woman advice:Ever split with your girl because of that whole commitment thing?

[JR]

I just wanted to hear some more opinions on this subject. Particularly from the man whores here.

My girl and I just split after dating just over 2 years. I'm 24, shes 20. I really don't want kids, and am not studying marriage until I'm in my early 30s and I've got my life established and all the dumb kid stuff out of my system.

My new ex is 20, and a country girl who has this dream of being a stay at home mom with a husband that supports her, so she can take care of the kid and animals. (Sounds more like hell to me)

I'm not country at all and could care less about that. I'd like to think I'd have a level head on my shoulders. I just paid off my house, I've got a couple of Chargers, and some reliable late model transportation. I'd like to think I'm doing pretty well for a 24 year old. I've had to bust my ass working two jobs with alot of 80 hour weeks, but I'm about to be back to a 40 hour job and return to college for a real job.

She is the typical 20 year old girl, who "Knows" everything. What she wants in life, how things should be, etc... There was definatly less time to hang with my friends(who she disliked) while we were together.


There is a whole lot more to the Jerry Springer episode which is my life with her, but these are the highlights.

We split because she was worried that if she stayed with me, she wouldn't get what she wants. (Marriage, kids, etc...) and I was burned out enough on her clinging and bitchin I didn't do anything to change things. So we split.


I guess I just awnsered my own question here, but what are your opinions here?  The correct thing to do is walk away, and party my ass off until it's all out of my system right? I know if I were to marry now, I'd be miserable. I do care for her, but I'd give up my life if I marry her.

So I guess i need motivation. You guys would walk away too right?

[charger Downunder]

Your both too young,and your not ready for a commitment so dont drag her along any longer ,Hey you got a charger what more could you want,
Good luck
Steve

[Rolling_Thunder]

dude...    agreed - you're too damn young...   you shouldnt think about marriage until like....    30   

[2Gunz]

You answer all your own questions.

You dont need our advice.



And just remember..........

Your heart will lie to you.

But your brain wont.

[2Gunz]

Oh ya and 24......

Go get laid.

I didnt do enough of that when I was in my twentys.

Im now 33 and making up for lost time.

[1969chargerrtse]

I used to have a rule that if after two years I didn't see marriage in the works it was time to move on.  It is not a joke and real hard to part with people you care for, but what are you to do?  You know you are to Young to committ for life, she can't hang on forever so you have to part ways, for now.  It's hard now a days.  Back in my Dads time you would be married by now with kids and that would be great.  But we live longer today and get married later on so there is a lot of dating and splitting and it's painful.  Good Luck, you seem to have a good head on your shoulder.  Bottom line is, do you want to be the 50% part that gets divorced, or the 50% part that gets married for life.  You yourself said you're to young, listen to yourself.   

[rav440]

i dont think 24 is to young . but it sounds like the two of you had a very differnt path in life that you wnted to take .
i got married when i was a week away from being 25 and my wife was 24 . after one year dating for 6 months we were ingauged and married within the same year . but her and i see eye to eye on almost evreything and we knew what we wanted out of life . we have been happilly married for 17 years now .

its all about finding the right person . if you have to completly differnt views on life wants and needs i just isnt going to work .

good luck . 

[DodgeByDave]

I'm 45, single, never been married and wouldn't get married even if you paid me.

I come and go as I please. I get drunk and bark at the moon as I please. I have no kids calling someone else daddy and I have no one else's kids calling me daddy.

On Easter I don't get stuck at stupid ass easter egg hunts with children and those that Can't Understand Normal Thinking or Science. I'll catch some racing, work on my charger some, then I might scratch my ass and fart. Later this eve I'll have some roast beast with perhaps a light rose wine.

Next week, If I have a wild hair I'll jet down to the bahamas and enjoy a little of de islands mon.

Trade all that for a broad? NOT FOR SEX OR MONEY!

LoL, nothing changes faster than the speed of what a "woman" wants. Yeah right, she KNOWS what she wants.

remember, there is one thing and only one thing that a woman can do for you that you shouldn't be doing to yourself.

Marriage and Divorce are industries now, not institutions.

Skip both, have a long and happy life.

I am!

[nh_mopar_fan]

It really sonds like you're doing all the right stuff.

Don't walk away from this one, RUN.

[NHCharger]

I'm 49 and  married for 25 years, not sure I qualify for a man whore but I can tell you you did the right thing. 24 and you have paid off your house you are waaayyy ahead of 99% of everyone else your age.
Sounds like your ex has the "princess" syndrome. She'll look for another sugar daddy to support her so she can have two kids and gain 50 pounds sitting on the couch watching Oprah while criticizing you for not spending enough time with your children because your out there working 60+ hours a week to support them and all the frivolous crap that she will buy.
RUN, don't walk away and don't look back. I guarantee something a lot better will come along.

[1969chargerrtse]

I'm 45, single, never been married and wouldn't get married even if you paid me.

I come and go as I please. I get drunk and bark at the moon as I please. I have no kids calling someone else daddy and I have no one else's kids calling me daddy.

On Easter I don't get stuck at stupid ass easter egg hunts with children and those that Can't Understand Normal Thinking or Science. I'll catch some racing, work on my charger some, then I might scratch my ass and fart. Later this eve I'll have some roast beast with perhaps a light rose wine.

Next week, If I have a wild hair I'll jet down to the bahamas and enjoy a little of de islands mon.

Trade all that for a broad? NOT FOR SEX OR MONEY!

LoL, nothing changes faster than the speed of what a "woman" wants. Yeah right, she KNOWS what she wants.

remember, there is one thing and only one thing that a woman can do for you that you shouldn't be doing to yourself.

Marriage and Divorce are industries now, not institutions.

Skip both, have a long and happy life.

I am!

I'm 51 and have been married for 17 years.  I have 3 kids of which one is 4.  We went Easter egg hunting yesterday and it was such a blessing to watch our little 4 year old run around with Mom in hand collecting eggs.  Don't knock it until you've done it.  Kids to me are like sex.  If you don't do it ( have any )  you don't know what you're missing and that's o.k.  Happy easter!

