Two kids vs three.....?............??

[PocketThunder]

So my spouse and i have two healthy kids.  A boy and a girl, two years and 5 months old respectively.   I thought we were done but my spouse has indicated that she would like one more.  Now, i grew up in your standard "yours, mine, and ours" 80s divorce and remarried family.  I am the oldest of 7 total siblings.  My spouse has a traditional family with only one sister.  Her sister never calls her or seems to care about how she is doing.  My spouse doesnt want our children to be that way, and would like to add one more to the mix to adjust that probable situation.

We (I) are on the fence about having one more child.  My thought is that: two are nice, and three would add to the costs of everything from diapers to college tuition.  My spouse sees it as giving the kids another sibling to bond with later in life.  I'm thinking if we have 3 we might as well have 4 because after two my spouse will have to stay home and we will go to a one income family and make it work.  I'm not totally against the 3rd kid i just wonder what some of you have been thru that i can use for projections...

So my question is:  Have you been thru the 3rd kid decision and what did you decide?

[Silver R/T]

if you can afford it, by all means go for it. There's only two kids in our family, me and my brother. We're doing just fine.

[skip68]

I wanted a boy first (And got one), as I have older bros. and wanted to have a girl at some point too..........   I know this is gonna sound bad, but sometimes I wish we would of stopped at one!   Our daughter is four and our son is 10... 6 years apart is NOT a recommended thing! Lot's of hard work and sibling rivalry!!!!!!!

Needless to say, after my daughter was born, I had an instinct feeling to cut the wires to the oven! And I did!

Best wishes on your decision. It is a very expensive and hard job!
Mrs.Skip68

[Lowprofile]

Ya know, back in the day [30-40 years ago] none of that matered, people just had kids and did the best they could for them. Today, we have it drilled into our heads from all parts of society that every kid you have has to have the best of everything. Now don't get me wrong , we all want the best for them, but at what point do you cut the umbilical cord and let them make their own way. I see young kids these days [teenagers] driving new cars, cellphones, computers, etc, etc..... They all wear $100 sneakers, designer clothes, etc.... I'm thinking that the parents must have 3 jobs!

I say if you want to have another baby just go for it! Don't worry yourself too much about the costs. If you and you wife have more love to give for another child, well, I think thats wonderful.

BTW, I have 3 kids. My son is 21, and my daughters are 17 & 13. Good Luck bro! 

[68chrgrwife]

Ok so i have three girls 8, 5 and 1 1/2.  My husband is an only child (but does have two step-siblings) and am the oldest of three (and the only girl).  I personally never really wanted kids and got pregnant with my first...and thought ok I have my one perfect child that's it..Hubby always said we should have at least two..this way when we move all the time (military family) there is always a "friend" for them.  I thought ok and asked for the second.  I got the baby blues a few years later and we now have three.  It is hard on a small one income family (but I am going to try and get a job this summer).  I love all my kids and don't regret having three....when the older two are together they play great and when the older one is at school the younger two play great and when all three are together they play pretty nicely.  My kids are all about three years apart and love each other very much...I couldn't imagine not having any of them in the house.  It can be a handful sometimes (especially with hubby gone alot), but I wouldn't give it up for anything.  Each kid brings something new to the table..a new personality, a different look into life, and it is fun being with different people at the same time.  I say if wifey can handle it and you guys can afford it...go for it!  It can be the best thing in the world if you want it.  Like I said..I wouldn't give it up for anything.

[bull]

I'm sticking with two.

[Lowprofile]

Chicken.

[Troy]

I'm a middle kid so they're the best. You can't have a middle kid if you stop at two.

Realistically, I can't see how most people manage to have one these days - let alone multiples. I suppose you learn to make due when you're in that situation but I don't have any experience at it... yet. I'd like to have two for sure but no more than three. My friend has five and they are all girls! Despite the fact that he gets overruled on every decision, they manage just fine on a single income (not an executive salary either - blue collar).

Troy

[bull]

Chicken.

Smart.

[Neal_J]

We have 5 and the toughest one to adjust to, far and away, was the 3rd one. 

I just can't explain how difficult it was to transition from "man to man" to "zone" defense.  It took about 3 years to fully make the transition.

After that, #4 & #5 were cake.

Oh, good luck paying for them.  Or anything else!

