When I was 24 I was too scared and scatter-brained to own a house let alone have the good sense to work hard and pay it off early. Without a mortgage you can live pretty good on $15/hr if you want to. Is the house half decent?

Thanks Bull, I got the hookup on the house. My great grandpa built it in the 40s, and its been in the family ever since. It's nothing fancy, and does need a little tlc, but I could have everything it needs done for a couple thousand. I'd rather fix up a little here and there than be in debt 20 years for a new house. Its a pretty decent 2 bedroom 1 bath house. I wish it had a garage though.

Wait a minute!    You were contemplating marraige before you even have a garage built!  dude, dude, dude, the best thing you can do right now to take your mind off that girl is to start building yourself a garage.  Go to Menards or Home Depot or whatever you have there and order up the materials and have them delivered to your house.  Just start a thread asking me for advice and i can help you along the way in every part of the construction.   by the end of the summer you will have your garage done and you wont even be thinking about that girl anymore..

How about that plan?  what size garage would you like?  two car, three car?   

[Orange_Crush]

24 is too young to get married.  Go out, get drink, spread your DNA, get it out of your sustem.  You'll know when its time to settle down.  I spent every day of my live between age 22 and 25 at the dance club, in the bar, eating garbage in greasy spoons at 4 AM after dancing all night when I had to go into work at 7am, and waking up in the beds of strange women...some knockouts, some dogs, some hogs..  I would not trade those three years for anything in the world.

But, the time came when I realized that living that life would kill me very soon.  I was really tired of it and was looking to settle down.  The right woman came along.  She was not into cars, but respected the fact that I was.  We felt the same about a lot of things and we dated for a few years and got married.  4 years later, we had our daughter, who has given my life more depth and meaning than anyone or anything else ever could.  It was the best decision I ever made. 

So go out, have fun, hang out with your frinds.  Eventually, you'll feel the need to grow up (though some never do) and you'll settle down.

[Old Moparz]

24 is too young to get married.  Go out, get drink, spread your DNA, get it out of your sustem.  You'll know when its time to settle down.  I spent every day of my live between age 22 and 25 at the dance club, in the bar, eating garbage in greasy spoons at 4 AM after dancing all night when I had to go into work at 7am, and waking up in the beds of strange women...some knockouts, some dogs, some hogs..  I would not trade those three years for anything in the world.

But, the time came when I realized that living that life would kill me very soon.  I was really tired of it and was looking to settle down.  The right woman came along.  She was not into cars, but respected the fact that I was.  We felt the same about a lot of things and we dated for a few years and got married.  4 years later, we had our daughter, who has given my life more depth and meaning than anyone or anything else ever could.  It was the best decision I ever made. 

So go out, have fun, hang out with your frinds.  Eventually, you'll feel the need to grow up (though some never do) and you'll settle down.

Makes good sense OC, but I bet you also didn't want to lose someone that had a nice garden rake & didn't mind helping you get out the weird things stuck in all your back hair.   

[Brock Samson]

   Jeeze Bob, now you cut that out... 

[Charger_Fan]

Someone once said that dating is merely trying people on for size. Some fit & some don't...sometimes it takes longer to find the right fit & sometimes the right fit comes along quickly.
I don't think 24 is too young to marry, the important thing to know is when you've found the right fit. It seems that half the people out there don't realize when the person they're dating doesn't fit until it's WAY too late. You seem like a smart guy, with a level head for knowing what's right for you. Stay that way.

Don't get discouraged either, the right one for you will come when the time is right.



Oh & until that happens, do like PT said & build a garage!!

[Orange_Crush]

24 is too young to get married.  Go out, get drink, spread your DNA, get it out of your sustem.  You'll know when its time to settle down.  I spent every day of my live between age 22 and 25 at the dance club, in the bar, eating garbage in greasy spoons at 4 AM after dancing all night when I had to go into work at 7am, and waking up in the beds of strange women...some knockouts, some dogs, some hogs..  I would not trade those three years for anything in the world.