[DodgeByDave]

I'm 45, single, never been married and wouldn't get married even if you paid me.

I come and go as I please. I get drunk and bark at the moon as I please. I have no kids calling someone else daddy and I have no one else's kids calling me daddy.

On Easter I don't get stuck at stupid ass easter egg hunts with children and those that Can't Understand Normal Thinking or Science. I'll catch some racing, work on my charger some, then I might scratch my ass and fart. Later this eve I'll have some roast beast with perhaps a light rose wine.

Next week, If I have a wild hair I'll jet down to the bahamas and enjoy a little of de islands mon.

Trade all that for a broad? NOT FOR SEX OR MONEY!

LoL, nothing changes faster than the speed of what a "woman" wants. Yeah right, she KNOWS what she wants.

remember, there is one thing and only one thing that a woman can do for you that you shouldn't be doing to yourself.

Marriage and Divorce are industries now, not institutions.

Skip both, have a long and happy life.

I am!

I'm 51 and have been married for 17 years.  I have 3 kids of which one is 4.  We went Easter egg hunting yesterday and it was such a blessing to watch our little 4 year old run around with Mom in hand collecting eggs.  Don't knock it until you've done it.  Kids to me are like sex.  If you don't do it ( have any )  you don't know what you're missing and that's o.k.  Happy easter!

Yep, the shitty diapers. Puke and spilled shit everywhere.

Wait until your little princess gets the stud in her tongue. You know what thats for now, don't you dad?

DADDY I NEED NEW TITTIES SO I CAN BE JUST LIKE J-LO


AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH


tell me again, what am I missing?

[mally69]

Here is what I did..  I met this girl who is great and all. But this might sound kinda mean to do, but its true and what I did. I told her right off the go,  that there is going to be nothing that comes between my engine's and car'S. And that I am going to do what I want, when I want, with no questions asked (( I DON'T mean like cheating on her either )) I aslo told her that if she wasn't able to accept that I have a permanent passion for 68-70 charger's  then she should move on, SHE STAYED.  I do care for her, treat her very well. And she totally accepted all of that, and she even told me to go ahead and do what I want, becuase she wants me to be happy, she says. Neither one of us want kids so thats a definate plus.. And I also make her happy, its not all about me, although it might seem like thats what I am doing. We spend alot of time together.  Oh and partying your ass off being drunk usually makes situaltions like this alot worse. When my friends try to drink away their pain, it wound up making them think about it even more. Don't do that.

Hope everything goes well for you.

[firefighter3931]

I'm 45, single, never been married and wouldn't get married even if you paid me.

I come and go as I please. I get drunk and bark at the moon as I please. I have no kids calling someone else daddy and I have no one else's kids calling me daddy.

On Easter I don't get stuck at stupid ass easter egg hunts with children and those that Can't Understand Normal Thinking or Science. I'll catch some racing, work on my charger some, then I might scratch my ass and fart. Later this eve I'll have some roast beast with perhaps a light rose wine.

Next week, If I have a wild hair I'll jet down to the bahamas and enjoy a little of de islands mon.

Trade all that for a broad? NOT FOR SEX OR MONEY!

LoL, nothing changes faster than the speed of what a "woman" wants. Yeah right, she KNOWS what she wants.

remember, there is one thing and only one thing that a woman can do for you that you shouldn't be doing to yourself.

Marriage and Divorce are industries now, not institutions.

Skip both, have a long and happy life.

I am!

Dave ! 

Your life sounds like a mirror image of mine 

Most of my friends have been married and divorced.....lost half their pensions and their houses. Their long range retirement future doesn't look too rosy either. 

Don't get me wrong, i luv kids but it's all the other bullcrap that you have to deal with that can turn an enjoyable experience into a nightmare. 

Truer words were never spoken : Marriage is the ultimate corporate takeover ! 


JR, you have your act together buddy.   If you have to hook up find some chick that works as hard as you do and makes the same amount of dough and if you ever move in together....rent a house together and move out of yours. Protect your assets and equity at all costs 





Ron

[rav440]

Yep, the shitty diapers. Puke and spilled shit everywhere.

Wait until your little princess gets the stud in her tongue. You know what thats for now, don't you dad?

DADDY I NEED NEW TITTIES SO I CAN BE JUST LIKE J-LO


AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH


tell me again, what am I missing?

remember, there is one thing and only one thing that a woman can do for you that you shouldn't be doing to yourself.

a left handed mouse ? 

[dodgecharger-fan]

JR, you were right to split.

It has nothing to do with age either. You two simply want different things in life and there's really no compatibility.

Yes, I imagine there are somethings you agree on and enjoy doing together, but ultimately, your paths will drift apart. Worse, you'll likely end up trying to drag each other along your own paths and that's just a recipe for disaster. Even if it works out at the start, whomever gave in will always wonder "What if?"

You have a sound plan for yourself. Stick to it. Find someone that has a similar frame of mind.

[70charginglizard]

I Definately agree with the majority on this one.
Especially if you getting pressured. Thats not good.
Committment decisions like this at that age should always be viewed upon as a very wrong thing!
I see it happen time and time again. and heres what usually ends up happening-

http://www.divorcewizards.com/divorcestats.html


oh, and heres the stuff she wouldn't want you to know if it doesn't work out-

Over 85% percent of divorces are filed by women.  Women know the laws favor them in a divorce.

Most women file for divorce simply because they're unsatisfied (not because of infidelity or abuse).  Most suffer from a case of "the grass is greener on the other side" complex.

Do you think gender matters?  If a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.  If a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $2.95 per minute.  Believe me...Gender matters!  Don't expect to be treated fairly in a divorce.


Oh and another thing. If all else fails. Make her watch this-
http://1970chargerregistry.com/Misc/Elliotad.mpeg
lol

[Mike DC]

 
You're 24 and she's only 20?  Man, watch out for girls like that.  My single friends & I . . . we've started calling them "Ring Wraiths."   

They're like undead zombies from the fires of hell, roaming the earth, posessed with an unquenchable desire to obtain The One True Ring at all costs . . . 





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Getting married at 20 & 24 is great for some people but it's definitely not suited for all.

And she's pretty young for demanding that kind of commitment. 
(I'm guessing either she grew up in a family exactly like that and thinks it's still normal, or else her family was absolutely nothing like that and now she idealizes it.)


Don't sweat it.  You don't have to be the type who will f*ck anything that walks just to feel like you're not ready to settle down yet.  There is such a thing as a middle ground on that. 

I know you might wish it could work out with this girl, but it doesn't sound like it's you that is pushing it away.  If you're treating her like a full-blown long term GF and you're not messing around on the side, then you're basically giving her a mostly "married" existence as it is.  If this isn't enough then she probably feels insecure about things or else maybe she wants to start having kids.   

[superduperbee]

Take time to enjoy life. I was 36 when I got married. My wife loves going to car shows, understands this car thing is who I am and will never change.  A previous girlfriend said she would want to marry me if I got rid of the Chargers and quit racing. I told my wife about her when we started dating. She got the message. You have to compromise a little now and then. We went to Disney World for a week, but also hit Garlit's place, Race Rock, NASCAR Cafe, Daytona speedway and a couple car museums along the way. Oh, and having kids isn't all bad, the daughters are getting old enough now that they like helping me with little projects in the garage.

[Brock Samson]

  http://youtube.com/watch?v=-mRTU_7M97Q

[Vainglory, Esq.]

You're clearly not compatible.  Never change yourself for a woman; if she doesn't like you the way you are now, she'll never like you the way you will be 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now.  I know it sucks to break up, but you did the right thing.

That being said, I wouldn't give up on it.  Just wait until the right thing comes along.  Oh, and 20 is waaaay too young for marriage.

[Old Moparz]

Yeah, you definitely answered your own questions on this one & seemed to have made the wise choice of ending it now. The one, biggest, tip off is that she isn't being respectful of what you want from the relationship. If the whole partnership starts out as anything other than a 50-50 agreement on where it goes, & what each of you want, then it will probably end miserably later on. Why involve divorce lawyers who will be the only ones who end up happy?

[Silver R/T]

I wouldnt mind marrying but only when I know I'm marrying right girl. Having a Charger doesn't mean anything. Also your buddies will not be there for you all the time, eventually they will burn you out somehow and then you will have nobody. If you had a good wife she would be there to back you up when your buddies leave you...oh ya, don't count on Charger for emotional help cause it's not happening.

[472 R/T SE]

I was 28 when I hitched up.  Always said I wanted to be 30 so wasn't too far off.  Even at 28 I still had some wild oats to sew.

Problem is when you get that old and want to hook up long term, most chicks have already been in relationships and have a kid or two.  You're endlessly compared to the last one a lot of times and become an instant Dad.  Unless you're like me and rob the cradle. 

A little word of advice.  If you and the now ex hook up again, make sure you suit the little fellow up.  I don't know how many people I know who were trapped with a, "Uh oh, I missed my period last month".   It makes it tough on the current relationship you may have moved on to.
Don't get me wrong, kids are great.  It's a different kind of love and I wouldn't trade the pierced tongue, nose for anything. 

[no318]

I'm 45, single, never been married and wouldn't get married even if you paid me.

I come and go as I please. I get drunk and bark at the moon as I please. I have no kids calling someone else daddy and I have no one else's kids calling me daddy.

On Easter I don't get stuck at stupid ass easter egg hunts with children and those that Can't Understand Normal Thinking or Science. I'll catch some racing, work on my charger some, then I might scratch my ass and fart. Later this eve I'll have some roast beast with perhaps a light rose wine.

Next week, If I have a wild hair I'll jet down to the bahamas and enjoy a little of de islands mon.

Trade all that for a broad? NOT FOR SEX OR MONEY!

LoL, nothing changes faster than the speed of what a "woman" wants. Yeah right, she KNOWS what she wants.

remember, there is one thing and only one thing that a woman can do for you that you shouldn't be doing to yourself.

Marriage and Divorce are industries now, not institutions.

Skip both, have a long and happy life.

I am!

I'm 51 and have been married for 17 years.  I have 3 kids of which one is 4.  We went Easter egg hunting yesterday and it was such a blessing to watch our little 4 year old run around with Mom in hand collecting eggs.  Don't knock it until you've done it.  Kids to me are like sex.  If you don't do it ( have any )  you don't know what you're missing and that's o.k.  Happy easter!

Yep, the shitty diapers. Puke and spilled shit everywhere.

Wait until your little princess gets the stud in her tongue. You know what thats for now, don't you dad?

DADDY I NEED NEW TITTIES SO I CAN BE JUST LIKE J-LO


AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH


tell me again, what am I missing?

DodgebyDave,
Sounds like kind of a bitter and lonely life.  I'm glad that I don't have to get old all by myself and can have someone to pass along my chargers to. 

On the subject at hand, you two obviously have WAY different goals and priorities.  I am surprised that it lasted as long as it did.  Good for you to pay off your home early in life.   

[68isgr8]

if you're not ready, you're not ready. Times change and over time so do people. Marriage isn't all that bad, just need to find someone who you are compatible with and both need to respect each others likes and dislikes. As far as kids....there is no greater love than the love of your own child. And it's the parents who make all the difference in the world. 
But besides the point, I think you were right in breaking it off. Take your time. Go out and enjoy the things you care about.

[Chad L. Magee]

JR-  In the long run, you did the right thing.  Sure it hurts now, but nothing like divorce papers, losing half your possessions, etc. as you know it would eventually happen with her.  While I have never been married (I'm 35, single and probably the last person anyone should ask for marital advice), I have seen my sister and ex-bother-in-law marrage break up a few years ago.  He got into drugs (meth), started lying to her about things and eventually morgaged almost everything they had for his habit.  She only found out about the last part during the divorce trial, which she got stuck with most of the debt.  He stopped using any drugs when he married my sister, but after fifteen years he returned to it.  I guess he did not want what he had at the time and decided that drugs was the best way out.  My point to all of this is what I learned from her mistake: Make sure that you absolutely know who you are getting married to before you tie the knot.  My sister has been bugging me for years to get a girlfriend quickly and get hitched, but I would rather wait for the right one, not just the right now one.  Patience is the key to not making big mistakes that cost you alot more later on...... 

[JR]

Wow, I'm amazed at how spot on some of you guys have called her. I do love the girl and know I'll miss her, but something would be seriously wrong if we stayed together. She had a disfunctional childhood, parents divorced when she was 2, and says she wants marriage and kids to prove it can be a great thing. I see nothing wrong with that, but I think both people should be 100 percent sure of themselves when the time comes.

I have nothing against kids either, but i want to know I have done everything I want to do in life before they come.

We were compatible in almost every other way, but I see how it would have gone.

Her sister is 22, married, one year old and expecting another, just quit her 24 dollar/hr job so her husband can support all of them making 18 hr. I guess all she does is sit at home all day. And half the time accusing her husband of cheating.

I'm afraid that would be me in 4 years. Not for me.

Also, how do you guys get over one? There's no easy way to move on, but I know I should.  I swear I've youtubed that Montgomery Gentry video "Speed" 20 times and played it blasting up the highway in my Charger. (and I dont even listen to country) Makes alot of sense in that you try to hurry up and move on from her memory as quick as you can, but the only thing that will help get over her is time. Like the memories hit me just as soon as I have to stop the car again.



Thanks for the help guys.  It really does help. I should walk away, I should just convince my heart that now.

[Chad L. Magee]

JR-  There is another piece of advice that I learned from one of my uncles:  Look at her mother (looks, personality, etc.) before you get too serious, as your girlfriend will likely become her after twenty to thirty years (as the saying goes: fruit usually does not fall far from the tree).  If the mother has serious problems, then you will more than likely be dealing with the same problems later on.  Alot of children of divorced couples try to have kids to try to "prove" that they are better at keeping a family together than their parents.  Unfortunately, some fail.....

[68isgr8]

Also, how do you guys get over one? There's no easy way to move on, but I know I should.  I swear I've youtubed that Montgomery Gentry video "Speed" 20 times and played it blasting up the highway in my Charger. (and I dont even listen to country) Makes alot of sense in that you try to hurry up and move on from her memory as quick as you can, but the only thing that will help get over her is time. Like the memories hit me just as soon as I have to stop the car again.

Thanks for the help guys.  It really does help. I should walk away, I should just convince my heart that now.

I don't think there is an easy way of getting over a relationship. Time heals wounds, and you learn from your past experiences. The positive side of things, after a while you'll learn what you want in a relationship and what kind of person you want to marry. Just takes time....and love will find you when you're least expecting it.

[bull]

I'm just amazed you've got your house paid off already. Good job! When I was 24 I was too scared and scatter-brained to own a house let alone have the good sense to work hard and pay it off early. Without a mortgage you can live pretty good on $15/hr if you want to. Is the house half decent?

[Vainglory, Esq.]

Also, how do you guys get over one?

It just takes a lot of time.  And sitting alone in your room, sobbing, and listening to Death Cab for Cutie.  You might consider watching Arthur Hiller's "Love Story."

Or you could just go out and bang another chick.

[JR]

I'm just amazed you've got your house paid off already. Good job! When I was 24 I was too scared and scatter-brained to own a house let alone have the good sense to work hard and pay it off early. Without a mortgage you can live pretty good on $15/hr if you want to. Is the house half decent?

Thanks Bull, I got the hookup on the house. My great grandpa built it in the 40s, and its been in the family ever since. It's nothing fancy, and does need a little tlc, but I could have everything it needs done for a couple thousand. I'd rather fix up a little here and there than be in debt 20 years for a new house. Its a pretty decent 2 bedroom 1 bath house. I wish it had a garage though.

[PocketThunder]

I'm just amazed you've got your house paid off already. Good job! When I was 24 I was too scared and scatter-brained to own a house let alone have the good sense to work hard and pay it off early. Without a mortgage you can live pretty good on $15/hr if you want to. Is the house half decent?

Thanks Bull, I got the hookup on the house. My great grandpa built it in the 40s, and its been in the family ever since. It's nothing fancy, and does need a little tlc, but I could have everything it needs done for a couple thousand. I'd rather fix up a little here and there than be in debt 20 years for a new house. Its a pretty decent 2 bedroom 1 bath house. I wish it had a garage though.

Wait a minute!    You were contemplating marraige before you even have a garage built!  dude, dude, dude, the best thing you can do right now to take your mind off that girl is to start building yourself a garage.  Go to Menards or Home Depot or whatever you have there and order up the materials and have them delivered to your house.  Just start a thread asking me for advice and i can help you along the way in every part of the construction.   by the end of the summer you will have your garage done and you wont even be thinking about that girl anymore..

How about that plan?  what size garage would you like?  two car, three car?   

[Orange_Crush]

24 is too young to get married.  Go out, get drink, spread your DNA, get it out of your sustem.  You'll know when its time to settle down.  I spent every day of my live between age 22 and 25 at the dance club, in the bar, eating garbage in greasy spoons at 4 AM after dancing all night when I had to go into work at 7am, and waking up in the beds of strange women...some knockouts, some dogs, some hogs..  I would not trade those three years for anything in the world.

But, the time came when I realized that living that life would kill me very soon.  I was really tired of it and was looking to settle down.  The right woman came along.  She was not into cars, but respected the fact that I was.  We felt the same about a lot of things and we dated for a few years and got married.  4 years later, we had our daughter, who has given my life more depth and meaning than anyone or anything else ever could.  It was the best decision I ever made. 

