Advice from parents please...."Bullying"

[BATMAN]

Here is my advice on this situation.  I was bullied all the way through elementary school and jr. high.  I wish someone had told me how to handle it back then, but I was just a nice kid.  I never swore or was mean to anybody.  When someone would pick on me I would just sit and take it, eventually it got to a point where I would tell a teacher or someone, but even they didn't do anything.  They would have a "talk" with the bully and nothing would ever change.  They never saw anything.  There is a point where your son has to stand up to the bully though, but don't tell him to go for practical jokes or anything like that.  Teach him how to handle himself verbally and make the bully feel stupid.  Don't tell him to swear or make fun of the bully.  Just show him how to verbally rip apart every word the bully says and make him feel stupid, then he will stop.

In the case of the sucker punch, thats the point where you need to fight back.  Teach him some basic self defense. 

[68chrgrwife]

So we spoke to our son last night. We informed him that while we don't promote aggressive behavior, he has every right to defend himself from another attack. I strongly informed him not to go looking for a problem, but if this punk got in his face again, knock his ass to the ground!!!!!!!!!!!

I also contacted the school principal and she stated the following:
1. The child in question, is a  "Special Ed" child.
2. he doesn't know his own strength
3. He makes rash decisions and does not think of consequences.
4. she informed me that as my kid is new, it will probably take some time to get used to the punk. ("All the other kids are used to him!")
5. She stated that she will have one of her usual  "Heart-to-Heart"  talks with him and will hopefully bring closure to this. (And in the same breath, tells me that the problem should go away, but if it doesn't, inform her)

I'm puzzled,.......I thought they had seperate Special Ed classes in public schools...
Mrs.Skip68

my grandma was a teacher and she said due to parents not wanting their children labeled or picked on the schools started to put special ed kids in with the regular classes.  They also do this so that the special ed kids get accustomed to being around normal main-streamed people and can "handle" their lives better outside of school...If they didn't do this the kids would be a menace to the neighborhoods...on the other hand they are very distruptive to the regular classroom and it takes time away from the good kids education because the teacher has to "deal" with them.  It's a shame that they get away with so much because they are "special ed" and that the good kids have to put up with it.  Hope that nothing else occurs and that the bullying stops.  Tell your son...chin up, Don't let it bother him!

[bull]

Here is my advice on this situation.  I was bullied all the way through elementary school and jr. high.  I wish someone had told me how to handle it back then, but I was just a nice kid.  I never swore or was mean to anybody.  When someone would pick on me I would just sit and take it, eventually it got to a point where I would tell a teacher or someone, but even they didn't do anything.  They would have a "talk" with the bully and nothing would ever change.  They never saw anything. 

That's right and if you think about it there's really nothing a teacher can do. Their hands are tied because what the kid needs is a good spanking but the parents won't do that and the teachers can't. The most that will happen is the kid will get expelled but he's going to come back and start the crap again soon enough. Heck, he probably doesn't want to be there anyway so it's basically a reward.

[skip68]

That's right and if you think about it there's really nothing a teacher can do. Their hands are tied because what the kid needs is a good spanking but the parents won't do that and the teachers can't. The most that will happen is the kid will get expelled but he's going to come back and start the crap again soon enough. Heck, he probably doesn't want to be there anyway so it's basically a reward.

Here in the Great State of Tennessee....We have corporal punishment in our school systems!!
Mrs.Skip68

[Charger41971]

sigh Some things never change. My son was also being bullied in the 8th grade. We contacted the school (several times) but to no avail. One evening he was almost in tears as he told us about being pushed around at lunch. My wife wasn't too happy with me but I'd had enough. I told my son if this kid even touched him again to simply punch him in the nose- HARD. Several days later he came in and told us the kid had pushed him again so he hit him in the nose. A bloody nose and that ended it. School threatened to suspend my son until I pointed out that we had complained several times and they had done nothing.  Is this the proper thing for your son to do? Maybe. This was 10 years ago- things have changed so much it's hard to tell if this will work or where it might lead. Back when I was in HS if you had a problem with someone, you met behind the gym after school and settled it. 9 out of 10 times you became friends. You sure didn't have to worry about the other kid bringing a knife or gun to school to get even. I am so sorry your child has to go through this as I truly know how you feel. Best of luck with this problem.

Tim

[GTX]

I went through the same stuff and I guess things never change.  I was short and didn't hit my growth spurt until I was nearly 17. I was also a year ahead so I was small for my grade.
I finally hit one of the bullies back and it stopped real fast although I was pretty scared at first. Mostly though I was fed up!
All of the bullies left me alone after that day. Once a bully knows that his victim will fight back he doesn't like it and word spreads. Nobody likes the idea of a bloody nose and pain. By definition a bully is someone who preys on the weak thus he will leave a person who defends himself alone.  Even if you get a bloody nose yourself during the fight the bullies will stop when you begin to fight back. I'd rather have my pride, a broken nose and left alone than be a victim.

Every kid has a right to defend himself especially when nobody else is doing it. As long as the retaliation is not more extreme than warranted then he is within his right to defend himself. My nephew had the same thing and the school backed right down from their threats of expulsion etc after he hit the bully who was bugging him. The same bully now avoids him since he is now about 6'2 and much bigger than the bully.
No parent likes the thought of their kid being in a fight but they also don't like the idea of him being bullied. Sometimes maybe it's best to let them settle it the old way since it's all the bully can understand.
Send the kid to martial arts. It'll teach him quite a bit both about himself and fighting.

[69-DodgeCharger]

I have one more thought to add after reading some more posts. A lot of schools have their own political system within, & do not want bad press. I have read many times where a school has covered up, dismissed, or played down some of the violence, & has handled it in house. They don't want law enforcement involved, & that really pisses me off because the policy many have on violence is zero tolerance, & whether it's on or off school property, it's a crime & should be reported. It's still within the jurisdiction of the police, & I can guarantee if the bully got his nose broke the police would be called & his parents would sue.

I'm not someone who believes that everyone should sue at the drop of a hat, but when I am faced with someone, or an administration that has no problem with "legal obligations" on their own behalf, I'll play the same card with them. Sometimes in order to get what you want, which in this case is to have your kid be safe, you have no choice but to play by a different set of rules. I still believe that contacting the school first, like you are doing, is important. To follow it up in writing is probably the best, since many times someone's word is not good enough anymore. Someone in fear of losing a well paying job might just lie later on, or conveniently forget which kid started it.

Hope it works out for you & good luck.

At my school, we always have at least one police officer patrolling the hallways breaking up fights. Our school is a 9-12 school with roughly about 2200 students enrolled this year. I always see fights starting, you know when theres a fight about to happen because theres two people shouting at the top of their lungs at each other and then a huge ring of people start to form around them and watch to see what happens. Then they go at it for about 30 seconds until the principals or the police officer gets there and "ends it quickly" I feel much more comfortable with an officer on school grounds because alot could happen in a school that large with that many people in it.

One time there was a fight between a group of people. A group of asian kids and a group of black kids (probably gang related) started going at it, there were 4 asians and 5 black kids and they just starting throwing fists. I was there when it started to happen so I got first row ring seats and watched it all. They all got in some good punches until the cop came along with like 6 teachers. They were having a hard time stopping them so thats when the pepper spray came out. Within seconds the fighting had stopped and the ring of people was now clearing out because those hallways are small and pepper spray is not cool.

But back to the main point of the thread, you mentioned that the kid was one of the special ed kids? How ''special'' is this person? Capable of reading and writing normally or what because there are many levels of mental capacity. If this kid doesnt know his own strength does that mean he doesnt know right from wrong? If he does fight this kid, will the kid not realize his strength and try to severely hurt your kid or even kill him, not knowing whats right? I would call this school back and talk with them because that just aint right to me

[Chad L. Magee]