Neal

[Just 6T9 CHGR]

I have 2 beautiful girls ages 11 & 8.....I always wanted a boy buuutt.....my wife & I decided that the shop is closed. I think now we are just getting used to the kids "fending for themselves"   I dont think I can bring myself to start changing diapers again.  You knever know though, I might just slip one past the goalie.....I think I might get fixed & start shootin' blanks

Lowprofile hit it on the head about the "having the best of everything" bit.  Cant wait for the sweet 16's

[no318]

We had 3 girls @ one time!!! Not what I was planning, but wouldn't do ANYTHING different.  Wife wasn't planning on staying home, but it is the best thing that could have happened.  Although, I am not really looking forward to the whole teenage cars, curfew, and dating things.

[Shakey]

My Wife and and I also have two girls, 3 and 8 months.  We feel two is very managable while a third would mean and extra set of hands while out of the home in public or especially while traveling.  I've got a friend that has four children and it doesn't look like fun at all.  It actually seems unfair to at least two of them as they all seem to need attention and it usually happens at one time.

Paul, make sure your Wife realizes that by having a third child to avoid that probable situation will not necessarily ensure that they all stay in touch with each other and become best friends throughout their whole lives.  It could turn the other way and she could have three children that don't keep in touch with each other.  Not because they don't like each other, it's just because people get busy.

[73dodge]

I have three 2 boys and a girl. From the standpoint of the amount of work it takes to care for them I would say that the third is no more work than 2 at least that's what we found out. Yep more money, but you will work it out, there is less money for my Charger but it ain't going anywhere. If you have 2 boys or 2 girls the clothes/toys pass down but you will have to deal with territorial issues. My youngest is a girl and she is the baby and the only girl out of 8 grandkids on either side of our family. My mother in-law comes from a family of 11 grew up in WV the father was a coal miner and my wife has over 40 cousins.

I do know this when I am traveling the kids act up more than when I am home, they push the limits with mom as opposed to me. They are all home schooled and they tend to try to take advantage of the situation but since I am home more now I have noticed a marked difference in the attitude they give mom. Since I am in my office in the basement that gives them less a chance to push mom's buttons and they know that when they act up all mom has to do is say " Go to your fathers office and tell him what you just said/did" But I could never think of life without any of them.

Whether you have 2 - 3 you will find that true that you would have never have thought of your life without them.

And for the money issue. Here is the list of firends I have and the break down of the number of kids in the family.

2 families with 6 kids each
3 families with 5 kids each
That is 27 kids between 5 couples and none of them are rolling in money at all.  But they make it have nice homes and their kids are not starving. They just don't get the iPods, cell phones, personal computers unless the kids EARN the money themselves to buy those things.

I say go for it keep populating the planet.

[RAWPWR]

I have two boys from my first marrage and my wife had on from her first. When we got together they were 10, 8, and 7yrs old. a year later #4, 16 months later #5 and 19 months later #6. Was the house crazy  but after two it didn't seem any crazier. No personal time, but lost of stuff to be involved with. now #1 is 24yrs, #2 is 22 and graduation college this year, #3 is married with a 2yr old, #4 8th grade, #5 6th grade and #6 in in the 5th grade. I would not have changed anything..it's great. Besides my wife and I figure when they are all grown up, we will be able to eat out every night. Just stop by one child's house each night of the week and and on Sunday night go to a resteraunt  .. Holidays are a blast also.. do I have money Nope, but you make it by for the short time they live with you, and it's only a short time..

[Orange_Crush]

I have one, and that's where it ends.

[Charger_Croatia]

I agree with Silver. And, I have one daughter for the moment. We were trying for second last year or two but didn't have luck with it (one misscarriage, than my wife were struggling with her health etc.).
What can I say, I'll be more than happy to have two more kids but I guess God has other plans up to now. 

[PocketThunder]

All very good points that you all have made.  Thanks for the responses.  We were talking last night about the 3rd kid some more and my spouse asked, what if we want 4?    I said hopefully the 3rd pregnancy will be twins.

The next situation is my spouse keeping her job or not.  With 3 she would have to stay home and we would not use daycare.  But then she feels that she might be falling by the wayside with her career.  If we wait a couple more years till the oldest starts school then we can still have two in daycare at one time and my spouse can keep her job.  She would like to stay home with the kids, but she would like to go to work and have that "adult interacton" as well.   My thoughts are that we would like to keep them close in age if possible so that we can keep in our rhythm of changing diapers and getting up all night. 

Or maybe we should time the first one with the third one about 4 or 5 years apart to offset college costs..!

