More headlines,

[SeattleCharger]

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[ That'll stop 'em. ]


Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial !]


War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges !
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]


Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger
Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]


Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead