5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

[MorePwr]

  Lesson 1:
> 
> 
> 
>  A man is getting into the shower just as his wife
> is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
> downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands
> Bob, the next-door neighbor.
> 
> 
>  Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
> $800 to drop that towel. "
> 
> 
>  After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
> towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few
> seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
> 
> 
>  The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
> upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
> asks, "Who was that?"
> 
> 
>  "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
> 
> 
>  "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything
> about the $800 he owes me?"
> 
>  Moral of the story :
> 
>  If you share critical information pertaining to
> credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you
> may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
> 
> 
>  Lesson 2: 
> 
>  A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and
> crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
> The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling
> the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
> 
>  The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The
> priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let
> his hand slide up her leg again.
> 
>  The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm
> 129?" 
> 
>  The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh
> is weak".
> 
>  Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and
> went on her way.
> 
>  On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
> look up Psalm 129.
> 
>  It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will
> find glory."
> 
>  Moral of the story:
> 
>  If you are not well informed in your job, you might
> miss a great opportunity. 
> 
>  Lesson 3:
> 
>  A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
> manager are walking to lunch when they find an
> antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
>
>  The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one
> wish."
>  "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want
> to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a
> care in the world."
> 
>  Puff! She's gone.
> 
>  "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to
> be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
> masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
> love of my life."
> 
>  Puff! He's gone.
> 
>  "OK, you're up," the Genie says to t he manager.
> 
>  The manager says, "I want those two back in the
> office after lunch."
> 
>  Moral of the story:
> 
>  Always let your boss have the first say. 
> 
>  Lesson 4 
> 
>  An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
> nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
> "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
> 
>  The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
> 
>  So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle
> and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped
> on the rabbit and ate it.
> 
>  Moral of the story:
> 
>  To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
> sitting very, very high up. 
> 
>  Lesson 5 
> 
>  A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
> be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
> turkey, "but                I haven't got the
> energy."
> 
>  "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
> droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with
> nutrients."
> 
>  The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
> actually gave him enough strength to reach the
> lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after
> eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
> perched a t the top of the tree
> 
>  He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him
> out of the tree.
> 
>  Moral of the story:
> 
>  Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
> keep you there.
>   
>  Lesson 6
> 
>  A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It
> was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground
> into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow
> came by and dropped some dung on him.
> 
>  As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
> dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung
> was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm
> and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
> 
>  A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
> investigate. Followin g the sound, the cat
> discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
> promptly dug him out and ate him.
> 
>  Morals of the story:
> 
>  (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
> 
>  (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
> friend.
> 
>  (3) And when you're in deep shit it's best to keep
> your mouth shut!
> 
>  THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE