The lesser of two evils?(venting)

[ChargerRT440]

Hey guys I'm in a bit of a bind. i have an addiction to cars(as most of us do). Specifically mopar cars. I have a 1968 Dodge Dart Gt, a 1998 Dodge Ram SST, and a 1984 Dodge Ramcharger 4x4. with the recent addiction of my brothers 1979 Dodge Aspen R/T 'm starting to want a 76 Plymouth Volare Roadrunner again(my dad had one when I was 5 and he sold it when I was 10 it was the race 4 speed version that they only made a couple hundred of. I'd love to have that car again.. I also have my name in on a 74 Charger that a guy has and he's promised to contact m if he decides to sell. Now being a car guy I also want a 68 Charger. so theres part of the dilema my list of dream cars is:
1974 Dodge Charger
1976 Plymouth Volare Roadrunner
1968 Dodge Dart GT
1968 Dodge Charger
1998 Dodge Ram SST
1990 Dodge Ramcharger 2wd or 4wd with a 360 TBI
and the truck with prbably a half dozen or so years of memories my dad's 1996 Dodge Ram 1500 4x4 club cab. Nothing special about it. I treasure it because of my years spent in it with my family, my dog(was put down a couple years back. I still tear up thinking about him  . that dog was the epitomy of man's best friend he fit it to a T.), pretty much anything.

the main problem with this list is my girl. She's the type who would buy a car and if I didn't tell her the oil needs to be changed wouldn't change it. she will literally wait til the engine light comes on and uh oh whats wrong with the car? Durr the oil needs changing every 3000 kms. She's decided for me that no I dont get to have my cars and if i don't listen she'll leave along with half my stuff. sigh I'm actually pretty depressed right now. I mean nothings set in stone ive been with her two years and all I've commited to is a promise ring and proposing. I really enjoy being with her and before any members go and say try and talk to her about it I have a couple times, and her opinion has never changed. it's always been cars are for getting from a to b.  I don't really know what to do. Her family loves me and her dad surprisingly doesnt want to kill me for being with his daughter. I'm starting to wonder if the two year mark is getting to close to being a serious commitment for the two of us. I mean marriage was a good 4 years away until I was done my machining apprenticeship. It's just really hard to hear someone i care so much about stomping all over my dreams. She's the one person who has pulled me back from the edge of everything. I've had every opportunity to royally screw myself for the rest of my life, but everytime it been her thats pulled me back. Then to here this stuff that digs worse then people making fun of me in high school. Just makes me feel like crap and not knowing what to do. I thought i had it all planned out. Get to be a success with a woman who loves me and have my cars that I not only enjoy but love. Sorry to sound like such a p*ssy but i really don't know where to turn.

[Shakey]

You have to decide what is more important - her or the cars!  Simple as that.

If you can't decide, you'll need to find a balance between the two which may mean letting some of the cars go.  The two of you will need to agree on what is fair for the two of you and you both must abide by these unwritten rules.  If what she suggests to you with regards to the cars seems unfair to you and you feel she is being selfish, maybe you better let her go.

Keep a few things in mind.  Is she everything you are looking for in a woman that you'd be willing to spend the rest of your life with, despite not being infatuated with cars?  Do you want to raise a family with her?  Is her family the type of people you'd enjoy spending time with on a regular basis over holidays, maybe even vacations or just spending the weekend with them and your children/ their grandchildren?  Lots of things to consider when making the decision to marry someone and there are plenty of people that don't think of these things prior to taking the leap.

I love cars just as much as the next guy but I don't want to live in one, cuddle with one while watching a movie or spend every waking moment and every extra dollar I have on a car(s).  I'd rather do that with my Wife and my Children.

If you play your cards right, get a decent job, earn a decent wage you will find a way to ensure there is balance and you'll be able to live a happy life and have it all.

Only you can decide what is most important to you.

[TruckDriver]

 

[41husk]

You are in a no win situation, if you choose the girl you will always resent her for making you leave your hobby, if you go with the cars you will always say what if I had stayed with that girl.  The truth is if it is this much of a dilema, she is probably not the right one.  There is a girl out there some were that will at the least tolerate your other likes.