But, the time came when I realized that living that life would kill me very soon.  I was really tired of it and was looking to settle down.  The right woman came along.  She was not into cars, but respected the fact that I was.  We felt the same about a lot of things and we dated for a few years and got married.  4 years later, we had our daughter, who has given my life more depth and meaning than anyone or anything else ever could.  It was the best decision I ever made. 

So go out, have fun, hang out with your frinds.  Eventually, you'll feel the need to grow up (though some never do) and you'll settle down.

Makes good sense OC, but I bet you also didn't want to lose someone that had a nice garden rake & didn't mind helping you get out the weird things stuck in all your back hair.   

HEY!!!!  The back coiff is NOT to be mocked.

[bull]

HEY!!!!  The back coiff is NOT to be mocked.

The above is an actual picture of OC and his girl by the way. You ever consider having it shaved once in a while to provide wigs for chemo patients?

I'm just amazed you've got your house paid off already. Good job! When I was 24 I was too scared and scatter-brained to own a house let alone have the good sense to work hard and pay it off early. Without a mortgage you can live pretty good on $15/hr if you want to. Is the house half decent?

Thanks Bull, I got the hookup on the house. My great grandpa built it in the 40s, and its been in the family ever since. It's nothing fancy, and does need a little tlc, but I could have everything it needs done for a couple thousand. I'd rather fix up a little here and there than be in debt 20 years for a new house. Its a pretty decent 2 bedroom 1 bath house. I wish it had a garage though.

Hookup or not it's still commendable. Most guys in their mid 20s would have struggled to pay on it for a couple years and then sold it for party money. There are some guys who can party and be responsible enough to pay off a house but they are few.

[PocketThunder]

so, JR, how about this new garage? 

[Old Moparz]

so, JR, how about this new garage? 

You going over there with your toolbox?

Maybe we should get a few others to meet there & have a garage-building-girlfriend-dumping party?

He better have some beer though.   

[PocketThunder]

so, JR, how about this new garage? 

You going over there with your toolbox?

Maybe we should get a few others to meet there & have a garage-building-girlfriend-dumping party?

He better have some beer though.   

As long as i get his gf's number thats fine with me.. 

[JR]

I'd like to do the garage thing. I want to eliminate some more debt before I really spend anymore.

I hate to say it, but sometimes  I think working 65-78 hour weeks had part of splitting us up. I kinda want to have less, but have more time to enjoy being young and seeing things.

Sorry to be a downer.

[mikesbbody]

JR, your not being a downer! i think the hours you worked may have been a issue but i believe you would have spilt anyway since you both wanted different things. You sound like you know what you want in life plus, alot of us "older guys" take our hat off to you for paying off that mortgage! dont stress it, you are still young you have plenty of time for relationships no rush. 

[Charger_Fan]

plus, alot of us "older guys" take our hat off to you for paying off that mortgage!

I sure wish I would have had that kind of forethought & determination when I was your age. Instead, I went the "borrow on everything" route & have paid for it dearly through the years. At 43, I'm finally clear of everything but the house payment...but when I look back on how much further ahead I could be at this stage, it can be depressing.
You have nothing to be ashamed of & if anything, that should make you more appealing to the RIGHT sort of girl. 

[Tilar]

You answer all your own questions.

You dont need our advice.



And just remember..........

Your heart will lie to you.

But your brain wont.

There is so much truth to those words that it's not even funny.

My son did basically the same thing that JR did. He had a good looking girlfriend and they had gone together for over 4 or 5 years. But she started talking kids and marriage. He didnt want any and she gave him an ultimatum. He told her that he didnt play that crap and sent her packing.

Like 2Gunz mentions, you already answered your own questions with the right answers.

[JR]

Thanks for the words again guys. What's so hard is that this is my first real love. It's really hard but I appreciate all the advice.

Thanks again.

[PocketThunder]

Thanks for the words again guys. What's so hard is that this is my first real love. It's really hard but I appreciate all the advice.

Thanks again.

jr, there are other fish in the sea!  There will be another true love.   

[mikesbbody]

Thanks for the words again guys. What's so hard is that this is my first real love. It's really hard but I appreciate all the advice.

Thanks again.

jr, there are other fish in the sea!  There will be another true love.   

Pocket thunder stole my line but he's right  you will move on and another girl will come along and hopefully be more compatible