Favorite "stupid" movies with memorable quotes

[CaptMarvel]

My wife calls them "stupid" cause she dosent get the humor. She'd rather watch a chick flick anyway.  Im talking about movies like:

Johnny Dangerously " An ashtray! thank the saints Johnny, I've been thinking of taking up smoking, This clinches it! (Maureen Stapleton to Micheal Keaton)

Top Secret "I know a little German, he's sitting right over there!" (a little person stands up in German attire)

Mystery Men "Your boys a limey fork flinger mother! Hard cheese to swallow I know, what will the bridge club think? (Hank Azaria)

Galaxy Quest "I've got one job on this ship, its stupid, I know, but Im going to do it " (Sigourney Weaver)

Austin Powers "Liberace was gay? I mean, women loved him! I didnt see that one coming" (Mike Myers)

others like, Hot Shots, Naked Gun, anything by Mel Brooks (the comedy genius!) You get the picture, any others that come to the surface in occasional conversations with fellow "stupid" comedy nerds?

[PocketThunder]

Space Balls.  the whole movie   

Airplane..  "Surely you cant be serious. yes i am and dont call me Shirley"

there is a movie quote thread here somewhere with some good ones on it.

[mikepmcs]

It was all that Dan Marino's fault, everyone knows that. If he had held the ball, laces out, like he was supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. Would you like a cookie, son?

[mikepmcs]

I could do this all day, looks like i have the same sense of humor.   Johnny Dangerously is one of my favorite all time movies as well as Top Secret, and don't forget about Real Genius.


Ventuuurrraaa.
Yes, Satan? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else.
Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura...
you owe me rent.
Mr. Shickadance, I told you - you're my first priority. I'm on a very big case right now. Check this out.
That's a true Albino pigeon. Some rich guy lost it. He's offering a $25,000 reward. As soon as I find this bird, you're paid.
I heard animals in there, Ventura. I heard 'em again this mornin' scratchin' around.
I never bring my work home with me, sir.
Oh yeah? What's all this pet food for?
Fiber.

[bill440rt]

Over Macho Grande?
No, I don't think I'll ever be over Macho Grande.


And, let's not forget, "We put a man on the moon!!" (Lloyd Christmas)

[bull]

Any of those catch phrases by Aaanold in his action flicks.

"So you want to be a farmer? Here's a couple of acres." -- while kicking a guy in the ball bag in Last Action Hero.

"I let him go." -- said to his female counterpart when asked what he did to the guy he was holding over a cliff in Commando.

And of course "I'll be back" -- said to the desk cop before driving a car through the front door in Terminator.

Another of my favorites is not spoken by anyone but it's the text "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear" shown as the T-Rex chases the Ford Exploder in Jurassic Park.

[mikepmcs]

 

I live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break your g@#-damn spine!

Said to Killian(Richard Dawson) in Running Man.  I believe he said I'll be back in that movie as well.

[CaptMarvel]

It was all that Dan Marino's fault, everyone knows that. If he had held the ball, laces out, like he was supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. Would you like a cookie, son?

I forgot about Ace Ventura! someone smack me....
Also Mr. Carrey in the Grinch when the little who girl says something about happy who holiday

Carrey says "Happy who-bie what?

[PocketThunder]

Another of my favorites is not spoken by anyone but it's the text "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear" shown as the T-Rex chases the Ford Exploder in Jurassic Park.

And in the movie Toy Story II when they are in Big Als Toy Barn and are driving the barbie doll around in the truck and the dinosaur is running behind them Mr. Potatoe Head looks into the mirrror and sees the same thing.  Its only for a second or two but i caught that reference to Jurassic Park.

[chargerboy69]

Here are a couple from 40 Year Old Virgin. The wife and I love this movie.

Mooj: Life is about people. It's about connections.
Andy: It's all about connections.
Mooj: It's not about cocks, and ass, and tits.
Andy: Yeah.
Mooj: And butthole pleasures.
Andy: It's not about butthole pleasures at all.
Mooj: It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.
Andy: Please stop.
Mooj: And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls.
Andy: Mooj, just please stop.

Here is another.

Andy: Wow, this place is crowded.
David: Yeah, well you know, nine dollar beer night.

[nh_mopar_fan]

There is a line in "Doc Holiday" with Michael J Fox that just kills me.

If you've seen the movie Woody Harrelson is in it as is Brigit Fonda.

At one point, they're sitting in a restaurant in Hollywood and the camera is on Fox.

Off camera, Fonda says to Woody, "Is that a celebrity over there?"

Woody answers: "Nah, that's just Ted Dansen".

HA!

(I hope I don't have to explain that to anyone)

[Big Lebowski]

Space Balls.  the whole movie   

Airplane..  "Surely you cant be serious. yes i am and dont call me Shirley"

there is a movie quote thread here somewhere with some good ones on it.

  "She's gone from suck to blow!"