So go out, have fun, hang out with your frinds.  Eventually, you'll feel the need to grow up (though some never do) and you'll settle down.

[Old Moparz]

24 is too young to get married.  Go out, get drink, spread your DNA, get it out of your sustem.  You'll know when its time to settle down.  I spent every day of my live between age 22 and 25 at the dance club, in the bar, eating garbage in greasy spoons at 4 AM after dancing all night when I had to go into work at 7am, and waking up in the beds of strange women...some knockouts, some dogs, some hogs..  I would not trade those three years for anything in the world.

But, the time came when I realized that living that life would kill me very soon.  I was really tired of it and was looking to settle down.  The right woman came along.  She was not into cars, but respected the fact that I was.  We felt the same about a lot of things and we dated for a few years and got married.  4 years later, we had our daughter, who has given my life more depth and meaning than anyone or anything else ever could.  It was the best decision I ever made. 

So go out, have fun, hang out with your frinds.  Eventually, you'll feel the need to grow up (though some never do) and you'll settle down.

Makes good sense OC, but I bet you also didn't want to lose someone that had a nice garden rake & didn't mind helping you get out the weird things stuck in all your back hair.   

[Brock Samson]

   Jeeze Bob, now you cut that out... 

[Charger_Fan]

Someone once said that dating is merely trying people on for size. Some fit & some don't...sometimes it takes longer to find the right fit & sometimes the right fit comes along quickly.
I don't think 24 is too young to marry, the important thing to know is when you've found the right fit. It seems that half the people out there don't realize when the person they're dating doesn't fit until it's WAY too late. You seem like a smart guy, with a level head for knowing what's right for you. Stay that way.

Don't get discouraged either, the right one for you will come when the time is right.



Oh & until that happens, do like PT said & build a garage!!

[Orange_Crush]

24 is too young to get married.  Go out, get drink, spread your DNA, get it out of your sustem.  You'll know when its time to settle down.  I spent every day of my live between age 22 and 25 at the dance club, in the bar, eating garbage in greasy spoons at 4 AM after dancing all night when I had to go into work at 7am, and waking up in the beds of strange women...some knockouts, some dogs, some hogs..  I would not trade those three years for anything in the world.

But, the time came when I realized that living that life would kill me very soon.  I was really tired of it and was looking to settle down.  The right woman came along.  She was not into cars, but respected the fact that I was.  We felt the same about a lot of things and we dated for a few years and got married.  4 years later, we had our daughter, who has given my life more depth and meaning than anyone or anything else ever could.  It was the best decision I ever made. 

So go out, have fun, hang out with your frinds.  Eventually, you'll feel the need to grow up (though some never do) and you'll settle down.

Makes good sense OC, but I bet you also didn't want to lose someone that had a nice garden rake & didn't mind helping you get out the weird things stuck in all your back hair.   

HEY!!!!  The back coiff is NOT to be mocked.

[bull]

HEY!!!!  The back coiff is NOT to be mocked.

The above is an actual picture of OC and his girl by the way. You ever consider having it shaved once in a while to provide wigs for chemo patients?

I'm just amazed you've got your house paid off already. Good job! When I was 24 I was too scared and scatter-brained to own a house let alone have the good sense to work hard and pay it off early. Without a mortgage you can live pretty good on $15/hr if you want to. Is the house half decent?

Thanks Bull, I got the hookup on the house. My great grandpa built it in the 40s, and its been in the family ever since. It's nothing fancy, and does need a little tlc, but I could have everything it needs done for a couple thousand. I'd rather fix up a little here and there than be in debt 20 years for a new house. Its a pretty decent 2 bedroom 1 bath house. I wish it had a garage though.

Hookup or not it's still commendable. Most guys in their mid 20s would have struggled to pay on it for a couple years and then sold it for party money. There are some guys who can party and be responsible enough to pay off a house but they are few.

[PocketThunder]

so, JR, how about this new garage? 

[Old Moparz]

so, JR, how about this new garage? 

You going over there with your toolbox?

Maybe we should get a few others to meet there & have a garage-building-girlfriend-dumping party?

He better have some beer though.   

[PocketThunder]

so, JR, how about this new garage? 

You going over there with your toolbox?

Maybe we should get a few others to meet there & have a garage-building-girlfriend-dumping party?

He better have some beer though.   

As long as i get his gf's number thats fine with me.. 

[JR]

I'd like to do the garage thing. I want to eliminate some more debt before I really spend anymore.

I hate to say it, but sometimes  I think working 65-78 hour weeks had part of splitting us up. I kinda want to have less, but have more time to enjoy being young and seeing things.

Sorry to be a downer.

[mikesbbody]

JR, your not being a downer! i think the hours you worked may have been a issue but i believe you would have spilt anyway since you both wanted different things. You sound like you know what you want in life plus, alot of us "older guys" take our hat off to you for paying off that mortgage! dont stress it, you are still young you have plenty of time for relationships no rush. 

[Charger_Fan]

plus, alot of us "older guys" take our hat off to you for paying off that mortgage!

I sure wish I would have had that kind of forethought & determination when I was your age. Instead, I went the "borrow on everything" route & have paid for it dearly through the years. At 43, I'm finally clear of everything but the house payment...but when I look back on how much further ahead I could be at this stage, it can be depressing.
You have nothing to be ashamed of & if anything, that should make you more appealing to the RIGHT sort of girl. 

[Tilar]

You answer all your own questions.

You dont need our advice.



And just remember..........

Your heart will lie to you.

But your brain wont.

There is so much truth to those words that it's not even funny.

My son did basically the same thing that JR did. He had a good looking girlfriend and they had gone together for over 4 or 5 years. But she started talking kids and marriage. He didnt want any and she gave him an ultimatum. He told her that he didnt play that crap and sent her packing.

Like 2Gunz mentions, you already answered your own questions with the right answers.

[JR]

Thanks for the words again guys. What's so hard is that this is my first real love. It's really hard but I appreciate all the advice.

Thanks again.

[PocketThunder]

Thanks for the words again guys. What's so hard is that this is my first real love. It's really hard but I appreciate all the advice.

Thanks again.

jr, there are other fish in the sea!  There will be another true love.   

[mikesbbody]

Thanks for the words again guys. What's so hard is that this is my first real love. It's really hard but I appreciate all the advice.

Thanks again.

jr, there are other fish in the sea!  There will be another true love.   

Pocket thunder stole my line but he's right  you will move on and another girl will come along and hopefully be more compatible 

[JR]

Well things have a way of working out funny.

If anyone wants to know what happened.....


I'll spare the update on my ex since it makes me sick to my stomach,(kinda involves her talking to one of my high school friends I've known since 5 yrs old since we split) but the good news is Last week I was on lunchbreak for an hour driving my Charger to take my mind off things. Still kinda sick over things. This was my first serious girl and the split sucks. Anyway, I'm pull into the gas station and start pumping when I see a guy I know pull in a minuite after me. It's noisy and he starts yelling hey and I can't even understand him. I just wave and try to smile since I'm still hurting.

Anyway he gets out, walks up to me and tells me he's got a single girl in the car who saw me pumping gas and was checking me out. I still can't get over the ex at this point so I don't really care. But what the hell, I pull around when Im done pumping gas and small talk with them and meet her. I'm not into anyone elese at this point, but It got my mind off the ex.

That friday, I call her for the hell of it, we go out, and I actually enjoyed myself. This girl is 28 years old. The difference is night and day between a 20 and a 28 yr old. I'm amazed. I actually had fun. And am enjoying things again.


I still feel sick to my stomach sometimes thinking of how things went wrong with my ex and I still care for the girl, but I know we wouldn't work out. She wants to live in the middle of nowhere(country) and I moved to a big town to try and get away from the country. She wants kids, I can't stand them.(for now). I like scary movies and acting like a big kid, she likes being "grown up" and having a house full of 5 dogs.
I still hate things turned out this way, but they are working out. It feels wrong being totally free with no one to miss me or check on me. But then again I can do whatever I want now. And things look good with the new girl.


So I guess I'd say for anyone elese in the situation, is to just relax. Life sucks, but you learn from it and it makes you a smarter, better, more mature person.  I learned so much from that girl. Let me state the facts.


1. Living with an insecure girlfriend is like living in a minefield. You're either on your toes trying not to set them off or your relieved, but your never happy.

2. When it comes to impressing any woman, all you have to do is be yourself, make them laugh, and feel good about themselves. Makes me wonder why I use to make it so hard. There's nothing to it.

3. Confidence sells. Anything.

4. Bright colored Chargers don't hurt your odds of getting chicks, but they won't help you keep one.("You spend too much time working on it".....)

5. Lifes too short. Don't stress. This new girl refuses to stress. Which is awesome. I hate stress. The ex made every day stressfull by stressing over something new. Why worry? What's gonna happen is gonna happen. To hell with it.



I'm just rambling and not sure if anyone cares. But I appreciate all your words here guys. Thanks again.

[dodgecharger-fan]

Good deal!

I'll add that a good way to get over the ex is to focus on the positive things - specifically, you learned early on that it wasn't going to work out.
That might seem like it should hurt at first, but really, it's better - for both of you - that you got out now.
Rather than hurt, it should be a huge weight off of your shoulders.

Take the same approach with all of your other incompatabilities, and promise yourself that once you process each one, you'll "scratch it off your list" (forget about it).
Once every item on the the list is scratched off, you're free and clear - emotionally speaking.

[The70RT]

Well things have a way of working out funny.

If anyone wants to know what happened.....


I'll spare the update on my ex since it makes me sick to my stomach,(kinda involves her talking to one of my high school friends I've known since 5 yrs old since we split) but the good news is Last week I was on lunchbreak for an hour driving my Charger to take my mind off things. Still kinda sick over things. This was my first serious girl and the split sucks. Anyway, I'm pull into the gas station and start pumping when I see a guy I know pull in a minuite after me. It's noisy and he starts yelling hey and I can't even understand him. I just wave and try to smile since I'm still hurting.

Anyway he gets out, walks up to me and tells me he's got a single girl in the car who saw me pumping gas and was checking me out. I still can't get over the ex at this point so I don't really care. But what the hell, I pull around when Im done pumping gas and small talk with them and meet her. I'm not into anyone elese at this point, but It got my mind off the ex.

That friday, I call her for the hell of it, we go out, and I actually enjoyed myself. This girl is 28 years old. The difference is night and day between a 20 and a 28 yr old. I'm amazed. I actually had fun. And am enjoying things again.


I still feel sick to my stomach sometimes thinking of how things went wrong with my ex and I still care for the girl, but I know we wouldn't work out. She wants to live in the middle of nowhere(country) and I moved to a big town to try and get away from the country. She wants kids, I can't stand them.(for now). I like scary movies and acting like a big kid, she likes being "grown up" and having a house full of 5 dogs.
I still hate things turned out this way, but they are working out. It feels wrong being totally free with no one to miss me or check on me. But then again I can do whatever I want now. And things look good with the new girl.


So I guess I'd say for anyone elese in the situation, is to just relax. Life sucks, but you learn from it and it makes you a smarter, better, more mature person.  I learned so much from that girl. Let me state the facts.


1. Living with an insecure girlfriend is like living in a minefield. You're either on your toes trying not to set them off or your relieved, but your never happy.

2. When it comes to impressing any woman, all you have to do is be yourself, make them laugh, and feel good about themselves. Makes me wonder why I use to make it so hard. There's nothing to it.

3. Confidence sells. Anything.

4. Bright colored Chargers don't hurt your odds of getting chicks, but they won't help you keep one.("You spend too much time working on it".....)

5. Lifes too short. Don't stress. This new girl refuses to stress. Which is awesome. I hate stress. The ex made every day stressfull by stressing over something new. Why worry? What's gonna happen is gonna happen. To hell with it.



I'm just rambling and not sure if anyone cares. But I appreciate all your words here guys. Thanks again.

Good deal. Sounds like your getting back on track. 

[PocketThunder]

JR      See, when you are not looking for a girl, they come to you!  Now be careful when the old girlfriend see's you with the new date, she might go nuts on you. 

[68chrgrwife]

Ok I just want to say that even young people can get married and be happy together forever.  Hubby and I met and started dating in high school we married two years later I was 20 and he was 19.  10 years later we are happily married with three beautiful girls.  Yes we have our issues and fights and what not...everyone does.  But, we love each other and we understand each other's passions take up a lot of time and money.  I love going to car shows with him, I love working on the car with him, and I love to yell at him.  He loves to be with me no matter what I want to do and He loves to yell back at me.  It is a love/love relationship.  We know how to have fun with each other and at each other's expense. But at the end of the day we know that we love each other and that we are here for one another.

oh and btw...I have been a stay at home mom for the last 9 years....hubby is military so we are by no means rich...but we still have fun and have our cars.

[Tilar]

Don't let "On the Rebound" confuse you with "Getting over" an ex.

[PocketThunder]

JR, whats the status on this one?   



For the record, i was looking for Shelly's "pictures of us thread" and this one popped up in the search list so i thought, what the heck..

PT

[Brock Samson]

Well things have a way of working out funny.
If anyone wants to know what happened.....
I'll spare the update on my ex since it makes me sick to my stomach,(kinda involves her talking to one of my high school friends I've known since 5 yrs old since we split) but the good news is Last week I was on lunchbreak for an hour driving my Charger to take my mind off things. Still kinda sick over things. This was my first serious girl and the split sucks. Anyway, I'm pull into the gas station and start pumping when I see a guy I know pull in a minuite after me. It's noisy and he starts yelling hey and I can't even understand him. I just wave and try to smile since I'm still hurting.
Anyway he gets out, walks up to me and tells me he's got a single girl in the car who saw me pumping gas and was checking me out. I still can't get over the ex at this point so I don't really care. But what the hell, I pull around when Im done pumping gas and small talk with them and meet her. I'm not into anyone elese at this point, but It got my mind off the ex.
That friday, I call her for the hell of it, we go out, and I actually enjoyed myself. This girl is 28 years old. The difference is night and day between a 20 and a 28 yr old. I'm amazed. I actually had fun. And am enjoying things again.
I still feel sick to my stomach sometimes thinking of how things went wrong with my ex and I still care for the girl, but I know we wouldn't work out. She wants to live in the middle of nowhere(country) and I moved to a big town to try and get away from the country. She wants kids, I can't stand them.(for now). I like scary movies and acting like a big kid, she likes being "grown up" and having a house full of 5 dogs.
I still hate things turned out this way, but they are working out. It feels wrong being totally free with no one to miss me or check on me. But then again I can do whatever I want now. And things look good with the new girl.
So I guess I'd say for anyone elese in the situation, is to just relax. Life sucks, but you learn from it and it makes you a smarter, better, more mature person.  I learned so much from that girl. Let me state the facts.1. Living with an insecure girlfriend is like living in a minefield. You're either on your toes trying not to set them off or your relieved, but your never happy.

2. When it comes to impressing any woman, all you have to do is be yourself, make them laugh, and feel good about themselves. Makes me wonder why I use to make it so hard. There's nothing to it.

3. Confidence sells. Anything.

4. Bright colored Chargers don't hurt your odds of getting chicks, but they won't help you keep one.("You spend too much time working on it".....)

5. Lifes too short. Don't stress. This new girl refuses to stress. Which is awesome. I hate stress. The ex made every day stressfull by stressing over something new. Why worry? What's gonna happen is gonna happen. To hell with it.
I'm just rambling and not sure if anyone cares. But I appreciate all your words here guys. Thanks again.

  Hey JR:
   I had lost track of this one,..
your kinda young yet, I'm twice your age, so i want to tell you that, just because your last "love" was neurotic doesn't mean you or you're next romantic intrest, friend or what have you - has to be neurotic too,..
Now if this gets to be a problem in future relationships friend, family or otherwise - look into "co-dependency", that could be the root of the problem and requires serious investigation and fixing.
  But it's normal to bummed for some time after a break-up and the best cure is hair of the dog that bit ya... 
(more wimmin).

[JimShine]

Glad to hear things are looking up!

Here are some of my thoughts:

Getting out of that situation was best. Chances are she was looking to start her stay at home mom lifestyle ASAP, and it no doubt would not have lasted long. Especially when the word "sacrifice" is thrown around and you start losing the things you cherish to provide for the family. In no time after the Chargers are gone, you would have started resenting her staying home and things would have become less than pleasent.

I was in the very same situation back when I was 21. I was dating a 18 year old girl that wanted to skip work and start the family and stay at home. When I expressed not only was I too young, but that I required her to have indepenance, it ended and she hooked up with someone and had her family within 2 years time.

It is funny how the dynamics of life change as you get older. In my late teens and 20's the women either wanted to have or not have children. Now in the 30's women are looking for guys willing to help them raise children the they already have.

[The70RT]

author=JimShine link=topic




It is funny how the dynamics of life change as you get older. In my late teens and 20's the women either wanted to have or not have children. Now in the 30's women are looking for guys willing to help them raise children the they already have.

I hear ya. I have a good friend and nephew that has done that. They meet a woman with children & raise them them then leave for a younger woman...raise some more. A viscious cycle over and over to get a younger woman. Now close to 50 I bet they raised 3-4 familys so far

[JR]

hey guys, I'm doing good. She is long gone now. Whats' really messed up, is that when I started not caring while we were together, she started talking to a friend of mine for 20 years I'd known since kendergarden. She went after him.  All the while he hid it behind my back. Once even looking me in the eye and saying nothing was happening. Oh well, I'm much better off, she was batshit crazy, insecure, controlling, etc... and he had no spine and always lets women run him over. He's damn sure got one now. She said flat out she wants atleast one kid and marriage by 24, and she wants to move in and start settling NOW.(At 19!)

I really lost the passion for her and ran her off, but it was still hard to deal with when it happened.


here are some red flags I should have walked from when she did.

1. Early on, that Dirk Bentley song "What was I Thinkin" came on the radio, and I made a random comment that it reminded me of highschool. Her comment, "Who was your Becky?!"

2. The first time she ever got in my car, she picked up my cell phone and started going thru my texts to see if I was talking to a girl.

3. She accused me of screwing her roomate once when she left me at her new house for a half hour alone hanging curtians. For no reason, she started thinking about it, texted the roomate( her best friend of 10 years) and took her reply the wrong way. She came home PISSED and asked me "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" when she caught me on the way out to get a hammer.


There were HUNDREADS of other times. She mellowed out some eventually, but her jealousy and insecurity drove all the passion out of the relationship. I stopped thinking about how to suprise her and make her happy, to thinking about just not pissing her off.

The more I think about it, the more I know I was stupid for putting up with that shit. The really ironic thing is, she would constantly do all that shit, and still hound me to get married. How crazy can she be for doing that and beggin for a ring nonstop? I honestly feel sorry for the new guy, to hell with them.

And it bothers me more that a "Friend" would do that, but I'm glad they did. Now I know to weed them from my life.


She was without a doubt codependant. I was worn to a nub maintaining her happiness, at the expense of mine. She was a black hole of emotional need, and literally sucked the life out of me. After the tow month mark, it got much easier to deal with. The last few weeks now, my real friends and I have had a blast living the single life. I forgot how much fun things are when you aren't sitting at home every night because your girlfriend is a stage 4 cling on.

My best friend is actually going thru a divorce now, as of this month. Its bad to say, but I've learned alot from watchin him. In his case he's better off. He can get any girl he wants, and got married way to young at 21 two years ago. They grew apart, and now he's divorcing, and he said something that helped alot.  I asked, "Doesn't it bother you to never see her again, or think about her with a new man?" His awnser: "Nope. There's always another girl. Someone hotter and better right around the corner. You can't let women get to you".

Very true.


Thanks again for the help here guys, I appreciate you help. I left this site for a while, because doing my old routine reminded me of her, but its good to be back.

[Mike DC]

 
Sounds like you're better off without her AND your male friend. 

It usually hurts a lot even when you've got 100% justification for the split-up, but it's probably for the best.

[Vainglory, Esq.]

Been there, done that.  But you already know you're better off.

[Mike DC]

People who go really ape-sh*t with accusations of cheating for minor things usually fit into two categories:  People who have been cheated on a lot in the past, and people who are liable to cheat whenever they get the chance themselves.  (Often, it's both.)

[70charginglizard]

hey guys, I'm doing good. She is long gone now. Whats' really messed up, is that when I started not caring while we were together, she started talking to a friend of mine for 20 years I'd known since kendergarden. She went after him.  All the while he hid it behind my back. Once even looking me in the eye and saying nothing was happening. Oh well, I'm much better off, she was batshit crazy, insecure, controlling, etc... and he had no spine and always lets women run him over. He's damn sure got one now. She said flat out she wants atleast one kid and marriage by 24, and she wants to move in and start settling NOW.(At 19!)

I really lost the passion for her and ran her off, but it was still hard to deal with when it happened.


here are some red flags I should have walked from when she did.

1. Early on, that Dirk Bentley song "What was I Thinkin" came on the radio, and I made a random comment that it reminded me of highschool. Her comment, "Who was your Becky?!"

2. The first time she ever got in my car, she picked up my cell phone and started going thru my texts to see if I was talking to a girl.

3. She accused me of screwing her roomate once when she left me at her new house for a half hour alone hanging curtians. For no reason, she started thinking about it, texted the roomate( her best friend of 10 years) and took her reply the wrong way. She came home PISSED and asked me "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" when she caught me on the way out to get a hammer.


There were HUNDREADS of other times. She mellowed out some eventually, but her jealousy and insecurity drove all the passion out of the relationship. I stopped thinking about how to suprise her and make her happy, to thinking about just not pissing her off.

The more I think about it, the more I know I was stupid for putting up with that shit. The really ironic thing is, she would constantly do all that shit, and still hound me to get married. How crazy can she be for doing that and beggin for a ring nonstop? I honestly feel sorry for the new guy, to hell with them.

And it bothers me more that a "Friend" would do that, but I'm glad they did. Now I know to weed them from my life.


She was without a doubt codependant. I was worn to a nub maintaining her happiness, at the expense of mine. She was a black hole of emotional need, and literally sucked the life out of me. After the tow month mark, it got much easier to deal with. The last few weeks now, my real friends and I have had a blast living the single life. I forgot how much fun things are when you aren't sitting at home every night because your girlfriend is a stage 4 cling on.

My best friend is actually going thru a divorce now, as of this month. Its bad to say, but I've learned alot from watchin him. In his case he's better off. He can get any girl he wants, and got married way to young at 21 two years ago. They grew apart, and now he's divorcing, and he said something that helped alot.  I asked, "Doesn't it bother you to never see her again, or think about her with a new man?" His awnser: "Nope. There's always another girl. Someone hotter and better right around the corner. You can't let women get to you".

Very true.


Thanks again for the help here guys, I appreciate you help. I left this site for a while, because doing my old routine reminded me of her, but its good to be back.

Good for you. Looks like you chose the right path to follow.



"I forgot how much fun things are when you aren't sitting at home every night because your girlfriend is a stage 4 cling on."

Aint that the truth. Now get out there and enjoy yourself.

[JR]

Thanks again for the help guys, you've all been dead on accurate in calling her.  I'll never make that mistake again.