Stupidist things you have EVER heard......

[beedees]

 :smilielol My wife has been buying all the globes she can find lately, so naturally I became curious and asked her why. Seems our neighbor lady told her that they (whoever "they"  are ) were going to MOVE the equator.... thats right, move the equator and all the world globes would have to be changed and the old ones would become collectors items. Maybe something to do with global warming.....I know of at least two women who have definitley been out in the sun too long. Anything like this happened to anyone else out there? (hum the theme song from " The Twilight Zone" while reading this, it helps)

[Drache]

"you want HOW much for that old car? I can get one exactly like it on ebay for half the price!"

"Then go buy one from ebay!"

"Fine I will, what is it, a '75 Charger?"

"'70 actually...."

"Oh well all the Chargers look so much alike it's hard to tell, bye"

"bye"

*real conversation sent to me by a friend*

[moparguy01]

on a vehicle we are doing at work, a Honda S2000, he had us install "overfenders" to clear bigger tires, but they basically look like extremely cheap bushwhacker fender flares. I'd laugh at that but its true so its really just sad.
anyways he got a set of 295/40r18s for it and they stick 2 inches past the bushwhackers. The place that sold him the tires told him they will fit you just have to tilt the top of the tire in on both sides to make it fit. 

[Old Moparz]

Back in the mid 80's, a friend of mine named Jim bought a Corvette that was just a couple of years old. A few of us were hanging out at another friend's house when he showed up, to show us his new car. One guy, named Mike, who was a friend of a friend was there. Now, you have to know Mike & expect stupid things. His nick-name was "Doopty-Doop if you need any indication of his intelligence level.

So after we were checking out the Vette, Doopty-Doop asks, "Why the hell did you get a fiberglass one? The metal ones are much better."

There's more Doopty-Doop stories, like the time he drank a bunch of beers, a bunch of shots, many, many Alabama Slammers, & after he threw up on the bar in a club, said, "I'm not sick from drinking, I have poison ivy."   

[41husk]

When I bought my 68, I actually bought two of them.  They were delivered from Nampa Idaho to IL.  They arived after 10 pm and it was verry cold.  I was having them dropped at the High school (to keep my wife from knowing I bought two more cars)  I had a few wrestlers come help me unload them and push them into the auto shop.  The one with know engine or tranny was the last to come off.  The hood was off and one of my wrestlers was standing at the front of the car pushing as hard as he could, but the car was not budging, looking down into the empty engine compartment clearly displaying no tranny was installed, the young mab said " coach, check the shifter, I think it is still in park".  I almost fell of the truck when the kid next to him climbs arounf to check.

[71ChallengeHer]

I had a customer ask me "What's in a Rum and Coke ? " 

[68chrgrwife]

Will you marry me?

[Drache]

Will you marry me?

 

[Daytona R/T SE]

It's 20 years ago, and the Ol' Lady had just moved in with me.

We were both in my car and I'm backing it out of my old crappy garage.

It was late fall/early winter and getting cold outside.

When she spotted the jugs of anti-freeze on the shelf she said:

" Don't you think you should take that Anti-Freeze into the house before it freezes?"

[70charger_boy]

I had a customer ask me "What's in a Rum and Coke ? " 

Yeah, you still never answered my question

[71ChallengeHer]

I had a customer ask me "What's in a Rum and Coke ? " 

Yeah, you still never answered my question

[Orange_Crush]

Okay...hands-down winner here.

The night Princess Diana bought it, my brothers, their fiancees, and my wife and I were out in my boat.  It was nighttime and we were listening to the radio when the DJ broke in and said that Princess Diana jad just been involved in a very bad car accident (her condition was still unknown).  The DJ went on to say that the car had been moving at a high rate of speed and was being chased by paparazzi.  We all sat quietly for a moment and then my future sister in law piped in and asked.

"Isn't he an opera singer?"

[70charger_boy]

Okay...hands-down winner here.

The night Princess Diana bought it, my brothers, their fiancees, and my wife and I were out in my boat.  It was nighttime and we were listening to the radio when the DJ broke in and said that Princess Diana jad just been involved in a very bad car accident (her condition was still unknown).  The DJ went on to say that the car had been moving at a high rate of speed and was being chased by paparazzi.  We all sat quietly for a moment and then my future sister in law piped in and asked.

"Isn't he an opera singer?"

that is not that stupid

[71ChallengeHer]

Back in the mid 80's, a friend of mine named Jim bought a Corvette that was just a couple of years old. A few of us were hanging out at another friend's house when he showed up, to show us his new car. One guy, named Mike, who was a friend of a friend was there. Now, you have to know Mike & expect stupid things. His nick-name was "Doopty-Doop if you need any indication of his intelligence level.

So after we were checking out the Vette, Doopty-Doop asks, "Why the hell did you get a fiberglass one? The metal ones are much better."

There's more Doopty-Doop stories, like the time he drank a bunch of beers, a bunch of shots, many, many Alabama Slammers, & after he threw up on the bar in a club, said, "I'm not sick from drinking, I have poison ivy."   

Wow , Shelby even knew all Vettes were fiberglass.

[69bronzeT5]

Wow , Shelby even knew all Vettes were fiberglass.

Im not a huge fan of Vettes and ever I knew that

[Old Moparz]

Back in the mid 80's, a friend of mine named Jim bought a Corvette that was just a couple of years old. A few of us were hanging out at another friend's house when he showed up, to show us his new car. One guy, named Mike, who was a friend of a friend was there. Now, you have to know Mike & expect stupid things. His nick-name was "Doopty-Doop if you need any indication of his intelligence level.

So after we were checking out the Vette, Doopty-Doop asks, "Why the hell did you get a fiberglass one? The metal ones are much better."

There's more Doopty-Doop stories, like the time he drank a bunch of beers, a bunch of shots, many, many Alabama Slammers, & after he threw up on the bar in a club, said, "I'm not sick from drinking, I have poison ivy."   

Wow , Shelby even knew all Vettes were fiberglass.

Smart girl. 

Funny thing about 'ol Doopty-Doop was, when we all talked to one another we always referred to him as Doopty-Doop & hardly ever called him Mike. People would look at us oddly & either ask who was Doopty-Doop, or what's a Doopty-Doop, or why do you call him Doopty-Doop?

I'd always tell them that if they spoke to him for a couple of minutes they'd know why.   

Poor guy couldn't drive either. He once had the same 1968 Mustang in the body shop for stupid accidents 3 times in less than 6 months.   

I rode in his car once.   

I decided if I wanted to get that same scared feeling ever again, I'd ride duct taped to the front of a New York City cab with a blind taxi driver from the Mid-East in rush hour traffic.

[AKcharger]

"Mrs Clinton will make a fine President"   

[70charger_boy]

"Mrs Clinton will make a fine President"   

and Mr Clinton will make a really fine first lady 

[pettyfan43]

"Mrs Clinton will make a fine President"   

Your Next President, BARAK OBAMA!   

Sorry this was supposed to be Stupid NOT Scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mike DC]

 
Umm . . . I don't think it's the Republicans who have room to giggle about "stupidest things we've ever heard" from the political arena.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Let's not get political with this thread.

[The70RT]

Dumb Hiway patrollman.

I was on the highway in the same lane for miles when a car was entering on the on ramp and it was far enough back that I stayed in my lane, and he merged in behind me about 15 car lengths. I see these flashing lights behind me like 1/8 mile he came up and pulled me over. He came to the car and said what are you doing changing lanes and cutting off that car? I said what are you talking about? He says you changed lanes in front of him. I said I have been in this same lane since I left the stadium. He says " Are you sure?" and me and everyone in the car said yes I never chaned lanes. He says ok sorry you can go

[70charger_boy]

Dumb Hiway patrollman.

I was on the highway in the same lane for miles when a car was entering on the on ramp and it was far enough back that I stayed in my lane, and he merged in behind me about 15 car lengths. I see these flashing lights behind me like 1/8 mile he came up and pulled me over. He came to the car and said what are you doing changing lanes and cutting off that car? I said what are you talking about? He says you changed lanes in front of him. I said I have been in this same lane since I left the stadium. He says " Are you sure?" and me and everyone in the car said yes I never chaned lanes. He says ok sorry you can go

Maybe, the cop was gay and thought you were cute

[Drache]

"the dodge-charger.com t-shirts will be shipped out shortly...."

[Bandit72]

i went and picked up an engine today...guy told me on the phone he had a "440 and tranny with 70k miles for $350) i told him i'd be there this evening to get it, and to hang onto it.....well i got there at almost sun down ( an hour behind schedule cause the tranny in my truck is working pretty hard at biting the bullet) pull the tarp off and the distributor is in the back of the engine...exhaust manifolds are off because it was ran in a derby, all the wiring has been butchered, and the valve covers are beat to shit...well i tell him it's not  a 440 and this dude FLIPS starts telling me i'm full of shit and he knows his F*in engines....i explain that the distributors are on the front of a 440 and he tell me only the 440 HEMI's came out that way i finally had to show him where it was stamped "360" on the block.....anyway i still got it, but i only gave him 200 for it as he wanted it gone anyway....

[69bronzeT5]

"the dodge-charger.com t-shirts will be shipped out shortly...."

[Charger74]

Ok, funny one here, several years ago before I moved to Iowa I as working for Airborne Express on a delivery route on a military base.  One day, I came upon a Military police check point.  So here I am in a little gray isuzu pickup with Airborne Express written in nice big letters painted on the side, in my uniform with Airborne on it.  This one mp walks up to my window and ask me what I was doing on base.  I looked at him, looked down at my truck, looked back at him and said "Delivery packages of course".   He then kind looks at the truck, and asks me, "Do have any bombs or drugs in the truck".   I looked at him like "WTF".  Told him as far as I knew no and that I would suppose stuff like that would have been found at the package hubs where they are scanned or blown up on the airplane ride to Tucson.  He was very obvisouly a newbie straight from home. 

[chargerman68]

Will you marry me?

[68chrgrwife]

Will you marry me?

[70charger_boy]

meow

[The70RT]

Looking at an old pos and the owner says this was a nice car when it was new. Or this will be nice when restored.

[71ChallengeHer]

I went to look at a 70 Hemi Challenger that was for sale. And the guy that owned it had cut the brace out of the hood to clear the wingnuts on the chrome air-cleaners he put on it. When I asked him where the original air-cleaner was he said "In the shed , that darn air-filter cost $25 .

[70charger_boy]

I went to look at a 70 Hemi Challenger that was for sale. And the guy that owned it had cut the brace out of the hood to clear the wingnuts on the chrome air-cleaners he put on it. When I asked him where the original air-cleaner was he said "In the shed , that darn air-filter cost $25 .

 

[The70RT]

I went to look at a 70 Hemi Challenger that was for sale. And the guy that owned it had cut the brace out of the hood to clear the wingnuts on the chrome air-cleaners he put on it. When I asked him where the original air-cleaner was he said "In the shed , that darn air-filter cost $25 .

How much was the car?

[71ChallengeHer]

I went to look at a 70 Hemi Challenger that was for sale. And the guy that owned it had cut the brace out of the hood to clear the wingnuts on the chrome air-cleaners he put on it. When I asked him where the original air-cleaner was he said "In the shed , that darn air-filter cost $25 .

How much was the car?

It sold for $32,000 back then.

[JR]

After much thinking the past couple of days about this subjects and the many idiots I've encountered, I've drawn my top stupid thing to this. I'm 23, and my now 19 year old ex-girlfriend said this to me after only dating 9 months.

"I want a ring on my finger in 3 months........."

God it feels good to be single again.

[TK73]

God it feels good to be single again.

[tomdroptop]

"Stop making that face", "If some one hits you in the back then yer face will stay that way!"

[Bob]

"That's a nice 70 Charger you have there. I used to own one myself, it had a hemi with a 5 speed."

My Charger is a 74.

[Khyron]

My first wife and I where watching an old movie called "Raise the Titanic"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081400/

At the end of the movie the Titanic is being pulled by tug into the New York Harbor. My Ex-wife then looked at me and asked "Wow, thats cool, can we go down and see that some time? 

I can't make that up.


Side note, if you can get past the poor 80's acting, this movie is cool as hell. remember, this movie was mad BEFORE they actually found the ol girl.

[69bronzeT5]

My mom asked my sister "do you know who the president of the US is?" and my sister said "Bob Barker?". Shes 12!!!!!

[The70RT]

My mom asked my sister "do you know who the president of the US is?" and my sister said "Bob Barker?". Shes 12!!!!!

Your kidding.... is she in middle school? 

[68chrgrwife]

My mom asked my sister "do you know who the president of the US is?" and my sister said "Bob Barker?". Shes 12!!!!!

Your kidding.... is she in middle school? 

Well, lets not forget that they do live in Canada.......I'll give her a little slack for that.

[Brock Samson]

allot of the stupidest things Ive ever read (and posted) were right on this site... anyhow,..

so yesterday this guy stops by the house and asks how much i want for the Charger?...

I say it doesn't say anything about being for sale...

in fact it Say's "NO $". I point this out to him.

So the guys says to me,..  "I didn't read the sign, i just thought it said, For Sale".

I say to him, show me where, it says that?...

he walks all around the car, and then says to me before walkin off,.. "Maybe you should take the for sale sign off it"..

     

[RD]

click below, go to the bottom, click on last posts (and any others you care to search to find)... there ya go!

http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=143

[69bronzeT5]

My mom asked my sister "do you know who the president of the US is?" and my sister said "Bob Barker?". Shes 12!!!!!

Your kidding.... is she in middle school? 

Well, lets not forget that they do live in Canada.......I'll give her a little slack for that.

She watches the Price Is Right so Im pretty sure she knows who Bob Barker is.....like hell, even I know who the president of the US is.

[The70RT]

My mom asked my sister "do you know who the president of the US is?" and my sister said "Bob Barker?". Shes 12!!!!!

Your kidding.... is she in middle school? 

Well, lets not forget that they do live in Canada.......I'll give her a little slack for that.

She watches the Price Is Right so Im pretty sure she knows who Bob Barker is.....like hell, even I know who the president of the US is.

Whoops sorry. I forgot you are in Canada

[moparguy01]

how bout this one....

"Can i use that pic on my website? 

[69bronzeT5]

how bout this one....

"Can i use that pic on my website? 

its "Can I use that pic FOR my website"

[70charger_boy]

how bout this one....

"Can i use that pic on my website? 

[Arthu®]

Not to revive the thread but this remark had me stunned. I don't have words for it, it's just impossible for my mind to cope with that kind of logic.

We need a draft right out of high school and none of this school or work deferment stuff like we had back in Nam.  And I think only Vets should be able to vote.

[my73charger]

Ok here is one.  One time a drunk comes wobbling up to me and proceeds to open his coat and show me a string of watches he has for sale.  I look at him and tell him I don't want to buy a watch and I show him my nice gold watch.  He then says, ok how much will you give me for that? 

[moparguy01]

Another time I was drinking with Todd _Wilson out in his garage and his buddy shitty came over (nicknamed for his constantly being drunk) and he told me we should go look at his race car, because it will "put nuts on my hair"

and my charger has more hp than his race car. haha

[The70RT]

Gibbs Toyota Racing Team  ............ Toyota Tony & Denny Camry

[69bronzeT5]

click below, go to the bottom, click on last posts (and any others you care to search to find)... there ya go!

http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=143

Frickin' priceless!! Hey RD, check out the newest additon to my signature!

[70charger_boy]

So, I'm watching TLC's Property Ladder where there are 3 asian guys go in business together flipping a house.  They buy a condo and set a 2 week timeline.  The host of the show, Kristen Kemp(very, very hot) gives them suggestions on how to make money. Kristen has over 15 years experience flipping houses and real estate.  One of the asian guys ignores everything she says.

They start the project and the one guy who financed the flip says he does not want to do manual labor.  he doesn't show up for weeks.  It ends up taking 4 months and the house looks like crap. 

In the end, it doesn't sell and they lost 36 grand.

[71ChallengeHer]

" I hope that burnout was worth $107 "

[Supercharged Riot]

dumbest thing I heard?

That the Charger was going to have 4 doors, Automatic only & have a signiature cross-hair grill bumber

[Mean 318]

A guy loked at my coronet and asked me if I was going to do i like the general lee... nuf said!

[TruckDriver]

"I Love You" from my ex-wife

[The70RT]

"I Love You" from my ex-wife

Don't worry. You will get half 

[RD]

click below, go to the bottom, click on last posts (and any others you care to search to find)... there ya go!

http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=143

Frickin' priceless!! Hey RD, check out the newest additon to my signature!

snicker snicker

[70charger_boy]

Ah, what the hell.  This thread is good for a bump.  This kid is pretty stupid

[The70RT]

He's luckier than a kid at school where I work. Some other kids dared him to jump a train and he slipped and got his legs amputated

[70charger_boy]

He's luckier than a kid at school where I work. Some other kids dared him to jump a train and he slipped and got his legs amputated

We had a few of them here, back in the 80's when the Providence/Worcester railroad would come through.  Kids were dying every month

[pettybird]

Non-car:

Chuck from Scout camp (we were 13-14 at the time) "Of course he was smart!!  Why do you think they called him Einstein???"


car:

We have a pair of 'birds and a Daytona.  Any time ANYONE opens their mouth and starts with the phrase "I used to have one JUST LIKE THIS,"  and proceeds to tell you about a '67 Bonneville 4 door.  We get that a ton.

Close second are the morons who compliment us on our "Dodges" when looking at the Superbirds, where "Plymouth" is on the quarter panels, 27 inches long. 

[1FastCharger]

What the HELL??? I did not know Winebago made trains.




I get people in the shop all the time with the I used to have stories. One old guy came in with two buddies. They were talking about muscle cars and racing. This old guy said his buddy had an old Army Jeep that he put a blower on it. Because of the low gearing and 4X4 it got great traction and would run 8 sec 1/4 mile times. I really tried my best not to laugh. I figured he was too old to remember his facts.

[justin1987]

When I was in 10th grade American History a girl asked:

Is Canada part of the United States or do we just own the land?

The teacher looked at her, sat down and didn't say anything the rest of class.

[69bronzeT5]

Close second are the morons who compliment us on our "Dodges" when looking at the Superbirds, where "Plymouth" is on the quarter panels, 27 inches long. 

[hemihead]

  ... some of the questions and answers on this website. 

[69CoronetRT]

  ... some of the questions and answers on this website. 

This is what happens when society is more worried about the rights of the individual than the rights of the majority.

No thanks I like my women to be women. I think they all need to go back and learn from their grandmothers about how to cook, clean , and keep a man happy.

[1FastCharger]

This one happened this morning.

A self proclaimed car guy walks in the shop looking at the cars. He goes over to the 1970 Dodge Challenger and says,

"HEY! This is a NICE Camaro.     

[RD]

This one happened this morning.

A self proclaimed car guy walks in the shop looking at the cars. He goes over to the 1970 Dodge Challenger and says,

"HEY! This is a NICE Camaro.     

why didnt you kick his A$$? 

[Sabre]

I was debating an animal rights activist two days ago.  The debate started with the news story of "Heroes" star Hayden Panettiere going over to Japan with the "Save the Whales" group to protest Dolphin hunts.  The animal rights nut claimed that nothing is safe to eat in the sea nothing.  He implied we should stop eating fish and meat and go VEGAN.  He then proceeded to tell us his many adventures with Dolphins and why hunting them is EVIL!!!

In fact, about three weeks ago I was alone, swimming in a pod of Spinner dolphins. I dove to about 40ft and decided to just go limp, minimize my o2 burn and just sink. I barely sank 10ft when I felt two bumps on my back. I turned around and there were two Spinners looking into my mask, clicking interrogatively and asking if I was ok. I turned upright, smiled and generated an "I'm ok, thanks for asking" vibe and they swam with me back to the surface and stayed with me until they were satisfied.

[/b]



I then called him on his "nothing is safe to eat in the sea" claim and we ended up debating about it.  He linked to a study and an analysis by the FDA.  The analysis indicated that certain fish have mercury levels that are high.  Since certain fish have higher levels of mercury in them, consumers should limit there intake of these certain fish (with high levels of mecury) to once a week.  I was under the impression that your average person consumes fish once a week anyways.  He replied claiming the link proves his claim that nothing is safe to eat in the sea.

I then went to the FDA's website in which the FDA states that it is still safe to eat fish, in fact I even linked to the FDA's website.  The link was from Dr. Lester Crawford who is Acting Commissioner of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. The animal rights nut replied that the "anaylsis" he linked to by the FDA implies otherwise.  The problem for him was that the analysis didn't imply any such thing, the analysis stated that it is still safe to eat fish.  That yes fish have mercury levels in them and some fish such as sharks have higher levels of mecury.  No where did is state that nothing is in the sea is safe to eat and we should stop eating fish.  It stated that consumers should not eat alot of fish that have high levels of mercury in them on a daily basis. 

Talk about stupid, he first gives me a link to the FDA analysis which doesn't back up his claim.  I then explain to him why it isn't correct and then give him a link from the FDA's acting commissioner which supports my claim.  He ignored my link which was from the acting commissioner of the FDA, claiming it's just an op/ed.  Yet it's from the acting commissioner of the FDA.

[hemihead]

  ... some of the questions and answers on this website. 

This is what happens when society is more worried about the rights of the individual than the rights of the majority.

No thanks I like my women to be women. I think they all need to go back and learn from their grandmothers about how to cook, clean , and keep a man happy.

Should have quoted yourself too.

[The70RT]

Some guy about a year ago that I work with - Do you still have that old Charger. Some kid is looking for one and would give around a 1000 for one. The guys last name is Studebaker and that's what he is into. I said this ain't no Stude you tard!!!! After I told him it was an insult and told him what it really was and the value he said " I didn't know" I said exxxaaactllly!! and should have 

[DukesofHoward]

"Yeah, I'm still in the tournament. I didn't forfeit fast enough."

A young co-worker when asked if she was still playing ping-pong in the company tournament.