I was bullied from 6th to 10th grade when we moved into a certain town in Kansas.  It was a gangland style of bullying as they could not take me one on one, but fought with me in groups (often with weapons: bats, pliers, rocks, chairs, even musical instuments at one point).  I was heavy, nerdy and a loner, and at that age, it works against you.  The school faculty did nothing as the parents of the kids in question "owned" the town.  I, being the nerdy one, sought out an answer to this problem in science after one tried to drown me at the public pool.  Unfortunately, I perverted science to fit my own "deeds" in getting even (something I have no desire to ever do again- low level chemical warfare using certain plant derivatives- ie poison ivy and poison oak in a convient spray form).  The bullying esclated to such an extreme that they attempted to murder me three different times over the next year.  They marked me as "evil" or "vile", so I started to act in that manner at them to "earn" that reputation. I once set fire to my gloves (while still on my hands) to prove a point that I did not fear them.  In that type of a situation, even church is no refuge as they would be "nice" to me on Sunday, then beat me the rest of the week while they plotted what to do with me.  I got wind that they were going to make another attempt at my life on Prom night my junior year, so I was planning a little revenge of my own just incase it went down (I knew where their drug supply was and could easily access it for my plan).  That was until my parents put 2+2 together to see what was going on.  They moved me to a different school thirty miles away that year and that made all the difference in the world as the new school was not full of those types of bullies.  I did get bullied there by one or two pricks, but I could deal with verbal taunts rather than beatings.  Since then, most of my bullies have died (drugs) or are in prision due to bad choices in life.  That is enough revenge so the score is settled.  It has caused me to become an isolationist with most of society as I don't deal with people the same way as I used to though.  I am sorry if this is a dark rant, but it is a truth that I have had to deal with over my lifetime and I hope that no one ever has to go through that road to hell like I have had to.........

[skip68]

I was bullied from 6th to 10th grade when we moved into a certain town in Kansas.  It was a gangland style of bullying as they could not take me one on one, but fought with me in groups (often with weapons: bats, pliers, rocks, chairs, even musical instuments at one point).  I was heavy, nerdy and a loner, and at that age, it works against you.  The school faculty did nothing as the parents of the kids in question "owned" the town.  I, being the nerdy one, sought out an answer to this problem in science after one tried to drown me at the public pool.  Unfortunately, I perverted science to fit my own "deeds" in getting even (something I have no desire to ever do again- low level chemical warfare using certain plant derivatives- ie poison ivy and poison oak in a convient spray form).  The bullying esclated to such an extreme that they attempted to murder me three different times over the next year.  They marked me as "evil" or "vile", so I started to act in that manner at them to "earn" that reputation. I once set fire to my gloves (while still on my hands) to prove a point that I did not fear them.  In that type of a situation, even church is no refuge as they would be "nice" to me on Sunday, then beat me the rest of the week while they plotted what to do with me.  I got wind that they were going to make another attempt at my life on Prom night my junior year, so I was planning a little revenge of my own just incase it went down (I knew where their drug supply was and could easily access it for my plan).  That was until my parents put 2+2 together to see what was going on.  They moved me to a different school thirty miles away that year and that made all the difference in the world as the new school was not full of those types of bullies.  I did get bullied there by one or two pricks, but I could deal with verbal taunts rather than beatings.  Since then, most of my bullies have died (drugs) or are in prision due to bad choices in life.  That is enough revenge so the score is settled.  It has caused me to become an isolationist with most of society as I don't deal with people the same way as I used to though.  I am sorry if this is a dark rant, but it is a truth that I have had to deal with over my lifetime and I hope that no one ever has to go through that road to hell like I have had to.........

Mr. Magee, thank you for expressing your deepest, gut wrenching thoughts. i am sooooo sorry that you had to go through such a horrible ordeal! On a more positive thought,......I know we have alot of "Youngsters" that frequent this site, and are listening to how one persons deplorable, torturing, actions, can & does effect these people they pre on! make a change for the positive, .....if you see someone getting bullied whether you know them or not..... help!
Mrs.Skip68

[skip68]

UPDATE:
Today I was doing my "domestic goddess" work in the house and went to my sons room. Where upon I discovered a note apparently from the little bully prick! It states: Tomorrow I am going to beat up (My sons name)! Sincerely, (Little pricks name). 
Obviously I am irate and Chuck is currently on the way to the school to show a copy to the principal.(Not that it would do any good!) I also found out that this kid is 150-160 lbs!!!!! And has been held back a couple of years. (Making him 12 to my son's age which is 10!) Oh, yeah there was also a message to some other kid at the school, which I gather from the Principal is the pricks friend, and makes me believe he is going to join in, in the beating of my son!!!!!!!!!! I will keep you all posted! Next step, Sheriff's dept!
Mrs. Skip68