I told my spouse the other night we can just see what the good lord blesses us with like this family 

[CaptMarvel]

Well, I may be a bit biased as I have 6 kids (2 of them adopted) and ranging in ages from 2 to 22, but I think family is what this life is all about and kids do alot to add to your ultimate happiness if you do a good job in raising them. What I've learned is; to do it right, you and your spouse need to be well organized so the other things in life dont suffer (balance is also important) and also that you need to have and devote the necessary time for them. (taking part in their cub scouts, baseball, science projects etc.) In the end, when its all said and done, its how we relate and treat our families that matter, not our material things. Not even our beloved Chargers...(though they are way cool!) 

[andy74]

my wife and i have 3 between us,and a 4th on the way!i have a great paying job,and my wife decided that when she got pregnant for the new baby it was time to stay home from work,so i guess it all depends on your situation,but i know we are all done now!

[BMOTOXSTAR]

I feel that you should not have more children than you can afford.

[73dodge]

All very good points that you all have made.  Thanks for the responses.  We were talking last night about the 3rd kid some more and my spouse asked, what if we want 4?    I said hopefully the 3rd pregnancy will be twins.

The next situation is my spouse keeping her job or not.  With 3 she would have to stay home and we would not use daycare.  But then she feels that she might be falling by the wayside with her career.  If we wait a couple more years till the oldest starts school then we can still have two in daycare at one time and my spouse can keep her job.  She would like to stay home with the kids, but she would like to go to work and have that "adult interacton" as well.   My thoughts are that we would like to keep them close in age if possible so that we can keep in our rhythm of changing diapers and getting up all night. 

Or maybe we should time the first one with the third one about 4 or 5 years apart to offset college costs..!

I told my spouse the other night we can just see what the good lord blesses us with like this family 

Not sure this is true in your situation but I had seen alot of families were both parents worked and usually one income goes strictly to pay for day care, that seems to me to be self defeating. I mean why bother? I know the argument that she should not have to give up her career to raise kids but honestly I think the kids being with their mom full time is the best thing for them.

When we first started having kids before our first kid my wife said that she is not going to work anymore after the kids come, I agreed whole heartedly and she left her job after our first one was born, and she made 65k a year and I made 27k a year.  But we made it, it was tough but she nor I ever regretted that decision.

All the big families I wrote about before that had 5-6 kids all got by on one income. 

Whenever my wife wanted she found work to do from home to make extra money so things work out, with faith and hard work.

[RT DAVE]

I have two and can't afford a third.  I can't imagine how difficult it would be to watch three kids.  I'm currently a stay at home dad because my wife has a good job and I can't find a good enough job to justify paying $22,000 per year daycare for two kids.   
That being said, If you want a third child and you aren't going to put your family in dire straights financially, just do it.   You can't put a price on the value of a child and there will be a point were you won't be able to have the kid if you change your mind later.   

[RAWPWR]

When my wife and I got married she was working afternoon-nights as a dental assistant. When the babies started arriving she found different part time jobs. Then she started helping out at the elementary school when they started going, this worked out great because she had the same holidays and snow days off as they did. She became fully employed at the school and started going to night school to get her associates degree. She graduates this spring  Have faith and it all will work out. Waiting to afford children, I don't fully understand that thinking. Life is Life enjoy your time in it.

[hemigeno]

I have three kids...  one of each...




















Well, 2 girls (16, 12) and a boy (8 ).  My wife had been convinced that we were done ever since our son was born, but now she's not so sure.    Three children aren't bad, but IMO the older the eldest one is, the easier it is to handle that third one.  If all three are pretty young, then there aren't enough parents to go around.  When our son was born, one of our daughters was 8 which meant she didn't need constant supervision and that helped a bunch.  If we had a fourth, at least we'd have an extra driver in the family since that same eldest daughter can now drive.  That also means I could get an AARP card and cheap coffee at McDonalds before that young'un would graduate high school too...   

Children are a blessing from the Lord, and they are also a legacy - but they can still drive ya nuts too...

[TeeWJay426]

I have one of each. When they were in elementary school, the wife started hinting about number three..... I merely asked her who she was planning to have it with. 

Seriously, with one in the first year of college and the other starting in the fall, why anyone would want anymore than 2 is beyond me.... I'll likely be postponing retirement for a few years at least to recover from those costs. And if you only have as many as you can afford... unless you're independently wealthy, you'll probably be childless....

[68chrgrwife]

I have three kids...  one of each...




















Well, 2 girls (16, 12) and a boy (8 ).  My wife had been convinced that we were done ever since our son was born, but now she's not so sure.    Three children aren't bad, but IMO the older the eldest one is, the easier it is to handle that third one.  If all three are pretty young, then there aren't enough parents to go around.  When our son was born, one of our daughters was 8 which meant she didn't need constant supervision and that helped a bunch.  If we had a fourth, at least we'd have an extra driver in the family since that same eldest daughter can now drive.  That also means I could get an AARP card and cheap coffee at McDonalds before that young'un would graduate high school too...   

Children are a blessing from the Lord, and they are also a legacy - but they can still drive ya nuts too...

I find that interesting because in my house the younger two are much more easier to handle than the eldest.  She has been spoiled from being an only child for three years and 5 years and two kids later she still thinks the world revolves around her.

[Charger_Fan]

PT, just keep it at 2.  I have 3 & look how long it's taken me to restore my Charger.

If you need pointers on "the snip" versus some other method, I can help you out on that. One of the best peace of mind decisions I've ever made.

[NHCharger]

I have two boys, 17 & 21. My wife and I decided that they wouldn't be raised in a daycare. She stayed home with them and went back to work part time once they were both in school. We (my wife) briefly considered a third child ( had to have that girl). But when the recession hit I had no steady work for almost a year and to survive we had to sell everything we had except the house, and we were only 3 months away from losing that. My wife worked nights for a cleaning company so we wouldn't need a baby sister. Doing that saved our ass.
I have basically worked 50-65 hours a week to support my family over the last 16 years. I have missed doing a lot of things with my boys because I was always working.
As TWJ426 mentioned, schooling costs are out of sight. As a parent you alway want what's best for your kid, so you try to help out as much as you can with out buying them everything. But I got to tell you the costs of schooling, medical expenses, etc., it all conspires to just suck the life out of you.

[General_01]

Well, here is my take. I grew up in a house with three kids. I had an older sister and a younger sister. I always talk with my older sister on the phone and go to her house when we go north. I hardly ever talk to my younger sister on the phone and only see her when we go north if she comes over to my older sisters house. I think it worked out this way because when we were younger, I was not forced to interact with my younger sister because I had an older sister I could talk to. If it was only me and my younger sister we would probably get along better. Just my opinion.

My wife does not get along too well with her brother. It is just them two. This is because he is older and their Dad wasn't around much because of his work schedule. Her brother was kind of a bully to her and it shows in the way he thinks about women in general. I have almost come to blows with him myself because of his attitude.

With all this info, we decided to have two kids. We have two girls, age 11 and 9. They sometimes play nice and sometimes don't get along. We do our best to keep things going smooth, but we also have them resolve alot of there own arguments. This way they learn to resolve things without going through a 3rd party all the time. Sometimes it's necessary, but not for everything. And without a 3rd sibling around, they can't ignore the problem and just go play with the 3rd sibling. Not sure if it will work, but my wife and I came to this decision with info from both backgrounds.

Everyone and every family is different. Only you two can decide what you want to do, because you gotta raise 'em, pay for 'em, and be there for 'em. Good luck and remember, there is no right or wrong, only what you think is best for your situation.

[Wheels of Terror]

 If you feel that the both of you will devote quality time with all of them go for it!! They will all be unique. 


I have three siblings. I was the oldest. My parents always said"I wish i didnt have kids!" My siblings were really athletic and I was a gearhead with a part time job. My parents spent soo much time with them that I do not have a relationship with them. I miss that. My father said that he lives his dreams through my brother and my mom always compared me to my sisters. I dated like any other girl and had a part time job between 13-17. I do not have a relationship with my siblings due to my resentment. I was in a statewide contest for the Massachusetts Dealer's Association when I was in high school. My parents did not attened beacause I had todiagnose and repair a car within a period of time. Not the life that they had wanted for thier daughter. I myself am restoring my Charger. a dream of mine. I want children desprately. It hasn't happened for me yet? My husband thinks that it will be the funniest thing to see a pregnant woman restoring a musclecar,  carring parts at a swap meet, and going to the salvage yards. I'm looking foward to being a mom....

[Ponch ®]

I have one, and that's where it ends.

I have none...that I know of

[Charger_Fan]

My parents always said"I wish i didnt have kids!"

That right there is something NO parent should EVER say to their kid, even if it's only implied. That's just plain wrong & depending on the individual psyche of the person, can really do lifelong irreversible damage. I feel sad that your parents said something like that to you.
Judging by what you've said & how you seem here, you didn't let that ruin you, that's good. I'm betting that you won't be passing that sort of negativity along to your kids, either.

I've always thought it's just the coolest thing for a girl to have good knowlege about cars!
My wife knows most of the basics & will diagnose problems that her co-workers have on their cars (yep, even the guys)...then call me to see if she's right. I love that! My daughter? She's just your 'average' girl & doesn't care much about cars...that's ok too.