[Bones68charger]

If she was really the one she would let you have your cars. If she wants you to get rid of them, then eventually she will be gone too! Then you would have no cars, or girl.  If I was you I would have a long talk with her explaining things. How would she feel if you made her quit her hobby and made her get rid of her stuff, she would throw your ass to the curb.

I am not Dr. Phil though so what do I know.....

[kab69440]

Women are easier to find than some of the cars you have. There are THREE BILLION-plus women on the planet. Ditch her, keep the cars.

[41husk]

women are similar to cars, you can find a good one, but it never fails, if you keep your eyes open someone will have a better one, and if you don't take care of the one you have, someone is liable to take it.

[Ponch ®]

There are plenty of women out there, but only a few MOPARS.

[MichaelRW]

She's decided for me that no I dont get to have my cars and if i don't listen she'll leave along with half my stuff.

So, she is giving you an ultimatum and you aren't even married yet? I would run away from her as fast as I could. If she is already trying to run your life now, imagine what it will be like in a few years. And since you aren't married what gives her the right to take half of your things? So what you really have is an ultimatum and a threat. Dump her. This woman is thinking only about herself and is not taking your feelings, wants and needs into consideration at all.

[Drache]

And since you aren't married what gives her the right to take half of your things?

Not sure where this person is from but I know in Canada, if you live with a woman for about 6-9 months you are considered "common law married" and she has the legal right to try and talk half the stuff. If the woman is using your last name, that makes matters even easier for her!

[dodgecharger-fan]

She can't take half of your stuff. She can take her stuff and if you were sharing it, you've got to go out and get your own to replace whatever you need to....

As for the "addiction": Are these cars keeping food off the table or a roof over your head? It doesn't sound like it.
Sure, there could be better ways to spend your money, but that's up to you - not her - at least at this point in your life.
I'd say she's got a point if you're being irresponsible and dumping money into your hobby while the rest of your life goes to pot.
It doesn't really sound like that is the case - that's the impression I get anyway - so... she really shouldn't have a beef.
It sounds more like she resents the cars and the time you spend with them... you can change that easily enough - but it doesn't mean you need to get rid of any cars.

That said, once you make a real commitment to her, be prepared to give a little to get a little. That's only fair in a committed relationship.
If you two are right for each other, this will be an easy process. If it's difficult, then maybe it's time to admit that you two have a different view of the future and cut bait now instead of later when things will be more complicated.

All the best. I hope things work out for you.

It sounds like losing some of these cars would really break your heart. If she can so easily push that issue, she doesn't care as much about you as she might think.

[Vainglory, Esq.]

I love cars just as much as the next guy but I don't want to live in one, cuddle with one while watching a movie or spend every waking moment and every extra dollar I have on a car(s). 

That's funny.  I don't want to live with a woman, cuddle with a woman (unless she's just had sex with me, in which case, I'll concede a cuddle, but for no more than 15 minutes), or spend every waking moment with a woman, much less every extra dollar.  But I'd rather not do any of those with a car, either.

It's all about moderation, whether it's girls or cars.  Take it slow or you'll be tied down and burned out before you know it.

[69CoronetRT]

She's decided for me that no I dont get to have my cars and if i don't listen she'll leave along with half my stuff.

So, she is giving you an ultimatum and you aren't even married yet? I would run away from her as fast as I could. If she is already trying to run your life now, imagine what it will be like in a few years. And since you aren't married what gives her the right to take half of your things? So what you really have is an ultimatum and a threat. Dump her. This woman is thinking only about herself and is not taking your feelings, wants and needs into consideration at all.

I agree.  She is not willing to make compromises required of mature married people. This is an indication of something much more serious in the future. It's not about the cars. It could be, and most likely will be, some other interest if the cars are not in the picture. This is about her being insecure and wanting to be the 'only thing in your life'. It also shows how she feels about preventative maintenance and taking care of things before they become a problem.

Find someone that will share your hobbies and interests or not use them as bargaining chips in the relationship.

My two cents.....

[moparguy01]

if she is already giving your an ultimatum and your not married yet I'd ditch her. Its obvious she's going to cause you some trouble later on in life.

I got lucky with the woman I'm with right now. but if she started doing what your woman is doing right now, I'd ditch her too.

Good luck with what you decide...

[Ponch ®]

I love cars just as much as the next guy but I don't want to live in one, cuddle with one while watching a movie or spend every waking moment and every extra dollar I have on a car(s). 

That's funny.  I don't want to live with a woman, cuddle with a woman (unless she's just had sex with me, in which case, I'll concede a cuddle, but for no more than 15 minutes), or spend every waking moment with a woman, much less every extra dollar.  But I'd rather not do any of those with a car, either.

It's all about moderation, whether it's girls or cars.  Take it slow or you'll be tied down and burned out before you know it.

you've learned well, my young padawan.

[ChargerRT440]

Thanks guys it's really nice to have alot of support. I'm going to talk to her about it. I think I owe her at least the chance to smooth things over and prove that she won't always act like that. I mean I've been with her for 2 years and I think lot of people would think less of me if I just up and left. Thanks alot guys

[Shakey]

I love cars just as much as the next guy but I don't want to live in one, cuddle with one while watching a movie or spend every waking moment and every extra dollar I have on a car(s). 

That's funny.  I don't want to live with a woman, cuddle with a woman (unless she's just had sex with me, in which case, I'll concede a cuddle, but for no more than 15 minutes), or spend every waking moment with a woman, much less every extra dollar.  But I'd rather not do any of those with a car, either.

It's all about moderation, whether it's girls or cars.  Take it slow or you'll be tied down and burned out before you know it.

Neither did I when I was 22 and still spraying every beav in town!   

[TUFCAT]

I going to take a different spin...You're acting extremely immature about these cars dude. ...I like cars as much (or more) than the next guy and also have dreams about the cars I've wanted to own. WHO DOESN'T IN THIS HOBBY!

It doesn't make you unique that you have these feelings bro, we all have them. But guess what , Life Happens.  You want too many cars. Period.  There's a name for people like you - - collectors.  Unless your filthy rich....and you didn't mention that you were  than theres more to life than that..... 

Think about all of the other things you can do with your money that are more important than cars.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a reasonable amount of cash set aside for cars, or saving up for what you want after all the bills are paid......I have no problem with that.  But to make a list and put all other things aside...... you have to start thinking about the future.  No wonder its scares the Sh*t out of your girlfriend. Hell, she's probably concearned about her future if you guys got married - - A garage full of cars, and nothing else!

Those cars are luxury items.....unless you have money.  Regarding women - -  cars won't keep you warm at night or provide the companionship you can only get from a good woman (notice I said "good")! 

[70charger_boy]

Alright, listen and listen good.  I'm an expert on this situation.  I'm addicted to cars and just got married 2 years ago.  At one point I had 7 cars   My wife nags me to get rid of them.  No woman ugly,hot,fat or whatever is never as good as your cars. Just like Officer Poncherello said, "There are tons of women out there"  Do what makes you happy and never have any regrets

[Mike DC]

 
I agree with the tone of the responses so far. 
Why is she demanding that the cars go?

--  If it's a specific problem then she might have a point.  (You can't afford to go on vacation together because of the money in the cars, etc.)

--  If she's just generally trying to remove the cars because they're competing for your enthusiasm & attention & resources . . . that's more of a problem with HER.

 

[70charger_boy]

I think women get jealous when you shift all your money and attention into a car and not them..

[2Gunz]

Ive had one of the same type of girls.

Back and forth back and forth, try to please her. But in the end she always wants more.

My ex turned out to be an insecure, selfish little bitch.

BOTTOM line ANYBODY that makes you walk away from something you love "for them" or "for us"

does not deserve to be with you.


I could not imagine even thinking about try to take something away from some girl I was dating that

I new she loved. Why would you?