[68chrgrwife]

UPDATE:
Today I was doing my "domestic goddess" work in the house and went to my sons room. Where upon I discovered a note apparently from the little bully prick! It states: Tomorrow I am going to beat up (My sons name)! Sincerely, (Little pricks name). 
Obviously I am irate and Chuck is currently on the way to the school to show a copy to the principal.(Not that it would do any good!) I also found out that this kid is 150-160 lbs!!!!! And has been held back a couple of years. (Making him 12 to my son's age which is 10!) Oh, yeah there was also a message to some other kid at the school, which I gather from the Principal is the pricks friend, and makes me believe he is going to join in, in the beating of my son!!!!!!!!!! I will keep you all posted! Next step, Sheriff's dept!
Mrs. Skip68

You go!!!  If two of them are ganging up on your kid you need to alert the authorities.  Make sure they know what is going on asap.

[71ChallengeHer]

There you go. Now you have it in writing. The school can't say they didn't see this. Make you sure you keep the original and give the school and the police dept. copies.  I guess the special ed kid knows how to write?

[skip68]

I filed it! Especially after my son came home today and told me this kid was threatening him again, and socked him twice on the arm in the classroom this morning!
Mrs.Skip68

[old man]

Okay now that you have filed it with police here is your next step. If you have a friend who is a lawyer have them contact the school and inform them you are concidering filing suit due to them not providing a safe enviroment for your son to learn in. Also the mental duress that it causing the rest of family. When it becomes a matter of money out of their pocket and the coverage by the news outlets you will see action.

[68chrgrwife]

Okay now that you have filed it with police here is your next step. If you have a friend who is a lawyer have them contact the school and inform them you are concidering filing suit due to them not providing a safe enviroment for your son to learn in. Also the mental duress that it causing the rest of family. When it becomes a matter of money out of their pocket and the coverage by the news outlets you will see action.

also if you have a local news channel that will come out to you and interview you and your family about the situation--do that too.  We had an issue here in military housing..a few residents called the local news station, they came out interviewed a couple of us and within a week our problem was solved---something that management would never happen all of a sudden is fixed in a week!!!! 

[mikesbbody]

there's been some good advice posted and some that i woud call abit "pc" but my experience comes from being the bully yup, that was me and i can tell you the best thing would be for your son to stand up and take a swing at this guy only 2 things will happen 1. the bully will back down 2.the bully may beat your son up. (dont forget your son is bigger than the bully) whatever happens i believe it will end it and the bully will  stop or move on to someone else. what happened with me is a bigger guy came along and i knew there was no way i could take him (yup, bullies are cowards) but what happened was we became friends and HE became the new bully and my bullying days ended. I learnt quickly that in the real world beating someone up will get you in a heap of trouble and its just not acceptable i focused my aggression on things like powerlifting, mma (mixed martial arts) another thing learning self defence isnt a bad thing iether. Im not proud of what i was but i moved on and my big buddy? im still friends with him today ill try to post pic we are both in the pic i like to call it "ex bullies" btw my buddy now runs a successful debt collection company that deals in large company debts so his "bully" skills are occasionally used! but to sum up your son needs to make a stand had any of the kids stood up to me i believe i would have backed down ps the pic is too big! cant attach it 

[skip68]

Mikesbbody: My son is NOT the bigger kid, he is 10yrs.old and 94lbs. the other kid is IN HIS CLASS and is somewhere between 11& 12yrs. old and 150-160lbs!!!!!!!!! Mrs.Skip68

[bull]

Might be time to change schools. Maybe home school for a while.

[mikesbbody]

Mikesbbody: My son is NOT the bigger kid, he is 10yrs.old and 94lbs. the other kid is IN HIS CLASS and is somewhere between 11& 12yrs. old and 150-160lbs!!!!!!!!! Mrs.Skip68

sorry for some reason i thought your son was the bigger boy but i still say if he tried it may be the end of the bullying (for your son) i do hope it all comes to a end soon

[skip68]

Mikesbbody: My son is NOT the bigger kid, he is 10yrs.old and 94lbs. the other kid is IN HIS CLASS and is somewhere between 11& 12yrs. old and 150-160lbs!!!!!!!!! Mrs.Skip68

     sorry for some reason i thought your son was the bigger boy but i still say if he tried it may be the end of the bullying (for your son) i do hope it all comes to a end soon

Thanks!
Mrs.Skip68

[dkn1997]

Might be time to change schools. Maybe home school for a while.

This situation needs to be confronted, whether your kid takes a swing at the bully or you do something officially, your son has to see that when someone acts like this, that it should be addressed.  I am not a big fan of going to the media or the school officials, but at least if your son sees that, you are sending him a message that this type of thing is totally unacceptable and that someone stands up to it one way or the other. 

[THE CHARGER PUNK]

jeez thats pretty harsh id go to the cops and have that kid removed and scared by them, i am currently in high school and problems have ceased some what but in the earlier years(my grade 8 year) i was sucker punched in the face by 16 yr old with brass knuckles and it tore my lip in half on the top right side(12 stitches),(not fun,especially the cops calling my sleeping mom at 3am telling her how im in the hospital getting stitches) well i later caught up 2 the kid a year later with my brother and friends and left him unconcious with an empty wallet and in the middle of nowhere ,after that there have been a few fights during school and even during class!!! none of which i had been caught for but i have 2 say kids these days my age there is no talking , u even look!!!! with your eyes!!!!!!! at most kids now a days and u have a fight on your hands and its usually 5 against 1 (never fair fights) and u can expect a few good shots to the head(i have had my share but have also got mine in) in the younger years it was fights now i dont get any of it, i work out every other day i stand 6''3 and weigh in at 225lbs, nobody messes with me Good luck with your kid i hope it all turns out 4 the best

[dkn1997]

jeez thats pretty harsh id go to the cops and have that kid removed and scared by them, i am currently in high school and problems have ceased some what but in the earlier years(my grade 8 year) i was sucker punched in the face by 16 yr old with brass knuckles and it tore my lip in half on the top right side(12 stitches),(not fun,especially the cops calling my sleeping mom at 3am telling her how im in the hospital getting stitches) well i later caught up 2 the kid a year later with my brother and friends and left him unconcious with an empty wallet and in the middle of nowhere ,after that there have been a few fights during school and even during class!!! none of which i had been caught for but i have 2 say kids these days my age there is no talking , u even look!!!! with your eyes!!!!!!! at most kids now a days and u have a fight on your hands and its usually 5 against 1 (never fair fights) and u can expect a few good shots to the head(i have had my share but have also got mine in) in the younger years it was fights now i dont get any of it, i work out every other day i stand 6''3 and weigh in at 225lbs, nobody messes with me Good luck with your kid i hope it all turns out 4 the best

I have to ask what hell a kid in 8th grade is doing out that late?

[71ChallengeHer]

jeez thats pretty harsh id go to the cops and have that kid removed and scared by them, i am currently in high school and problems have ceased some what but in the earlier years(my grade 8 year) i was sucker punched in the face by 16 yr old with brass knuckles and it tore my lip in half on the top right side(12 stitches),(not fun,especially the cops calling my sleeping mom at 3am telling her how im in the hospital getting stitches) well i later caught up 2 the kid a year later with my brother and friends and left him unconcious with an empty wallet and in the middle of nowhere ,after that there have been a few fights during school and even during class!!! none of which i had been caught for but i have 2 say kids these days my age there is no talking , u even look!!!! with your eyes!!!!!!! at most kids now a days and u have a fight on your hands and its usually 5 against 1 (never fair fights) and u can expect a few good shots to the head(i have had my share but have also got mine in) in the younger years it was fights now i dont get any of it, i work out every other day i stand 6''3 and weigh in at 225lbs, nobody messes with me Good luck with your kid i hope it all turns out 4 the best

I have to ask what hell a kid in 8th grade is doing out that late?

Really, if I had to pick my 8th grade son up at 3 am . I might have thought about knocking him up side his head.

[The70RT]

  A good old style ass whippin to say the least! Seems some parents are scared of there own kids these days and let them do as they damn please and they end up clogging the court sytem with bullshit because the parents don't have a clue where the hell they are most the time.