  For Airplane I'd pick..."I guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

  Big Lebowski...Dude's getting his head shoved down his own toilet over and over again, the bad guys keep saying "Where's the money?" So the dude's looking down the crapper and says..."I'm sure it's down there somewhere, let me take another look." So they shoved his head in the toilet again.

[Charger1973]

About half the lines from both Dumb and Dumber and Billy Madison 

[MichaelRW]

This scene from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:

"Can I show you something?"
"I was just... smelling-smiling. I was just blouse-browsing."
"For your wife, or your girlfriend?"
"What? What happened? Whew! I guess it wouldn't be any... wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they-hotter than they are. Whew! It is warm in here."
"Well you have your coat on."
"Yes. Oh, do I? How did that happen?"
"'Cause it's cold out?"
"Yes, yes, it is. It's a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out. What did I say, nipple? There is a nip in the air, though."
"Can I take something out for you?"
"I was just, ahhh, I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul."
"Oh God, I'm so sorry."
"Oh, no, no, she's not dead. We're just divorced. She's history. And obviously she does't wear underwear, and there are plenty of shopping days left until adultery, that is adulthood, which is to say Christmas, as in yule, yule log. Not a log, I don't have a log, but I mean, you know, if I had a log, not in the sense that you think I said I did... Good golly. 'Tis the season to be merry."
"Well, that's my name."
"No shit."
"... These are cut really high on the hip. Look, I'm wearing something similar. See, you can't see the lines."
"Can't see the line, can you, Russ?"
"No." (1.36 M)

[MorePwr]

Space balls.   "LUDICROUS SPEED!" I use that one all the time when driving.

Gold member. The whole movie

Blazing saddles. Right after the campfire fart scene  " Can we get some more of these Beans?   I think you boys have had Enough!"   I probably screwed up the quote, it's been a long time.

[Brian in GA]

What was the Cheech and Chong movie when the cop pulled them over with a car full of smoke.  The cop asks Cheech for his license, and he looks all confused and says, "Isn't it on the back of the car, man?"  And of course the all time classic ballad "Mexican Americans"  (don't like to get up early, but we have to, so we do it real slow.)

[PocketThunder]

What was the Cheech and Chong movie when the cop pulled them over with a car full of smoke.  The cop asks Cheech for his license, and he looks all confused and says, "Isn't it on the back of the car, man?"  And of course the all time classic ballad "Mexican Americans"  (don't like to get up early, but we have to, so we do it real slow.)

Cheech and Chong Up in Smoke!

Cheech pulls the impala over at the bus stop and the two girls on the bus stop are hot and he says " You girls need a ride?  No.  I'm going that way!"

[MadScientist]

My favorite from the Necessary Roughness

"You know how to play hard-nosed winning football? You play football like Ed Gennero played football! A guy who gave his life for this football team. He was a 140-pound halfback, and he played like a goddamn wild man! No! Like a goddamn, rampaging beast! And that's the way you gotta do it! You go out there, you tear their fucking heads off, and you shit down their necks!

Let us pray."

[Old Moparz]

In Monty Python & the Holy Grail, the fight scene between King Arthur & the Black Knight just after King Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's arm. 

http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_sounds/hg/wound.wav

(King Arthur)   "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left."

(Black Knight)  "Yes, I have."

(King Arthur)   "Look!"

(Black Knight)  "It's just a flesh wound."

[dkn1997]

There is a line in "Doc Holiday" with Michael J Fox that just kills me.

If you've seen the movie Woody Harrelson is in it as is Brigit Fonda.

At one point, they're sitting in a restaurant in Hollywood and the camera is on Fox.

Off camera, Fonda says to Woody, "Is that a celebrity over there?"

Woody answers: "Nah, that's just Ted Dansen".

HA!

(I hope I don't have to explain that to anyone)

doc hollywood:

"Would you trade the pig for the part?   "Can you part with the pig?"

Airplane:

"give ham on 5 and hold the maio"

Airplane II:

"striker, striker, striker....."  then the man watching hits the woman, good stuff

Naked gun:

"I thought you said there were 7 victims, I only see 6?"    "umm...your'e standing on one frank"

[dkn1997]

bill and ted's bogus journey, the grim reaper is great

they play him in some board game and he loses.  they say 2 out of 3? (or something) and says "damn right"

also, he walks by a guy smoking and says "see you soon"

[Mefirst]

I love the one liners in the Die Hard movies..

Then again the "Yipeekaee MF" has to be one of the most stupid ones..

In the first one when Willis had killed one of the terrorists and sent the body down sitting in an office chair with a Santa cap on his head and holding a paper sign in his dead hands that said -HoHoHoo, now I have a machinegun!!!

Another funny one is when Willis drives away in the Taxi with S. Jackson and Willis says -Thanks for the help Hesus!
Jackson responds -Do I look Spanish to you??? etc..etc.. -My name is Zeus!!!

Also in the same movie when Jermy Irons played terrorist charachter calls the police station and also asks to speak to the "Good Samaritan" and Jackson answers and Irons tells him that he messed up his well laid out plan and then Jackson answers him that -Why dont you take that well laid plan and stick it up your well laid ass!! Irons comment is -How colourfull..

In the Willis movie Las Boyscout in the end when he is telling the other guy (the ex. football player) about how one should act when working as a Private Detective he says -Like if you hit someone with a Surfboard, you just don't hit him, you also have to say something cool like -Surfs Up Dude!!!

Another good one is in the first Silence of the Lambs in the end when Hannibal calls Agent Sterling and they talk over the phone and Sterling is asks what Hannibal is going to do, he answers -I'm having someone for dinner...

...and many more...

/Tom

[Manfred318]

This is Spinal Tap
[Nigel Tufnel is showing Marty DiBergi one of his favorite guitars]
Nigel Tufnel: The sustain, listen to it.
Marty DiBergi: I don't hear anything.
Nigel Tufnel: Well you would though, if it were playing.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.
Knight 2: NI.
Other Knights: Shh...
Knight 1: We are now the Knights who say..."Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm.

[Sinister68]

Ed: "Sex Frank?"
Frank: "Uhh...not right now, Ed."
Naked Gun

"I've been swimming in raw sewage. I LOVE IT!!" - Naked Gun

"Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to be on my toes." - Naked Gun 33 1/3

Hapsburg: "Drebin, I didn't see your name on the guest list."
Drebin: "That's OK.  I sometimes go by my maiden name."
Naked Gun 2 1/2

Dreyfuss: "If you're not out of this office in 5 seconds, I will not be responsible for my actions!"
Clouseau: "5 seconds is nothing. I can easily be out of here in 3!"
Pink Panther Strikes Again

"I'm professor Gee Gadwah, medieval castle authority." - Revenge of the Pink Panther

"You like gladiator movies?" - Airplane

"Ever see a grown man naked?" - Airplane

old lady: "Nervous?"
Striker: "Yes"
old lady: "First time?"
Striker: "No, I've been nervous lots of times."
Airplane

"I've gotta have more cowbell!!!" - SNL

"Have some champanya!" - The Continental  SNL

Nick: "How did you get the name 'Hillary'?"
Hillary: "It means 'Those whos breasts defy gravity'. How did you get your name?"
Nick: "My father thought of it while shaving."
Top Secret

[vancamp]

Excuse me while i whip this out (Blazing Saddles)

[Johnny SixPack]

"Eight hundred leaf-tables and no chairs? You can't sell leaf-tables and no chairs. Chairs, you got a dinette set. No chairs, you got dick!.", Nathan Arizona (Huffhines) Sr., 'Raising Arizona'.

[BronzeOnSteelies]

Dodgeball

Ben Stiller to Vince Vaughn: "Go ahead make your jokes, Mr. jokey,  jokemaker"

[69CoronetRT]

"Somebody better go get a shitload of dimes"- Slim Pickins Blazing Saddles

"But we don't want the Irish!" -BS

"Could be worse...could be raining' Marty Feldman Young Frankenstein

"What hump?"- MF-YF

"Abby... Abby Normal" MF-YF

Frau Bleucher  (horse whinnys in distance) YF

"This one's louder...it goes to 11. The others only go to 10. This one goes to 11" Spinal Tap

[General_01]

"Right turn Clyde."-Any Which Way You Can (I Think)

"My name is Inigo Montoya....." Princess Bride

[Headrope]

"Funny. She didn't look Druish."

[THE CHARGER PUNK]

From the movie Torque quoting the fast and the furious


'' i live my life a quarter mile at a time''-Ford

''that is the stupidest thing i have ever heard''-Chick

[CharlieCharger]

-Space balls, where there combing the desert the two white guys are dragging a comb through the sand, when there asked if they have found anything they say " no sir nothing yet" then it goes to the black guys dragging a hair pick and they say" we aint found sh!t"

[hemihead]

Bubbleboy- Dr. Phreak ' I once loved another... for 10 minutes then I kicked her a** out of the car.' 

[dkn1997]

Druish princesses are often attracted to men of wealth and power....space balls.

You idiots, you captured thier stunt doubles..

[CaptMarvel]

Space Balls, Dumb/Dumber, Young Frankenstein, all great ones....
How about Strange Brew,

Rick Moranis (speaking in a bullhorn to a bunch of cop cars): Ok, you all rolled through that stop sign back there and that's a moving violation eh?

Dave Thomas: Their gonna love you in prison cause your a little guy eh?
Rick Moranis: Where will you be?
Dave Thomas: I'll be in the cafeteria sellin smokes eh?

Caddyshack: Bill Murray (on being taken by the Dali Lama for caddy fees): So he says to me, on your deathbed, you will recieve total conscienceness, so I got that going for me....

Ghostbusters: Bill Murray (on being scared by the librarian ghost) Get her!, that was your plan Ray?