[ChargerRT440]

Yeah. Well I tlked t her. Basically she was worried about the amount of money i'd spend on cars. Apparently she took something I said wrong and in offence she said what she did. I think I'll try and compromise like you guys said and figure something out so I have no regrets and am not resenting her for it. I figure whats fair is for me to be able to have my 1968 Dodge Dart GT, 1976-79 Dodge Aspen or plymouth Volare, my 1998 Dodge Ram SST and my dad's 1996 Dodge Ram 1500(supposed to become mine when he buys a new truck this fall) and have that option open for a 1968 Dodge Charger if I can find one.
I think that seems fair? Not a huge collection of perfect vehicles but a collection of good running, good looking cars. I'm supposed to start working on the 68 Dart this summer and that car is going to cost me an easy 50 grand to do it up properly. and then the charger if I found one would cost alot more because it is a charger lol. Oh well. thanks guys. nice to have some support from time to time

[TUFCAT]

Yikes!  Did you ever think - - maybe its you? 

[70charger_boy]

Did you ever think - - maybe its you? 

hmmm...are you a woman scorned?

[Troy]

I'm supposed to start working on the 68 Dart this summer and that car is going to cost me an easy 50 grand to do it up properly.

Not to derail the topic but you're going to put $50k into a Dart? I could see that if it were a Hemi (or possibly a big block GTS if it were all numbers matching). Many guys here have a lot less than $50k in their Chargers. Heck, most Chargers are barely worth half of that so it makes no logical sense to spend that kind of money and take a HUGE loss if you're ever forced to sell. Of course that's my opinion although it's based on the fact that I currently have four old Mopars and four newer vehicles to take care of. I seriously doubt if I'll have more than $20-25k in any one of them.

As for your girlfriend, perhaps she has a point. Sometimes it's a good idea to re-evaluate your priorities. However, as others have stated, you need to determine if she's looking out for your best interests or if she's being controlling. One is a good thing and the other could be very, very bad. Believe me, it's harder to find a great woman than it is to find a great Charger (partially because you often need a great woman to be allowed to own a Charger). I'm single but I'd be willing to give up a few cars for the right situation. I know I won't be able to support my car habit with a wife and kids. Not that I would give them up if forced but I realistically know that I don't have time as it is and I'm willing to negotiate.

Troy

[TUFCAT]

I always like to read Troy's posts - - 'caus he always nails it - right on Dude! 

[TUFCAT]

By the way, I'm not trying to be insensitive to the subject matter, I just happen to agree with Troy and the others about "moderation".  Now, whether or not the girlfireind also needs a little tune-up - - who knows? 

[Khyron]

Girlfriend and not a wife....


dig a ditch and bury the bi.... ummm, dump her, not worth it.


Now for a wife, it would be differently, it's about compromise. Now, you may be a better person then I am. But it there is no ring, I'm not making that big a change. Just remember, you may loose half your stuff, but so will she.

[Silver R/T]

If she loves you she'll let you have any car you want (that you can afford) if she's REAL nice she'll even buy it for you

[daves68]

This sounds eerily familiar. Been there/ done that. Trust me - this will only be the beginning of what you will be giving up. Help her pack, then start looking around for a gal that appreciates your hobby and respects you as a person. Frankly, she doesn't seem to give a rats a$$ about you. All about her.

[Dude]

Dude,

Get your sheiss together.

[73dodge]

I gave up my 71 Road Runner before I got married to raise money for the wedding. Wish I had that car back...............

But in a marriage you give and take my wife puts up with my Charger and I put up with buying expensive furniture, she never complains about my Charger taking up space in the garage and has learned to deal with it. I put up with allot because I love her and she loves me.

When the woman says dump the cars or I leave and take 1/2 of everything, what do you think the 1/2 she takes will be the good stuff you own and she will leave you with the trash? To me if a woman resorts to issuing threats then you need to rethink your commitment to her. Love for another person does not involve threats or ultimatums that's not love my friend thats slavery. 

And also think about this who to say she won't take 1/2 of the cars you currently own? If I know women she will take the ones she thinks means the most to you. Then drive them straight to a junkyard to have them CRUSHED. She sees them as a rival and will seek to destroy her rivals.


But on the other hand YOU need to start thinking about priorities you need to sit an evaluate your situation when it comes to cars. Is it really practical to have that many cars? Man pick out the three that mean the most and for me that would be the 68 Charger 68 Dart and the road runner keep one to drive and sell the other 2 and then put the cars away. Or even decide on ONE that would be worth the most money and keep it for the long run and then sell the rest and then hide the money you make hide from the sale hide the one car that you keep and kick her to the curb.