Marraige Quotes -sad but true -from presidents, actors , comedians, authors

[SeattleCharger]

Marriage Quotes

"Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts"
-Jeff Foxworthy

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
-Groucho Marx

"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once."
-H.V. Prochnow

"I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it."
-Lyndon B. Johnson

"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."
- Unknown

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
-Rodney Dangerfield

"Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot."
-Minnie Pearl

"Behind every great man there is a surprised woman."
-Maryon Pearson

"They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet."
-Mae West

"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too."
-H.L. Mencken

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
-Rodney Dangerfield

"No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single."
-H.L. Mencken

"A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers."
-Grace Hansen

"If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family."
- Lawrence Housman

"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women."
-Marion Smith

"Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?"
-Barbra Streisand

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."
-Erma Bombeck

"I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married."
-Lewis Grizzard

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran

[Ponch ®]

"marriage is an institution. So is the State Pen" - dont remember who...

[Charger_Fan]

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran

I can attest to that.

[BLACKWOLF]

I WILL TESTIFY TO THE  TRANSFER OF FUNDS.
I HAVE A STICKER ON BACK OF MY TRUCK THAT SAYS.
DRIVER CARRIES NO CASH
EX-WIFE AND KID HAVE IT ALL!

[Lostsheep_01]

I don't care  who you are, those are funny right there!

[PocketThunder]

Just went to a bachelor party Friday night and i told my buddy that "its easier to ask for forgiveness than to beg for permission"

When i was an engaged fool a elder guy at work told me the secret to a happy marriage "is having two TV's, one upstairs and one downstairs"   

[derailed]

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
-Rodney Dangerfield

[Brian in GA]

Separate bathrooms and closets make all the difference.